Fic: Ask Your Heart (Hockey, Tyler Brown/Tyler Seguin, 26500 words, Explicit, 1/3)
Summary: Tyler doesn't become a father by accident. It's something he wants and something he plans. He doesn't plan for Segs to love his daughter as much as he does, he doesn't plan to end up in Boston, and he really doesn't plan to hook up with Segs.
Notes: Many months ago, Tyler Brown made a couple of baby-related tweets, and when I mentioned wanting a story where he decides to have a baby, lakeeffectgirl encouraged me to tell her more about it. This story eventually grew out of that original Twitter conversation.
Thanks to puckling and everyone else who participated in the cheerleading aspect of the Anti Lockout Squee Fest, and to my post-lockout check-in email thread for helping me keep on track and finish this story. Thank you to zvi who suggested Shakespeare as a source for a title. Thank you to ninja_orange who was very encouraging as I wrote this. And thank you, of course, to lakeeffectgirl, who encouraged me, found places it could be better, and helped me talk through the sticky parts.
Story on AO3
"Not this year, but next summer-" Segs says on the phone one afternoon, because he's always already thinking ahead.
"About next summer," Tyler interrupts. He looks out at the gray skies of the Philadelphia winter.
"What?"
Tyler takes a deep breath, because he's going to have to tell Segs about this sooner or later, and he's been up with the Flyers for long enough that it's something he's started working on.
"What?"
"I want-" Tyler swallows. "I want to be a dad. I've been looking into it, trying to find a surrogate, all that kind of thing. If it works out, I'm going to have a kid by next summer."
"We're going to have to move," Segs says after a long, long silence.
"What?"
"This year will be fine, but the apartment's not going to work for us and a kid and a nanny. You're going to have a nanny, right? And Marshall."
"You still want me to live with you?"
"Yes," Segs says like there was never any doubt.
Tyler rubs his forehead. "You know it's not going to be the same, not with a baby around."
"I know that," Segs says. "But, dude, whatever. We're getting older. You want to be a dad. Things change."
*
Tyler figures that next summer's far enough away that Segs might change his mind by then, and he focuses on what he can do now. He interviews surrogates and has his lawyer write up a contract when he finds one he thinks he can trust. There's all kinds of stuff he has to do with the clinic, and it's too expensive a place for anyone to hassle him about wanting to plan it so the baby's born at the end of the season. Sure, the end of the season is a crunch time, but that means he'll have all summer to spend with the baby.
He makes a couple of trips down to Philly from Toronto in the summer, and brushes off most of Segs' questions about the specifics of what's happening.
"Don't jinx it!" he tells Segs more than once, and Segs shakes his head and says, "It's going to be fine. Nothing's going to jinx it. You picked a weird time to be superstitious."
It's true that he's never been that superstitious before, but he wants this so much, and there are so many ways it can go wrong.
Carrie, the surrogate, calls him in August and says that the blood tests confirm she's pregnant.
Tyler barely dares to talk to anyone about it until she clears the first trimester in October.
Then he goes to as many check-ups as he can and puts up with the chirping from the guys about the ticking of his biological clock. He asks around about kid-friendly places to live and buys a new condo in one of the family-friendly areas of the city. He calls and tells Segs it's really happening.
*
Segs calls him a couple of weeks later and asks, "Do you have some off time when you're in Toronto next month?"
"Yeah, probably. Why?"
"I've been working with a realtor. We narrowed it down to a couple of places. I want you to look at them before we finalize anything, see if you like one of them better."
"You're serious," Tyler says.
"Fuck you," Segs says, "of course I'm serious. They're all places that'll be good for a kid to spend summers in."
"Okay," Tyler sighs. "Give me the realtor's name, and I'll check them out."
*
Tyler arranges to see the properties during the few free hours he has one afternoon in Toronto. The realtor picks him up at the hotel.
"Where are we going?"
The realtor gestures at the iPad she'd handed him. "There are details about each of the properties there. Tyler-" she pauses and smiles at him - "the other Tyler, specifically asked for family-friendly residential neighborhoods."
He seems to have asked for houses, too, because that's what she takes him to see, all of them in or bordering on Forest Hill. Tyler shakes his head at a few of them - they're not spending their summers in a place where marble floors can turn the kind of falls kids have all the time into a concussion - but some of them are nice.
The realtor gives him her card when she brings him back to the hotel and says, "You two talk it over, and let me know what you've decided on. Most of these properties have other buyers interested, and you'll want to put in an offer soon if you want a chance at them."
Tyler says, "Okay. We'll get back to you," and goes upstairs to fall into bed for a nap.
He wakes up to half a dozen texts from Segs asking about houses. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, opens the curtains to get a little light, and calls Segs back.
"They're all sweet places, right?" Segs says without even saying hello.
"Yeah," Tyler says. "Forest Hill?"
Tyler can almost hear Segs' shrug when he says, "I can afford it."
"We," Tyler says. "We can afford it." There's a silence he doesn't like, and he says, again, "We. I'm paying half for this place."
"I can afford it."
"So can I. This isn't like the apartment. This is a place for my kid, and I'm in the show now; I can afford it too. I'm paying half and it's going in both our names."
"I make-" Segs says.
"Don't say you make more than me," Tyler says. "I know what you make, and what I make. I'm paying half."
"Don't be a dick about this."
"You don't be a dick about this. My kid, my house too, my money too."
"Fine," Segs says, and Tyler makes a note to pay close attention to the process so Segs doesn't try to pay for everything himself anyway. "I liked the place on Dunvegan."
"No," Tyler says. "Kids fall. No marble floors."
"Huh," Segs says. "Good point. What does that leave us with?"
"A couple of places. I liked the one on Parkwood best."
"Is that the one with the backyard?"
Tyler grins. "Yeah. Space for Marshall and the kid."
"And us," Segs says. "We can grill out there, have people over."
"Yeah, so that's the one we're buying?"
"Yeah," Segs says. "I'll call the realtor and get stuff going."
"Both our names," Tyler says.
"Yeah, yeah, I got it. This is gonna be awesome."
*
Tyler asks a lot of questions, partly just to be annoying, and partly so he knows what they're getting into and can make sure he's part of it. He wouldn't put it past Segs to pay for the whole thing himself anyway.
Buying a house is both easier and harder than Tyler thought it would be. The hard part is mostly because he, Segs, and the house are never all in the same country at the same time, much less the same city, and that means a lot of FedExing of documents all over the place - the realtor to Segs to him back to the realtor.
Eventually, though, they sign the last of the documents and the realtor FedExes him a copy of the deed and a key. Tyler makes a spare copy of the key, just in case, and slides the key the realtor sent onto his keychain. Then he takes a picture of it and sends it to Segs, who sends him back a picture of his key sitting on top of his copy of the deed.
The next step is furniture. Segs has everything from the old place moved into the new, and they spend a couple of afternoons arguing over furniture on Skype. Tyler manages to put off a lot of the decision making by saying he'll just get two of whatever he buys for the nanny's room and nursery in Philadelphia.
Segs reluctantly agrees to that, but it doesn't get Tyler out of the other decision making; Segs sends him dozens of links to couches that could go in the other front room.
"I don't know, man," Tyler says when Segs corners him into giving an opinion. "Don't get anything ugly. We're going to be living with a little kid, so it's going to get stained, so you don't want white."
"You're not taking this seriously," Segs accuses.
"They're couches," Tyler says. "Pick the one that's most comfortable. If I hate it, I'll only sit on the one we already have."
Segs heaves a heavy sigh at him. "If I narrow it down to two or three, will you go sit on them to see which one you like best?"
"Yes," Tyler says, and then ends up driving to three different furniture stores all over Philly so he can give his opinion.
*
Carrie's due in April, and by March Tyler has a nursery set up and basic furniture in the guest room for the nanny. That means it's also time to find a nanny.
The other guys with kids aren't much help - most of them have wives or ex-wives who take care of their kids when they're on the road - so Tyler mostly muddles through the process of looking at agencies versus Craigslist ads. In the end, he interviews a couple of people through ads and a couple through an agency.
Some of them are easy to eliminate, and he finds himself down to two candidates. Lauren is with the agency, which means there's a lot of employment stuff he wouldn't have to deal with himself, but Christine seemed more comfortable with him and his situation.
Tyler decides honesty is the best approach, and he calls both Lauren and Christine and says, "You're one of my two top candidates. Tell me why I should pick you."
Lauren rattles off her experience for him again, and says, "I'm extremely trustworthy. You won't have to worry about leaving your child with me."
Christine says, "It's ultimately up to you, and who you think will be the best fit for your family. I'm not impressed that you're a hockey player, and I'm not going to be impressed by your hockey player friends. My job is to make sure your kid is happy and safe."
Tyler thinks about it, about what he really wants for his kid. He wants the kid to be happy and safe, and he wants his kid to grow up sensible. He calls Christine back and tells her she's hired.
*
Carrie calls Tyler when she goes into labor, but she won't let him into the delivery room. He paces the waiting room instead, sends periodic updates to his parents and friends who ask for them. It's a long time, or it feels like a long time, before a nurse comes to find him and says, "Mr. Brown? You can come see your daughter now."
Tyler sags like his strings have been cut, and then he stands up and follows her down the hall to the nursery where they sit him down in a rocking chair and put his daughter in his arms. She's tiny, barely bigger than one of his gloves, with just the tiniest fluff of hair and eyes that don't focus when she opens them, and Tyler loves her more than he's ever loved anyone else.
"Do you have a name for her?" the nurse asks.
"Amanda," Tyler says without looking up. "Amanda Marie Brown." He fumbles for his phone and holds it out to her. "Would you take a picture?"
"Of course." She takes three, and hands the phone back to him. "I'll let you sit here with her for a bit. I'll be back in a while to go over some things with you."
Tyler shifts Amanda so she's secure with just one arm around her and thumbs through his phone with the other. He does a mass text to almost everyone he knows with the best of the photos, and then tweets it with the same note: Amanda Marie Brown, 3:27pm, 6 lbs 3 oz, perfect.
He turns off his phone after that, shifts Amanda again so she's cradled in both of his arms, and rocks with her until the nurse comes back to make sure he knows how to feed and change her, and what's normal and what's not for babies.
They let him stay for a long time, but eventually they shoo him out. "I'm sorry," a different nurse tells him. "You can come back in the morning."
Tyler lets go of Amanda reluctantly, and drives himself home in a sort of a daze. He eats something, and then turns his phone back on and scrolls through dozens of texts and voicemails, skims his replies on Twitter and grins at Segs' Can't wait to meet her!
He calls his parents first, and his mom cries on the phone and says, "We're coming down this weekend."
His dad sounds equally choked up when he says, "I'm proud of you, son. I can't wait to see her."
One of his texts is from Segs, who says, Skype sesh when you get home. No excuses, so after he calls his parents, he opens his laptop and texts Segs back.
"Holy shit," Segs says as soon as he appears on the screen, grinning wide enough for both of them. "You're a dad."
"Yeah," Tyler says. "Yeah, I'm a dad."
On the screen, Segs tips his head down to look at his phone. "Her face is a little squished, but she's cute."
"She's perfect," Tyler says, and his voice breaks. He puts his hand over his eyes, because Segs might be able to hear that he's crying, but he doesn't need to see it. "Fuck," he mutters.
"No, come on," Segs says, "this is good. Someday when she's a teenager, she's going to be mad at you and say you don't love her, and you can say that you love her so much you cried with happiness when she was born."
Tyler chuckles a little and wipes at his eyes with the heels of his hands. "You think that'll work?"
"Not even a little bit," Segs says. "Teenagers aren't logical like that. But you tell her you love her enough times and she'll believe it. And you do." He holds up his phone. "You're even all starry-eyed in the picture."
Tyler chuckles again, watery though it is. "Starry-eyed?"
"Dude, I've never seen you look at anyone like that."
Tyler swallows against the lump in his throat. "I've never loved anyone like that."
*
Tyler stops on his way to the hospital in the morning to do what he should have done yesterday and buys flowers for Carrie. She's sitting halfway up watching TV when he taps on her door; she waves him in and turns off the TV.
Tyler puts the flowers on the table next to her bed, then sits in the chair and takes her hand in both of his. "Thank you."
Carrie pats his hand. "So the baby's okay?"
"Yeah." Tyler lets go with one hand. "Do you want to see a picture?"
"No," Carrie says a little too fast. "No," she says again. "It's easier this way."
Tyler looks away while she blinks away tears. They're not close enough for that.
He folds his hands around hers again. "Thank you," he says again, because it's the only thing he needs to tell her. "If you ever need anything-"
Carrie squeezes his hand. "You just be happy with your baby."
Tyler takes that as his cue to leave, and he squeezes back before he goes to the nursery to sit with Amanda.
He gets an hour to feed her, rock with her in his arms and talk to her, keeping his voice soft because she's a baby and there are other babies around, before Couts and Schenner show up.
"I still can't believe you have a baby," Schenner says, shaking his head.
Tyler grins at him. "Yeah, well, I'm not asking you to babysit."
"Yeah, no," Schenner says. "Kids are fine, but I'm not taking care of them."
"She's really small," Couts says.
Tyler tilts Amanda so he can see her better. "She is less than twenty-four hours old."
Couts holds out one finger and touches Amanda's hand, and makes a tiny noise when her fingers curl around his.
"That's my girl," Tyler says. He looks up at Couts and Schenner. "Someday, she's going to be kicking your asses all up and down the ice."
Couts laughs, and Schenner makes a face.
"Should you really be swearing around her?"
"Probably not, but she's too young to really understand it. Aren't you?" Tyler lifts Amanda up a little to kiss her forehead, and looks up again just in time to see G, Danny, and one of Danny's boys come through the doors into the nursery.
"Oh, yeah," Schenner says, "we were supposed to tell you the guys are probably going to be dropping in all day."
The teenager - Cameron, Tyler thinks - flops into a chair without looking up from his phone, and Danny just shakes his head before he says, "Congratulations."
"Thank you."
"We brought you a present." G holds out a bag, and without Tyler quite knowing how it happens, he ends up with the bag and Danny ends up with Amanda.
Tyler's breath catches, but Danny has kids - one of them is sitting right there as proof that he managed to raise them - so it's probably better if he has her than anyone else.
"I've got her," Danny says, and he looks comfortable and competent, and Amanda isn't fussing. "You forget how small they were." He looks away from Amanda at his kid, who doesn't even look up.
G nudges Tyler's shoulder. "Open it."
Tyler looks down, and then opens the bag and pulls out a handful of cloth. He sorts it out into two onesies with different variations of Flyers designs on them and a tiny version of his jersey.
Tyler grins. "Thanks."
"Claude wanted to get her one of his," the kid - Cameron is the one who doesn't look exactly like Danny, right? - says, "but Dad said no."
G shrugs unrepentantly. "I'm the superior player."
"I'm her dad." Tyler drops the clothes back into the bag and puts it down on the floor next to his chair.
"One of these days," Danny says, as he hands Amanda back, "you're going to be exhausted and begging other people to take a turn holding her."
"He tries to pawn us off on anyone he can," the kid says.
"Cameron," Danny says, so Tyler was right about that, and he's going to have to learn that parental voice someday.
"People who have had us pawned off on them, raise their hands," Cameron says.
G and Couts both raise their hands, which isn't surprising, and so does Schenner, which is.
"Count me in on that," Hartsy says from the doorway. "That is a tiny human being."
Most of the morning is like that, with teammates showing up and leaving in small groups, some of them with presents, some of them with offers to babysit, and some of them with just their awe that he actually has a baby now.
They're all gone, filtered out to lunch or naps or workouts, when Christine comes by a little after noon.
"She's beautiful," Christine says. Then she holds her arms out, and Tyler hands Amanda over. He'd rather not, rather hold her himself forever, but Christine is going to spend a lot of time taking care of Amanda, and Amanda might as well get used to her now.
Christine smiles down at Amanda and says, "Hi, there, Amanda. I'm Christine. I'm going to be taking care of you when your daddy's busy." She looks up at Tyler. "Why don't you go get some lunch, and I'll stay with Amanda." Tyler doesn't move, and she smiles at him. "Go on. You're going to have to get used to leaving her with me, and this way you can practice with a short trip."
Tyler gets up and lets her have the rocking chair. He finds one of the nurses to make sure they won't kick Christine out, and then he hovers over her for a minute before brushing his thumb over Amanda's cheek and saying, "I'll be back soon."
He's had the food in the hospital cafeteria, and he hired Christine because he trusts her, so he leaves the hospital and finds a sandwich place a couple of blocks away. He has a bunch of texts, more congratulations mostly, and he replies to those after he eats.
He knows it's a good idea to let Amanda get used to Christine, but he also already hates being away from her, so while he tries to stay out for a reasonable amount of time, he doesn't manage it for very long, and he goes back to the hospital to find Amanda sleeping while Christine rocks her.
"I was, um-"
Christine shakes her head and laughs softly. "You're not the first new parent I've worked for. Here." She lets Tyler take Amanda from her and gets up so he can sit with her instead. "I'll come back later." She squeezes Tyler's shoulder. "You'll get used to it, and she'll be fine with me."
*
Tyler gets the day Amanda's born and the day after off, but then it's right back into the rhythm of practice and games.
Christine meets him at the hospital when he gets to take Amanda home. She helps him double-check that he has Amanda buckled into her car seat, and she trails after him while he walks around and talks Amanda through a tour of the condo. She's too young to understand, but it doesn't matter. Tyler wants to introduce her to their home.
Tyler sits with Amanda in the rocking chair in her room for a long time that first day. He's going to have to leave her soon enough; he wants to spend as much time as possible with her.
He's almost late to the rink for their first road trip after she's born, because he stands in the hallway holding her for too long.
"Tyler," Christine says gently, "you have to go. She's going to be fine with me. I will FaceTime you so you can see her."
Tyler takes a shuddering breath and kisses Amanda's forehead before reluctantly letting Christine take her. "Okay," he says. "Okay, I'm going."
"Get out of here." Christine practically pushes him out the door. "It'll be fine, and you'll be back with her in two days.
They're the longest two days of Tyler's life.
*
Tyler's always appreciated the home comforts that come with the end of a road trip, but it's nothing compared to how he feels coming home to Amanda from the last few of the season.
Segs laughs at him when he tries to explain it, Skyping with his laptop on the dining room table and Amanda hungrily drinking down a bottle in his arms.
"Oh, fuck you," Tyler says, and then looks down at Amanda guiltily. She probably won't remember him saying that.
"No, I get it," Segs says. "Like, I miss Marshall when I'm gone."
Tyler snaps his head up and glares into the camera. "If you're comparing your dog to my daughter, I'm closing this laptop right now."
"No you won't," Segs says. "You'd have to let go of her or her bottle, and you're not going to do that."
"I could call Christine over here to do it for me," Tyler grumbles.
Segs laughs. "You won't do it. You like me too much."
Tyler shrugs a little, and looks down at Amanda drinking from her bottle.
"But not half as much as you like her."
Tyler doesn't answer, and Segs is quiet for a minute. When Tyler looks up to see what he's doing, he's still there, still just off-center in a way that means he's looking at the screen.
"I'm not the only one fascinated here." Tyler doesn't quite manage to make his tone a teasing one.
"She's cute," Segs says. "And she's so tiny."
"You've seen pictures."
"Yeah, pictures," Segs says. "It's different when you're," he waves a hand, "there."
Tyler refrains from pointing out that they're not actually there. "Wait until you hold her. You won't believe how small she is then."
"I can't even wait," Segs says. "You don't know how excited I am for this summer."
Tyler looks down at Amanda and watches her decide she's done with her bottle. "Wait until she wakes you up crying at two a.m. You won't be as excited then."
"Don't be a dumbass," Segs says. "She's your daughter. It's gonna be awesome."
*
They were already solidly in the playoffs, so Tyler just keeps playing his best game every time through to the end of the season, and then he spends a couple of days at home with Amanda before the playoffs start up.
They stretch it out to five games, but they get knocked out in the first round by the fucking Lightning. Tyler spends a couple of days in Philly, going out with the guys who are still there and spending the rest of his time alternately holding Amanda and packing, and then he, Christine, and Amanda pile into the car for the drive to Toronto, which takes a lot longer with a baby who has to be fed and changed and either entertained or lulled back to sleep.
He knows there are groceries at the house, and that it's been cleaned, because he set both of those things up with the service a couple of days ago, but he hasn't actually been there since the tour with the realtor, so he doesn't know what else to expect.
Tyler unclips the carrier and takes Amanda inside in that, duffle bag over his other shoulder and Christine bringing one of her suitcases and the diaper bag behind him, but once they're inside, he puts the carrier and the duffle down and unbuckles Amanda.
"Let's go see if we can stay here," he says to her.
The living room has all the furniture from the old place. The dining room table and the stools at the kitchen counter are new, probably something Segs had someone choose to fit the space if he decided the old ones didn't match the new couches in the other front room.
Tyler just checks to make sure there's food in the fridge and pantry before he goes up the stairs to see what the bedroom situation is.
His bedroom has his bed and dresser set up, so that's good. He narrates the whole experience to Amanda, who probably isn't taking in any of it, but it's good to talk to babies. He cuts himself off in the middle of a sentence when he turns on the light in the nursery.
The crib and changing table are set up, but that's not all. The walls are painted, a very light blue for most of it with large green stripes, like blades of grass, that start at the floor and go up two or three feet. There are butterflies - in gloriously bright colors as well as the requisite airy pink and purple - ladybugs, and what Tyler thinks must be a cricket, perched on the grass and flying on the upper part of the walls. There's a rocking chair in one corner that's not the same as the one in Philly, and there are lamps that scatter soft light when he turns them on.
Amanda takes in a breath he recognizes before she starts to cry.
"Okay, baby," he says. "Let's go get you something to eat. There's a nice bottle downstairs just waiting to be heated up for you."
His talking keeps her crying from turning into shrieking, and Christine already has a bottle heating when he gets to the kitchen.
Tyler takes the bottle from her and lets Amanda start sucking from it before he goes back upstairs to sit in the rocking chair while he feeds her. It's a nice chair, wood that's soft and worn on the arms from age or polishing, and it's comfortable. He's pretty sure his ass isn't going to fall asleep even if he sits there for a while.
Tyler may still be new at this, but he did bring a spit-up cloth upstairs with him, so he drapes that over his shoulder and lets Amanda spit up on him when she's done with the bottle. He tosses it into the hamper and settles Amanda into his arms to rock with her.
It doesn't take long for her to fall asleep. Tyler keeps rocking a little longer, because it's comforting and he likes watching her sleep, but when he starts feeling like he's about to fall asleep too, he gets up and puts her down in the crib. He stays to watch her for a couple more minutes before he switches off the lights, turns on the nightlight, and goes downstairs to lug in the rest of the bags.
He calls Segs once all the luggage is in the house. "You painted Amanda's room."
"I had it painted," Segs corrects. "If you don't like it, we can repaint it. I thought it would be cool to have something other than white walls for her."
"Dude," Tyler says before Segs can babble any more, "it's great. Thank you. What's with the rocking chair? I thought it was supposed to be all the same furniture as the place in Philly."
"I had them send it back," Segs says. "That's from my mom's house. The one she had when we were kids."
Tyler can feel himself starting to choke up. He really needs some sleep. "It's awesome. Thanks, dude."
*
Tyler watches Segs' games with Amanda in his arms. She's way too young to understand, but he talks her through them anyway, until she drifts off and he has to go upstairs to put her down.
She's asleep before the third period of game six, second round, so she misses it when the Pens win and knock Segs and his team out. It's probably for the best; Tyler probably wouldn't be able to keep himself from swearing even with her in the room.
It also means that Segs drives up from Boston three days later. Tyler hands Amanda to Christine when he hears Segs' car pull into the driveway and goes out to meet him.
Segs stretches when he gets out of the car, opens the passenger door to let Marshall out, and then grins and says, "Dude. How awesome is this place?"
Tyler grins back at him. "So awesome." He catches Segs up in a tight hug. "Sorry you didn't make it to the Finals."
"There's always next year." Segs pulls back, and Tyler crouches down to greet Marshall. "We made it farther than you."
Tyler snorts and stands up. "Asshole."
Segs grins, and pushes past Tyler and Marshall toward the house. "Watch your language. There's a baby present."
Tyler turns with him, and Christine is standing in the doorway with Amanda.
"Amanda," Segs says. "Come here."
Christine looks at Tyler for his approval before she lets Segs hold Amanda.
Segs tucks her against his shoulder. "Hi there, baby. I'm your Uncle Tyler."
"Be careful of her head," Tyler says. "She can't hold it up by herself yet."
Segs moves his hand up so he's supporting Amanda's head better. "I've got her. Don't worry. I would never let anything happen to her." He croons the last in the kind of voice everyone gets when faced with an infant. He smiles at Tyler. "This is going to be awesome."
Tyler smiles back. "Yes, it is. Now give her back to Christine and put Marshall in the backyard so we can get your shi- stuff unloaded."
Segs kisses the top of Amanda's head. "Don't you worry. We're going to have plenty of time to hang out when your daddy isn't forcing me to do work."
Tyler flips him off; Segs just laughs and carefully hands Amanda to Christine.
*
Segs takes to living with a baby a lot better than Tyler thought he would. Segs isn't a morning person at the best of times, and Tyler would have guessed that he wouldn't like living with someone who wakes up the whole house crying in the middle of the night. But it's not like that. Segs never complains about it, and Tyler would think he's just such a deep sleeper than he sleeps right through it, except that Segs comes to the nursery more than once when Tyler's taking a two a.m. feeding. Tyler makes up a bottle in the kitchen and sits with Amanda in the rocking chair to feed her, and Segs sits on the floor next to him.
"I didn't think you would like this," Tyler says one of those nights.
Segs shrugs. "All part of the experience, right? She's so tiny, and she depends on you for everything."
"You don't have to be here for this."
"I don't mind." Segs yawns. "But wake me up if I ever fall asleep on the floor in here. My bed's way more comfortable."
"Okay." Tyler rocks gently and watches Amanda drink. Even at two a.m. when he could be asleep, he loves her more than he's ever loved anyone else.
"I like seeing that look on your face too," Segs says.
Tyler looks down, and Segs is looking at him, not Amanda. "What look?"
"That look," Segs says. "The one you give her. You look happy."
Tyler looks at Amanda. "Yeah," he says. "I am."
"Good." Segs nudges his knee. "You should be, for all the trouble you went to."
"Only way I was going to get this now." He doesn't have to elaborate on that one; Segs knows all about the ways his previous relationships have crashed and burned.
Amanda stops drinking, and Tyler puts her over his shoulder to burp her, and then brings her back down to rock her to sleep.
Segs stands when he does, and leans over the edge of Amanda's crib with him for a moment, before he tugs at Tyler's arm. "Man, go back to bed and let her sleep. She'll be up again in a few hours."
Tyler lets Segs pull him out of the room, and he only looks back at Amanda once.
*
Christine hovers a lot all summer, ready to help out when Tyler needs her and making sure he's doing things right.
"You know you're paying me," she says when he changes diapers instead of handing Amanda over to her.
"I know." Tyler fastens Amanda's onesie closed and picks her up, holds her against his shoulder. "I'm home now," he tells her, "and I'm not always going to be during the season. I'm going to do this stuff while I can." He flashes a smile at her. "You'll get plenty of chances to change diapers and get spit up on."
*
Amanda sleeps a lot, because apparently that's what babies do, nap more than hockey players, and she cries when she wants something, like food or a clean diaper or to be held. Tyler spends a lot of time just watching her. Segs drags him into their usual summer training schedule after a couple of weeks, but when they're not training, Tyler's holding Amanda or watching her sleep or watching her sleep on his chest while he lies on the couch.
"Man," Segs says, and he puts his hand on Amanda's back, gentle and careful like he always is with her, "she doesn't even do anything and you're all fascinated."
"Yeah," Tyler says, and it's soft, not the dry tone he intended, "it's called love."
Segs sits down cross-legged next to the couch and watches with him. Christine wanders in and out a couple of times - she gives them a strange look that Tyler meets and then ignores in favor of watching Amanda's back rise and fall with her tiny breaths - and Marshall's tags jingle as he pads around, but it's otherwise silent and Amanda sleeps the whole time.
Segs sighs after a while and puts his hand on her back again. "Yeah," he says, "I get it."
*
They pack up the house in September. It's a routine they're used to from previous summers, and even having Amanda and all of her stuff doesn't change things that much.
The last night before they leave, Segs picks Amanda up off the blanket on the living room floor and says, "I'll put her to bed," and won't let Tyler stop him. "I'm not going to see her for a long time," he says. "This is my last chance to hang with her for a while."
Tyler says, "Knock yourself out," but he hovers anyway, watches Segs change Amanda into her footie pajamas and sit in the rocking chair to sing her to sleep.
Segs stays there for a while even after she's asleep before he gets up and puts her down in the crib.
Tyler goes over and puts his hand on Segs' back. "Come on," he says softly. "You'll see her tomorrow, and then you're in Philly, what, next month?"
"Yeah." Segs lets Tyler lead him out of the room. "But I'll miss her. I don't want her to forget me."
"You're going to Skype with us like twice a week," Tyler says. "She's not going to have a chance."
*
In the morning, they have breakfast and pack the last of their stuff into their cars. They take out the garbage and make sure all the windows are closed and locked. And then they stand in the driveway while Segs holds Amanda for so long that Marshall gets bored with Tyler petting him.
"Your dog's ready to go."
"Oh, my dog." Segs kisses Amanda's forehead. "Okay, baby girl. Uncle Tyler loves you, and I'll see you soon." He buckles Amanda into her car seat and closes the car door. "I guess I'll see you soon too."
Tyler rolls his eyes and pulls Segs in for a hug. "This summer was awesome," he says. "Two a.m. feedings and all."
Segs laughs and hugs him tightly. "Yeah, it was." They hold on for a minute, and Segs says, "She is the most perfect baby I've ever met, and I'm so glad you have her."
Tyler has to bury his face in Segs' shoulder for a second. "Yeah," he says wetly.
Segs thumps him on the back. "Now get out of here. You have an eight-hour drive with an infant."
Tyler lets go. "Better than eight and a half with a dog. At least she's in diapers."
Segs laughs and calls, "Bye, Christine," before he gets Marshall into his car.
Christine waves at Segs and Marshall, and Tyler climbs into the car. He looks over his shoulder to make sure Amanda's okay before he turns the key and takes them back to Philly.
*
Settling into a routine at the beginning of the season is easier than it was at the end of last season. Tyler's used to Amanda's routines now, and while leaving her to go on road trips still breaks his heart, he at least feels like he's stored up enough time with her that he can let it become part of their routine without feeling like he's missing out on her whole life.
Segs calls or Skypes at least once a week, and Tyler puts him on speaker or holds Amanda up in front of the screen so Segs can talk to her.
"You know she's too young to really understand this," Tyler says once when he's holding Amanda in front of his laptop so Segs can tell her about his hat trick in his last game.
Segs shrugs. "I don't want her to forget me. Even if she doesn't understand, at least she'll hear my voice. And I want to see her. You and Christine send me pictures, but it's not the same thing as seeing her wave her hands around."
Amanda is doing just that, and Tyler gets distracted watching her for a moment. "Christine sends you pictures?"
"Yep. We're tight." Segs grins. "And she knows that Amanda is my favorite baby girl."
Tyler raises his eyebrows. "How many baby girls do you know that you have a favorite?"
"Doesn't matter," Segs says. "Amanda's always going to be my favorite."
*
The Bruins come to town for a game at the end of October. Tyler leaves Amanda at home with Christine when he goes to pick Segs up at his hotel to come over and hang out.
There are a bunch of Bruins hanging around the lobby when Tyler gets there, all of them staring at him, but Segs just ignores them and catches Tyler in a hug. "Dude. Where's Amanda?"
"At home. You know what it's like trying to get her in the car." Tyler rolls his eyes at Segs' disappointed face. "It's like fifteen minutes and then you can see her."
"That's fifteen minutes I don't get to see her."
"Just get in the car." Tyler does his best to ignore the guys watching them as he herds Segs outside. "What's in the bag?"
Segs pulls the bag closer. "It's not for you. It's a present for Amanda."
"You know she's too little to open it herself."
"So you'll open it for her." Segs puts the bag down at his feet and buckles his seatbelt. "It's still hers."
"Fine," Tyler says, but he can't dredge up any outrage because it's pretty great to have Segs visiting. "Now talk to me about something that isn't my kid for fifteen minutes, because I know once you see her you won't."
Segs does, mostly, although there's a story in there about nearly getting run over by a stroller pushed by a kid in a grocery store and how the baby in the stroller wasn't as cute as Amanda but was wearing socks just like the ones Segs' sisters got for her.
Segs practically steps on his heels when Tyler takes him inside, and he doesn't even say hi to Christine, just drops the bag he's carrying on the floor and swoops in to pluck Amanda out of her playpen.
"Amanda," he crows, softly enough for her baby ears. "Look at you." He holds her to his shoulder and grins at Tyler. "You grew. You're getting so big."
Amanda babbles at him, because she does that a lot now. Nothing that's quite a word, not yet, but a lot of sounds that sound almost like they could be.
"You have a lot to say," Segs says. "Do you remember me?"
Amanda babbles at him and grabs his shirt.
"Sure you do. I'm your Uncle Tyler. You wouldn't forget me." Segs looks up from her and says, "Hey, Christine."
"Hi." Christine doesn't even seem bothered about Segs ignoring her in favor of Amanda, and she leaves the room now that Tyler and Segs are back.
"I brought you a present," Segs tells Amanda, "but you're too little to open it, so Daddy's going to have to do it for you." He looks expectantly at Tyler.
"Oh," Tyler says, "now I get to touch the bag?"
"Yes, you get to touch the bag. Open it already."
Tyler picks up the bag and opens it while Segs watches him with a bright grin and Amanda turned to look in his direction. What's in the bag is a bundle of red and black fabric that resolves itself into baby clothes. "Is this-" Tyler shakes out the pieces.
"A Halloween costume!" Segs brings Amanda over to him. "I already washed it, so we can put it right on her."
Tyler's torn between laughing and finding it sweet. "I didn't have a kid just so you could play dress-up." He lays out the pieces of the costume on the couch. "Give her here."
Segs sits next to him on the floor and talks all the way through Tyler changing Amanda into the costume. It keeps her from fussing about it; she's too busy watching Segs.
The only parts of Amanda visible once she's in the costume are her face and hands. Segs scoops her up and gently twirls her around the room with a slight whoosh of air passing over the wings of the costume.
"You are the cutest little ladybug," Segs says. "You're going to get so much candy on Halloween."
Tyler rolls his eyes. "She's not even one. I'm not taking her trick-or-treating." He can't dispute the rest of what Segs said; she is the cutest little ladybug.
"But think of all the candy." Segs stops moving and holds Amanda to his chest with one arm while he digs out his phone. "Take a picture."
Tyler takes a couple, and then they switch; Tyler takes Amanda and Segs takes both their phones and takes a couple of pictures of Tyler with Amanda.
"Can I tweet this?"
Tyler leans over to see which picture Segs has pulled up. It's one where he's holding Amanda to his shoulder so all you can see is the wings spreading out from her back and Segs' giant smile. "Sure." He watches Segs type in, "Cutest ladybug in the whole world. Genes from @tylerbrown1856, style from Uncle Tyler." Tyler hands Amanda to Segs and retweets it.
"Amanda ate," Tyler says, "but there's food for us."
Segs carries Amanda into the kitchen with him and sits down at the table without putting her down while Tyler lets Christine know they're ready to eat.
He waits for Christine to get a plate, then makes up plates for himself and Segs. "We can put her down," he tells Segs.
"No," Segs says. "We're fine, aren't we, Ladybug?"
Amanda looks up at his voice and stops mouthing at the edge of her costume to babble at Segs.
"That's right," Segs says to her. "We're good."
Tyler doesn't think he's really going to be okay; it's been a couple of months, and Amanda's a lot more squirrely and more likely to try grabbing at shiny things like silverware, but the novelty hasn't worn off yet for Segs, and he keeps Amanda on his lap all the way through dinner.
Segs doesn't seem any more inclined to put her down after dinner either. Christine takes the dishes from Tyler even though it's not part of her job - "I've got it. You go spend time with them," she says - so Tyler takes Segs on a brief tour of the condo, which includes the rug and wall decals in Amanda's room that he bought to be a thematic match to the decor Segs put in her room in Toronto, and then they settle down on the living room floor. Tyler spreads out a blanket and grabs a couple of Amanda's toys out of the playpen. Segs puts Amanda down on the blanket and he and Tyler sit on either side of her.
"Look at this." Segs takes one of the stuffed animals and holds it out to Amanda. "Have you ever seen a ladybug play with an elephant before?"
Amanda babbles at him and grabs the elephant. She sticks one of its ears in her mouth.
"I know I've never seen a ladybug eat an elephant before. Ladybugs eat aphids, and Amanda ladybugs eat baby food."
Tyler's not required for the conversation, so he just watches while Segs talks to and trades toys with Amanda, until Amanda starts getting fussy and pulling at the hood of her costume.
"I think it's time for pajamas and bed," Tyler says, and he tosses the discarded toys into the playpen.
Segs is used to Amanda's bedtime routine, so he hovers while Tyler changes her diaper and puts her in pajamas instead of her costume, and then he takes Amanda and sits in the rocking chair with her.
She falls asleep, and Segs gently lowers her into her crib without waking her up.
Tyler quietly closes the door behind them, and they don't talk until they get back to the living room, where Segs flops onto the couch and Tyler folds up the blanket on the floor and picks up the rest of Amanda's toys.
"I can't believe how big she is now," Segs says. He sounds wistful and almost sad. "It doesn't seem like it's been that long since I last saw her."
Tyler sits down next to him. "It hasn't, but she's growing a lot. She's going to be a lot bigger next time."
Segs makes a face at him. "Stop torturing me."
Tyler laughs. "If it makes you feel better, every bit she grows is a little closer to getting her onto a rink."
Segs lights up. "I want to be there for her first skate. Promise me."
Tyler wants to put her on skates as soon as she can possibly handle it, but they see each other enough that they can probably make that happen. "Sure," he says. "But she's not going to be wearing your jersey."
Segs laughs and jostles him. "Give it up. You know I'm way better."
Tyler pushes back. "And I'm her dad. That beats you out any day."
"Cool Uncle Tyler," Segs says. "You can't beat that."
"You can't buy her affection with clothes."
Segs laughs. "Just awesomeness." He leans against Tyler's shoulder. "She's great, you know? She's just. Great. Like, how amazing is it that she's yours? You made a person, dude."
Tyler looks at him. "You knew all of that before now."
"Yeah, but." Segs shrugs. "It's different now. She's almost talking. She's like a real person now."
Tyler does know what he means. It's not as noticeable when he sees her all the time, but she really has grown a lot, even in just the last couple of weeks since the summer.
"Yeah," Tyler says. "She is."
Segs throws his arm around Tyler. "Okay, enough of this lovefest. Are we going to play some Xbox before you have to take me back or what?"
"When have you ever been done with a lovefest?" Despite his words, Tyler gets up and gets the controllers out of the baby-proof cabinet under the TV.
Part 2
Notes: Many months ago, Tyler Brown made a couple of baby-related tweets, and when I mentioned wanting a story where he decides to have a baby, lakeeffectgirl encouraged me to tell her more about it. This story eventually grew out of that original Twitter conversation.
Thanks to puckling and everyone else who participated in the cheerleading aspect of the Anti Lockout Squee Fest, and to my post-lockout check-in email thread for helping me keep on track and finish this story. Thank you to zvi who suggested Shakespeare as a source for a title. Thank you to ninja_orange who was very encouraging as I wrote this. And thank you, of course, to lakeeffectgirl, who encouraged me, found places it could be better, and helped me talk through the sticky parts.
Story on AO3
"Not this year, but next summer-" Segs says on the phone one afternoon, because he's always already thinking ahead.
"About next summer," Tyler interrupts. He looks out at the gray skies of the Philadelphia winter.
"What?"
Tyler takes a deep breath, because he's going to have to tell Segs about this sooner or later, and he's been up with the Flyers for long enough that it's something he's started working on.
"What?"
"I want-" Tyler swallows. "I want to be a dad. I've been looking into it, trying to find a surrogate, all that kind of thing. If it works out, I'm going to have a kid by next summer."
"We're going to have to move," Segs says after a long, long silence.
"What?"
"This year will be fine, but the apartment's not going to work for us and a kid and a nanny. You're going to have a nanny, right? And Marshall."
"You still want me to live with you?"
"Yes," Segs says like there was never any doubt.
Tyler rubs his forehead. "You know it's not going to be the same, not with a baby around."
"I know that," Segs says. "But, dude, whatever. We're getting older. You want to be a dad. Things change."
*
Tyler figures that next summer's far enough away that Segs might change his mind by then, and he focuses on what he can do now. He interviews surrogates and has his lawyer write up a contract when he finds one he thinks he can trust. There's all kinds of stuff he has to do with the clinic, and it's too expensive a place for anyone to hassle him about wanting to plan it so the baby's born at the end of the season. Sure, the end of the season is a crunch time, but that means he'll have all summer to spend with the baby.
He makes a couple of trips down to Philly from Toronto in the summer, and brushes off most of Segs' questions about the specifics of what's happening.
"Don't jinx it!" he tells Segs more than once, and Segs shakes his head and says, "It's going to be fine. Nothing's going to jinx it. You picked a weird time to be superstitious."
It's true that he's never been that superstitious before, but he wants this so much, and there are so many ways it can go wrong.
Carrie, the surrogate, calls him in August and says that the blood tests confirm she's pregnant.
Tyler barely dares to talk to anyone about it until she clears the first trimester in October.
Then he goes to as many check-ups as he can and puts up with the chirping from the guys about the ticking of his biological clock. He asks around about kid-friendly places to live and buys a new condo in one of the family-friendly areas of the city. He calls and tells Segs it's really happening.
*
Segs calls him a couple of weeks later and asks, "Do you have some off time when you're in Toronto next month?"
"Yeah, probably. Why?"
"I've been working with a realtor. We narrowed it down to a couple of places. I want you to look at them before we finalize anything, see if you like one of them better."
"You're serious," Tyler says.
"Fuck you," Segs says, "of course I'm serious. They're all places that'll be good for a kid to spend summers in."
"Okay," Tyler sighs. "Give me the realtor's name, and I'll check them out."
*
Tyler arranges to see the properties during the few free hours he has one afternoon in Toronto. The realtor picks him up at the hotel.
"Where are we going?"
The realtor gestures at the iPad she'd handed him. "There are details about each of the properties there. Tyler-" she pauses and smiles at him - "the other Tyler, specifically asked for family-friendly residential neighborhoods."
He seems to have asked for houses, too, because that's what she takes him to see, all of them in or bordering on Forest Hill. Tyler shakes his head at a few of them - they're not spending their summers in a place where marble floors can turn the kind of falls kids have all the time into a concussion - but some of them are nice.
The realtor gives him her card when she brings him back to the hotel and says, "You two talk it over, and let me know what you've decided on. Most of these properties have other buyers interested, and you'll want to put in an offer soon if you want a chance at them."
Tyler says, "Okay. We'll get back to you," and goes upstairs to fall into bed for a nap.
He wakes up to half a dozen texts from Segs asking about houses. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, opens the curtains to get a little light, and calls Segs back.
"They're all sweet places, right?" Segs says without even saying hello.
"Yeah," Tyler says. "Forest Hill?"
Tyler can almost hear Segs' shrug when he says, "I can afford it."
"We," Tyler says. "We can afford it." There's a silence he doesn't like, and he says, again, "We. I'm paying half for this place."
"I can afford it."
"So can I. This isn't like the apartment. This is a place for my kid, and I'm in the show now; I can afford it too. I'm paying half and it's going in both our names."
"I make-" Segs says.
"Don't say you make more than me," Tyler says. "I know what you make, and what I make. I'm paying half."
"Don't be a dick about this."
"You don't be a dick about this. My kid, my house too, my money too."
"Fine," Segs says, and Tyler makes a note to pay close attention to the process so Segs doesn't try to pay for everything himself anyway. "I liked the place on Dunvegan."
"No," Tyler says. "Kids fall. No marble floors."
"Huh," Segs says. "Good point. What does that leave us with?"
"A couple of places. I liked the one on Parkwood best."
"Is that the one with the backyard?"
Tyler grins. "Yeah. Space for Marshall and the kid."
"And us," Segs says. "We can grill out there, have people over."
"Yeah, so that's the one we're buying?"
"Yeah," Segs says. "I'll call the realtor and get stuff going."
"Both our names," Tyler says.
"Yeah, yeah, I got it. This is gonna be awesome."
*
Tyler asks a lot of questions, partly just to be annoying, and partly so he knows what they're getting into and can make sure he's part of it. He wouldn't put it past Segs to pay for the whole thing himself anyway.
Buying a house is both easier and harder than Tyler thought it would be. The hard part is mostly because he, Segs, and the house are never all in the same country at the same time, much less the same city, and that means a lot of FedExing of documents all over the place - the realtor to Segs to him back to the realtor.
Eventually, though, they sign the last of the documents and the realtor FedExes him a copy of the deed and a key. Tyler makes a spare copy of the key, just in case, and slides the key the realtor sent onto his keychain. Then he takes a picture of it and sends it to Segs, who sends him back a picture of his key sitting on top of his copy of the deed.
The next step is furniture. Segs has everything from the old place moved into the new, and they spend a couple of afternoons arguing over furniture on Skype. Tyler manages to put off a lot of the decision making by saying he'll just get two of whatever he buys for the nanny's room and nursery in Philadelphia.
Segs reluctantly agrees to that, but it doesn't get Tyler out of the other decision making; Segs sends him dozens of links to couches that could go in the other front room.
"I don't know, man," Tyler says when Segs corners him into giving an opinion. "Don't get anything ugly. We're going to be living with a little kid, so it's going to get stained, so you don't want white."
"You're not taking this seriously," Segs accuses.
"They're couches," Tyler says. "Pick the one that's most comfortable. If I hate it, I'll only sit on the one we already have."
Segs heaves a heavy sigh at him. "If I narrow it down to two or three, will you go sit on them to see which one you like best?"
"Yes," Tyler says, and then ends up driving to three different furniture stores all over Philly so he can give his opinion.
*
Carrie's due in April, and by March Tyler has a nursery set up and basic furniture in the guest room for the nanny. That means it's also time to find a nanny.
The other guys with kids aren't much help - most of them have wives or ex-wives who take care of their kids when they're on the road - so Tyler mostly muddles through the process of looking at agencies versus Craigslist ads. In the end, he interviews a couple of people through ads and a couple through an agency.
Some of them are easy to eliminate, and he finds himself down to two candidates. Lauren is with the agency, which means there's a lot of employment stuff he wouldn't have to deal with himself, but Christine seemed more comfortable with him and his situation.
Tyler decides honesty is the best approach, and he calls both Lauren and Christine and says, "You're one of my two top candidates. Tell me why I should pick you."
Lauren rattles off her experience for him again, and says, "I'm extremely trustworthy. You won't have to worry about leaving your child with me."
Christine says, "It's ultimately up to you, and who you think will be the best fit for your family. I'm not impressed that you're a hockey player, and I'm not going to be impressed by your hockey player friends. My job is to make sure your kid is happy and safe."
Tyler thinks about it, about what he really wants for his kid. He wants the kid to be happy and safe, and he wants his kid to grow up sensible. He calls Christine back and tells her she's hired.
*
Carrie calls Tyler when she goes into labor, but she won't let him into the delivery room. He paces the waiting room instead, sends periodic updates to his parents and friends who ask for them. It's a long time, or it feels like a long time, before a nurse comes to find him and says, "Mr. Brown? You can come see your daughter now."
Tyler sags like his strings have been cut, and then he stands up and follows her down the hall to the nursery where they sit him down in a rocking chair and put his daughter in his arms. She's tiny, barely bigger than one of his gloves, with just the tiniest fluff of hair and eyes that don't focus when she opens them, and Tyler loves her more than he's ever loved anyone else.
"Do you have a name for her?" the nurse asks.
"Amanda," Tyler says without looking up. "Amanda Marie Brown." He fumbles for his phone and holds it out to her. "Would you take a picture?"
"Of course." She takes three, and hands the phone back to him. "I'll let you sit here with her for a bit. I'll be back in a while to go over some things with you."
Tyler shifts Amanda so she's secure with just one arm around her and thumbs through his phone with the other. He does a mass text to almost everyone he knows with the best of the photos, and then tweets it with the same note: Amanda Marie Brown, 3:27pm, 6 lbs 3 oz, perfect.
He turns off his phone after that, shifts Amanda again so she's cradled in both of his arms, and rocks with her until the nurse comes back to make sure he knows how to feed and change her, and what's normal and what's not for babies.
They let him stay for a long time, but eventually they shoo him out. "I'm sorry," a different nurse tells him. "You can come back in the morning."
Tyler lets go of Amanda reluctantly, and drives himself home in a sort of a daze. He eats something, and then turns his phone back on and scrolls through dozens of texts and voicemails, skims his replies on Twitter and grins at Segs' Can't wait to meet her!
He calls his parents first, and his mom cries on the phone and says, "We're coming down this weekend."
His dad sounds equally choked up when he says, "I'm proud of you, son. I can't wait to see her."
One of his texts is from Segs, who says, Skype sesh when you get home. No excuses, so after he calls his parents, he opens his laptop and texts Segs back.
"Holy shit," Segs says as soon as he appears on the screen, grinning wide enough for both of them. "You're a dad."
"Yeah," Tyler says. "Yeah, I'm a dad."
On the screen, Segs tips his head down to look at his phone. "Her face is a little squished, but she's cute."
"She's perfect," Tyler says, and his voice breaks. He puts his hand over his eyes, because Segs might be able to hear that he's crying, but he doesn't need to see it. "Fuck," he mutters.
"No, come on," Segs says, "this is good. Someday when she's a teenager, she's going to be mad at you and say you don't love her, and you can say that you love her so much you cried with happiness when she was born."
Tyler chuckles a little and wipes at his eyes with the heels of his hands. "You think that'll work?"
"Not even a little bit," Segs says. "Teenagers aren't logical like that. But you tell her you love her enough times and she'll believe it. And you do." He holds up his phone. "You're even all starry-eyed in the picture."
Tyler chuckles again, watery though it is. "Starry-eyed?"
"Dude, I've never seen you look at anyone like that."
Tyler swallows against the lump in his throat. "I've never loved anyone like that."
*
Tyler stops on his way to the hospital in the morning to do what he should have done yesterday and buys flowers for Carrie. She's sitting halfway up watching TV when he taps on her door; she waves him in and turns off the TV.
Tyler puts the flowers on the table next to her bed, then sits in the chair and takes her hand in both of his. "Thank you."
Carrie pats his hand. "So the baby's okay?"
"Yeah." Tyler lets go with one hand. "Do you want to see a picture?"
"No," Carrie says a little too fast. "No," she says again. "It's easier this way."
Tyler looks away while she blinks away tears. They're not close enough for that.
He folds his hands around hers again. "Thank you," he says again, because it's the only thing he needs to tell her. "If you ever need anything-"
Carrie squeezes his hand. "You just be happy with your baby."
Tyler takes that as his cue to leave, and he squeezes back before he goes to the nursery to sit with Amanda.
He gets an hour to feed her, rock with her in his arms and talk to her, keeping his voice soft because she's a baby and there are other babies around, before Couts and Schenner show up.
"I still can't believe you have a baby," Schenner says, shaking his head.
Tyler grins at him. "Yeah, well, I'm not asking you to babysit."
"Yeah, no," Schenner says. "Kids are fine, but I'm not taking care of them."
"She's really small," Couts says.
Tyler tilts Amanda so he can see her better. "She is less than twenty-four hours old."
Couts holds out one finger and touches Amanda's hand, and makes a tiny noise when her fingers curl around his.
"That's my girl," Tyler says. He looks up at Couts and Schenner. "Someday, she's going to be kicking your asses all up and down the ice."
Couts laughs, and Schenner makes a face.
"Should you really be swearing around her?"
"Probably not, but she's too young to really understand it. Aren't you?" Tyler lifts Amanda up a little to kiss her forehead, and looks up again just in time to see G, Danny, and one of Danny's boys come through the doors into the nursery.
"Oh, yeah," Schenner says, "we were supposed to tell you the guys are probably going to be dropping in all day."
The teenager - Cameron, Tyler thinks - flops into a chair without looking up from his phone, and Danny just shakes his head before he says, "Congratulations."
"Thank you."
"We brought you a present." G holds out a bag, and without Tyler quite knowing how it happens, he ends up with the bag and Danny ends up with Amanda.
Tyler's breath catches, but Danny has kids - one of them is sitting right there as proof that he managed to raise them - so it's probably better if he has her than anyone else.
"I've got her," Danny says, and he looks comfortable and competent, and Amanda isn't fussing. "You forget how small they were." He looks away from Amanda at his kid, who doesn't even look up.
G nudges Tyler's shoulder. "Open it."
Tyler looks down, and then opens the bag and pulls out a handful of cloth. He sorts it out into two onesies with different variations of Flyers designs on them and a tiny version of his jersey.
Tyler grins. "Thanks."
"Claude wanted to get her one of his," the kid - Cameron is the one who doesn't look exactly like Danny, right? - says, "but Dad said no."
G shrugs unrepentantly. "I'm the superior player."
"I'm her dad." Tyler drops the clothes back into the bag and puts it down on the floor next to his chair.
"One of these days," Danny says, as he hands Amanda back, "you're going to be exhausted and begging other people to take a turn holding her."
"He tries to pawn us off on anyone he can," the kid says.
"Cameron," Danny says, so Tyler was right about that, and he's going to have to learn that parental voice someday.
"People who have had us pawned off on them, raise their hands," Cameron says.
G and Couts both raise their hands, which isn't surprising, and so does Schenner, which is.
"Count me in on that," Hartsy says from the doorway. "That is a tiny human being."
Most of the morning is like that, with teammates showing up and leaving in small groups, some of them with presents, some of them with offers to babysit, and some of them with just their awe that he actually has a baby now.
They're all gone, filtered out to lunch or naps or workouts, when Christine comes by a little after noon.
"She's beautiful," Christine says. Then she holds her arms out, and Tyler hands Amanda over. He'd rather not, rather hold her himself forever, but Christine is going to spend a lot of time taking care of Amanda, and Amanda might as well get used to her now.
Christine smiles down at Amanda and says, "Hi, there, Amanda. I'm Christine. I'm going to be taking care of you when your daddy's busy." She looks up at Tyler. "Why don't you go get some lunch, and I'll stay with Amanda." Tyler doesn't move, and she smiles at him. "Go on. You're going to have to get used to leaving her with me, and this way you can practice with a short trip."
Tyler gets up and lets her have the rocking chair. He finds one of the nurses to make sure they won't kick Christine out, and then he hovers over her for a minute before brushing his thumb over Amanda's cheek and saying, "I'll be back soon."
He's had the food in the hospital cafeteria, and he hired Christine because he trusts her, so he leaves the hospital and finds a sandwich place a couple of blocks away. He has a bunch of texts, more congratulations mostly, and he replies to those after he eats.
He knows it's a good idea to let Amanda get used to Christine, but he also already hates being away from her, so while he tries to stay out for a reasonable amount of time, he doesn't manage it for very long, and he goes back to the hospital to find Amanda sleeping while Christine rocks her.
"I was, um-"
Christine shakes her head and laughs softly. "You're not the first new parent I've worked for. Here." She lets Tyler take Amanda from her and gets up so he can sit with her instead. "I'll come back later." She squeezes Tyler's shoulder. "You'll get used to it, and she'll be fine with me."
*
Tyler gets the day Amanda's born and the day after off, but then it's right back into the rhythm of practice and games.
Christine meets him at the hospital when he gets to take Amanda home. She helps him double-check that he has Amanda buckled into her car seat, and she trails after him while he walks around and talks Amanda through a tour of the condo. She's too young to understand, but it doesn't matter. Tyler wants to introduce her to their home.
Tyler sits with Amanda in the rocking chair in her room for a long time that first day. He's going to have to leave her soon enough; he wants to spend as much time as possible with her.
He's almost late to the rink for their first road trip after she's born, because he stands in the hallway holding her for too long.
"Tyler," Christine says gently, "you have to go. She's going to be fine with me. I will FaceTime you so you can see her."
Tyler takes a shuddering breath and kisses Amanda's forehead before reluctantly letting Christine take her. "Okay," he says. "Okay, I'm going."
"Get out of here." Christine practically pushes him out the door. "It'll be fine, and you'll be back with her in two days.
They're the longest two days of Tyler's life.
*
Tyler's always appreciated the home comforts that come with the end of a road trip, but it's nothing compared to how he feels coming home to Amanda from the last few of the season.
Segs laughs at him when he tries to explain it, Skyping with his laptop on the dining room table and Amanda hungrily drinking down a bottle in his arms.
"Oh, fuck you," Tyler says, and then looks down at Amanda guiltily. She probably won't remember him saying that.
"No, I get it," Segs says. "Like, I miss Marshall when I'm gone."
Tyler snaps his head up and glares into the camera. "If you're comparing your dog to my daughter, I'm closing this laptop right now."
"No you won't," Segs says. "You'd have to let go of her or her bottle, and you're not going to do that."
"I could call Christine over here to do it for me," Tyler grumbles.
Segs laughs. "You won't do it. You like me too much."
Tyler shrugs a little, and looks down at Amanda drinking from her bottle.
"But not half as much as you like her."
Tyler doesn't answer, and Segs is quiet for a minute. When Tyler looks up to see what he's doing, he's still there, still just off-center in a way that means he's looking at the screen.
"I'm not the only one fascinated here." Tyler doesn't quite manage to make his tone a teasing one.
"She's cute," Segs says. "And she's so tiny."
"You've seen pictures."
"Yeah, pictures," Segs says. "It's different when you're," he waves a hand, "there."
Tyler refrains from pointing out that they're not actually there. "Wait until you hold her. You won't believe how small she is then."
"I can't even wait," Segs says. "You don't know how excited I am for this summer."
Tyler looks down at Amanda and watches her decide she's done with her bottle. "Wait until she wakes you up crying at two a.m. You won't be as excited then."
"Don't be a dumbass," Segs says. "She's your daughter. It's gonna be awesome."
*
They were already solidly in the playoffs, so Tyler just keeps playing his best game every time through to the end of the season, and then he spends a couple of days at home with Amanda before the playoffs start up.
They stretch it out to five games, but they get knocked out in the first round by the fucking Lightning. Tyler spends a couple of days in Philly, going out with the guys who are still there and spending the rest of his time alternately holding Amanda and packing, and then he, Christine, and Amanda pile into the car for the drive to Toronto, which takes a lot longer with a baby who has to be fed and changed and either entertained or lulled back to sleep.
He knows there are groceries at the house, and that it's been cleaned, because he set both of those things up with the service a couple of days ago, but he hasn't actually been there since the tour with the realtor, so he doesn't know what else to expect.
Tyler unclips the carrier and takes Amanda inside in that, duffle bag over his other shoulder and Christine bringing one of her suitcases and the diaper bag behind him, but once they're inside, he puts the carrier and the duffle down and unbuckles Amanda.
"Let's go see if we can stay here," he says to her.
The living room has all the furniture from the old place. The dining room table and the stools at the kitchen counter are new, probably something Segs had someone choose to fit the space if he decided the old ones didn't match the new couches in the other front room.
Tyler just checks to make sure there's food in the fridge and pantry before he goes up the stairs to see what the bedroom situation is.
His bedroom has his bed and dresser set up, so that's good. He narrates the whole experience to Amanda, who probably isn't taking in any of it, but it's good to talk to babies. He cuts himself off in the middle of a sentence when he turns on the light in the nursery.
The crib and changing table are set up, but that's not all. The walls are painted, a very light blue for most of it with large green stripes, like blades of grass, that start at the floor and go up two or three feet. There are butterflies - in gloriously bright colors as well as the requisite airy pink and purple - ladybugs, and what Tyler thinks must be a cricket, perched on the grass and flying on the upper part of the walls. There's a rocking chair in one corner that's not the same as the one in Philly, and there are lamps that scatter soft light when he turns them on.
Amanda takes in a breath he recognizes before she starts to cry.
"Okay, baby," he says. "Let's go get you something to eat. There's a nice bottle downstairs just waiting to be heated up for you."
His talking keeps her crying from turning into shrieking, and Christine already has a bottle heating when he gets to the kitchen.
Tyler takes the bottle from her and lets Amanda start sucking from it before he goes back upstairs to sit in the rocking chair while he feeds her. It's a nice chair, wood that's soft and worn on the arms from age or polishing, and it's comfortable. He's pretty sure his ass isn't going to fall asleep even if he sits there for a while.
Tyler may still be new at this, but he did bring a spit-up cloth upstairs with him, so he drapes that over his shoulder and lets Amanda spit up on him when she's done with the bottle. He tosses it into the hamper and settles Amanda into his arms to rock with her.
It doesn't take long for her to fall asleep. Tyler keeps rocking a little longer, because it's comforting and he likes watching her sleep, but when he starts feeling like he's about to fall asleep too, he gets up and puts her down in the crib. He stays to watch her for a couple more minutes before he switches off the lights, turns on the nightlight, and goes downstairs to lug in the rest of the bags.
He calls Segs once all the luggage is in the house. "You painted Amanda's room."
"I had it painted," Segs corrects. "If you don't like it, we can repaint it. I thought it would be cool to have something other than white walls for her."
"Dude," Tyler says before Segs can babble any more, "it's great. Thank you. What's with the rocking chair? I thought it was supposed to be all the same furniture as the place in Philly."
"I had them send it back," Segs says. "That's from my mom's house. The one she had when we were kids."
Tyler can feel himself starting to choke up. He really needs some sleep. "It's awesome. Thanks, dude."
*
Tyler watches Segs' games with Amanda in his arms. She's way too young to understand, but he talks her through them anyway, until she drifts off and he has to go upstairs to put her down.
She's asleep before the third period of game six, second round, so she misses it when the Pens win and knock Segs and his team out. It's probably for the best; Tyler probably wouldn't be able to keep himself from swearing even with her in the room.
It also means that Segs drives up from Boston three days later. Tyler hands Amanda to Christine when he hears Segs' car pull into the driveway and goes out to meet him.
Segs stretches when he gets out of the car, opens the passenger door to let Marshall out, and then grins and says, "Dude. How awesome is this place?"
Tyler grins back at him. "So awesome." He catches Segs up in a tight hug. "Sorry you didn't make it to the Finals."
"There's always next year." Segs pulls back, and Tyler crouches down to greet Marshall. "We made it farther than you."
Tyler snorts and stands up. "Asshole."
Segs grins, and pushes past Tyler and Marshall toward the house. "Watch your language. There's a baby present."
Tyler turns with him, and Christine is standing in the doorway with Amanda.
"Amanda," Segs says. "Come here."
Christine looks at Tyler for his approval before she lets Segs hold Amanda.
Segs tucks her against his shoulder. "Hi there, baby. I'm your Uncle Tyler."
"Be careful of her head," Tyler says. "She can't hold it up by herself yet."
Segs moves his hand up so he's supporting Amanda's head better. "I've got her. Don't worry. I would never let anything happen to her." He croons the last in the kind of voice everyone gets when faced with an infant. He smiles at Tyler. "This is going to be awesome."
Tyler smiles back. "Yes, it is. Now give her back to Christine and put Marshall in the backyard so we can get your shi- stuff unloaded."
Segs kisses the top of Amanda's head. "Don't you worry. We're going to have plenty of time to hang out when your daddy isn't forcing me to do work."
Tyler flips him off; Segs just laughs and carefully hands Amanda to Christine.
*
Segs takes to living with a baby a lot better than Tyler thought he would. Segs isn't a morning person at the best of times, and Tyler would have guessed that he wouldn't like living with someone who wakes up the whole house crying in the middle of the night. But it's not like that. Segs never complains about it, and Tyler would think he's just such a deep sleeper than he sleeps right through it, except that Segs comes to the nursery more than once when Tyler's taking a two a.m. feeding. Tyler makes up a bottle in the kitchen and sits with Amanda in the rocking chair to feed her, and Segs sits on the floor next to him.
"I didn't think you would like this," Tyler says one of those nights.
Segs shrugs. "All part of the experience, right? She's so tiny, and she depends on you for everything."
"You don't have to be here for this."
"I don't mind." Segs yawns. "But wake me up if I ever fall asleep on the floor in here. My bed's way more comfortable."
"Okay." Tyler rocks gently and watches Amanda drink. Even at two a.m. when he could be asleep, he loves her more than he's ever loved anyone else.
"I like seeing that look on your face too," Segs says.
Tyler looks down, and Segs is looking at him, not Amanda. "What look?"
"That look," Segs says. "The one you give her. You look happy."
Tyler looks at Amanda. "Yeah," he says. "I am."
"Good." Segs nudges his knee. "You should be, for all the trouble you went to."
"Only way I was going to get this now." He doesn't have to elaborate on that one; Segs knows all about the ways his previous relationships have crashed and burned.
Amanda stops drinking, and Tyler puts her over his shoulder to burp her, and then brings her back down to rock her to sleep.
Segs stands when he does, and leans over the edge of Amanda's crib with him for a moment, before he tugs at Tyler's arm. "Man, go back to bed and let her sleep. She'll be up again in a few hours."
Tyler lets Segs pull him out of the room, and he only looks back at Amanda once.
*
Christine hovers a lot all summer, ready to help out when Tyler needs her and making sure he's doing things right.
"You know you're paying me," she says when he changes diapers instead of handing Amanda over to her.
"I know." Tyler fastens Amanda's onesie closed and picks her up, holds her against his shoulder. "I'm home now," he tells her, "and I'm not always going to be during the season. I'm going to do this stuff while I can." He flashes a smile at her. "You'll get plenty of chances to change diapers and get spit up on."
*
Amanda sleeps a lot, because apparently that's what babies do, nap more than hockey players, and she cries when she wants something, like food or a clean diaper or to be held. Tyler spends a lot of time just watching her. Segs drags him into their usual summer training schedule after a couple of weeks, but when they're not training, Tyler's holding Amanda or watching her sleep or watching her sleep on his chest while he lies on the couch.
"Man," Segs says, and he puts his hand on Amanda's back, gentle and careful like he always is with her, "she doesn't even do anything and you're all fascinated."
"Yeah," Tyler says, and it's soft, not the dry tone he intended, "it's called love."
Segs sits down cross-legged next to the couch and watches with him. Christine wanders in and out a couple of times - she gives them a strange look that Tyler meets and then ignores in favor of watching Amanda's back rise and fall with her tiny breaths - and Marshall's tags jingle as he pads around, but it's otherwise silent and Amanda sleeps the whole time.
Segs sighs after a while and puts his hand on her back again. "Yeah," he says, "I get it."
*
They pack up the house in September. It's a routine they're used to from previous summers, and even having Amanda and all of her stuff doesn't change things that much.
The last night before they leave, Segs picks Amanda up off the blanket on the living room floor and says, "I'll put her to bed," and won't let Tyler stop him. "I'm not going to see her for a long time," he says. "This is my last chance to hang with her for a while."
Tyler says, "Knock yourself out," but he hovers anyway, watches Segs change Amanda into her footie pajamas and sit in the rocking chair to sing her to sleep.
Segs stays there for a while even after she's asleep before he gets up and puts her down in the crib.
Tyler goes over and puts his hand on Segs' back. "Come on," he says softly. "You'll see her tomorrow, and then you're in Philly, what, next month?"
"Yeah." Segs lets Tyler lead him out of the room. "But I'll miss her. I don't want her to forget me."
"You're going to Skype with us like twice a week," Tyler says. "She's not going to have a chance."
*
In the morning, they have breakfast and pack the last of their stuff into their cars. They take out the garbage and make sure all the windows are closed and locked. And then they stand in the driveway while Segs holds Amanda for so long that Marshall gets bored with Tyler petting him.
"Your dog's ready to go."
"Oh, my dog." Segs kisses Amanda's forehead. "Okay, baby girl. Uncle Tyler loves you, and I'll see you soon." He buckles Amanda into her car seat and closes the car door. "I guess I'll see you soon too."
Tyler rolls his eyes and pulls Segs in for a hug. "This summer was awesome," he says. "Two a.m. feedings and all."
Segs laughs and hugs him tightly. "Yeah, it was." They hold on for a minute, and Segs says, "She is the most perfect baby I've ever met, and I'm so glad you have her."
Tyler has to bury his face in Segs' shoulder for a second. "Yeah," he says wetly.
Segs thumps him on the back. "Now get out of here. You have an eight-hour drive with an infant."
Tyler lets go. "Better than eight and a half with a dog. At least she's in diapers."
Segs laughs and calls, "Bye, Christine," before he gets Marshall into his car.
Christine waves at Segs and Marshall, and Tyler climbs into the car. He looks over his shoulder to make sure Amanda's okay before he turns the key and takes them back to Philly.
*
Settling into a routine at the beginning of the season is easier than it was at the end of last season. Tyler's used to Amanda's routines now, and while leaving her to go on road trips still breaks his heart, he at least feels like he's stored up enough time with her that he can let it become part of their routine without feeling like he's missing out on her whole life.
Segs calls or Skypes at least once a week, and Tyler puts him on speaker or holds Amanda up in front of the screen so Segs can talk to her.
"You know she's too young to really understand this," Tyler says once when he's holding Amanda in front of his laptop so Segs can tell her about his hat trick in his last game.
Segs shrugs. "I don't want her to forget me. Even if she doesn't understand, at least she'll hear my voice. And I want to see her. You and Christine send me pictures, but it's not the same thing as seeing her wave her hands around."
Amanda is doing just that, and Tyler gets distracted watching her for a moment. "Christine sends you pictures?"
"Yep. We're tight." Segs grins. "And she knows that Amanda is my favorite baby girl."
Tyler raises his eyebrows. "How many baby girls do you know that you have a favorite?"
"Doesn't matter," Segs says. "Amanda's always going to be my favorite."
*
The Bruins come to town for a game at the end of October. Tyler leaves Amanda at home with Christine when he goes to pick Segs up at his hotel to come over and hang out.
There are a bunch of Bruins hanging around the lobby when Tyler gets there, all of them staring at him, but Segs just ignores them and catches Tyler in a hug. "Dude. Where's Amanda?"
"At home. You know what it's like trying to get her in the car." Tyler rolls his eyes at Segs' disappointed face. "It's like fifteen minutes and then you can see her."
"That's fifteen minutes I don't get to see her."
"Just get in the car." Tyler does his best to ignore the guys watching them as he herds Segs outside. "What's in the bag?"
Segs pulls the bag closer. "It's not for you. It's a present for Amanda."
"You know she's too little to open it herself."
"So you'll open it for her." Segs puts the bag down at his feet and buckles his seatbelt. "It's still hers."
"Fine," Tyler says, but he can't dredge up any outrage because it's pretty great to have Segs visiting. "Now talk to me about something that isn't my kid for fifteen minutes, because I know once you see her you won't."
Segs does, mostly, although there's a story in there about nearly getting run over by a stroller pushed by a kid in a grocery store and how the baby in the stroller wasn't as cute as Amanda but was wearing socks just like the ones Segs' sisters got for her.
Segs practically steps on his heels when Tyler takes him inside, and he doesn't even say hi to Christine, just drops the bag he's carrying on the floor and swoops in to pluck Amanda out of her playpen.
"Amanda," he crows, softly enough for her baby ears. "Look at you." He holds her to his shoulder and grins at Tyler. "You grew. You're getting so big."
Amanda babbles at him, because she does that a lot now. Nothing that's quite a word, not yet, but a lot of sounds that sound almost like they could be.
"You have a lot to say," Segs says. "Do you remember me?"
Amanda babbles at him and grabs his shirt.
"Sure you do. I'm your Uncle Tyler. You wouldn't forget me." Segs looks up from her and says, "Hey, Christine."
"Hi." Christine doesn't even seem bothered about Segs ignoring her in favor of Amanda, and she leaves the room now that Tyler and Segs are back.
"I brought you a present," Segs tells Amanda, "but you're too little to open it, so Daddy's going to have to do it for you." He looks expectantly at Tyler.
"Oh," Tyler says, "now I get to touch the bag?"
"Yes, you get to touch the bag. Open it already."
Tyler picks up the bag and opens it while Segs watches him with a bright grin and Amanda turned to look in his direction. What's in the bag is a bundle of red and black fabric that resolves itself into baby clothes. "Is this-" Tyler shakes out the pieces.
"A Halloween costume!" Segs brings Amanda over to him. "I already washed it, so we can put it right on her."
Tyler's torn between laughing and finding it sweet. "I didn't have a kid just so you could play dress-up." He lays out the pieces of the costume on the couch. "Give her here."
Segs sits next to him on the floor and talks all the way through Tyler changing Amanda into the costume. It keeps her from fussing about it; she's too busy watching Segs.
The only parts of Amanda visible once she's in the costume are her face and hands. Segs scoops her up and gently twirls her around the room with a slight whoosh of air passing over the wings of the costume.
"You are the cutest little ladybug," Segs says. "You're going to get so much candy on Halloween."
Tyler rolls his eyes. "She's not even one. I'm not taking her trick-or-treating." He can't dispute the rest of what Segs said; she is the cutest little ladybug.
"But think of all the candy." Segs stops moving and holds Amanda to his chest with one arm while he digs out his phone. "Take a picture."
Tyler takes a couple, and then they switch; Tyler takes Amanda and Segs takes both their phones and takes a couple of pictures of Tyler with Amanda.
"Can I tweet this?"
Tyler leans over to see which picture Segs has pulled up. It's one where he's holding Amanda to his shoulder so all you can see is the wings spreading out from her back and Segs' giant smile. "Sure." He watches Segs type in, "Cutest ladybug in the whole world. Genes from @tylerbrown1856, style from Uncle Tyler." Tyler hands Amanda to Segs and retweets it.
"Amanda ate," Tyler says, "but there's food for us."
Segs carries Amanda into the kitchen with him and sits down at the table without putting her down while Tyler lets Christine know they're ready to eat.
He waits for Christine to get a plate, then makes up plates for himself and Segs. "We can put her down," he tells Segs.
"No," Segs says. "We're fine, aren't we, Ladybug?"
Amanda looks up at his voice and stops mouthing at the edge of her costume to babble at Segs.
"That's right," Segs says to her. "We're good."
Tyler doesn't think he's really going to be okay; it's been a couple of months, and Amanda's a lot more squirrely and more likely to try grabbing at shiny things like silverware, but the novelty hasn't worn off yet for Segs, and he keeps Amanda on his lap all the way through dinner.
Segs doesn't seem any more inclined to put her down after dinner either. Christine takes the dishes from Tyler even though it's not part of her job - "I've got it. You go spend time with them," she says - so Tyler takes Segs on a brief tour of the condo, which includes the rug and wall decals in Amanda's room that he bought to be a thematic match to the decor Segs put in her room in Toronto, and then they settle down on the living room floor. Tyler spreads out a blanket and grabs a couple of Amanda's toys out of the playpen. Segs puts Amanda down on the blanket and he and Tyler sit on either side of her.
"Look at this." Segs takes one of the stuffed animals and holds it out to Amanda. "Have you ever seen a ladybug play with an elephant before?"
Amanda babbles at him and grabs the elephant. She sticks one of its ears in her mouth.
"I know I've never seen a ladybug eat an elephant before. Ladybugs eat aphids, and Amanda ladybugs eat baby food."
Tyler's not required for the conversation, so he just watches while Segs talks to and trades toys with Amanda, until Amanda starts getting fussy and pulling at the hood of her costume.
"I think it's time for pajamas and bed," Tyler says, and he tosses the discarded toys into the playpen.
Segs is used to Amanda's bedtime routine, so he hovers while Tyler changes her diaper and puts her in pajamas instead of her costume, and then he takes Amanda and sits in the rocking chair with her.
She falls asleep, and Segs gently lowers her into her crib without waking her up.
Tyler quietly closes the door behind them, and they don't talk until they get back to the living room, where Segs flops onto the couch and Tyler folds up the blanket on the floor and picks up the rest of Amanda's toys.
"I can't believe how big she is now," Segs says. He sounds wistful and almost sad. "It doesn't seem like it's been that long since I last saw her."
Tyler sits down next to him. "It hasn't, but she's growing a lot. She's going to be a lot bigger next time."
Segs makes a face at him. "Stop torturing me."
Tyler laughs. "If it makes you feel better, every bit she grows is a little closer to getting her onto a rink."
Segs lights up. "I want to be there for her first skate. Promise me."
Tyler wants to put her on skates as soon as she can possibly handle it, but they see each other enough that they can probably make that happen. "Sure," he says. "But she's not going to be wearing your jersey."
Segs laughs and jostles him. "Give it up. You know I'm way better."
Tyler pushes back. "And I'm her dad. That beats you out any day."
"Cool Uncle Tyler," Segs says. "You can't beat that."
"You can't buy her affection with clothes."
Segs laughs. "Just awesomeness." He leans against Tyler's shoulder. "She's great, you know? She's just. Great. Like, how amazing is it that she's yours? You made a person, dude."
Tyler looks at him. "You knew all of that before now."
"Yeah, but." Segs shrugs. "It's different now. She's almost talking. She's like a real person now."
Tyler does know what he means. It's not as noticeable when he sees her all the time, but she really has grown a lot, even in just the last couple of weeks since the summer.
"Yeah," Tyler says. "She is."
Segs throws his arm around Tyler. "Okay, enough of this lovefest. Are we going to play some Xbox before you have to take me back or what?"
"When have you ever been done with a lovefest?" Despite his words, Tyler gets up and gets the controllers out of the baby-proof cabinet under the TV.
Part 2