(no subject)
So, yeah, I haven't updated in a long ass time. Nothing really has happened. I have just fallen into a deep, deep depression. I wrecked yesterday but nobody was hurt and Fat Jimmy only has a couple of dents here and there on the front left fender. It's not that bad. I just wish it wouldn't have happened. I can't drive for a while and my parents have been complete assholes about everything. I missed school today so I could go to my grandpa's funeral but they told me that I didn't have to go because they didn't want me to start any fights...WTF?! Why in the hell would I start a fight at a funeral? I have more manners than that, believe it or not. Last night, my dad said that the most important thing was that nobody was hurt and I said that it's really not. I could've hurt Jordyn real bad and it would just be better if it didn't happen. Or if I had gotten hurt really bad then I wouldn't be living this hell from my parents.
Another thing that I have learned from my grandpa's death is that nobody really notices me. I was at the visitation and only about 2 besides my mom, step dad, step brother, and Jordyn said anything to me. All of my life, nobody has really noticed me except for freshman year and that was only because I pushed myself to be noticed. I acted crazy, said crazy things, and did crazy things. I only did that just to hide my depression. I'm not really that way, people. Yeah, I have my crazy moments but not like I did freshman year.
And as for college, yeah I haven't done much, but I can't wait until I graduate. I'm sorry. I am so tired of being under parental control and I absolutely hate school. I just DON'T CARE anymore! I want to get my life done and over with...I want to live it out then die because ultimately, that's all there is to it. Danielle called me today and asked if we were still friends since we don't talk that much and I said that we were and we are, we're just not as close as we were. Some days I just want to give up on life. Basically, the only reason why I get up in the mornings is Jordyn. I don't get up for school, to drive, to learn, to talk to other people but I get through everything just so I can see her. But she's in Chicago in which I should be there right now with her but I'm not because I am a failure. But I am sure none of you care and I am also sure that none of you have even read this far so I'm just going to end this right now. I'm out.
-Elaine
Another thing that I have learned from my grandpa's death is that nobody really notices me. I was at the visitation and only about 2 besides my mom, step dad, step brother, and Jordyn said anything to me. All of my life, nobody has really noticed me except for freshman year and that was only because I pushed myself to be noticed. I acted crazy, said crazy things, and did crazy things. I only did that just to hide my depression. I'm not really that way, people. Yeah, I have my crazy moments but not like I did freshman year.
And as for college, yeah I haven't done much, but I can't wait until I graduate. I'm sorry. I am so tired of being under parental control and I absolutely hate school. I just DON'T CARE anymore! I want to get my life done and over with...I want to live it out then die because ultimately, that's all there is to it. Danielle called me today and asked if we were still friends since we don't talk that much and I said that we were and we are, we're just not as close as we were. Some days I just want to give up on life. Basically, the only reason why I get up in the mornings is Jordyn. I don't get up for school, to drive, to learn, to talk to other people but I get through everything just so I can see her. But she's in Chicago in which I should be there right now with her but I'm not because I am a failure. But I am sure none of you care and I am also sure that none of you have even read this far so I'm just going to end this right now. I'm out.
-Elaine