(no subject)
i havent updated in fucking forver, i guess its because when i used to update, it was before i was w/ dan, and i spent my days being miserable and lonely infront of a computer...which pretty much is why im updating, because dans in australia, an now im miserable and at the computer, waiting to see if he goes online at all. im fucking pathetic, i really am. i fucking hate this. its only 3 more weeks, thats nothing compared to stef's ordeal, but still, im fucking taking this terribly, i never knew i could miss someone this much, i cry like...all the time. i hate this. i want him to come home. his family wants me to come over and visit but im afraid if i go to his house, it will smeel like him, and ill miss him alot, and i could never risk crying infront of his family. its bad enough i cry iin front of him. i just need to get through this, this is ridiculous that i cant do this.
why am i freaking out so bad. and the worst part is, i try to talk to him on the phone and i always end up crying, and i hate it, because i know it upsets him and i feel like im ruining his time down there. ugh..this is the most annoying thing ever.
fuck this, im supposed to be strong and idependent...how is this being strong and idependant
and what fucking happened to my decision to stop needing males, even if i do love him.....
i thought summer would make things easier on me. i cant deal with this... i wish i could run away or dissapear
why am i freaking out so bad. and the worst part is, i try to talk to him on the phone and i always end up crying, and i hate it, because i know it upsets him and i feel like im ruining his time down there. ugh..this is the most annoying thing ever.
fuck this, im supposed to be strong and idependent...how is this being strong and idependant
and what fucking happened to my decision to stop needing males, even if i do love him.....
i thought summer would make things easier on me. i cant deal with this... i wish i could run away or dissapear