(no subject)
Maybe if I write about it, the baby will come sooner. I am sitting here gushing all over, I mean literally. My water is broken, just like with Miles and around the same time. 6 in the morning. I should be asleep now, just incase this baby decides to come tonight. I'm not and I was just reading homebirth stories. One of them struck me, the midwife asked the woman if she had any unresolved issues she needed to work out, like it was slowing down her labor.
What can I say? Miles birth was horrifying, an endless white medical wall of pain and ignorance. I was put on a timer when I walked in, getting him out was like swimming upstream, pushing uphill. I was scared and didn't know what to do to help myself. The nurses were of no help, one nurse even told me that this wasn't a normal labor. It got worse when they hooked up the internal monitor, I was barely a human, mostly wires and numbers on beeping machines.
Somehow I overcame it, the physical effects are mostly erased (except for my back type problems - including a torqued pelvis from pushing out a posterior baby).
I try to approach this baby with new eyes, but it doesn't seem to work as well. Its been different because I have Mandy, Brian and I are better educated. I need to let him nurture me more, now is the time when I need him to help me and I know he would, I just need to get closer to him and let it happen. I have been relaxing with every big contraction, letting my body do its thing. I understand that I need to give it up to a power much bigger and experienced than myself. I let go and let the Goddess, the birth dance settle on me.
Come baby girl, we will take good care of you. You will have an enriching love filled life. I am scared but I wont let it outweight my sense of curiousity and most of all love of life, of creating life, of doing what my body does best. Let me open up for you, come slide out, we are so excited to see you! I am strong and will be strong, relaxing through the contractions and I might smile through the pain. Help me Goddess, I am nothing but a silly mortal. Let me give life in a world with so much death. Let hypnobirthing encircle me and let my body do its thing.
What can I say? Miles birth was horrifying, an endless white medical wall of pain and ignorance. I was put on a timer when I walked in, getting him out was like swimming upstream, pushing uphill. I was scared and didn't know what to do to help myself. The nurses were of no help, one nurse even told me that this wasn't a normal labor. It got worse when they hooked up the internal monitor, I was barely a human, mostly wires and numbers on beeping machines.
Somehow I overcame it, the physical effects are mostly erased (except for my back type problems - including a torqued pelvis from pushing out a posterior baby).
I try to approach this baby with new eyes, but it doesn't seem to work as well. Its been different because I have Mandy, Brian and I are better educated. I need to let him nurture me more, now is the time when I need him to help me and I know he would, I just need to get closer to him and let it happen. I have been relaxing with every big contraction, letting my body do its thing. I understand that I need to give it up to a power much bigger and experienced than myself. I let go and let the Goddess, the birth dance settle on me.
Come baby girl, we will take good care of you. You will have an enriching love filled life. I am scared but I wont let it outweight my sense of curiousity and most of all love of life, of creating life, of doing what my body does best. Let me open up for you, come slide out, we are so excited to see you! I am strong and will be strong, relaxing through the contractions and I might smile through the pain. Help me Goddess, I am nothing but a silly mortal. Let me give life in a world with so much death. Let hypnobirthing encircle me and let my body do its thing.