And this particular ethical problem is something I've been dealing with since I was fifteen. In the intervening time between 15 and right now, it's gotten a little tedious
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Advice or something close to it.diakaryuJanuary 27 2003, 12:33:29 UTC
It might just be me. But I've been feeling like I've gotten burned one to many times trying to help people out of situations like this. Relationships, that any "sane" person would run from that is. They know they’re with somebody that is screwed up and for one reason or another they stay with them. Be it guilt or some twisted sense of love/duty they stay with complete dirt bags. Sometimes I wonder if it’s just an inner desire to be punished that not only drives them to seek such relationships but to stay with them or if it’s some form of divine punishment.
Of course that doesn’t stop you as a friend from wanting to see her pain go away. So try and stop him, break them up or heck even hire a thug to do him over. Will you succeed, maybe/maybe not but at least you can say you tried. However keep in mind she knows he sucks. Will your interference been seen as “Help” or as you intruding on something that is none of your business.
For me, the past seems to indicate that your help is going to be unwanted and ill received but whatever, as a friend I doubt you can sit idly by and watch her get hurt so do what you must. Especially so you can still look her in the eyes, when she walks up to your with bruise’s all over her face.
Re: Advice or something close to it.royalassassinJanuary 28 2003, 05:49:08 UTC
Well, if we're down to discussing mechanics like "help vs. intrusion", that's a matter of approach, and agreed completely that it's delicate and has be handled carefully. Also agreed that she knows he sucks, but I don't think she herself knows why she's keeping him. I might be wrong. That has happened before.
Help unwanted aye, help ill-recieved, aye, both par for the course. In the interest of complete disclosure, I don't think he's beating the shit out of her. If I suspected that and could even approximate confirming, this post never would have hit the wire. In such cases, I don't feel a need for advice up front; people that disagree with my decisions can defend to me why they feel I should have left a friend with an abusive bastard. So far, it hasn't been an issue. Besides, in this particular case, I don't think he could take her; she's not "go-kick-Steve" tough, but is certainly plenty tough enough to handle her boyfriend.
Still, even without physical abuse on the line, I hate seeing it, and I have real trouble failing to solve a problem when I see it. Granted, that does get me into a lot of problems that get created by my "solutions", but you can't have everything :)
That sounds like a third vote for "do this", 3 for, 0 against. I'll line it up.
Of course that doesn’t stop you as a friend from wanting to see her pain go away.
So try and stop him, break them up or heck even hire a thug to do him over.
Will you succeed, maybe/maybe not but at least you can say you tried. However keep in mind she knows he sucks. Will your interference been seen as “Help” or as you intruding on something that is none of your business.
For me, the past seems to indicate that your help is going to be unwanted and ill received but whatever, as a friend I doubt you can sit idly by and watch her get hurt so do what you must. Especially so you can still look her in the eyes, when she walks up to your with bruise’s all over her face.
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Help unwanted aye, help ill-recieved, aye, both par for the course. In the interest of complete disclosure, I don't think he's beating the shit out of her. If I suspected that and could even approximate confirming, this post never would have hit the wire. In such cases, I don't feel a need for advice up front; people that disagree with my decisions can defend to me why they feel I should have left a friend with an abusive bastard. So far, it hasn't been an issue. Besides, in this particular case, I don't think he could take her; she's not "go-kick-Steve" tough, but is certainly plenty tough enough to handle her boyfriend.
Still, even without physical abuse on the line, I hate seeing it, and I have real trouble failing to solve a problem when I see it. Granted, that does get me into a lot of problems that get created by my "solutions", but you can't have everything :)
That sounds like a third vote for "do this", 3 for, 0 against. I'll line it up.
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