(no subject)
noone even reads my livejournal anymore. so this is what's happened lately.
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nothing.
and noone got me anything for christmas, except for cesar. oh wait, it was just a card. but i want everyone to know that i got everyone something. yeah, bitches, i did! and only 3 people even remembered my birthday.
And my whole life is falling apart.
I always feel so detached from everything and everyone. I always feel so alone, and like noone is there and noone cares. I have never even had a real relationship. I have never kissed a guy that I liked or that I had feelings for. No guy has ever had real feelings for me. I have never loved anyone. I have never been asked to dance. I have never felt special. Noone has ever told me that I am pretty, or smart or anything, except when my friends try to tell me I am pretty, but everyone knows they are lying.
I have always been told that I can do anything that I want with my life.
Well, what if what I want with my life is to be pretty, smart, and loved by a wonderful boy?
What if what I want is not to be known as the funny one, or the spontaneous one?
What if what I want is not what you think I want?
What if what I need is not what you think I need?
What if what I feel is not what you think I feel?
I think I need a higher medication dosage, because this knife does not seem to want to stay away from my wrist.
Forget the <3, I think I am all out of love.