miss_mimosa
in
royai
"Beautiful & Bruised" is Back!
I've been INSANELY busy, but I bring you an update of "Beautiful & Bruised"!!
And yes, while my story is similar to Sevlow's "Save Me", I promise that the outcome is different. Certain elements, while the same, did not occur to me until after I started writing, such as the fact that Riza already has the array on her back, prior to the start of my story. The flow does seem to be the same, but that's merely because these sequence of events felt right. In all honest, I didn't even realize how smilar they were. Anyway, I just write for fun. : )
Again, as always, comments are encouraged and appreciated! : D
Three days later, Riza was deemed well enough to be released. She still was resistant to the idea of staying with Mustang, but finally Maes and Gracia had convinced her it would be for the best.
After completing the necessary paperwork, getting the medication she would require over the next several weeks and thanking the hospital staff, Roy and Riza headed out the front door of the hospital.
He proceeded to head straight to the car, but stopped when he noticed Riza wasn’t with him. He turned around, alarmed, when he noticed that she was simply taking in the scenery around her. He had forgotten that it had been mid-autumn when she was abducted, and it was fast becoming winter.
“It’s going to snow,” she said softly.
Roy smiled. Indeed there was the smell of snow in the air. He smiled at her and when she looked at him, she immediately looked away and fell into step behind him.
After a short drive, they arrived at his house. Once inside, Riza simply stood in the entrance hall, looking around as if she expected something to jump out and surprise her.
“You can come on in, it’s okay,” Roy called from the kitchen.
She hesitantly followed the sound of his voice, noticing that the house was sparsely furnished, but nice enough. A typical bachelor’s pad. She made her way to the living room and sat stiffly down on the leather sofa.
Roy emerged from the kitchen, holding a mug. “Here, I made you some tea,”
Riza took the cup and smiled softly. “Since when do you make tea, sir?”
“Despite what you may think of me, I am pretty self-sufficient,” he replied, sitting next to her on the sofa.
She drew her legs up so they were curled up beside her, clutching the mug in her hand. Roy couldn’t help but notice how her eyes darted everywhere, constantly taking in her surroundings.
“Riza,” he said quietly. “We haven’t really talked about what happened,”
“And we aren’t going to,” she replied tightly.
“Riza---“
“Colonel, please,” she said, still not lifting her head. “If you’re going to force me to stay here, would you at least do me the courtesy of not asking about it?”
“Riza, I can’t imagine what you went through,” he began. “But I know it had something to do with---“
”I said I don’t want to talk about it!” she hissed, looking him in the eye and then turning away. “Sir,” she added quietly.
“All right, all right,” he said, giving in. It wouldn’t do to upset her, not when she had been well enough to be released. The last thing he wanted was to have to take her back to the hospital. “Then let me at least show you around,”
Riza followed him in silence as he showed her where everything she could need was. When he opened the door to the guest room, she immediately stiffened, a small whine came from her throat and she shrank back against the wall. He realized that she probably was reminded of the room she was kept in, despite the fact this room was furnished, had bay windows with sunlight pouring through them and that she was free to come and go as she pleased. He also hadn’t invited her into any of the other rooms.
“Riza, it’s okay,” he said. “Come on, look,”
He stepped into the room and she hesitantly followed. What she saw surprised her.
Her quilt, blankets, pillows, even her afghan from her apartment had been brought here. She walked over to the bed and ran her fingers over the familiar fabric. She turned to the dresser and pulled open a drawer to find her own clothes inside. On top of the dresser was a framed photograph of her mother, her father and herself as a small child. A few of her books were on top of the nightstand. In the bathroom were her own towels, shampoos and soaps.
“How did all this get here?” she asked quietly.
“I had Gracia get what she thought you would need from your apartment and bring it here,” he explained. “I thought you’d feel more comfortable with your own things,”
“Thank you, sir,” she whispered.
Roy watched as she just looked at her things. Things that she probably thought she’d never see again. Finally, she laid down on the bed, curled up on her side, her legs drawn up to her chest.
“I’ll leave you alone,” he said. “If you need me, just call for me,”
“Thank you, sir,” she said again quietly.
He left the room, shutting the door but not all the way. This was going to be harder than he expected.
Actually, he wasn’t sure exactly what he expected. For her to fall apart and tell him everything? For her to get mad and scream and yell before breaking down? For her to tell him all the details calmly and detachedly, as if she were giving a report? All he really wanted was for her to do something, anything so that she could start getting better. Start to heal.
In the back of his mind, he knew that he wanted to help her heal. He wanted to be the shoulder she cried on, the one who held her when she was finally ready to deal with all that had happened to her. He knew it would take time, but still, it was difficult.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Riza remained like that for most of the day, lying on her bed, clutching her pillow. Though it concerned Roy, he didn’t press the issue. He’d check in on her, peering through the door and she didn’t seem to notice him. Roy had heard her fill the bathtub four times. He had gone into the room while she was in the bathroom, just to make sure that nothing was amiss. He also discovered that if he stood to the side of the door, he could see her in the bathtub through the reflection in the mirror. It felt wrong, watching her like that, when she didn’t know he was there and she was so vulnerable, but he had to be sure she was all right, that she wouldn’t hurt herself. And besides, he couldn’t see anything improper. She had her knees drawn up to her chest, her left arm wrapped around her legs, her head resting on her knees.
He was in the kitchen, heating up the soup Gracia had sent over, when he heard her scream. He immediately dropped the bowl, not caring where it landed and raced to her room. He had pulled his gloves on as he ran, and stood in the doorframe, ready to fight, to attack, to kill.
He relaxed slightly when he saw that she was alone. She was on her knees on the bed, white as sheet, her eyes fever-bright, clutching his gloves in one hand.
“Riza?” he asked, going towards her slowly. She didn’t answer him. As he got closer, he could hear that she was breathing heavily, as if she had been running, and see that she was shaking. “Are you all right?”
She laughed, a harsh, hallow sound that sent a chill down his spine. “All right?” she said softly. She slumped over, hanging over her knees as if she was sick. “I hate this,”
“Riza, I know---“
“No, you don’t,” she whispered, pulling herself up and looking at him---really looking at him for the first time since she had said good-bye to him the Friday before she was abducted. “You don’t know what it’s like to want to crawl out of your own skin. You don’t know what’s like when no matter how many baths you take, how much soap you use, how scalding hot the water is, you never feel clean. You don’t know what it’s like to not be able to look at yourself in the mirror, to look at your own hands, your own body, and feel disgusted, repulsed; like you’re going to vomit,” She laughed again, this time choking back a sob. “God, I’m afraid of my friends! Men I’ve known for years, men I know would never hurt me! Havoc tried to hug me and you would have thought that he’d pulled a knife on me! Havoc!” The knuckles on her hand holding his gloves were turning white. “I’m afraid to go to sleep, Colonel,” she said shakily. “Every time I start to drift off, I see, I hear, I can feel…and when I do fall asleep---“
She turned away, pressing his gloves and her hand to her mouth. He heard hitching little sobs and, without even realizing it, he had closed the distance between them, sitting on the bed behind her.
“Riza,” he said quietly. She didn’t answer him and he slowly, carefully, placed a hand on her shoulder. She flinched, but he didn’t remove his hand, instead gently turned her around to face him. Roy took her chin gently in his hand and tried to tip her head up. She resisted.
“Please, don’t make me…I---I can’t---” she whispered.
“Riza,” he said softly, letting go of her chin and cupping the side of her face. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You aren’t disgusting or revolting,”
She shook her head furtively from side to side and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. She gasped and jumped, but he didn’t let her go. “You’ve been through a lot, Riza,” he said against her hair. “Christ, you went through hell from what I can gather. It’s going to take time. You need time to heal, to deal,” He could feel hot tears soaking the front of his shirt. “You’re an amazing woman, Riza. I---I know that this-that what happened-had something to do with me. Why you endured it all, I don’t know---“
“Please don’t ask me---“
“I won’t, I won’t,” he reassured her. “I won’t yet,” She gave a little sob and he held her tighter. “Don’t ever think for a moment that any of this was your fault,” She shook her head and he pulled away slightly, catching her chin again and this time, she let him raise it so her eyes could meet his. Her brown eyes were glistening with tears. “You’re such an amazing woman,” he said again, wiping a tear from her cheek with his thumb.
She looked away, biting her lower lip again. Roy quickly recognized this as a warning sign. She usually only did that when she was retreating into that child-like state. He had to pull her out of that downward spiral.
“Come on, let’s get you something to eat,” he said, rising from the bed. Riza nodded, and said she would be down in a moment. Although he was reluctant to leave her, Roy did, knowing that there were some things that she was perfectly capable of doing on her own. She joined him in the kitchen a short time later. As he worked, he spoke to her about work, Hayate, things she was comfortable talking about. It seemed to pull her out of that child-like state, he noted with relief.
He managed to salvage most of the soup, then joined her at the table.
“I didn’t know you could cook, sir,” she remarked softly.
“I can’t,” he admitted with a sly grin. “Gracia cooked several meals and left them here. She knew that if it were up to me, we’d eat nothing but take-out and toast.”
Riza gave a little laugh. “I’ll have to send her a thank-you note,”
They ate in silence for a while. Roy noticed that Riza didn’t eat as much as he would like, but at least she was eating. He cleared the bowls away, then suggested that they sit in the living room for a bit, where he could give her her medication.
Riza sat down in an oversized armchair and hesitantly rolled up her sleeve. Roy prepared the injection, watching her carefully. Her entire body was tense, her hand clenching and unclenching.
“You all right?”
“I-I just hate this,” she answered. “I hate that medication; it makes me feel so weak and defenseless,”
“I know, but you need it,” Roy said, coming over and sitting next to her. “I’m going to inject you now, okay?” She nodded, turning her head away. Roy gently took her upper arm in his hand, put the needle in her arm and pressed the plunger. He watched her carefully, looking for any signs of distress, but she simply shut her eyes and bit her lip. “All right, it’s over,”
“Thank you, sir,” she replied, pulling her sleeve back down.
“Riza, why did you make me your medical proxy?” he asked quietly, disposing of the needle, then moving to sit across from her on the sofa.
“Because I knew you’d do what was best for me,” she replied, wrapping her arm around a throw pillow. “I know it sounds stupid, but I thought you would do what was right,”
“But you never even mentioned to me what you’d want done, your wishes,” he said. “I had no idea if you would want to be left on life support if it came to that---“
“You would have known,” she answered.
Her head bobbed once, her eyes falling shut. “Col-Colonel?” she asked. “How much of that sedative did you give me?”
“More than enough to put you to sleep,” he replied softly, rising from the sofa.
“Da-damn you, Mustang, I just told you---“ she whimpered, feeling the familiar, heavy, warm pull of the sedatives.
“I know,” Roy said, brushing a lock of hair away from her face.
“Don’t---don’t touch me, please---“ she murmured.
And yes, while my story is similar to Sevlow's "Save Me", I promise that the outcome is different. Certain elements, while the same, did not occur to me until after I started writing, such as the fact that Riza already has the array on her back, prior to the start of my story. The flow does seem to be the same, but that's merely because these sequence of events felt right. In all honest, I didn't even realize how smilar they were. Anyway, I just write for fun. : )
Again, as always, comments are encouraged and appreciated! : D
Three days later, Riza was deemed well enough to be released. She still was resistant to the idea of staying with Mustang, but finally Maes and Gracia had convinced her it would be for the best.
After completing the necessary paperwork, getting the medication she would require over the next several weeks and thanking the hospital staff, Roy and Riza headed out the front door of the hospital.
He proceeded to head straight to the car, but stopped when he noticed Riza wasn’t with him. He turned around, alarmed, when he noticed that she was simply taking in the scenery around her. He had forgotten that it had been mid-autumn when she was abducted, and it was fast becoming winter.
“It’s going to snow,” she said softly.
Roy smiled. Indeed there was the smell of snow in the air. He smiled at her and when she looked at him, she immediately looked away and fell into step behind him.
After a short drive, they arrived at his house. Once inside, Riza simply stood in the entrance hall, looking around as if she expected something to jump out and surprise her.
“You can come on in, it’s okay,” Roy called from the kitchen.
She hesitantly followed the sound of his voice, noticing that the house was sparsely furnished, but nice enough. A typical bachelor’s pad. She made her way to the living room and sat stiffly down on the leather sofa.
Roy emerged from the kitchen, holding a mug. “Here, I made you some tea,”
Riza took the cup and smiled softly. “Since when do you make tea, sir?”
“Despite what you may think of me, I am pretty self-sufficient,” he replied, sitting next to her on the sofa.
She drew her legs up so they were curled up beside her, clutching the mug in her hand. Roy couldn’t help but notice how her eyes darted everywhere, constantly taking in her surroundings.
“Riza,” he said quietly. “We haven’t really talked about what happened,”
“And we aren’t going to,” she replied tightly.
“Riza---“
“Colonel, please,” she said, still not lifting her head. “If you’re going to force me to stay here, would you at least do me the courtesy of not asking about it?”
“Riza, I can’t imagine what you went through,” he began. “But I know it had something to do with---“
”I said I don’t want to talk about it!” she hissed, looking him in the eye and then turning away. “Sir,” she added quietly.
“All right, all right,” he said, giving in. It wouldn’t do to upset her, not when she had been well enough to be released. The last thing he wanted was to have to take her back to the hospital. “Then let me at least show you around,”
Riza followed him in silence as he showed her where everything she could need was. When he opened the door to the guest room, she immediately stiffened, a small whine came from her throat and she shrank back against the wall. He realized that she probably was reminded of the room she was kept in, despite the fact this room was furnished, had bay windows with sunlight pouring through them and that she was free to come and go as she pleased. He also hadn’t invited her into any of the other rooms.
“Riza, it’s okay,” he said. “Come on, look,”
He stepped into the room and she hesitantly followed. What she saw surprised her.
Her quilt, blankets, pillows, even her afghan from her apartment had been brought here. She walked over to the bed and ran her fingers over the familiar fabric. She turned to the dresser and pulled open a drawer to find her own clothes inside. On top of the dresser was a framed photograph of her mother, her father and herself as a small child. A few of her books were on top of the nightstand. In the bathroom were her own towels, shampoos and soaps.
“How did all this get here?” she asked quietly.
“I had Gracia get what she thought you would need from your apartment and bring it here,” he explained. “I thought you’d feel more comfortable with your own things,”
“Thank you, sir,” she whispered.
Roy watched as she just looked at her things. Things that she probably thought she’d never see again. Finally, she laid down on the bed, curled up on her side, her legs drawn up to her chest.
“I’ll leave you alone,” he said. “If you need me, just call for me,”
“Thank you, sir,” she said again quietly.
He left the room, shutting the door but not all the way. This was going to be harder than he expected.
Actually, he wasn’t sure exactly what he expected. For her to fall apart and tell him everything? For her to get mad and scream and yell before breaking down? For her to tell him all the details calmly and detachedly, as if she were giving a report? All he really wanted was for her to do something, anything so that she could start getting better. Start to heal.
In the back of his mind, he knew that he wanted to help her heal. He wanted to be the shoulder she cried on, the one who held her when she was finally ready to deal with all that had happened to her. He knew it would take time, but still, it was difficult.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Riza remained like that for most of the day, lying on her bed, clutching her pillow. Though it concerned Roy, he didn’t press the issue. He’d check in on her, peering through the door and she didn’t seem to notice him. Roy had heard her fill the bathtub four times. He had gone into the room while she was in the bathroom, just to make sure that nothing was amiss. He also discovered that if he stood to the side of the door, he could see her in the bathtub through the reflection in the mirror. It felt wrong, watching her like that, when she didn’t know he was there and she was so vulnerable, but he had to be sure she was all right, that she wouldn’t hurt herself. And besides, he couldn’t see anything improper. She had her knees drawn up to her chest, her left arm wrapped around her legs, her head resting on her knees.
He was in the kitchen, heating up the soup Gracia had sent over, when he heard her scream. He immediately dropped the bowl, not caring where it landed and raced to her room. He had pulled his gloves on as he ran, and stood in the doorframe, ready to fight, to attack, to kill.
He relaxed slightly when he saw that she was alone. She was on her knees on the bed, white as sheet, her eyes fever-bright, clutching his gloves in one hand.
“Riza?” he asked, going towards her slowly. She didn’t answer him. As he got closer, he could hear that she was breathing heavily, as if she had been running, and see that she was shaking. “Are you all right?”
She laughed, a harsh, hallow sound that sent a chill down his spine. “All right?” she said softly. She slumped over, hanging over her knees as if she was sick. “I hate this,”
“Riza, I know---“
“No, you don’t,” she whispered, pulling herself up and looking at him---really looking at him for the first time since she had said good-bye to him the Friday before she was abducted. “You don’t know what it’s like to want to crawl out of your own skin. You don’t know what’s like when no matter how many baths you take, how much soap you use, how scalding hot the water is, you never feel clean. You don’t know what it’s like to not be able to look at yourself in the mirror, to look at your own hands, your own body, and feel disgusted, repulsed; like you’re going to vomit,” She laughed again, this time choking back a sob. “God, I’m afraid of my friends! Men I’ve known for years, men I know would never hurt me! Havoc tried to hug me and you would have thought that he’d pulled a knife on me! Havoc!” The knuckles on her hand holding his gloves were turning white. “I’m afraid to go to sleep, Colonel,” she said shakily. “Every time I start to drift off, I see, I hear, I can feel…and when I do fall asleep---“
She turned away, pressing his gloves and her hand to her mouth. He heard hitching little sobs and, without even realizing it, he had closed the distance between them, sitting on the bed behind her.
“Riza,” he said quietly. She didn’t answer him and he slowly, carefully, placed a hand on her shoulder. She flinched, but he didn’t remove his hand, instead gently turned her around to face him. Roy took her chin gently in his hand and tried to tip her head up. She resisted.
“Please, don’t make me…I---I can’t---” she whispered.
“Riza,” he said softly, letting go of her chin and cupping the side of her face. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You aren’t disgusting or revolting,”
She shook her head furtively from side to side and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. She gasped and jumped, but he didn’t let her go. “You’ve been through a lot, Riza,” he said against her hair. “Christ, you went through hell from what I can gather. It’s going to take time. You need time to heal, to deal,” He could feel hot tears soaking the front of his shirt. “You’re an amazing woman, Riza. I---I know that this-that what happened-had something to do with me. Why you endured it all, I don’t know---“
“Please don’t ask me---“
“I won’t, I won’t,” he reassured her. “I won’t yet,” She gave a little sob and he held her tighter. “Don’t ever think for a moment that any of this was your fault,” She shook her head and he pulled away slightly, catching her chin again and this time, she let him raise it so her eyes could meet his. Her brown eyes were glistening with tears. “You’re such an amazing woman,” he said again, wiping a tear from her cheek with his thumb.
She looked away, biting her lower lip again. Roy quickly recognized this as a warning sign. She usually only did that when she was retreating into that child-like state. He had to pull her out of that downward spiral.
“Come on, let’s get you something to eat,” he said, rising from the bed. Riza nodded, and said she would be down in a moment. Although he was reluctant to leave her, Roy did, knowing that there were some things that she was perfectly capable of doing on her own. She joined him in the kitchen a short time later. As he worked, he spoke to her about work, Hayate, things she was comfortable talking about. It seemed to pull her out of that child-like state, he noted with relief.
He managed to salvage most of the soup, then joined her at the table.
“I didn’t know you could cook, sir,” she remarked softly.
“I can’t,” he admitted with a sly grin. “Gracia cooked several meals and left them here. She knew that if it were up to me, we’d eat nothing but take-out and toast.”
Riza gave a little laugh. “I’ll have to send her a thank-you note,”
They ate in silence for a while. Roy noticed that Riza didn’t eat as much as he would like, but at least she was eating. He cleared the bowls away, then suggested that they sit in the living room for a bit, where he could give her her medication.
Riza sat down in an oversized armchair and hesitantly rolled up her sleeve. Roy prepared the injection, watching her carefully. Her entire body was tense, her hand clenching and unclenching.
“You all right?”
“I-I just hate this,” she answered. “I hate that medication; it makes me feel so weak and defenseless,”
“I know, but you need it,” Roy said, coming over and sitting next to her. “I’m going to inject you now, okay?” She nodded, turning her head away. Roy gently took her upper arm in his hand, put the needle in her arm and pressed the plunger. He watched her carefully, looking for any signs of distress, but she simply shut her eyes and bit her lip. “All right, it’s over,”
“Thank you, sir,” she replied, pulling her sleeve back down.
“Riza, why did you make me your medical proxy?” he asked quietly, disposing of the needle, then moving to sit across from her on the sofa.
“Because I knew you’d do what was best for me,” she replied, wrapping her arm around a throw pillow. “I know it sounds stupid, but I thought you would do what was right,”
“But you never even mentioned to me what you’d want done, your wishes,” he said. “I had no idea if you would want to be left on life support if it came to that---“
“You would have known,” she answered.
Her head bobbed once, her eyes falling shut. “Col-Colonel?” she asked. “How much of that sedative did you give me?”
“More than enough to put you to sleep,” he replied softly, rising from the sofa.
“Da-damn you, Mustang, I just told you---“ she whimpered, feeling the familiar, heavy, warm pull of the sedatives.
“I know,” Roy said, brushing a lock of hair away from her face.
“Don’t---don’t touch me, please---“ she murmured.