sitting up
i really like where i am and what i do right now. its true that i am insanely busy. i work at minimum 10 hour days. generally from 8am - 6pm. usually with no breaks. i can honestly say that i don't take breaks during the day! lunch is usually no longer then 20-30 minutes. the time it takes to line up for food at the carnegie then wolf it down while checking my various voicemails. (i have 3 phone numbers). at work there is always something to to deal with. its actually extremely stressful. there just isn't enough time to get everything done. time is an issue, as is managing the people who work for me. i have 6 under me so far, and let me tell you, it is a handful. i got a couple who are totally solid, and then i got a couple who are totally off the wall. they make everything hard. they cause more work just by being around. i have to figure out what to do about that. i seriously feel that at 25 i am in a little over my head with all the stuff i got to do and the huge responsibility i have taken on. i basically have to ensure that the downtown eastside gets enumerated properly. everyday a new challenge surfaces. we desperately need enumerators. we just aren't finding them in the numbers that we need. ideally we would have 80 enumerators. i will be happy if we have 30. it is exceedingly hard to recruit in the neighbourhood. ugh. i don't really want to go on and on about all my work stuff. but its definately something that has been occupying the lion's share of my time and energy (physical and mental) lately. i am fucking the boss of so many people! i have to basically manage this project with very little in the way of resources and/or support. anyway anyway, i get myself worked up when i talk about it.
even though its really stressful, i also really appreciate the opportunity to be doing what i am doing. i know it may sound strange to some, but i really like going in to all the sketchy SROs along hastings. i like seeing what they are like on the inside. i like entering in to private and exoticised spaces and normalizing them. including them in my understanding of the city and of human nature. some of the places i've gone in to have been really intense and i think very few people would choose to put themselves in the position that i have readily volunteered for. i don't find it dangerous. if anything, i like demystifying the downtown eastside. i like confronting my fears and my prejudices. but this process can also be very draining. and i don;t always like it. working so closely with the neighbourhood raises a lot of questions for me. how exactly do i feel about drug usage? where do i stand on issues like prostitution, privacy, development, and police brutality? it is sometimes (well, ok, often) convenient to defer to the left. take a "leftisit" stance on so many of these flash-point subjects. but what exactly do i really believe? nothing NOTHING is cut and dry. there is no one right answer. thats maybe whats so frustrating.
and i have been at it for a long time.
I remember going to the pig and whistle when it was still open. many many many years ago. in the era of Ms T's (canada's oldest dyke bar) that has since burned down. there was a cheesy cover band that placed at the pig and whistle, and they would often jabe a buffet set up at the front. i remember going there when i was underage. its on cordova, at carral, across from the army and navy. it has been closed for maybe 4 or 5 years.
it also seems like i have been to my fair share of shows. i went to the paper lantern's last show at the marine club on friday. it was fun. it was a fun night. but i think i have decided to stay the course that i have been traveling in the last little while.
which is to be active and healthy. on sunday i went out to iona with sue, it was a lovely day.
when i say that i really like where i am and what i am doing i include everything. i like my place, i like the things that i do like hiking and spartacus and hanging out with friends. i am also happy to be single. i feel like i am accomplishing so much that i know i would not get done if i had to take care of a man (thats usually how it ends up, isn't it?)
anyway, i am stoked. and tierd. goodnight.