(no subject)
Okay...so, if you like me, like me. If you don't, don't! It's not that hard. God, are some people totally oblivious, or do they choose not to say anything about it? MY GOD. I don't understand it. One day you flirt all the damn time, the next, you act as if I'm barely your friend at all. What the hell. And maybe you haven't noticed, BUT I'M COMPLETELY HEAD OVER HEALS FOR YOU. And joking around or whatever, probably isn't the best way to go, because I can't tell you're joking.
And it's always gotten me in trouble in the past. So yeah, talking about your girl problems or WHATEVER doesn't make me feel to good. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to not be friends with you anymore...I just, want to know, for sure, weather or not you still...love me? Or if you ever really did. Was I just a replacement until you found someone else? Am I the girl you run to when you need someone to tell you they love you? The one you go to in those "in between days" the ones where you have no one else? Where you can't decide who you want to like? Well, it hurts me, that's all I know. I've never been the one who falls in and out of love quickly...so...don't play with me, please.
Oh jesus, I just realized how completely gay this as all been. Writing this, like you're actually gonna read it. And yeah, I guess what you're doing makes sense right? I mean, lets get real. And I guess that maybe I like it. A little bit of affection from you is better then none at all, right? Right! But when the affection stops...but I still keep on loving you...it hurts. Just please don't lie to me, don't tell me you'll always love me, if it's not true. I trust you. Anything you say I believe, so don't lie...please...especially if you think it's gonna make me feel better, because...it doesn't. It hurts it hurts a lot. No, you know what it is? I'm jealous. I'm jealous of everything I can't have. That people who live there...can have. They don't realize what they have. You have no idea how much I care for you. Or maybe you do...either way, I think, sometimes, I love you a lot more then you love me. That hurts too. Maybe it's not jealousy, maybe it's...just me being sad. Do I really mean something to you? More then a friend? All those things you've said...where you just playing around with me? Or where you telling me how you feel? It kills me not to know. But it's so awkward to ask.
Remember when we were on the phone, and I got kind of quiet? Yeah, you wanna know what was wrong? Because everything wasn't fine. I just didn't want to bring it up, kill the mood you know? Well, you know what was wrong? I was just thinking...about how you said there was a thong on your floor, and you said it was that one chicks. It kinda made me realize that (even if you were kidding, and yeah, this is a bad example) it could NEVER be my thong on your floor. Haha, yeah I know, bad example but hopefully, you get my drift. And when I thought that...it made my heart sink. Seriously. I started to cry. I guess it just took longer for me to realize it then for you. Maybe it's time I move on. But I don't want to. I REALLY don't want to. So I'm not. Even if you don't like me anymore...I don't want to give up on you. Haha, it makes it sound like we were dating. Were we ever anything? Well...I mean, I know...or I think, that we had something. But were we something?
I guess, in my mind, there's just a lot of doubt. A lot of wondering, and when I actually do talk to you, I'm to afraid to tell you what's on my mind, afraid that it might freak you out. And you'll tell me that I'm totally stupid for thinking that what we had was something serious. But I did okay. And yeah, I fell in love with you. Hard.
So anyway, I've probably lost half the readers (haha, readers, no one reads this except me.) by now...but if you are still reading, thanks, just thanks for listening
And it's always gotten me in trouble in the past. So yeah, talking about your girl problems or WHATEVER doesn't make me feel to good. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to not be friends with you anymore...I just, want to know, for sure, weather or not you still...love me? Or if you ever really did. Was I just a replacement until you found someone else? Am I the girl you run to when you need someone to tell you they love you? The one you go to in those "in between days" the ones where you have no one else? Where you can't decide who you want to like? Well, it hurts me, that's all I know. I've never been the one who falls in and out of love quickly...so...don't play with me, please.
Oh jesus, I just realized how completely gay this as all been. Writing this, like you're actually gonna read it. And yeah, I guess what you're doing makes sense right? I mean, lets get real. And I guess that maybe I like it. A little bit of affection from you is better then none at all, right? Right! But when the affection stops...but I still keep on loving you...it hurts. Just please don't lie to me, don't tell me you'll always love me, if it's not true. I trust you. Anything you say I believe, so don't lie...please...especially if you think it's gonna make me feel better, because...it doesn't. It hurts it hurts a lot. No, you know what it is? I'm jealous. I'm jealous of everything I can't have. That people who live there...can have. They don't realize what they have. You have no idea how much I care for you. Or maybe you do...either way, I think, sometimes, I love you a lot more then you love me. That hurts too. Maybe it's not jealousy, maybe it's...just me being sad. Do I really mean something to you? More then a friend? All those things you've said...where you just playing around with me? Or where you telling me how you feel? It kills me not to know. But it's so awkward to ask.
Remember when we were on the phone, and I got kind of quiet? Yeah, you wanna know what was wrong? Because everything wasn't fine. I just didn't want to bring it up, kill the mood you know? Well, you know what was wrong? I was just thinking...about how you said there was a thong on your floor, and you said it was that one chicks. It kinda made me realize that (even if you were kidding, and yeah, this is a bad example) it could NEVER be my thong on your floor. Haha, yeah I know, bad example but hopefully, you get my drift. And when I thought that...it made my heart sink. Seriously. I started to cry. I guess it just took longer for me to realize it then for you. Maybe it's time I move on. But I don't want to. I REALLY don't want to. So I'm not. Even if you don't like me anymore...I don't want to give up on you. Haha, it makes it sound like we were dating. Were we ever anything? Well...I mean, I know...or I think, that we had something. But were we something?
I guess, in my mind, there's just a lot of doubt. A lot of wondering, and when I actually do talk to you, I'm to afraid to tell you what's on my mind, afraid that it might freak you out. And you'll tell me that I'm totally stupid for thinking that what we had was something serious. But I did okay. And yeah, I fell in love with you. Hard.
So anyway, I've probably lost half the readers (haha, readers, no one reads this except me.) by now...but if you are still reading, thanks, just thanks for listening