A Cost For A Cause - Chapter 14
Title: A Cost For A Cause
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU/Humor/Romance
Length: Chaptered
Pairing: Yekyu
Summary: Moving into a house is tiring, but moving into someone's heart is exhausting.
A/N: Song used: Bump n' Grind by R Kelly. If you know the song, then you should know the actual meaning and intention behind the lyrics, lol... but I cut it up and took what I wanted from it. ^^ Enjoy~
Moving into the new house was like wreaking havoc on the wrong end of a ships plank; either you were on the solid side and feared that the plank would break, or you were on the free-fall end and you just couldn't stand still for even a second.
Well, at least that's how Yesung felt.
“Everything look good?”
Yesung sighed in relief when he felt Kangin's firm hand on his shoulder, nodding idly. He turned to his friend, offering him a water bottle, and leaned against the counter of his kitchen island. “Sorry for dragging you into this, Youngwoon. I didn't think it would be so much trouble.”
“It's fine,” Kangin smiled reassuringly, “it's nice to get away from Heechul hyung every once in a while, you know.”
There was a small scoff coming from the hallway, Hankyung drying his hands with a small towel. “Tell me about it.”
“That's not very kind of you two,” Yesung shook his head playfully. “Leeteuk was going to help out today as well, but then Shindong and Eunhyuk called him minutes before he left the house. Knowing Shindong, he probably panicked because of a respiratory failure case.”
Hankyung rose a brow. “Why would Shindong panic over inactive lung functioning?”
“Because that man abuses the use of a defibrillator,” Kangin stated simply. “Everyone in our department knows that.”
“Still don't get it,” Hankyung shrugged.
Kyuhyun sat up from the couch, turning to the three men standing by the kitchen with a yawn. “You're not alone, hyung. I really hate it when Yesung hyung goes all doctor on me - I don't understand most of it most of the time.”
“It's okay for you to not understand, you're a singer, but Hankyung is a doctor,” Yesung teased. He then turned to the older man, “Shindong works in the cardiac department with me; he's new, but he's got his facts down. Although he's good, Shindong always turns to defibrillation first if a patient is in mild cardiac arrest, but there are many other more effective and less risky methods that should be considered before using electrical energy.”
Hankyung nodded, lifting a cup of tea to his lips. “And if defibrillation goes for the worst and his heart is still not pumping blood through his veins, his brain incapable of breathing, then the patient lies in respiratory failure and Shindong doesn't know how to fix that.”
“Yeah,” Yesung stretched. “Last time, I was the poor victim of his panic attack and this time it's poor Leeteuk.”
Kangin laughed. “Well, he likes helping people, I'm sure he's having a blast.”
“Do you see that?” Hankyung asked, leaning over the counter towards Yesung and giving him a playful shove. “Look, Youngwoon's eyes literally glow when he speaks about Leeteuk. It's repulsive.”
“Like your face?” Kangin retorted with a growl.
Hankyung shrugged. “Your brother quite likes my face.”
“My brother likes the face of any China man he can get his crazy hands on,” Kangin countered, “and you're just as crazy as he is for letting him put his hands on you. I don't know how you deal with him,” he continued teasing, “it hurts just to be his brother.”
Standing from his position, Yesung walked over to the couches and joined Kyuhyun in his half-asleep state. “You best not let him hear that, he'll throw a fit,” he said, nudging the boy awake. Kyuhyun flinched, rubbed his eyes, and sighed when he realized it was just Yesung.
“It's only because you didn't exactly grow up with him,” Hankyung uttered in between sips, “Heechul can be a pain, but he's not that bad.”
Kangin set his water bottle down on the counter top. “I know, I was just playing.”
“We know,” Yesung replied, chuckling at Kyuhyun's childlike actions. “We're just messing with you, too.” Kyuhyun blinked several times before relenting to his fatigue, giving in and resting his temple on Yesung's shoulder as he drifted back into a nap.
“You guys have been through hard times,” Kangin groaned, “but things got better. I wish I could actually understand your pains, though. It makes me feel useless just listening to your rants but not feeling what you've all experienced.”
Hankyung pat Kangin on the back. “They don't want you to think like that, Youngwoon.”
“I can't believe this kid is actually sleeping.”
Hankyung and Kangin glanced over towards the couches, smiling to themselves at the sight of Yesung fidgeting awkwardly with Kyuhyun on his shoulder. He wanted to pull away, to move, but Kyuhyun was proving that impossible.
“Just let him sleep,” Hankyung urged, “he's probably dead tired from all the moving.”
“He probably hasn't done this much work all his life,” Kangin added.
Hankyung nodded. “I'll be leaving now, anyways,” he said, pulling his keys from his pockets, “I need to be back at the hospital in an hour.”
“Can you give me a ride?” Kangin asked.
Hankyung lifted a brow. “I thought you're off today?”
“I have a home to return to,” Kangin replied.
“It's not in the same direction,” Hankyung protested lightly.
Kangin frowned. “You never say that to Heechul hyung.”
“Do you look like Heechul? Do you sleep beside me on lonely days? Do you-”
“Too much information,” Kangin grimaced.
Yesung laughed, throwing his own set of keys at Kangin. “Here, take my car and bring it back tomorrow before you head to work. I'll drive you out.”
“Thanks,” Kangin happily accepted the keys. “At least Yesung isn't heartless like you are.”
“I'm in a hurry,” Hankyung defended.
Kangin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure.”
Within seconds, the two were on their way out the front door - still bickering like children - and Yesung heard them backing out of his drive way. He glanced around the living room, noting how everything was so perfectly sculpted and the shade of the walls were neither too light or too dark.
Sitting there quietly, Yesung wondered what his coming days would be like.
The house was gorgeous; although it's much less than what one would consider paradise, it was a beautiful escape, a nice getaway. And there was Kyuhyun, this perfect little being that always stayed beside him, saved him from various miseries.
Maybe this could be a paradise, after all.
Yesung could feel his conscious wearing out, the pain in his arms and legs screaming at him for the tiresome work he had put them through. Slowly, everything faded out to black. Falling asleep, with Kyuhyun leaning against him, in the living room was how Yesung spent his first day in his new residence.
At least this proved the place was comfortable enough to be considered home.
-
To be honest, Yesung should be used to waking up early by now. Over the past two weeks, he's either been pulled out of bed early by Kyuhyun or disrupted in his sleep by phone calls from the hospital, his family, or his friends at very ungodly hours of the day.
Today, he was forced out of his sleep by music; not Kyuhyun's entrancing voice, but music none the less. It's foreign music, Yesung decided as he slowly gathered his thinking ability, no, it's English music.
No, that wasn't supposed to be surprising either - considering Kyuhyun grew up overseas and both listened to and sang in English for a living.
“See, I know just what you want and I know just what you need...”
Yesung could hear Kyuhyun singing along to the sharp, provocative, but soulful voice over the audio player. He stirred lightly, feeling a large cloth over his body and realized that it was small quilt. Yesung smiled to himself; small acts of kindness like this only accentuated Kyuhyun's caring nature.
“So baby bring your body to me. I'm not fooling around with you baby, my love is true. With you, with you is where I want to be...”
Remnants of Kyuhyun's voice and the lyrics lingered in Yesung's still hazy mind. Maybe Yesung was just thinking too much into the lyrics; he had to admit, Kyuhyun sometimes sang out hints to him when he didn't want to say it through conversing, but this was-
“You need someone like me to satisfy your every need...”
Okay, he had to admit that Kyuhyun often sang songs to him that had lyrics with underlying messages.
“You say he's not treating you right... spend the night, I'll love you like you need to be loved...”
If this was not hint enough, Yesung wasn't quite sure how else Kyuhyun could put it.
“No need to look no more because I opened up my doors, you'll never want another love, you'll never find another me...”
Yesung couldn't help but agree with the last of the lyrics. Where else could he find someone like Kyuhyun - a person who wanted to stay beside him, despite his scarred past and his current, twisted self? But this was just a song and Kyuhyun was just a boy...
“Do you have to play your music so loudly?” Yesung groaned, pulling himself into sitting position as he brushed hair out of his eyes.
The younger boy paused the music, walking out of the kitchen with a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Yesung hadn't realized how or when their interactions - the way they spoke to each other - became so natural; like it had always been like this, like it was in their life's routine.
“Sorry,” Kyuhyun apologized cutely, holding out the coffee to Yesung, “but it was time for you to wake up, anyways.”
Yesung gladly accepted the coffee, taking a deep breath and allowing the aroma to run through his veins and liven his senses. “Why?” He asked, turning to look Kyuhyun in the eyes.
“Kangin hyung called about ten minutes ago, he said he'd be here in less than an hour or so to drop off your car.”
The information sank in and Yesung let out an exasperated sigh. In all honesty, he wasn't really in the mood to go out. The atmosphere of this house, this little bubble that he had settled in so comfortably, was too enjoyable for him to leave.
Never had Yesung felt so hesitant to leave any place before; leaving became easy for Yesung over the years, he had no other choice but to get used to the feeling of leaving and being left behind.
His legs felt so heavy and his body was unrelenting.
Kyuhyun laughed. “Get up! He'll be here in less than half an hour!”
“I don't want to,” Yesung protested, lifting the quilt and tugging it over his shoulders.
A sad attempt at pulling the quilt away later, Kyuhyun threw himself at the older man and tried to force him off of the couch. “Hyung, you have to!”
Yesung wondered how Kyuhyun didn't feel whatever it was he was feeling at the moment. Staying in this house, with a simple cup of coffee and Kyuhyun's presence, was probably the most relaxed, easy-going time Yesung had ever experienced in his life.
Life was simple right now; it wasn't playing games and it wasn't giving Yesung a hard time.
This house - no, Kyuhyun - made everything so guileless.
When did Yesung start feeling this way?
“Hey, Kyuhyun, when are you going back to the states?”
Kyuhyun stopped fighting over the quilt with Yesung, his expression dropping as he lowered himself into the open space on the couch. He smiled weakly, “it's only my first day here and you already want to kick me out?”
Although Yesung hated acting this way - he hated the fact that every time he doubted, felt insecure or just afraid, he would push Kyuhyun away - it was one of the only ways he could assert a peace of mind in his uneasiness.
“You can't stay here forever.”
“Why not?”
Being a cardiac surgeon, Yesung should have known better than to swear to himself that he felt his dying heart pause for a moment. “You don't belong here,” was his reply.
“Why not?”
“Kyuhyun, you have a job to return to,” Yesung scolded, “you can't just ignore that.”
The weak smile on Kyuhyun's face slowly dispersed into something expressionless; something in between pain, conflict, and simple apathy. “There are a lot of ways to go about that,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders, “but it doesn't seem you want me to try.”
“That's not what I-” Yesung was to explain, but was cut off.
“Is it that hard living with me? Am I that much of a bother - so much that you can't even live with me for more than a day?”
Yesung didn't understand it at first, this feeling that was pining in his chest, but maybe it was time he started being honest with Kyuhyun - maybe it was time he started being honest with himself. “The only thing that makes living with you so painful is that fact that you are going to go away someday, Kyuhyun.”
“I won't,” Kyuhyun retorted, “not if you don't want me to.”
“And if I wanted you to?”
Kyuhyun furrowed his brows, his fingers tightening around the knee of his pants. “Do you want me to?”
“No,” Yesung admitted openly, “I don't.”
“Then what's the problem?”
Yesung sighed, raking a hand through his hair after setting his cup of coffee on the lamp table beside him. “I don't know; I really, honestly, don't know.”
Whatever it was that came over Yesung, Kyuhyun couldn't help but be glad for it. At least Yesung wasn't hiding, at least Yesung wasn't telling him he didn't want him, at least Yesung didn't say he deserved better. Kyuhyun knew, he just knew, all he wanted now was Yesung and Yesung deserved him, Yesung deserved to be loved.
“Hyung-”
“Maybe just today,” Yesung laughed softly, “maybe just for today, I'll pretend like I can allow myself to love you, to believe that I do.”
Kyuhyun could feel his heartbeat accelerating, his breath stuck somewhere in his trachea. He worked up the courage, the last bit of it that he had, to force Yesung to face him with his true feelings. “Why can't we let this pretense last forever then?”
“Because forever doesn't exist, Kyuhyun,” Yesung shook his head.
“I hope this day doesn't end then,” Kyuhyun smiled bitterly. “I don't want it to, I don't want you to stop loving me. I want to make this moment last forever, for eternity, I'll make sure it does so I can prove to you that forever does exist; you just have to try.”
Yesung reached over, taking Kyuhyun's hand into his own. He grasped it tightly, as if afraid to let go, and held out his other hand to hold Kyuhyun's chin with his fingers, turning his face to him. “That's what I love about you, Kyuhyun,” Yesung smiled, his dark eyes gentle with a hint of pain, “I love that you always try to change my perspective without changing me.”
The younger boy blinked; his chest beating so hard that he was certain it would either pop out of his chest or pump up his throat and he would throw it up. It was hard to breath, with Yesung looking him so intently in the eye.
The elders eyes were dark, bleary, clouded with an emotion unknown to Kyuhyun. This was foreign; he had never seen this expression before, this passion was so new to him.
It wasn't just lust. If it was lust, Kyuhyun would have been able to pinpoint it very clearly on first look. It was more than that.. it was something else.
It wasn't quite just love. If it was love, Kyuhyun would have felt it very immensely upon the first touch of Yesung's hand on his own. It was more than that... it was something more powerful.
Perhaps it was possession; the reality that Yesung wanted to keep Kyuhyun to himself, in this house, locked away and hidden forever if he could.
It might have even been obsession; the fact that Yesung only found the capacity in his mind to think about Kyuhyun, to wonder how Kyuhyun fit into his life so perfectly; pondering on thoughts about Kyuhyun's departure or if he would ever stay - to stay with him forever.
“You say you love all these things about me,” Kyuhyun finally spoke, tearing his eyes away from Yesung's mesmerizing ones and swallowing hard on his new-found oxygen, “but do you love me?”
“Do you love me?” Yesung returned the question.
“I d-”
Before Kyuhyun finished his reply, his shaking lips were coated by Yesung's softer ones. This wasn't their first kiss, it wasn't what Kyuhyun had been expecting, but it was a genuine one - this was a kiss that Yesung wanted to give the younger boy; without the influence of his angry emotions, without the affects of alcohol.
This was purely spiritual; a kiss that came from the heart and was acted upon not by impulse, but of want and desire.
It was an answer; this kiss was the answer to Kyuhyun's question in the most straightforward form, the only way Yesung knew how to do it.
Yesung allowed himself to do as he wanted, losing himself in the kiss with his hands roaming along Kyuhyun's back and waist; holding the boy close, tight, secure against his chest. Kyuhyun wrapped his arms around Yesung's neck, accepting the older mans hunger with his own.
Just for today, Yesung promised himself, just one day.
But promises were made to be broken and - in the intensity of his mind and body right now, which were both engaged with Kyuhyun and his sole existence - he knew this wasn't a promise he could keep; at least, not for long.
Kyuhyun leaned back, shuffling himself under Yesung and laying on the couch as Yesung climbed over him and straddled him at the waist.
Am I taking this too far? Yesung wondered, his lips not once disengaging with Kyuhyun's greedy ones.
He didn't have to worry though because seconds later, after continuous knocks on the door - that weren't heard by the two who had gone deaf in the heat of their moment - and a really loud “I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTTERUPT BUT YOU TWO KNEW I WAS COMING, SO, NO, I'M NOT REALLY SORRY,” they had pulled apart sheepishly, struggling to distance themselves from one another.
“You could have called or something,” Yesung growled, wiping his moistened lips with the ends of his sleeves.
Kangin shrugged with the biggest smirk he could manage, throwing a paper bag with breakfast in it on the kitchen island counter. “I knocked, but there was no answer. I figured: hey, since you gave me your keys, I might as well make use of them.”
Kyuhyun excused himself and scurried into his bedroom.
“I didn't know you two were, well, that far into the relationship,” Kangin whispered as Yesung peeked into the paper bag.
Yesung shook his head. “We're not.”
“But just now-”
“I'm still working on clearing things up,” Yesung yawned, “that was just... I don't know, I guess you could call it an excursion.”
Kangin shook his head. “Don't cheat yourself into false truths, Yesung.”
“I'm not,” Yesung smiled, “I'm just - I guess I'm just trying to make sure no one gets hurt this time. I can't hurt him, Youngwoon, he's too precious.”
“You won't,” Kangin reassured, “you'll take great care of him, you'll love him and watch over him like you always do, with everyone.”
Yesung looked over at the bigger man, biting down on his bottom lip. “That's the problem, I can't just treat him like I treat everyone else if I don't want to hurt him. He's different, Youngwoon; he knows that he's different and he'll expect to be treated differently. He already does.”
“It's in a humans nature to demand more, to want more, from those they know they can get more out of,” Kangin replied.
Sighing, Yesung nodded and headed for the bathroom. “I know, I'm testing to see if I can give him that much more; I want to know if I have anything I can give him without causing him any suffering. He's given me more than enough, Youngwoon, I can't just keep taking from him.”
After hearing Yesung close the door to the bathroom, Kyuhyun finally stepped out of his room and headed for the kitchen.
“He wants you,” Kangin stated simply.
Kyuhyun's eyes widened, looking at the older man. “Uh, I-”
“He loves you, Kyuhyun,” Kangin smiled, “you'll help him, right? You'll help him realize that that's all you need - his love and affection?”
“Does he think there needs to be more to us than just love?” Kyuhyun asked, nearly choking over his own words. Perhaps Kyuhyun was just too naive, a little too simple-minded, regarding these matters, but he truly believed that all he needed was for Yesung to let him stay by his side, to care about him.
Kangin shrugged. “How would I know?”
“I'll do it.”
Kangin stopped in the midst of taking out the breakfast from the paper bag and glanced over at Kyuhyun.
“I'll make Yesung accept me,” Kyuhyun continued, “I'll do whatever it takes to make him keep me.”
“That won't take much work,” Kangin laughed, “he already wants to.”
Kyuhyun smiled, accepting the sandwich that Kangin was holding out to him. “How do you know?”
“Jongwoon doesn't touch people, he doesn't allow himself to, unless he knows for a fact that he wants them - that he loves them - and that he'll try with all his power to protect them. He told me you're precious, Kyuhyun, you're special to him. You opened him up,” Kangin heaved out a breath of air, “you made him prone to accepting others again, to accept love.”
“Do you think he'll stop pushing me away then, hyung?” Kyuhyun asked.
Kangin shrugged again. “You'll just have to see, I guess. Though, I really could have done without the whole scene I walked into. That will scar me just as much as Hankyung and Heechul hyung did that one time Hankyung stayed the night. Oh god-”
“Shut up, Youngwoon,” Yesung scowled from the hall. “Let's go, you'll be late.”
Kangin frowned. “We haven't even had breakfast yet!”
“Eat it in the car!” Yesung scolded. “I'm not going to be responsible for you being late to work. I'll never hear the end of it from Heechul and Leeteuk.”
“Fine,” Kangin grumbled. “I'll see you around, Kyuhyun.”
Kyuhyun waved the two goodbye, watching as they headed for the exit. Before Yesung closed the door, he looked over to Kyuhyun and smiled warmly. “I'll be back in a bit,” he said, waving and locking the door behind him.
Warmth fluttered in the pit of Kyuhyun's stomach and the corners of his lips tugged into a grin.
Yesung had done that without thinking, it was his body acting on it's own. He doesn't think he's ever done that before; assuring someone that he would be back soon and hoping that they would wait for him - hoping they would anticipate his return.
It felt good; it made both of them prosper in this new sensation.
This is a new beginning, and they're heading off with a good start. Now, if only Kyuhyun could settle his issues with his management company and plan for a debut in South Korea... it shouldn't be hard; his band was already well-known and established a name for themselves in the industry early on...
Kyuhyun's trail of thoughts were interrupted by a series of knocks on the door. He quickly rushed over to answer it, wondering who it could be when all the hyungs were busy at work. Maybe it was Kibum or Ryeowook, or maybe even Zhoumi or Henry.
“Hi, is Jongwoon here?”
Kyuhyun peered into the fresh face of Sungmin's, the one person he felt he should fear most out of all the people he knew in Korea.
“H-he just left...” Kyuhyun replied.
Sungmin shuffled his feet uncomfortably. “Oh, is that so? Well, here, this is for him.” Sungmin handed Kyuhyun a fruits basket and a wrapped present. “The wrapped gift is from my wife. He's not having a house warming party but she still wanted to do something, so, I asked Leeteuk hyung for his address. Sorry for imposing-”
“No, no,” Kyuhyun waved his hands. “Why don't you come in? He'll be back soon.”
After a brief moment of consideration, Sungmin shook his head. “It's okay, I just wanted to drop these off anyways. It's the same leaving them with you.”
“He's just dropping Kangin hyung off at the clinic, he'll be back in less than half an hour. Really, just come in. I'm sure he'll be glad to see you.”
It was a lie, a far fetched lie, but Kyuhyun didn't really know what he was doing anymore.
Sungmin took a deep breath, looking into Kyuhyun's earnest eyes, and sighed with a soft chuckle. “Well, if you insist,” he gave in, stepping into the house.
The man had a beautiful smile, Kyuhyun thought. His eyes were gorgeous - they were like those of a fox's; cunning, clear, and bright. Sungmin was almost the exact opposite of Kyuhyun; the man was cute, gorgeous, so stunning that it was hard to describe with words.
“I'm not as great as you think I am,” Sungmin spoke into the silence.
Kyuhyun blinked at the man, his mouth agape but speechless.
“I don't read minds, but you clearly can't hide your thoughts from your expression; it's like they're written on your face,” Sungmin teased.
“Sorry,” Kyuhyun apologized shyly.
Sungmin shook his head. “No need to be. Say, do you want to talk about Jongwoon?”
“Huh?”
“I said,” Sungmin smiled, offering one of his kindest, most generous grins, “is there anything you'd like to know about Jongwoon that I can help you with?”
Kyuhyun remembered how Sungmin was a complicated person and his true thoughts were never displayed on his exterior. How much could he believe in Sungmin's sincere attitude?
“I-” Kyuhyun paused, holding his tongue.
This might be his only chance, his only opportunity to learn more about Yesung from someone who, apparently, knew him best. He sighed, interlocking his fingers after offering Sungmin a seat at the living room. He knew he would regret this.
“Actually, there is.”
Chapter 13 | Chapter 15
A/N: Sorry this chapter is so long! >.< Took me forever to write... I attempted at editing, but way too tired and incoherent to guarantee it's error-less. I didn't intend to dump all this at you guys, but I hope you guys like it~! lol.