(no subject)
just got in a fight with my dad. because he's trying to force me to go to church tonight. FUCK THIS. i'm NOT fucking going to church. he can fucking kill himself. how does someone force you to go to church.
it sucks, but i think i'm going to have to say goodbye to my tv, stereo, queen size bed, computer, etc. i can't handle living here. it's really starting to seem like it's not worth it. yeah yeah it's all materials, but that's what it has fucking come down to. my dad has made it impossible for me to love him. i've grown to have almost a hate towards him. yeah "he cares". but not enough. his caring is a different kind of caring. his caring is providing me with rides to the gym and good food and money to pay for books for school. it's not emotional care. and that's what i need. he hasn't ever given me that. that's what i'm fucking missing. atleast, that's a part. i want to leave. this city. this state. this everything.
i'm so mad yet i can't scream or anything. it's all inside.
i have so much hate. i hate almost everyone that was at my party. minus a few people, like claire. uhh. yea. because none of the other people give a FUCK. so FUCK YOU. i hope you live a fucked up life and die a horrible death in the near future. i'm not being irrational. i'm serious. go get drunk and drive off a bridge. hopefully someone breaks into your house and steals all of your shit. maybe a plane could crash through your house.
most people don't know what the fuck it feels like right now to be me based on the situation and everything that happened, so most people should not try to sympathize. just leave me alone and don't ask me "what happened" blah blah. go ask your mom i'm sure she fucking knows.
to pack, or not to pack. this fucking sucks.
it sucks, but i think i'm going to have to say goodbye to my tv, stereo, queen size bed, computer, etc. i can't handle living here. it's really starting to seem like it's not worth it. yeah yeah it's all materials, but that's what it has fucking come down to. my dad has made it impossible for me to love him. i've grown to have almost a hate towards him. yeah "he cares". but not enough. his caring is a different kind of caring. his caring is providing me with rides to the gym and good food and money to pay for books for school. it's not emotional care. and that's what i need. he hasn't ever given me that. that's what i'm fucking missing. atleast, that's a part. i want to leave. this city. this state. this everything.
i'm so mad yet i can't scream or anything. it's all inside.
i have so much hate. i hate almost everyone that was at my party. minus a few people, like claire. uhh. yea. because none of the other people give a FUCK. so FUCK YOU. i hope you live a fucked up life and die a horrible death in the near future. i'm not being irrational. i'm serious. go get drunk and drive off a bridge. hopefully someone breaks into your house and steals all of your shit. maybe a plane could crash through your house.
most people don't know what the fuck it feels like right now to be me based on the situation and everything that happened, so most people should not try to sympathize. just leave me alone and don't ask me "what happened" blah blah. go ask your mom i'm sure she fucking knows.
to pack, or not to pack. this fucking sucks.