Through Anger to Forgiveness
Title: Through Anger to Forgiveness
Author:
bratty_jedi (Rachael)
Format: Fic (~1200 words)
Rating: All Audiences
Prompt: 1 (June 16): "A woman can forgive a man for the harm he does her...but she can never forgive him for the sacrifices he makes on her account." --W. Somerset Maugham
Warning: Kind of angsty though I wasn't really expecting quite as much as I got.
Summary: "He roughly pulled the parchment from its hiding place sending multi-colored socks flying in every direction."
Author's note: The first idea I had was to just write Tonks' list but I realized that would require too much background explanation. This story emerged as the explanation and I never did write out the entire list. I think the basic idea of the list is good but I'm still unsure of the execution.
Disclaimer: I own none of this. J. K. Rowling and assorted companies including but not limited to Bloomsbury, Scholastic, and Warner Brothers own everything. They also make all the money. I am just having fun and in no way seek financial profit from their property.
Remus Lupin glared at the rolled up bit of parchment at the bottom of Tonks' sock bin. It had been taunting him and tempting him for weeks. As he slowly placed his girlfriend's freshly laundered clothing in the bin, he was being driven insane by his desire to respect his loved one's privacy warring with the equally strong urge to know what she was trying to keep secret.
He had first learned of this parchment's existence a few weeks ago when he had entered their bedroom to talk with her after a stupid spat. She had been scribbling furiously when he entered the room but had quickly hidden the parchment when she saw him. She had refused to discuss what she had been doing. When he saw this scroll in her sock bin the next day he instantly knew it was the same piece of parchment. It had been tormenting him ever since.
With a sound that was part snarl and part sigh, Remus gave in to the voice in his head that always managed to sound like a cross between James and Sirius. He roughly pulled the parchment from its hiding place sending multi-colored socks flying in every direction. He sat on the edge of the bed, one ear tuned for the sound of Tonks' arrival, and unfurled the parchment. The first line read:
Remus took Sirius' side over mine in a fight.
Remus stared at the parchment blankly. There was no reason such a simple configuration of words should be so puzzling and yet the sentence made no sense. Sirius had been gone for over three years. Had Tonks written this that long ago? He could not remember giving his opinion on any argument between Tonks and Sirius. He skimmed the rest of the parchment, hoping to find something that would explain what he was reading. Most of the words had been crossed out, some so thoroughly he could not even begin to decipher them. A longer passage three-quarters of the way down the page caught his eye. These words had not been scratched through.
He left. He said he's not coming back to me. What the hell does he mean I deserve better? Why should I care about too old, too poor, or too dangerous if I've got love? Damn him. I hate him. I love him.
His heart paused in its beating when he read those words. That was behind them, yet he could feel her anguish radiating off the parchment. What was the meaning of this parchment and why were those words not crossed out like the rest? Remus befuddlement proved his undoing. He was so intent on the puzzle in his hands he forgot to listen for Tonks.
"Wotch…" Her usual greeting ended in an abrupt gasp as she came in the bedroom, though he was unsure if this was because of the sight of him with her parchment or because she had stubbed her toe on the doorframe.
"What do you think you're doing?" she asked as she hopped on her uninjured foot.
Possible explanations, each more implausible than the previous one, rapidly crossed his mind. He opened his mouth to speak several times, always shutting it without a word since nothing he could say seemed like an adequate answer to her question. He finally settled on simplicity. "Reading."
"Reading what?" she asked with an air of calm he knew from experience was feigned.
He tried to brazen his way out of trouble. "That's what I was wondering. I saw this in your sock bin when I was putting away the laundry but I can't figure out what it is."
Tonks was too good an auror to be fooled by his attempt to shift their roles in this interrogation. She merely glared at him with her arms crossed over her chest. Facing her, he was amazed at how much he suddenly felt like a thirteen-year-old being stared down by Professor McGonagall. This time there was no James, Sirius, or even Peter to help get him out of trouble. On his own he had always found he did best with honesty. "I'm sorry for reading whatever this is without your permission and you have every right to be mad. I saw it under your socks and my curiosity got the better of me. All I ask is that you please satisfy my curiosity and explain this to me before you start yelling." He looked at her with puppy dog eyes. They never seemed to work for him yet he still always tried.
She considered his words for a long time. "I guess it's only fair for you to know why you're in trouble. It's a list of all the times you've upset me."
His blank look prompted her to elaborate. "It started as a list of things you did to annoy me when I was trying to convince myself that I really wasn't interested in you. But each time I found something, you would later apologize or do something to make up for it and I had to scratch it off my list. After I gave up on the whole 'I don't like him' bit, I still kept up the list."
"Why are some things not crossed out?" he asked tentatively, uncertain if he should broach that subject but unable to stop himself. Today, curiosity was proving as deadly for werewolves as it usually was for cats.
She exploded, "Remus John Lupin, you know I never forgive anyone who insults you or hurts you. What makes you think you’re the exception to that? I don't care what you did to me but I know how much it hurt you when you decided you weren't good enough for me and gave up on us. I will always hate the noble prat who put the man I love through that much pain."
He was surprised at the intensity of her emotion after so much time had passed. He realized immediately he shouldn't have been. Tonks felt strongly and generally wore her emotions on her proverbial sleeve and literal hair. He stood and pulled her into a hug. She melted against him for a moment and then quickly pulled back. As strongly as she felt things, she could also usually recover quickly. She smiled softly up at him. "I can't forgive you for that but I can usually forget about it. Right now there is a more immediate issue." She looked down towards the bed. He glanced behind him and saw the parchment. He had dropped it in his haste to hold her. She grabbed it and a quill from the inkpot on the side table and added something to her list before handing him the parchment and leaving the room silently. He looked at the bottom of the page and saw she had added:
Mangy git rummaged through my stuff and read my list.
He grinned at the parchment. He knew this was something for which he could be forgiven, even if it would take some work. He quickly returned the scroll and socks to their bin and went in search of Tonks to discover exactly what he would have to do in order to get his latest idiocy crossed off her list.