Comments | rs_games: Day 30 - Fic: Team Remus: If You Miss the Train I'm On, Count the Days I'm Gone

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Day 30 - Fic: Team Remus: If You Miss the Train I'm On, Count the Days I'm Gone

Oct 30, 2011 03:44

Team: Remus
Title: If You Miss the Train I'm On, Count the Days I'm Gone
Author: batmanboxers
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Off-screen violence
Word Count: 2330
Summary: There is something he's missing, no, not something, someone. He catches the ghost of a smile out of the corner of his eye, white teeth, red lips, a teasing slant to a mouth whose words mean ( Read more... )

team remus, rs_games 2011, fic

Comments 13

bearshorty October 30 2011, 12:28:47 UTC

I like the slightly surreal quality to it. And I love all the descriptive colors.

remuslives23 October 30 2011, 14:24:01 UTC

Beautiful descriptions! I agree with bearshorty - there was a surreal feeling to this. Lovely!

bookgrrrl2006 October 30 2011, 17:12:39 UTC

this was really cool and very different. it reminded me of that stream of consciousness style. i liked that the reader did not entirely know what was going on. we were just as confused as remus. i really liked how sirius was so present too. you could feel remus's need for him and for comfort. that was really cool.

starlite_gone November 2 2011, 04:07:51 UTC

I agree with the others about how this felt surreal... it was cool how at first I didn't know exactly what was happening, not even whether this was AU or not, but then when Sirius appears it all makes sense. It was interesting, too, because with his appearance things seemed to come more in focus-- the dreamy quality of Remus' trek and the descriptions shifted, revolving around Sirius or little thought at all. It was really cool how that was done-- as if somewhere in Remus he knew everything would be okay now that Sirius was there, and he didn't have to worry or wonder anymore because Sirius would make it alright.

There were some really pretty descriptions in this... one of them I particularly liked was about autumnal colors.

epithalamium November 2 2011, 08:45:01 UTC

Oh my! I love how sensuous this is--Remus's senses sort of flowing into each other, like synesthesia (I think?), the vagueness of Remus's thoughts in the beginning works nicely against certainty of his surroundings. I like that!

I've never thought hurting would sound (read?) so attractive, actually. I really love your narrative voice.