Hit Bottom -- where the peace is supposed to be.

[torturedslayer]

In my own silent world I have come to see that it is much better here. There is no pain and no hurt and no one bothers you when you have shut yourself off from emotions and life itself. I am officially at the bottom. I can't go any further down. Not sure that I can go up, but I can look forward to not hitting an even lower low

Comments

[torturedmom]

The kids came and got me when Julie wouldn't get up from her bed to play with them. I told them she was probably just tired, but they practically dragged me back to her room

[yammerer_willow]

I heard my cell phone ringing, who would be calling me? Tara might be so I should get it. I rush and it doesn't have the hotel number its a strange number. I quickly answer in a worried tone.

"Hello? Tara?"

I said in a hurry.

[torturedmom]

"Um, no, this isn't Tara, it's Miranda. Willow, something's wrong with Julie, all she will do is lay there and stare at nothing. I'm scared, and we can't take her anywhere without causing more unwanted attention. I didn't know what to do so I found your number and called you."

I tried to keep my breathing even, don't have a panic attack, don't have a panic attack. But my baby was laying there and I felt so helpless. God I hope Willow can help me, I mean help Julie...

[yammerer_willow]

"Ok first of all Miranda, Calm down. I will find my way out there and help you. I will have Leo orb me so the press doesnt follow."

I said softly.

"Let me get one thing done and I am there ok"

I felt so bad for her

[torturedmom]

I tried to calm myself down, like she said. "Thank you, Willow. Just knowing that you're coming out here makes me feel better already."

I took another deep breath. "I'll see you when you get here. Thanks again."

[yammerer_willow]

I smiled and in a calm even voice I spoke back

"Don't worry about it. I am on my way."

I hung up and made sure Wesley took the potion and he was on his way to being healed I head out with Leo who orbed me to Julie then he went back to Angelina.

I had my books and I knocked on the door. I had no idea what was wrong, but I had an idea of what to do.

[torturedmom]

I went and answered the door, so very glad to see Willow. "Hi Willow, come in. She's this way." I lead her to the bedroom where Julie was.

"See? She's catatonic, I think...how can we get to not be?"

[yammerer_willow]

I smile a bit and look Miranda in the eyes. I had an idea what to do, I just needed a few things from her.

"Ok I need a few things from you. I need 6 candles and for you to make sure the kids are not anywhere near the room. For my plan to work I need absolute silence here."

I said with a twinge of seriousness mixed with my concern.

[torturedmom]

"Okay, I can do that. Craig's got the kids outside, so that won't be a problem. Let me get you those candles, and then you will have complete silence."

I go and get the candles and give them to her. "I"ll just go wait in the other room. Please help her as much as you can."

[yammerer_willow]

Once I had everything I needed I shut the door and lit the candles placing them where they belong. I sit on a chair across fom Julie and focus.

Then I was in her mind. I had only done this once with Buffy, I honestly was worried about if I could do this again.

I was in a completely white room with red roses. The bed was unused the sheets not even wrinkled. Why would she pick a place like this?

I look over and there she is sitting in a corner.

"Hello Willow. What are you doing here?"

Julie asked me. Only difference is she was bloodied and about 12 years younger. She looked as if she had just been beaten and not wearing a bit of clothing. I was lost in this.

"I was trying to figure out why you are here?"

"This is my safe place.

She said as if I was supposed to know this. None of this made a bit of sense.

[torturedmom]

I sat in the front room, staring at the door, wondering what Willow was doing in there, wondering if it was helping. I tapped my fingers on my knees, then picked up a magazine from the coffee table and tried to read it. I couldn't. Not even the television had anything on it, so I turned it off.

I swallowed, got up and got a glass of water, wondering if my baby was ever going to be okay again...

[itsmrwhitelight]

I had been hanging back trying to give Miranda space but I thought she was going to have a panic attack so I stepped closer as she got a glass of water... and cleared my throat.

"Miranda. She's going to be ok."

[torturedmom]

I jumped, dropping the glass and spilling water everywhere. Fortunately, the glass didn't break.

"L-Leo? Oh my GOD I nearly had a heart attack!" I took in some deep breaths, then went for the paper towels to clean up the mess.

"How can you be so sure? About Julie, I mean..."

[itsmrwhitelight]

"Gee, I'm sorry about that Miranada I though you heard me..."

I took the paper towels from her and cleaned up the spill...When i got up I answered her

"Julie's a very stong girl. And Willow's very good at what she does if there is anyone who could come out of this it's Julie and with Willow' help I'm posative...it may take sometime though."

I Throw out the wet paper towels and turn back to her.

"she's going to be ok...are you?"

[torturedmom]

I looked at him. "I don't think I'll ever truly be okay...that's why I take the meds..." I laugh a little.

"But, that's not what you were asking. As long as Julie's okay, I'll be alright...if something happens to her..." I couldn't finish it. I couldn't bear to have thoughts like this.