Fic: Almost Dark Again for daphnaea

[paulamcg]

Title: Almost Dark Again
Author: paulamcg
Written for: daphnaea
Beta: My incredible ishonn. Thank you so much again for all your… spring buds!
Rating: PG
Prompt: The prompt I claimed was an Order mission (first war), but perhaps this fulfils a bit better the ambiguous request for ambiguity (bonus: some degree of resolution). Someone also receives an owl and received

Comments

[spacefragments]

“You got it? Great! I told James to keep kicking me awake so I could finish it on the train. You know, we weren’t in the condition to Apparate, and then I walked…”

Haha, thought that was very funny. Nooo, he couldn't just ask to be shaken (or even pinched), he had to go for the kicking. It's struck me as a very "Sirius and James" thing to do.

Anyway, I always love how you can show such intimacy (like with the bath) while maintaining a low rating. And I'm not always fond of 1st-person POV, but you pulled it off fantastically.

I might go back and re-read it later, I liked this very much.

[paulamcg]

Thank you so much. I’m thrilled that the first public comment on this story starts with laughter and with very funny! While my fiction voice and my Remus’s voice could probably be described as quiet and gentle, I spontaneously chose the kicking detail, and perhaps in this single line I managed to add some contrast to any possibly heartbreaking tone. Perhaps the ”Sirius and James” thing also gave another dimension to Sirius’s character here and to the complex reality I want to hint at.

I’m happy you could see (sense) the intimacy, too. I don’t think I’ve ever written a (conventional) kissing scene, not to mention a sex scene. And for a couple of years now I’ve written all my short pieces in the first person and present tense, even though I know that a lot of readers have a general prejudice against this technique. Thank you for giving a chance to this entry, and for taking the time to praise it.

I hope you’ll enjoy this another time around, too. ishonn said she found new meanings in some details while re-reading.

[cindergal]

I’ve looked forward to submerging into the water. Without him I’d perhaps forget to keep my head up.

Lovely. I'm glad they have each other to lean on, at least for now.

[paulamcg]

Thank you!

When polishing the text I noticed that there was so much of leaning taking place that I actually had to replace the verb “lean” with something almost similar in one sentence. (A bit more ) seriously, I seem to love my Remus and Sirius tired and in need of consolation, and when I write about those slightly less dark times when they have each other, I want to show that each of them can support the other.

It’s wonderful to hear that someone I haven’t met before, too, has enjoyed this piece.

[iamshadow]

He leans on me, presses his cold face to my neck and inhales deeply through his nose. “Oh, God,” he says in a breath out, then draws another shuddering breath in, and continues, “Don’t wake me.”

Perhaps he thinks I’m holding him in a dream. At the end of his nightmare.

*heart breaks just a little bit*

Until I got him back now, I hadn’t touched anyone after being summoned to see… something for the very last time. To see the ancient house, the bare apple trees. Not to take anything with me. Hardly a final memory of caressing their cold cheeks.

*heart shatters entirely*

[paulamcg]

Thank you! I can’t help being happy that I’ve managed to - less and more - break your heart. I’m not too kind to the boys, particularly to Remus, am I? I had written about his parents’ deaths as early as in 2003, and for some reasons I ended up making it impossible for myself to ignore that tragedy in my little gift fic.

[daphnaea]

What a lovely gift to wake up to! I love the quiet density of this story, how it tells one everything it needs to but is also just a small moment out of a larger story going on all around. It's all very real and immediate, and the ways they show their feelings for each other are charmingly in character. The whole thing is fabulous and powerful. Thank you so much!

[paulamcg]

What a wonderful comment! I’m thrilled this text seems to convey everything that’s needed, so you can enjoy this as a whole while sensing that there is truly something beyond it. I wanted to try something small enough, so I could complete the gift in time. Some readers have told me that even the shortest pieces of my fic give the impression that there are whole lives around the moments I show

[lotrwariorgodss]

Love the ambiguity of this - I had to read it twice to really appreciate everything. Your imagery is amazing and Remus's emotions are so tangible...it was very touching. Lovely entry!

[paulamcg]

Thank you so much for reading - twice! I feel blessed when a piece of my fic is found by someone who takes the trouble to concentrate on it, perhaps also to return to it, and who ends up truly appreciating the whole and each detail I’ve loved crafting. Your praise warms my heart, as I always hope that my words can make everything tangible, so that emotions, too, are not only something named, something abstract.