(Untitled)

[lornegreen]

My plans these days always end up getting turned upside down, and more often than not it's because I end up getting suckered into... rather OUT OF, my self-loathing broodfests. You know, the ones I plan the second I wake up, the ones where I plan on spending the entire day with a dark cloud over my head feeling sorry for myself

Comments

[lornegreen]

I was probably out for a couple of minutes, but when I finally came to, the headache was immense and so was the gigantic welt on my forehead from hitting the coffee table.

I sat up on the floor and rubbed at it, groaning. "I think I'm growing another horn," I joked. "Ow."

Caitlen was looking rather panicked. And well, she had every right to. I mean, making the psychic faint after you sang wasn't really the best sign for you.

And okay, you're probably expecting me to say that it wasn't Caitlen's singing that did it, it was her destiny. Actually, it was the other way around. It was Caitlen's singing. Not because it was bad, don't get me wrong, it's just that I hadn't done any readings in a very long time, and my mind was extremely rusty. So rusty, like I said before, that even the slightest of bad readings will give me a doozy of a headache. And that's where I was.

Caitlen's reading wasn't great, either. She had too much goin' on she wasn't telling anyone.

I gave Angelina an apprehensive look and continued to rub at the welt on my forehead. "It's not what you think," I told them. "I'm just rusty."

[wannabe_slayer]

"No Lorne, its ok, just tell her...her singing sucked."

I said with a small smile as I helped him up off the floor.

"Hey it even gave me a headache."

She threw something at me.

"I'm kidding Cait, seriously though, Lorne you gonna be ok?"

[lornegreen]

"I'm going to be fine," I told her. Well, after an aspirin and vodka cocktail, that is.

Ang helped me off the floor and I sat back down on the couch. I turned to her. "Hey SweetPie," I asked, "You wouldn't mind running down the hall to my bathroom and fetching me some aspirin from the medicine cabinet, would you?"

[wannabe_slayer]

"After all you have done for me today...no I don't mind"

I said softly as I got up.

"Be nice to him Cait"

I said as I turned and walked away....ok aspring asprin..I can find it really I can.

[slaysiscaitlen]

I nodded and looked up at Lorne, knowing that he saw what I was thinking.

"Don't tell her please"

I said softly and pleadingly.

[lornegreen]

I rubbed at the welt some more and sighed. "Cait," I said to her, "You really got a lot of stuff going on, don't you Kitten?"

I sat back in the couch and gave her a sympathetic look. "I think you need to tell her, not me," I said. "She's worried sick about you, and now I can see she has every right to be."

[slaysiscaitlen]

"She worries too much about everything..I can't add to it"

I said softly.

"I mean, she just lost Leo...well kind of lost him...well..I don't know what it is, but she doesn't have him when she needs him, she doesn't need me to tell her all my problems and that I am worried about her too. She needs someone that is good, doesn't do anything wrong, and doesn't stress her out."

[lornegreen]

"I understand that, Caitlen," I told her. "But I think by you not telling her what is bothering you is stressing her out even more. She's worried sick, and I think if she knew what was bothering you, and what was going on, then she could help you sort it out? If you hide it from her, she'll never know, and she'll always be worried."

I hope she understood what I meant. I'd bottled up too much stuff before, it just wasn't healthy.

[slaysiscaitlen]

"But she won't be worried about me...she isn't worried about me past that I am upset over Leo, she doesn't need anything more to think about."

I said this firmly

"You can't tell her."

[lornegreen]

Moral Dilemma. Roger that. Over and out.

I pursed my lips and gave her a flat stare. If I told Ang all this, Caitlen would probably feel betrayed and would never talk to me again. If I didn't tell Ang, maybe I could at least help Caitlen work this stuff out by myself.

But did I really want to get back into the whole 'friend-therapist' gig again? I was too emotionally tired dealing with my own crap to even attempt to think of doing that again.

I sighed.

"I won't tell her," I said finally. I didn't really think it was the best choice, but I'd have to live with it.

[slaysiscaitlen]

"Thank you..I promise, when she..well when Leo comes back things have to get better...right?"

I asked pleading with him to tell me it would, even if its a lie, its a prettier lie than the one I am living right now.

[lornegreen]

If this Leo guy ever showed his face again, maybe it would help to brighten up Angelina again. And if Ang was feeling better, then maybe it would make Caitlen feel better.

And if they both felt better, then somehow I knew I'd feel better too. Damnit Leo, where the hell are you? These girls need you.

I sighed. "One can only hope they will," I told her with total sincerity.

[slaysiscaitlen]

"Couldn't bear to lie to me could you"

I asked softly as I looked away.

"I can't lose her too...atleast I have her."

[lornegreen]

I smiled at her.

"You're not going to lose her," I said.

I sighed and looked down at my lap where my hands were fidgeting with each other.

I looked up at Caitlen. "I wouldn't want to lose her, either." I said, admittedly.

Ang was one of the only people I felt I could talk to right now. Kinda like Fred. Except I already lost Fred. I couldn't lose another friend. I couldn't bear to think it.

I silent cursed myself for getting too attached to her. I didn't want to feel that pain again - the pain of loss. It was too much to bear.

But why am I being so pessimistic? Who said anything was going to happen to Ang, anyway?

[slaysiscaitlen]

"really?"

I asked as I looked up at him.

"Atleast you haven't run away whimpering about how you messed up.."

I hated to admit it, I missed Leo and this anger towards him was just misplaced due to my need for him. He promised me that he would be here, and now he isn't..it just hurts.

[lornegreen]

I gave her a really flat, deadpan look.

"Caitlen," I said. "Did you ever hear about that big ole' battle Angelcakes was in a awhile back, and how his big cowardly green friend wasn't there because he ran away whimpering about well, everything?"

I gave her a challenging look. "Guess there's more about me you didn't know."