rejection
I hate feeling rejection especially from the people who are supposed to love you :o(
It's probably my own fault.
I know I do this to myself, I let my head make it a way bigger than it really is. I'm trying not to feel this way but I can't help it, I sometimes feel like my bestest friend doesn't care enough or just doesn't have the time?!? The reality side of me usually snaps me out of feeling this way by remembering all the things he HAS done and continues to do for me! Not to mention reminding me that I am not at all worthy of his friendship in the first place so I should just stop being so pathetic and accept what I get!
Right now the realistic side of my brian isn't functioning and I am in a 'woe is me' mood! He said he would call and he hasn't, I have shared my most intimate/private thoughts and feeling and all his promises to help me thru my crap are on the back burner. Why? Because I'm not worth it and why should he waste his precious time on me, he has much more important things to do with his life! So I should stop whining and get over it!! Oh I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I walk around like nothing is wrong with a big fake *smile* on my face, pretending that life is just wonderful and I don't 'need' anyone, I am in control. Or the fact that I 'avoid' any personal talk and just ramble on about superficial crap like it's actually important to me...NOT! Everything about me says "I'm FINE now, don't bother me!" I know it's totally my fault and I just ask to be treated this way, and then expect him to heroically see thru it all and get to root of my 'issues', make me feel cared for, and just plan save me from myself...HEH too funny huh!!?? Do you want someone to care or don't you...make up your stupid mind!
Ok enough of the self loathing, I think I'll just go be alone with my thoughts now!
:o(
It's probably my own fault.
I know I do this to myself, I let my head make it a way bigger than it really is. I'm trying not to feel this way but I can't help it, I sometimes feel like my bestest friend doesn't care enough or just doesn't have the time?!? The reality side of me usually snaps me out of feeling this way by remembering all the things he HAS done and continues to do for me! Not to mention reminding me that I am not at all worthy of his friendship in the first place so I should just stop being so pathetic and accept what I get!
Right now the realistic side of my brian isn't functioning and I am in a 'woe is me' mood! He said he would call and he hasn't, I have shared my most intimate/private thoughts and feeling and all his promises to help me thru my crap are on the back burner. Why? Because I'm not worth it and why should he waste his precious time on me, he has much more important things to do with his life! So I should stop whining and get over it!! Oh I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I walk around like nothing is wrong with a big fake *smile* on my face, pretending that life is just wonderful and I don't 'need' anyone, I am in control. Or the fact that I 'avoid' any personal talk and just ramble on about superficial crap like it's actually important to me...NOT! Everything about me says "I'm FINE now, don't bother me!" I know it's totally my fault and I just ask to be treated this way, and then expect him to heroically see thru it all and get to root of my 'issues', make me feel cared for, and just plan save me from myself...HEH too funny huh!!?? Do you want someone to care or don't you...make up your stupid mind!
Ok enough of the self loathing, I think I'll just go be alone with my thoughts now!
:o(