Rock.
Takes place between "Winter" and "Charley"
Ed felt cornered. He knew it was ridiculous, but he felt that if he tried to move in any direction, Winry would tackle him and possibly bite his head off.
"The next time you decide to leave the house, let someone KNOW," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Ed stared at her, then looked at Al, who shrugged helplessly.
"I just went out for a minute," Ed replied, his voice not going above Winry's own tone, although he didn't know why they were whispering.
"That was four hours ago," Winry said, moving forward to where there was scarcely any room between them. "She woke up and you weren't there. You should have TOLD us you were leaving. At least then someone could have been there so she wouldn't wake up alone."
"She started screaming," Al said, quietly. He looked nervous. "I thought she wasn't going to stop."
"It's the medication," Ed explained for what felt like the millionth time. "It keeps her in a haze of illusions to keep her from feeling pain."
"So you thought it was okay to disappear?" Winry said venomously.
Ed didn't understand what difference it made to Winry. Since when had Riza ever been any of Winry's concern?
"She's talking to herself," Winry said. "Either that or she's praying. I'm not sure which. . ."
"She's not talking to herself, and she's not praying," Ed said after a long moment. "She's talking to Roy."
"That's not any better," Winry retorted. "If she thinks he's --"
"She doesn't," Ed answered, slinging his coat over the chair and coming entirely into the room, edging warily around Winry as he did so. "She knows he's gone, she's just. . .talking to him."
And he didn't know why that bothered them any more than the screaming or the delusions. Hell, if people wouldn't lock him up, ED would be talking to Roy as well.
Ed sighed. "Are the girls --"
"They're asleep. They've been fed and bathed. They went to bed about an hour ago," Al said.
"Riza's calmed down now," Winry said. "The doctor gave her a shot. I don't know what it was of, but it put her out. She's awake, or she was. . ."
Ed nodded.
"Where were you?"
Ed stopped in mid-step. "What?"
"Where were you?" Al repeated.
"I was just --"
"At a bar?" Winry interjected. "You reek. You smell like smoke. And something else I don't want to examine too closely."
Ed winced.
Winry sighed. "Take a shower before you go to her. Don't make her have to deal with that too. She was crying for you. She wanted YOU and you weren't here."
Something inside of Ed snapped at that moment. "It's not me she wants," he snapped. "I'm not the one she's talking to. She --"
"No," Al said, somehow remaining the voice of reason. "It's not you. But you're all she has now, so that's all there is to it."
"You don't get to behave like a four year old now, Ed," Winry said. "You made the choice to become an adult. When you and the Colonel started sleeping together. You made an even bigger choice when Riza got pregnant. You don't get to decide to be a child now because things have gotten too difficult."
He didn't need to hear any of this. He knew that. He'd made that choice himself. She'd given him an out. Had offered him the chance to leave her, to walk away before she got so sick that he felt obligated to stay. That she'd used Havoc to do it hadn't made anything any easier.
There weren't any feelings between them any longer. Without Roy they'd used Charley and Anna to build the relationship that they should have had. They'd thought they'd have more time. The doctors had promised they would.
They hadn't. Within a year of her being diagnosed, Riza had fallen too ill to pretend. That night was forever engraved on his mind. Nightmares had kicked back up, things he'd thought he'd erased from his memories.
It had brought back far too many atrocities. It was his mother on the kitchen floor. Then Riza collapsed in the office. Then he'd come home one evening to find Charley and Anna both screaming hysterically and Riza unconscious on the living room floor. That she'd fallen was obvious. But what had bothered him more than anything was the fact that she must have been feeling it long before she'd collapsed.
And the doctors had told him that she was going to go back and forth between feeling healthy and being able to function normally and not being able to do anything at all. They'd wanted her to remain in the hospital.
He'd not been able to do it. He'd listened to her when she'd said "I want to go home.".
And there were moments like now when she was having a bad day when he wished he'd listened to the doctors and not let her come home. But he couldn't bring himself to think like that. The girls deserved to have their mother around. Although Ed realised that Anna wasn't even going to remember her mother and Charley would only have a vague recollection of her. And Ed had agreed with Havoc and the others when they'd made the decision that they wanted to take care of her.
Ed shook his head and headed upstairs. Shower first. Then the bedroom.
*****
"What time is it?"
Ed put down the book he hadn't been reading and stared at her. "A little after two in the morning," he said. "Do you want something?"
Riza shook her head, then winced slightly. "Where were you?"
Ed sighed. "I stepped out. Went for a walk. I'm sorry. I should have told you I was leaving." He hesitated. "It won't happen again."
Silence for a long moment, then:
"Are we even now?"
Ed stared again. Even? He'd spent a long time watching her and Roy tormenting each other, being completely helpless in the fact that his life was being torn apart because the two of them couldn't come to terms with the fact that they were hurting each other. Then she'd turned around and betrayed him. And it had been him this time. She couldn't even claim that it had anything to do with Roy, because Roy hadn't been there. And that had been it and Ed knew he could have left then and she wouldn't have been angry with him or held anything against him.
He suspected that was why she'd done it. But he'd believed her when she'd said she'd wanted to be with someone who wanted her. Who wasn't there out of guilt. It had still stung and for the first time, he'd understood why she and Roy had had such problems even after they'd admitted and apologised for having nearly cheated on each other.
Ed sighed.
"Yes. We're even now."
She nodded once, and then laid back and shut her eyes again.
Ed wondered if she'd gotten a bath yet tonight. He wasn't sure it would have occurred to Al or Winry to do anything about that. It wouldn't occur to her to ask for one. She didn't like having to ask anyone for anything. The fact that it was Ed's job to care for her made it slightly easier for her to ask him for something.
It had shocked him when he'd realised that he was easily capable of picking her up. He'd slid his arms under her and carried her into the bathroom. She'd lost so much weight. She scarcely ate and when she did it wasn't much. Not to mention the fact that her muscles were deteriorating.
Her own body was killing her and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
*****
Charley turned around and smiled at him as Ed sat down next to her and Anna on the couch. They were both playing with a pair of dolls that Winry had produced from somewhere.
He forgot sometimes that it had been four years since Riza had gotten pregnant with Charley. Things had happened so fast. They hadn't even gotten the chance to try to be a family. First Roy was gone and then Riza had fallen ill barely a year later. And he was the one taking care of the girls. With only Al and Winry to help.
That Riza wanted to take care of her daughters was a moot point, although there were times when Riza hadn't been able to stand having Charley around her. She just couldn't. She'd tried to care for them, to take care of them, but she hadn't been able to. Her body wouldn't permit it.
Charley held out the doll to Ed and then climbed into his lap.
"Mama was crying earlier," she said in a little voice that sounded far too grown up to belong to a three year old. "Is she okay now?"
Ed nodded, barely able to keep from bursting into tears himself. "Yes, baby. Mama's sleeping."
The fact that both girls were crying made it difficult to keep from sobbing himself.
*****
He wasn't ready for this. Somewhere in his mind, Ed had likened her to something immortal. She wasn't REALLY supposed to die. She wasn't supposed to leave them.
So when the doctors said "you need to start making funeral preparations", Ed hadn't believed them at first.
Hughes had said, very softly so as not to alarm the girls, "She's getting worse, Ed. You know that. She's not even conscious any longer."
Riza was talking more and more about things that had happened in the past, Ed sometimes wondered if she even knew what was going on around her anymore.
He'd brought Charley and Anna in earlier, let them kiss her, more to let her see them than any kind of reason for them to see her. Havoc and the others had been in too, but he didn't think she remembered that. He knew she remembered the girls, though. And for that he was grateful.
It was up to him. Riza had told him, just before it had reached a point where she couldn't stand to talk to anyone, that if it got to that point, she wanted him to make them stop treating her. She'd said she wanted them to stop her heart. She didn't want to suffer anymore than she already had.
She'd asked him to sleep next to her. Just for awhile, because she didn't want to sleep alone in the end. Which was why he'd crawled into the bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her while the doctor -- he didn't even remember which one, now -- slowly injected some sort of fluid into the IV leading into her arm.
"I'm sorry, Ed," Riza said, her voice raspy from not being used.
Ed blinked back the tears that were forming in his eyes. "For what?" he whispered.
"I know you loved him too," she said softly. "But I'm going to see him first."
She shut her eyes, falling asleep still gripping his hand.
*****
The clock was stopped at four a.m. How long Ed had laid there next to her after she'd stopped breathing, he didn't know. He just knew that Winry came into the room at four to remove him from the room.
Ed leaned down and kissed Riza's eyelids each one briefly before kissing her lips once.
"I love you," he said softly. "I'm sorry I didn't say that the way I should have."
My task is done;
My song has ceased;
My theme has died into an echo.
It is fit.
Ed felt cornered. He knew it was ridiculous, but he felt that if he tried to move in any direction, Winry would tackle him and possibly bite his head off.
"The next time you decide to leave the house, let someone KNOW," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Ed stared at her, then looked at Al, who shrugged helplessly.
"I just went out for a minute," Ed replied, his voice not going above Winry's own tone, although he didn't know why they were whispering.
"That was four hours ago," Winry said, moving forward to where there was scarcely any room between them. "She woke up and you weren't there. You should have TOLD us you were leaving. At least then someone could have been there so she wouldn't wake up alone."
"She started screaming," Al said, quietly. He looked nervous. "I thought she wasn't going to stop."
"It's the medication," Ed explained for what felt like the millionth time. "It keeps her in a haze of illusions to keep her from feeling pain."
"So you thought it was okay to disappear?" Winry said venomously.
Ed didn't understand what difference it made to Winry. Since when had Riza ever been any of Winry's concern?
"She's talking to herself," Winry said. "Either that or she's praying. I'm not sure which. . ."
"She's not talking to herself, and she's not praying," Ed said after a long moment. "She's talking to Roy."
"That's not any better," Winry retorted. "If she thinks he's --"
"She doesn't," Ed answered, slinging his coat over the chair and coming entirely into the room, edging warily around Winry as he did so. "She knows he's gone, she's just. . .talking to him."
And he didn't know why that bothered them any more than the screaming or the delusions. Hell, if people wouldn't lock him up, ED would be talking to Roy as well.
Ed sighed. "Are the girls --"
"They're asleep. They've been fed and bathed. They went to bed about an hour ago," Al said.
"Riza's calmed down now," Winry said. "The doctor gave her a shot. I don't know what it was of, but it put her out. She's awake, or she was. . ."
Ed nodded.
"Where were you?"
Ed stopped in mid-step. "What?"
"Where were you?" Al repeated.
"I was just --"
"At a bar?" Winry interjected. "You reek. You smell like smoke. And something else I don't want to examine too closely."
Ed winced.
Winry sighed. "Take a shower before you go to her. Don't make her have to deal with that too. She was crying for you. She wanted YOU and you weren't here."
Something inside of Ed snapped at that moment. "It's not me she wants," he snapped. "I'm not the one she's talking to. She --"
"No," Al said, somehow remaining the voice of reason. "It's not you. But you're all she has now, so that's all there is to it."
"You don't get to behave like a four year old now, Ed," Winry said. "You made the choice to become an adult. When you and the Colonel started sleeping together. You made an even bigger choice when Riza got pregnant. You don't get to decide to be a child now because things have gotten too difficult."
He didn't need to hear any of this. He knew that. He'd made that choice himself. She'd given him an out. Had offered him the chance to leave her, to walk away before she got so sick that he felt obligated to stay. That she'd used Havoc to do it hadn't made anything any easier.
There weren't any feelings between them any longer. Without Roy they'd used Charley and Anna to build the relationship that they should have had. They'd thought they'd have more time. The doctors had promised they would.
They hadn't. Within a year of her being diagnosed, Riza had fallen too ill to pretend. That night was forever engraved on his mind. Nightmares had kicked back up, things he'd thought he'd erased from his memories.
It had brought back far too many atrocities. It was his mother on the kitchen floor. Then Riza collapsed in the office. Then he'd come home one evening to find Charley and Anna both screaming hysterically and Riza unconscious on the living room floor. That she'd fallen was obvious. But what had bothered him more than anything was the fact that she must have been feeling it long before she'd collapsed.
And the doctors had told him that she was going to go back and forth between feeling healthy and being able to function normally and not being able to do anything at all. They'd wanted her to remain in the hospital.
He'd not been able to do it. He'd listened to her when she'd said "I want to go home.".
And there were moments like now when she was having a bad day when he wished he'd listened to the doctors and not let her come home. But he couldn't bring himself to think like that. The girls deserved to have their mother around. Although Ed realised that Anna wasn't even going to remember her mother and Charley would only have a vague recollection of her. And Ed had agreed with Havoc and the others when they'd made the decision that they wanted to take care of her.
Ed shook his head and headed upstairs. Shower first. Then the bedroom.
*****
"What time is it?"
Ed put down the book he hadn't been reading and stared at her. "A little after two in the morning," he said. "Do you want something?"
Riza shook her head, then winced slightly. "Where were you?"
Ed sighed. "I stepped out. Went for a walk. I'm sorry. I should have told you I was leaving." He hesitated. "It won't happen again."
Silence for a long moment, then:
"Are we even now?"
Ed stared again. Even? He'd spent a long time watching her and Roy tormenting each other, being completely helpless in the fact that his life was being torn apart because the two of them couldn't come to terms with the fact that they were hurting each other. Then she'd turned around and betrayed him. And it had been him this time. She couldn't even claim that it had anything to do with Roy, because Roy hadn't been there. And that had been it and Ed knew he could have left then and she wouldn't have been angry with him or held anything against him.
He suspected that was why she'd done it. But he'd believed her when she'd said she'd wanted to be with someone who wanted her. Who wasn't there out of guilt. It had still stung and for the first time, he'd understood why she and Roy had had such problems even after they'd admitted and apologised for having nearly cheated on each other.
Ed sighed.
"Yes. We're even now."
She nodded once, and then laid back and shut her eyes again.
Ed wondered if she'd gotten a bath yet tonight. He wasn't sure it would have occurred to Al or Winry to do anything about that. It wouldn't occur to her to ask for one. She didn't like having to ask anyone for anything. The fact that it was Ed's job to care for her made it slightly easier for her to ask him for something.
It had shocked him when he'd realised that he was easily capable of picking her up. He'd slid his arms under her and carried her into the bathroom. She'd lost so much weight. She scarcely ate and when she did it wasn't much. Not to mention the fact that her muscles were deteriorating.
Her own body was killing her and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
*****
Charley turned around and smiled at him as Ed sat down next to her and Anna on the couch. They were both playing with a pair of dolls that Winry had produced from somewhere.
He forgot sometimes that it had been four years since Riza had gotten pregnant with Charley. Things had happened so fast. They hadn't even gotten the chance to try to be a family. First Roy was gone and then Riza had fallen ill barely a year later. And he was the one taking care of the girls. With only Al and Winry to help.
That Riza wanted to take care of her daughters was a moot point, although there were times when Riza hadn't been able to stand having Charley around her. She just couldn't. She'd tried to care for them, to take care of them, but she hadn't been able to. Her body wouldn't permit it.
Charley held out the doll to Ed and then climbed into his lap.
"Mama was crying earlier," she said in a little voice that sounded far too grown up to belong to a three year old. "Is she okay now?"
Ed nodded, barely able to keep from bursting into tears himself. "Yes, baby. Mama's sleeping."
The fact that both girls were crying made it difficult to keep from sobbing himself.
*****
He wasn't ready for this. Somewhere in his mind, Ed had likened her to something immortal. She wasn't REALLY supposed to die. She wasn't supposed to leave them.
So when the doctors said "you need to start making funeral preparations", Ed hadn't believed them at first.
Hughes had said, very softly so as not to alarm the girls, "She's getting worse, Ed. You know that. She's not even conscious any longer."
Riza was talking more and more about things that had happened in the past, Ed sometimes wondered if she even knew what was going on around her anymore.
He'd brought Charley and Anna in earlier, let them kiss her, more to let her see them than any kind of reason for them to see her. Havoc and the others had been in too, but he didn't think she remembered that. He knew she remembered the girls, though. And for that he was grateful.
It was up to him. Riza had told him, just before it had reached a point where she couldn't stand to talk to anyone, that if it got to that point, she wanted him to make them stop treating her. She'd said she wanted them to stop her heart. She didn't want to suffer anymore than she already had.
She'd asked him to sleep next to her. Just for awhile, because she didn't want to sleep alone in the end. Which was why he'd crawled into the bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her while the doctor -- he didn't even remember which one, now -- slowly injected some sort of fluid into the IV leading into her arm.
"I'm sorry, Ed," Riza said, her voice raspy from not being used.
Ed blinked back the tears that were forming in his eyes. "For what?" he whispered.
"I know you loved him too," she said softly. "But I'm going to see him first."
She shut her eyes, falling asleep still gripping his hand.
*****
The clock was stopped at four a.m. How long Ed had laid there next to her after she'd stopped breathing, he didn't know. He just knew that Winry came into the room at four to remove him from the room.
Ed leaned down and kissed Riza's eyelids each one briefly before kissing her lips once.
"I love you," he said softly. "I'm sorry I didn't say that the way I should have."
My task is done;
My song has ceased;
My theme has died into an echo.
It is fit.