(no subject)
Last minute chemistry projects are ridiculous. I car about the effects of orthophosphate in the ficitious Snake River, just as I care about the differences between preterite and imperfect, and causes of the War of 1812. School is dull, repetitive, mundane.
Despite my emotional instability (mainly due to lack of sleep and overload of work), I am happy. Content with my life, enjoying the little free time I am allowed with the massive amounts of work my school assigns, dandy.
Yet I sit in our corner at lunch, scanning the faces of my friends. As the days progress, their smiles become less frequent, their voices less heard. Our conversations, once brilliant and animated, have reduced to scattered small-talk. Everything, everyone seems to be falling apart. I watch the progression, the depression engulfing my formerly lively friends, and shudder - it's inevitable, then, that I will once again return to that awful state of existance I maintained for the first few months of the year.
The decline, they say, is unavoidable.
I hate this. I hate seeing what we've become, distance and divided. Everyone, it seems, as feeling as if they don't belong, as if they do not have any real friends in our once united circle.
Perhaps whats bothering me most is that I am happy whilst the others are not. I'm bent on improving our situation, regenerating the lunch group, reviving our sexual discussions and fights for the spotlight.
Talked to Andrea for a long time at lunch today about everything. She spoke of her days repeating themselves, the group splitting, the loss of a love... she's right. It's all falling apart.
Anyway. I got to see Tyler, Eric, and Tiff today. I rarely get to see them on weekdays, unlike last year, where afterschool hangouts were the norm. Perhaps their spotty precense in my life makes our hanging out that much better - but I was overjoyed to see them. Tyler's looking at a Galaxy, Eric told me of all the things he's going to do to the limo, Tiff made fun of Heather's sex noises. Ahh, all this talk about cars only increases my desire for a vehicle of my own. Call me a spoiled brat if you will, but if you attended my school and drove up each morning to see EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. KID. IN. YOUR. CLASS. getting out of their midsized sedans, you'd be pissed to. It doesn't help that my mom telling me "i need to find a ride home" is a common goodbye before I step out of the car, waiting 15 minutes to get picked up after cross country, not knowing if I can use the car.... It's just a pain in the ass, especially when I'm surrounded by kids with vehicles of their own. It'd be nice to leave school when I want, leave FOR school when I want...
Saturday. Stayed in all day and did homework to please the parents and as part of the bargain - I did all my work, and I would be given permission to attend Anti-Flag. Unfortunately, confining me to the house on a day generally reserved for madness has not the desired effect. I spent much of the day exercising every possible method of homework avoidance, got several calls from the homies, who were wondering what was going down (nothing), pretended to work diligently. Around 10:30 PM, Paul came over. We originally intended to join some others at Blackhawk, but ended up chasing the moon - low, yellow, magnificent. Fingers laced, we ran towards the park, collapsing on the sandspur covered field, excitedly examining the brilliance in the sky. We spent a few hours chillin', planting kisses and avoiding ear bitings. The spurs were viciously digging into my back, ambulance sirens rang in the distance, the excessive lights prevented an array of stars... yet it was beautiful. Urban beauty, the honks as natural as the crickets. Perhaps the sexiest thing of all, of course, was the boy next to me, who continues to drive me wild with each visit. Fell asleep at one point (I'm a sucker for 'falling asleep in your lover's arms....'), and woke to find him next to me, breathing lightly, eyes closed. I could think of nothing more I wanted to do then envelope him in a hug, plant thousands of kisses on his face, tell him a million times over how much he means to me. I fell back asleep on him, unspoken words describing my love. This boy....
Sunday was Anti-Flag. Paul came over for a bit, some madness insued, he gave me flowers for our four month anniversary, which were gorgeous <3. Recieved thousands of calls from Gio, who we met in front of the Masquerade. Gio was a crazy-ass per usual, entertaining us and his lady friend with his antics. Eric, Tiff, and Tyler arrived shortly after, and we waited for a bit, grabbed some coffee and a bite to eat (at Fresh Mouth, where Anti-Flag had eaten mere minutes before! Our waiter said crazed fans grabbed their straws after they left!), then headed to the shooowww. Amazing. Generally after sees a band live several times, the whole "live effect" dulls - that is not the case with Anti-Flag, who, for the third time, ruled all over the place. Pre-bands? Mike Park had an excellent accompanyment video with his thoughtful acoustic music, the AKA's weren't too bad, Midtown was pretty good, Strike Anywhere was crazy awesome, and of course, the Anti-Flag boys kicked it with "Rank-N-File" and rolled into "Captain Anarchy," then proceded to play a bunch of their best (mainly from the Terror State) - incredible. We killed it in the bit, yelled lots of stuff about PASSAT WAGONS, crowd-surfed, circle-pitted, all the madness. My hand hurts, and I don't have the desire to finish this now, so perhaps I will later - but I assure you, it was good.
Despite my emotional instability (mainly due to lack of sleep and overload of work), I am happy. Content with my life, enjoying the little free time I am allowed with the massive amounts of work my school assigns, dandy.
Yet I sit in our corner at lunch, scanning the faces of my friends. As the days progress, their smiles become less frequent, their voices less heard. Our conversations, once brilliant and animated, have reduced to scattered small-talk. Everything, everyone seems to be falling apart. I watch the progression, the depression engulfing my formerly lively friends, and shudder - it's inevitable, then, that I will once again return to that awful state of existance I maintained for the first few months of the year.
The decline, they say, is unavoidable.
I hate this. I hate seeing what we've become, distance and divided. Everyone, it seems, as feeling as if they don't belong, as if they do not have any real friends in our once united circle.
Perhaps whats bothering me most is that I am happy whilst the others are not. I'm bent on improving our situation, regenerating the lunch group, reviving our sexual discussions and fights for the spotlight.
Talked to Andrea for a long time at lunch today about everything. She spoke of her days repeating themselves, the group splitting, the loss of a love... she's right. It's all falling apart.
Anyway. I got to see Tyler, Eric, and Tiff today. I rarely get to see them on weekdays, unlike last year, where afterschool hangouts were the norm. Perhaps their spotty precense in my life makes our hanging out that much better - but I was overjoyed to see them. Tyler's looking at a Galaxy, Eric told me of all the things he's going to do to the limo, Tiff made fun of Heather's sex noises. Ahh, all this talk about cars only increases my desire for a vehicle of my own. Call me a spoiled brat if you will, but if you attended my school and drove up each morning to see EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. KID. IN. YOUR. CLASS. getting out of their midsized sedans, you'd be pissed to. It doesn't help that my mom telling me "i need to find a ride home" is a common goodbye before I step out of the car, waiting 15 minutes to get picked up after cross country, not knowing if I can use the car.... It's just a pain in the ass, especially when I'm surrounded by kids with vehicles of their own. It'd be nice to leave school when I want, leave FOR school when I want...
Saturday. Stayed in all day and did homework to please the parents and as part of the bargain - I did all my work, and I would be given permission to attend Anti-Flag. Unfortunately, confining me to the house on a day generally reserved for madness has not the desired effect. I spent much of the day exercising every possible method of homework avoidance, got several calls from the homies, who were wondering what was going down (nothing), pretended to work diligently. Around 10:30 PM, Paul came over. We originally intended to join some others at Blackhawk, but ended up chasing the moon - low, yellow, magnificent. Fingers laced, we ran towards the park, collapsing on the sandspur covered field, excitedly examining the brilliance in the sky. We spent a few hours chillin', planting kisses and avoiding ear bitings. The spurs were viciously digging into my back, ambulance sirens rang in the distance, the excessive lights prevented an array of stars... yet it was beautiful. Urban beauty, the honks as natural as the crickets. Perhaps the sexiest thing of all, of course, was the boy next to me, who continues to drive me wild with each visit. Fell asleep at one point (I'm a sucker for 'falling asleep in your lover's arms....'), and woke to find him next to me, breathing lightly, eyes closed. I could think of nothing more I wanted to do then envelope him in a hug, plant thousands of kisses on his face, tell him a million times over how much he means to me. I fell back asleep on him, unspoken words describing my love. This boy....
Sunday was Anti-Flag. Paul came over for a bit, some madness insued, he gave me flowers for our four month anniversary, which were gorgeous <3. Recieved thousands of calls from Gio, who we met in front of the Masquerade. Gio was a crazy-ass per usual, entertaining us and his lady friend with his antics. Eric, Tiff, and Tyler arrived shortly after, and we waited for a bit, grabbed some coffee and a bite to eat (at Fresh Mouth, where Anti-Flag had eaten mere minutes before! Our waiter said crazed fans grabbed their straws after they left!), then headed to the shooowww. Amazing. Generally after sees a band live several times, the whole "live effect" dulls - that is not the case with Anti-Flag, who, for the third time, ruled all over the place. Pre-bands? Mike Park had an excellent accompanyment video with his thoughtful acoustic music, the AKA's weren't too bad, Midtown was pretty good, Strike Anywhere was crazy awesome, and of course, the Anti-Flag boys kicked it with "Rank-N-File" and rolled into "Captain Anarchy," then proceded to play a bunch of their best (mainly from the Terror State) - incredible. We killed it in the bit, yelled lots of stuff about PASSAT WAGONS, crowd-surfed, circle-pitted, all the madness. My hand hurts, and I don't have the desire to finish this now, so perhaps I will later - but I assure you, it was good.