2021
Where do I even start?
I started to work at Amazon at the warehouse. It's 2 hours away. Why would I do that? I was desperate and in a panic. I thought I would. be able to handle it but NO. The drive was too much alone. I thought I would just stay with Julian until I could either pay for a room or get my own place. I would even throw a couple dollars at him because he didn't want another roommate. Staying over there was *sigh* how do I put this? He is supposed to be my friend but I was not feeling the trying to sleep with me shit. I didn't want to fuck him and after all these years of knowing him I found out he doesn't eat pussy. He don't eat pussy or pork. BYE. It's not that important to me but if it's not even on the menu SMH ...waste of a man.
Now, the benefits are amazing at Amazon . You get them immediately and they pay every week but I couldn't handle being there. Standing and walking around I was exhausted. I ended up leaving early day 2. Whatever time I could use up to get paid I did. I choose me over getting paid. That did bring me into a depression. I felt worthless because I can't manage simple tasks because of my health. Things normal people can do just tires me to no end and leaves me gasping for air. The ride home I began to cry uncontrollably. Not only I was broke but my car was on E 30 mins after driving off. I was scared I would be stranded. I figured out something but I was terrified.
Back in October, I deactivated my IG. Unfollowed AR from social media right after my bday. He asked me what I was doing on my birthday randomly. Then on my bday he disappeared. He was so proud that he remembered when he asks but dropped the ball on the day. I decided to just leave him in the past. He was doing the bare minimum and it was borderline disrespectful to me. I been trying to get over him for FOREVER. 😩
I'm at the point of giving up and my thoughts are getting the best of me. I want normalcy and a healthy relationship. More social interaction and to feel like my old self. I don't recognize myself anymore...
praying for positive changes and happiness...it's like 2020 just has been extended.
oh I took a covid test at amazon. it was free and I got my results today..NEGATIVE.🙌🏽. I only took the test hoping to get paid 2 weeks off if I did have it but I didn't lol