Just felt like writing as Katie.
Character: Katie | Game: Arcana
About three and a half months ago, my life was changed forever. I'm not sure how to describe it, so I think I'll settle for saying I've become one of the sanest people in a world where being sane means you're insane. Goodness knows I feel insane sometimes, but when you've gone through what I have...
I've become a pawn in a war - a game - I don't understand. We don't know the rules; we just make them up as we go along, and sometimes they're wrong. Sometimes they're very wrong. Nothing is sacred. It *is* a war. Nothing is sacred: not faith, not trust, not life. Not the air we breathe or the ground we walk on. Nothing. Anything can turn against you. That's the truth. That's the world. Anything else is a lovely, ignorant lie.
People may say I'm crazy, and perhaps I am. All my friends think so. Maybe I killed somebody. They think that, too. Perhaps I think that. Does it matter? If I know the truth, does it matter how crazy that makes me? I wonder if he knows the truth.
But none of this matters. I'm going to continue reaching for the truth, no matter how it splinters me, because it's the one thing I have left. If all my friends fall away, my family, maybe I'll have something to cling to. The truth of the Hanged Man, the Hermit, that's what they tell you. It's mystical bullshit, isn't it? But the tarot endured for so long not necessarily because of mysticism, but because it's good advice.
I think I will be alone, in the end. In my heart, I know this. I know I'm not worth the trouble. I know I'm not worth the effort, the uncertainty, the pain. I can accept it. People are people, and no matter how good-hearted they are, they'll get tired and complacent. I know I've become nothing but a very, very fragile piece of flawed art, and after a point, I won't be worth repairing anymore. It's okay, though. If that's the price I need to pay to know and act upon the truth, it'll all be okay.
There's not much more to say, other that I'm following my beliefs, as others should follow theirs. A much more startling reality is waiting to be discovered by so many people, but I can't blame them for wanting to keep their eyes closed. I did, for the longest months of my life. The most valuable lessons are only learned in the hardest ways.
April, 2002
Katie Andrews
About three and a half months ago, my life was changed forever. I'm not sure how to describe it, so I think I'll settle for saying I've become one of the sanest people in a world where being sane means you're insane. Goodness knows I feel insane sometimes, but when you've gone through what I have...
I've become a pawn in a war - a game - I don't understand. We don't know the rules; we just make them up as we go along, and sometimes they're wrong. Sometimes they're very wrong. Nothing is sacred. It *is* a war. Nothing is sacred: not faith, not trust, not life. Not the air we breathe or the ground we walk on. Nothing. Anything can turn against you. That's the truth. That's the world. Anything else is a lovely, ignorant lie.
People may say I'm crazy, and perhaps I am. All my friends think so. Maybe I killed somebody. They think that, too. Perhaps I think that. Does it matter? If I know the truth, does it matter how crazy that makes me? I wonder if he knows the truth.
But none of this matters. I'm going to continue reaching for the truth, no matter how it splinters me, because it's the one thing I have left. If all my friends fall away, my family, maybe I'll have something to cling to. The truth of the Hanged Man, the Hermit, that's what they tell you. It's mystical bullshit, isn't it? But the tarot endured for so long not necessarily because of mysticism, but because it's good advice.
I think I will be alone, in the end. In my heart, I know this. I know I'm not worth the trouble. I know I'm not worth the effort, the uncertainty, the pain. I can accept it. People are people, and no matter how good-hearted they are, they'll get tired and complacent. I know I've become nothing but a very, very fragile piece of flawed art, and after a point, I won't be worth repairing anymore. It's okay, though. If that's the price I need to pay to know and act upon the truth, it'll all be okay.
There's not much more to say, other that I'm following my beliefs, as others should follow theirs. A much more startling reality is waiting to be discovered by so many people, but I can't blame them for wanting to keep their eyes closed. I did, for the longest months of my life. The most valuable lessons are only learned in the hardest ways.
April, 2002
Katie Andrews