you dont recover from a night like this
i was in a horrible mood today.
I just could not stop crying. no matter what.
Meg told me later on tonite that she felt bad pretending she didnt notice because she thought she should give me some space.
Which is amazing, bc i hate when people bother me when im upset or mad.
But she was like:
"it was sad...i mean, i heard u crying under ur blankets...
i saw you running to the kitchen with your phone...
and i saw the black smears all over your eyes" lol
i wished i could relive the past 2 summers...
relive the 11th and 12th grade, keep it on repeat, and never grow old.
I cried to rachel's voicemail because i miss her more than she knows
and how is an 18 year old college girl supposed to get through a day without her best friend?
I said:
i wanna sit on Hastings drive,
write in chalk,
tan and listen to soco on my lawn,
bother chris pugh,
walk to fort salonga park,
jump on the trampoline,
run wild throughout my woods,
have sleepovers and never sleep,
be best friends forever.
im not explaining everything that went wrong though
But i explained the basics to isaac...
so read on if you'd like.
RoXyGrL57x: u know that feeling in the back of your throat when you need to have a real hard cry? its hurting me
rock the Xstyle: :-\
rock the Xstyle: you know that feeling where you don't really know if your heart is still beating
rock the Xstyle: cause i have that
RoXyGrL57x: i feel for you
RoXyGrL57x: iz, i had the worst day
rock the Xstyle: i've had the worst past two days
rock the Xstyle: what happened today
rock the Xstyle: ?
RoXyGrL57x: i duno...classes sucked, i have so much work due in photography and every time i go to the darkroom theres a million people and no chemicals or paper so im left with nothing. and then my RHD told me she needs to have a talk with me tomrorow, its prob bc of the fire alarm thing from yesterday
RoXyGrL57x: i duno if u saw my lj
rock the Xstyle: i'm afraid to look at lj
RoXyGrL57x: but my friend was cooking and it went off, not a big deal it happenes ALL the time
rock the Xstyle: yeah
rock the Xstyle: don't get too worried about it then
RoXyGrL57x: but i just..im in such a bad mood..everything that happens even if its small is making me so upset and i keep crying and i just need a nap probably
RoXyGrL57x: but everytime i come in my building i get looks from people
rock the Xstyle: dont cryyy
rock the Xstyle: hold your head high, heavy heart
rock the Xstyle: as the academy is says
RoXyGrL57x: and this girl, my old roomate brittany, i just told her that she still has my cds and i need them back, and she gave me such a nasty attitude and said "u still have my robe" which she gave to me, mind u, but i threw it out a long time ago
rock the Xstyle: yeah
rock the Xstyle: dont let people get to you like that
rock the Xstyle: its their bad moods, dont let that affect you
RoXyGrL57x: i cant help it, im crying right now im not kidding, and i feel bad for my roomate bc shes trying to pretend she doesnt notice bc she feels bad but cant do anything
rock the Xstyle: i believe you
rock the Xstyle: i don't know what to tell you except not to let people get to you
RoXyGrL57x: u dont have to tell me anything, thank you, i just needed you to listen
rock the Xstyle: anytime love <3
rock the Xstyle: you listen to my crap, why wouldn i do the same
rock the Xstyle: wouldn't*
RoXyGrL57x: thats what we do
rock the Xstyle: always!
rock the Xstyle: so smile
RoXyGrL57x: i cant
rock the Xstyle: come on, for me
rock the Xstyle: if you smile i might be able to too
RoXyGrL57x: u know im actually looking at the computer, sniffing up my snots and wiping my eyes and trying but it wont stay in a smile
rock the Xstyle: well first
rock the Xstyle: hold your head up high
RoXyGrL57x: uh oh
rock the Xstyle: or else the tears will just come pouring
rock the Xstyle: i wont let my head go down
rock the Xstyle: cause it just wont stop
RoXyGrL57x: maybe im going thru withdrawel now? its the 3rd day im off wellbutrin
rock the Xstyle: could be
rock the Xstyle: you take alot of risks with doing that
rock the Xstyle: wow i feel so empty
rock the Xstyle: this is killing me
RoXyGrL57x: i feel so lonely
rock the Xstyle: :-\
rock the Xstyle: i don't feel anything at all
rock the Xstyle: we're fucking messes
rock the Xstyle: what do we do
RoXyGrL57x: stand by each other
rock the Xstyle: that's a given
RoXyGrL57x: thats all i can do, im sorry
rock the Xstyle: dont be sorry
rock the Xstyle: i just want to help you more
RoXyGrL57x: i think i can only help myself
RoXyGrL57x: and i cant do it
-----------break--------------------
RoXyGrL57x: i want to put the past 2 summers on repeat.
RoXyGrL57x: forever
RoXyGrL57x: i dont wanna move on
rock the Xstyle: yeah but we cant
rock the Xstyle: its hard as fuck
rock the Xstyle: to get that into your head
rock the Xstyle: cause you want it so bad
RoXyGrL57x: this better be so much worth it in the end...
rock the Xstyle: it might be
rock the Xstyle: you never know
rock the Xstyle: you have to make it that way
rock the Xstyle: if you are down all the time, its never gonna go up
rock the Xstyle: i'm gonna get going, call me anytime you want or i'll just talk to you later
RoXyGrL57x: okay, thanks isaac
rock the Xstyle: anytime, seriously
I just could not stop crying. no matter what.
Meg told me later on tonite that she felt bad pretending she didnt notice because she thought she should give me some space.
Which is amazing, bc i hate when people bother me when im upset or mad.
But she was like:
"it was sad...i mean, i heard u crying under ur blankets...
i saw you running to the kitchen with your phone...
and i saw the black smears all over your eyes" lol
i wished i could relive the past 2 summers...
relive the 11th and 12th grade, keep it on repeat, and never grow old.
I cried to rachel's voicemail because i miss her more than she knows
and how is an 18 year old college girl supposed to get through a day without her best friend?
I said:
i wanna sit on Hastings drive,
write in chalk,
tan and listen to soco on my lawn,
bother chris pugh,
walk to fort salonga park,
jump on the trampoline,
run wild throughout my woods,
have sleepovers and never sleep,
be best friends forever.
im not explaining everything that went wrong though
But i explained the basics to isaac...
so read on if you'd like.
RoXyGrL57x: u know that feeling in the back of your throat when you need to have a real hard cry? its hurting me
rock the Xstyle: :-\
rock the Xstyle: you know that feeling where you don't really know if your heart is still beating
rock the Xstyle: cause i have that
RoXyGrL57x: i feel for you
RoXyGrL57x: iz, i had the worst day
rock the Xstyle: i've had the worst past two days
rock the Xstyle: what happened today
rock the Xstyle: ?
RoXyGrL57x: i duno...classes sucked, i have so much work due in photography and every time i go to the darkroom theres a million people and no chemicals or paper so im left with nothing. and then my RHD told me she needs to have a talk with me tomrorow, its prob bc of the fire alarm thing from yesterday
RoXyGrL57x: i duno if u saw my lj
rock the Xstyle: i'm afraid to look at lj
RoXyGrL57x: but my friend was cooking and it went off, not a big deal it happenes ALL the time
rock the Xstyle: yeah
rock the Xstyle: don't get too worried about it then
RoXyGrL57x: but i just..im in such a bad mood..everything that happens even if its small is making me so upset and i keep crying and i just need a nap probably
RoXyGrL57x: but everytime i come in my building i get looks from people
rock the Xstyle: dont cryyy
rock the Xstyle: hold your head high, heavy heart
rock the Xstyle: as the academy is says
RoXyGrL57x: and this girl, my old roomate brittany, i just told her that she still has my cds and i need them back, and she gave me such a nasty attitude and said "u still have my robe" which she gave to me, mind u, but i threw it out a long time ago
rock the Xstyle: yeah
rock the Xstyle: dont let people get to you like that
rock the Xstyle: its their bad moods, dont let that affect you
RoXyGrL57x: i cant help it, im crying right now im not kidding, and i feel bad for my roomate bc shes trying to pretend she doesnt notice bc she feels bad but cant do anything
rock the Xstyle: i believe you
rock the Xstyle: i don't know what to tell you except not to let people get to you
RoXyGrL57x: u dont have to tell me anything, thank you, i just needed you to listen
rock the Xstyle: anytime love <3
rock the Xstyle: you listen to my crap, why wouldn i do the same
rock the Xstyle: wouldn't*
RoXyGrL57x: thats what we do
rock the Xstyle: always!
rock the Xstyle: so smile
RoXyGrL57x: i cant
rock the Xstyle: come on, for me
rock the Xstyle: if you smile i might be able to too
RoXyGrL57x: u know im actually looking at the computer, sniffing up my snots and wiping my eyes and trying but it wont stay in a smile
rock the Xstyle: well first
rock the Xstyle: hold your head up high
RoXyGrL57x: uh oh
rock the Xstyle: or else the tears will just come pouring
rock the Xstyle: i wont let my head go down
rock the Xstyle: cause it just wont stop
RoXyGrL57x: maybe im going thru withdrawel now? its the 3rd day im off wellbutrin
rock the Xstyle: could be
rock the Xstyle: you take alot of risks with doing that
rock the Xstyle: wow i feel so empty
rock the Xstyle: this is killing me
RoXyGrL57x: i feel so lonely
rock the Xstyle: :-\
rock the Xstyle: i don't feel anything at all
rock the Xstyle: we're fucking messes
rock the Xstyle: what do we do
RoXyGrL57x: stand by each other
rock the Xstyle: that's a given
RoXyGrL57x: thats all i can do, im sorry
rock the Xstyle: dont be sorry
rock the Xstyle: i just want to help you more
RoXyGrL57x: i think i can only help myself
RoXyGrL57x: and i cant do it
-----------break--------------------
RoXyGrL57x: i want to put the past 2 summers on repeat.
RoXyGrL57x: forever
RoXyGrL57x: i dont wanna move on
rock the Xstyle: yeah but we cant
rock the Xstyle: its hard as fuck
rock the Xstyle: to get that into your head
rock the Xstyle: cause you want it so bad
RoXyGrL57x: this better be so much worth it in the end...
rock the Xstyle: it might be
rock the Xstyle: you never know
rock the Xstyle: you have to make it that way
rock the Xstyle: if you are down all the time, its never gonna go up
rock the Xstyle: i'm gonna get going, call me anytime you want or i'll just talk to you later
RoXyGrL57x: okay, thanks isaac
rock the Xstyle: anytime, seriously