(no subject)
I have a ton to post about..
First off, BIG EPIC NEWS for the whole jeremy thing.
SO Friday he decided that he wanted me to be totally honest with him, just tell him what I wanted. SO since he asked for it, I told him I wanted to break up, I dont love him anymore, and that I wanted to be able to see other people. Obviously didn't go over well. But I made my point that I REALLY didn't want to be pushed into making this something its not. He knows its over, and is to some degree respecting that.
So the issue leftover is figuring out whether i still want to hang out with him or try to slowly cut him out of my life. Honestly I'm more towards just cutting him out. Its more because of how he was when we talked about all this Friday and Saturday. He's gonna let me be on my own and deal with it, but the problem is he's still convinced I still love him but just don't realize it and he thinks he can convince me that I do. I don't at all. So if he's just going to be doing that I dont want to put up with it. That and I don't even know if he can handle hanging out with me. He said himself he cant easily do it without hugging me or kissing me. That and he said AT LEAST 6 times about how he can't handle watching me date someone else. He's a realy jealous person who can't even handle thinking about it, so I don't really want to be around him if I'm gonna be dating someone else because I don't know what he'll do.
He was just really clingy and pushy on Saturday when I went over again. It actually scared me a little. I don't want to deal with that. But yesterday he was totally cool about it, not like that, and hasn't had issues since, and is doing well just being friends or whatever. For now. I dont know.
O BUT THE FUN PART. So he found out about Kyle somehow. He was obviously pissed about it, but I pointed out all I did was talk to him and not really successfully, so he's just extra paranoid now. I did feel kind of shitty about it til he decided now, after 5 years to point out that while we were on our break a couple years ago, he not only dated Sam and Dereks baby mama (o ya) he also apparently was with ANOTHER girl he never bothered to tell me about, that he also "almost" had sex w/ for the first time and says he didn't, but I dont entirelly believe him. NICE. Thanx for telling me that NOW. So I really dont care if he's mad about Kyle now, bc I find that to be slightly worse.
Weeell that just adds to my "I really want to date and see whats out there" agenda I pointed out. So now hes dated.. I think 6 other girls besides me. And he can spout the "I only cared about you" shit all he wants. The best part is even though this WILL NOT HAPPEN, he said if I date someone else and then come back to him he might not take me back. THATS FUNNY. Because I took him back after he dated 2 3 girls while we were apart.
I guess the good thing about all of this is I feel like I'm actually finally free now. Which is cool :P
So ya.. Otherwise, I'm just stressing out a lot over having to pay for everything. I just don't know how I'm going to be able to afford everything, and I'm so sick of having my dad pay for so much. I feel really bad. But I just can't afford everything. Bc of the AC our electric bill doubled. I know part of it is because I turn the AC up high at night because if I'm not really cold I cant sleep. So to fix that problem means i wont be able to sleep good. Also, I really need a new job, but that means that I might have to work somewhere that I dont want to work like a fast food or sit down restaurant.. I'm really not entirely just being picky, i really would suck a lot at a job like that. And I would be more miserable than I am now. Lastly, I really think that we might have to move to somewhere cheaper. The only places cheaper that will let us bring the dogs r terrible tho. They are loud and everyone I know has said they have terrible management, are crappy, and theyre usually where u see people getting robbed or attacked around here. The only other option I can think of is jeremy said that you can get a doctors order saying you need to have your dog with you for mental reasons, and if you have that apartments arent legally allowed to turn you down if you wanna bring your dog. Now I have no idea if this actually can be done or not, but if so, that would work for me and Ada. But the thing is that 1. I dont know if BOTH of us could get away with it, and 2. Ada would only be able to take one of her dogs. I dont want her to have to get rid of one of them. But if that worked out, there are a LOT of places that are a lot cheaper and are decent, but dont take dogs. I dont know.
I just wish somehting would work out well for me. I'm so sick of being broke. It makes me really pissy towards people who don't have to pay for anything and theyre parents pay for everything. I dont think they understand how much easier they have it. Of course being around college kids all the time doesnt help because like 95% of the students live that way :P
First off, BIG EPIC NEWS for the whole jeremy thing.
SO Friday he decided that he wanted me to be totally honest with him, just tell him what I wanted. SO since he asked for it, I told him I wanted to break up, I dont love him anymore, and that I wanted to be able to see other people. Obviously didn't go over well. But I made my point that I REALLY didn't want to be pushed into making this something its not. He knows its over, and is to some degree respecting that.
So the issue leftover is figuring out whether i still want to hang out with him or try to slowly cut him out of my life. Honestly I'm more towards just cutting him out. Its more because of how he was when we talked about all this Friday and Saturday. He's gonna let me be on my own and deal with it, but the problem is he's still convinced I still love him but just don't realize it and he thinks he can convince me that I do. I don't at all. So if he's just going to be doing that I dont want to put up with it. That and I don't even know if he can handle hanging out with me. He said himself he cant easily do it without hugging me or kissing me. That and he said AT LEAST 6 times about how he can't handle watching me date someone else. He's a realy jealous person who can't even handle thinking about it, so I don't really want to be around him if I'm gonna be dating someone else because I don't know what he'll do.
He was just really clingy and pushy on Saturday when I went over again. It actually scared me a little. I don't want to deal with that. But yesterday he was totally cool about it, not like that, and hasn't had issues since, and is doing well just being friends or whatever. For now. I dont know.
O BUT THE FUN PART. So he found out about Kyle somehow. He was obviously pissed about it, but I pointed out all I did was talk to him and not really successfully, so he's just extra paranoid now. I did feel kind of shitty about it til he decided now, after 5 years to point out that while we were on our break a couple years ago, he not only dated Sam and Dereks baby mama (o ya) he also apparently was with ANOTHER girl he never bothered to tell me about, that he also "almost" had sex w/ for the first time and says he didn't, but I dont entirelly believe him. NICE. Thanx for telling me that NOW. So I really dont care if he's mad about Kyle now, bc I find that to be slightly worse.
Weeell that just adds to my "I really want to date and see whats out there" agenda I pointed out. So now hes dated.. I think 6 other girls besides me. And he can spout the "I only cared about you" shit all he wants. The best part is even though this WILL NOT HAPPEN, he said if I date someone else and then come back to him he might not take me back. THATS FUNNY. Because I took him back after he dated 2 3 girls while we were apart.
I guess the good thing about all of this is I feel like I'm actually finally free now. Which is cool :P
So ya.. Otherwise, I'm just stressing out a lot over having to pay for everything. I just don't know how I'm going to be able to afford everything, and I'm so sick of having my dad pay for so much. I feel really bad. But I just can't afford everything. Bc of the AC our electric bill doubled. I know part of it is because I turn the AC up high at night because if I'm not really cold I cant sleep. So to fix that problem means i wont be able to sleep good. Also, I really need a new job, but that means that I might have to work somewhere that I dont want to work like a fast food or sit down restaurant.. I'm really not entirely just being picky, i really would suck a lot at a job like that. And I would be more miserable than I am now. Lastly, I really think that we might have to move to somewhere cheaper. The only places cheaper that will let us bring the dogs r terrible tho. They are loud and everyone I know has said they have terrible management, are crappy, and theyre usually where u see people getting robbed or attacked around here. The only other option I can think of is jeremy said that you can get a doctors order saying you need to have your dog with you for mental reasons, and if you have that apartments arent legally allowed to turn you down if you wanna bring your dog. Now I have no idea if this actually can be done or not, but if so, that would work for me and Ada. But the thing is that 1. I dont know if BOTH of us could get away with it, and 2. Ada would only be able to take one of her dogs. I dont want her to have to get rid of one of them. But if that worked out, there are a LOT of places that are a lot cheaper and are decent, but dont take dogs. I dont know.
I just wish somehting would work out well for me. I'm so sick of being broke. It makes me really pissy towards people who don't have to pay for anything and theyre parents pay for everything. I dont think they understand how much easier they have it. Of course being around college kids all the time doesnt help because like 95% of the students live that way :P