Been a while the world has changed.
Lots of people died in New York needlessly, we watched CNN helplessly, I struggle with hope, the fear of not being able to protect Miles from bombs. The asshole neighbors across the street, the child cries at 11:04, she is in first grade this year. The whole family is fucked. The mothers cell phone rings.
This is my life. The best thing about right now is that there is a wind and it rained all day, its
a little chilly. Classes have started and I'm trying to find the groove. I enjoy them all, though by Monday night I am ready for a few days off.
Miles had nightmares last night, which is strange because it was the first night I didn't have a nightmare. TT has been supportive, but then a coupla peeps from another country dissed America, being isolationist. As if the 5k people who died had anything to do with isolationism or George Bush and his empty words. I miss Clinton.
Sex is good, sex is great. I wish I had the capacity to love back. Instead I pull away, so many walls,old tired walls.
Fall is coming, I am ready for the hot parts to be over. I want to camp before winter comes, wonder if I'll get the chance. Terrified of the 22nd, planes in the air worry me, but I am a person who (tries) to love everyday and to learn.
Dreamed of Befumo, that he could save Miles and I from the things falling from the skies. 9 years past I think, he works for privileged white male and is a privileged white male himself, don't forget the Napoleon complex. I appreciate what he did for me, need to let those strong feelings subside. He hasnt contacted me in 9 years, it does mean something. It means that he doesn't want to talk to me. If he doesnt want to be in my life he can't be. Remember being pregnant and the letter from him, almost desperate to find an Army base by me. Hey fucker, I could of used you, the pain wouldnt of hurt so much, I would of known someone else was in control. You could of been a big part of Miles life, he could of learned much from you. I lost you but you know what? You lost me and thats that. I'm tying up the loose ends.
Speaking of which I keep dreaming of my asshole relatives, they need to be gone from my subconcious too, doncha think? Another unhealthy thing I was mixed up in.
Miles is waiting for me, I hope I sleep tonight, last night I stayed up till too damn late reading, "Like Water for Chocolate" -- goodnight goodnight world, be good to each other.
This is my life. The best thing about right now is that there is a wind and it rained all day, its
a little chilly. Classes have started and I'm trying to find the groove. I enjoy them all, though by Monday night I am ready for a few days off.
Miles had nightmares last night, which is strange because it was the first night I didn't have a nightmare. TT has been supportive, but then a coupla peeps from another country dissed America, being isolationist. As if the 5k people who died had anything to do with isolationism or George Bush and his empty words. I miss Clinton.
Sex is good, sex is great. I wish I had the capacity to love back. Instead I pull away, so many walls,old tired walls.
Fall is coming, I am ready for the hot parts to be over. I want to camp before winter comes, wonder if I'll get the chance. Terrified of the 22nd, planes in the air worry me, but I am a person who (tries) to love everyday and to learn.
Dreamed of Befumo, that he could save Miles and I from the things falling from the skies. 9 years past I think, he works for privileged white male and is a privileged white male himself, don't forget the Napoleon complex. I appreciate what he did for me, need to let those strong feelings subside. He hasnt contacted me in 9 years, it does mean something. It means that he doesn't want to talk to me. If he doesnt want to be in my life he can't be. Remember being pregnant and the letter from him, almost desperate to find an Army base by me. Hey fucker, I could of used you, the pain wouldnt of hurt so much, I would of known someone else was in control. You could of been a big part of Miles life, he could of learned much from you. I lost you but you know what? You lost me and thats that. I'm tying up the loose ends.
Speaking of which I keep dreaming of my asshole relatives, they need to be gone from my subconcious too, doncha think? Another unhealthy thing I was mixed up in.
Miles is waiting for me, I hope I sleep tonight, last night I stayed up till too damn late reading, "Like Water for Chocolate" -- goodnight goodnight world, be good to each other.