The Greatest Story Ever Told (Part 1)
First off, I'm freaking funny! I can't tell you how long I laughed just at the stupid subject of this email! I think it has to do with the fact that I'm just sending this out now and it's 1:30 in the morning here. Jungle fever rules...
A lot has happened over the *gasps* two weeks so this is going to be a saga of sorts. Part one is good. The sequel is better than...I dunno. Something really bad probably. But here it is! YAY!
You know your religion is at a fault when the person representing Jesus looks like Snoop Dog.
I have taken my time with writing this to you all because one, it’s taken awhile for my stomach to settle and two, I’m just now getting over the nightmares.
Holy Week was a trip and a half, to say the least. Holy Thursday went off without a hitch, ended up coming into work to get things prepped for the following week.
Good Friday was everything but good. Alex our driver picked me up, along with the directors from the US and we went to Car car for the Crucifixion of Christ. When we got to Car car, it was just basically a big field with some trees and grass, but there were hundreds of people there. We waited for about an hour before things got started. It was ridiculously hot and stupid humid. Which is kind of perfect because this was the first leg of my soul hurting. So the crucifixion all went down like this: it was pretty much verbatim from the Bible, covering every station of the cross. The ceremony at Car car is the largest on Cebu and there’s a reason why: it just scares the willies out of you.
To spare you all, I’ll try not to get horrifically graphic, but just enough to be glad you didn’t witness it.
Yes, Jesus looked a hell of a lot like Snoop Dog. Even the wig helped a little. So Rick, Andrew (US directors) and I had a hard time trying to keep a straight face because all we could think about was the Lord Christ himself saying “Fo Shizzle my Nizzle.” I understand that we were being completely disrespectful, Mom, but it’s hard when there’s two extremely white Americans and one black man (which people here have never seen) singing “Gin and Juice” under their breaths. But back to the show…
So they really whipped the tar out of the three guys: Jesus and the two thieves. Now, one of the thieves was an Aussie. The first ever so he was a bit of a novelty. I’m not too sure of the other guy. But Snoop, I’ll just refer to him as that, this was his 14th time playing Christ. This guy had AMZING security and publicist because when we interviewed him afterwards, his security would rival pretty much any celebrity’s. So when we asked him why he has done it for 14 years, he couldn’t say but we found out later why he committed himself to playing Christ every year. Evidently, 15 years ago, a man was shot at a store and Snoop was there and did nothing to stop. Since then, he thought the only way he can be cleansed of his sins is to endure physical, emotional, and psychological pain. He’s incredible. Very humble, dignified, and a man of very few words.
Believe me when I say that this was absolutely the most vomit-inducing experience I’ve ever been privy to. They whipped their backs until they were covered in welts and blood. It was awful. Just horribly swollen and bruised like nothing I have ever seen before. Then they carried their crosses to a hill (Golgotha) and this is where I lost it. I couldn’t be as close to the three men to help film and hold the mic. They hung the two thieves by rope on their crosses but what was to come was absolutely the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed. The “Roman Soldiers” took out these four-inch nails and drove two of them into Snoop’s hands. Blood, everywhere. But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was the driving of the nail into the foot. They had a mallet and started to drive the 4-inch nail into his right foot. Tapping lightly at first then just driving the nail through the right foot. Now, I absolutely hate the sound of people cracking their knuckles, so this was at least one hundred times worse. So they got the nail so it would peek out the bottom of the right foot, then they took Snoop’s left foot, put it behind his right foot, and just pounded the nail through that foot. That is quite literally when I lost it. I had to leave until the rest of the ceremony was over otherwise, it just wasn’t going to be a pretty sight.
Afterwards, they took the two “thieves” down after an hour but The Jesus refused to get taken down until Easter Sunday, two days later… but don’t worry! The guy’s a champ at this, he has done it for the past 14 years so he more or less knows what he was doing. And to make an already long story shorter, after the whole thing, we went to the beach, threw some just caught fish on a pit, and ate like mad men.
Easter Sunday, I went to one of my employee’s (holy crap! I have people working under me!) family gatherings. There’s no doubt in my mind that Filipinos love to eat. A lot of the pictures were dominantly of the food. And of course, the main course was lechon. A full pig on the table looking like it was screaming. After grace, the pig was game. Everyone was digging into it and they’re like native Americans, they eat it ALL. Ruby’s father is famous for making blood soup with pig cheeks so of COURSE I had to try that. And never again. Everything is worth trying at least once. And sometimes, it’s not worth it ever to try it again. Other than that, it was a lot of fun. I was sought after for conversation more than the pig was sought over to eat. I don’t think I like my comparison to a pig, though…
I’ve done some gambling as of lately, too. Rick Robinson has been an influence of me. But he’s been doing a great job keeping me out of debt. If I win more than a thousand pesos at a time, he’s taught me to pocket the 1000 (about 20 bucks) peso chip so I don’t bet it ever. Which helped a lot because last week, I won about 9,000 (one hundred dollars) pesos and I started off with betting 500 (less than ten clams). Not too bad! At least I’m staying away from the hooch (alcohol) and the hoochies. So he must be doing something right.
This weekend starts my first “leg” of my traveling. I’ll be going to Manila to meet with a production company and it’s CEO’s and then to three of the largest television stations in the Philippines. It’s amazing how hard you get dropped kicked into adulthood. But I can’t think of a better way to do it than to walk right into the dragon’s lair.
Part 2 COMING SOON! Check your local....email....listings...something...
-THE Supp
A lot has happened over the *gasps* two weeks so this is going to be a saga of sorts. Part one is good. The sequel is better than...I dunno. Something really bad probably. But here it is! YAY!
You know your religion is at a fault when the person representing Jesus looks like Snoop Dog.
I have taken my time with writing this to you all because one, it’s taken awhile for my stomach to settle and two, I’m just now getting over the nightmares.
Holy Week was a trip and a half, to say the least. Holy Thursday went off without a hitch, ended up coming into work to get things prepped for the following week.
Good Friday was everything but good. Alex our driver picked me up, along with the directors from the US and we went to Car car for the Crucifixion of Christ. When we got to Car car, it was just basically a big field with some trees and grass, but there were hundreds of people there. We waited for about an hour before things got started. It was ridiculously hot and stupid humid. Which is kind of perfect because this was the first leg of my soul hurting. So the crucifixion all went down like this: it was pretty much verbatim from the Bible, covering every station of the cross. The ceremony at Car car is the largest on Cebu and there’s a reason why: it just scares the willies out of you.
To spare you all, I’ll try not to get horrifically graphic, but just enough to be glad you didn’t witness it.
Yes, Jesus looked a hell of a lot like Snoop Dog. Even the wig helped a little. So Rick, Andrew (US directors) and I had a hard time trying to keep a straight face because all we could think about was the Lord Christ himself saying “Fo Shizzle my Nizzle.” I understand that we were being completely disrespectful, Mom, but it’s hard when there’s two extremely white Americans and one black man (which people here have never seen) singing “Gin and Juice” under their breaths. But back to the show…
So they really whipped the tar out of the three guys: Jesus and the two thieves. Now, one of the thieves was an Aussie. The first ever so he was a bit of a novelty. I’m not too sure of the other guy. But Snoop, I’ll just refer to him as that, this was his 14th time playing Christ. This guy had AMZING security and publicist because when we interviewed him afterwards, his security would rival pretty much any celebrity’s. So when we asked him why he has done it for 14 years, he couldn’t say but we found out later why he committed himself to playing Christ every year. Evidently, 15 years ago, a man was shot at a store and Snoop was there and did nothing to stop. Since then, he thought the only way he can be cleansed of his sins is to endure physical, emotional, and psychological pain. He’s incredible. Very humble, dignified, and a man of very few words.
Believe me when I say that this was absolutely the most vomit-inducing experience I’ve ever been privy to. They whipped their backs until they were covered in welts and blood. It was awful. Just horribly swollen and bruised like nothing I have ever seen before. Then they carried their crosses to a hill (Golgotha) and this is where I lost it. I couldn’t be as close to the three men to help film and hold the mic. They hung the two thieves by rope on their crosses but what was to come was absolutely the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed. The “Roman Soldiers” took out these four-inch nails and drove two of them into Snoop’s hands. Blood, everywhere. But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was the driving of the nail into the foot. They had a mallet and started to drive the 4-inch nail into his right foot. Tapping lightly at first then just driving the nail through the right foot. Now, I absolutely hate the sound of people cracking their knuckles, so this was at least one hundred times worse. So they got the nail so it would peek out the bottom of the right foot, then they took Snoop’s left foot, put it behind his right foot, and just pounded the nail through that foot. That is quite literally when I lost it. I had to leave until the rest of the ceremony was over otherwise, it just wasn’t going to be a pretty sight.
Afterwards, they took the two “thieves” down after an hour but The Jesus refused to get taken down until Easter Sunday, two days later… but don’t worry! The guy’s a champ at this, he has done it for the past 14 years so he more or less knows what he was doing. And to make an already long story shorter, after the whole thing, we went to the beach, threw some just caught fish on a pit, and ate like mad men.
Easter Sunday, I went to one of my employee’s (holy crap! I have people working under me!) family gatherings. There’s no doubt in my mind that Filipinos love to eat. A lot of the pictures were dominantly of the food. And of course, the main course was lechon. A full pig on the table looking like it was screaming. After grace, the pig was game. Everyone was digging into it and they’re like native Americans, they eat it ALL. Ruby’s father is famous for making blood soup with pig cheeks so of COURSE I had to try that. And never again. Everything is worth trying at least once. And sometimes, it’s not worth it ever to try it again. Other than that, it was a lot of fun. I was sought after for conversation more than the pig was sought over to eat. I don’t think I like my comparison to a pig, though…
I’ve done some gambling as of lately, too. Rick Robinson has been an influence of me. But he’s been doing a great job keeping me out of debt. If I win more than a thousand pesos at a time, he’s taught me to pocket the 1000 (about 20 bucks) peso chip so I don’t bet it ever. Which helped a lot because last week, I won about 9,000 (one hundred dollars) pesos and I started off with betting 500 (less than ten clams). Not too bad! At least I’m staying away from the hooch (alcohol) and the hoochies. So he must be doing something right.
This weekend starts my first “leg” of my traveling. I’ll be going to Manila to meet with a production company and it’s CEO’s and then to three of the largest television stations in the Philippines. It’s amazing how hard you get dropped kicked into adulthood. But I can’t think of a better way to do it than to walk right into the dragon’s lair.
Part 2 COMING SOON! Check your local....email....listings...something...
-THE Supp