Where does my heart lay?
Well, its been close to six months since I last chronicled my life for public viewing. So much has happened. The last time I updated I was getting ready to start my senior year of college. Now I'm half way through it. I have 17 week until I graduate. And I feel like my heart is in so many places, I can't keep track of them all.
Part of me is still totally wrapped up in the daily grind of school. The day to day paper writing, reading, studying, highlighting, and trying to fit sleep, food, and work in amongst it all. I'm facing my first midterm tomorrow, and I don't really feel ready for it. I feel like I should study more, but I don't think that would help. I'm just really unmotivated. Oh, senioritis. This quarter is community health. Apparently that means a lot of busy work to make up for the 20 page care plans we're not doing. It also means a lot of group work and projects. Things are going well so far. At least I haven't wanted to strange anyone yet. And my World of Islam class is one of the most amazing classes I've ever taken, with one of the most amazing professors I've ever had. The class is amazing easy, but I'm learning a lot more than I do in many of my other classes. Its nice to be able to go to class and just sit, and listen, and sip coffee. I really am learning a lot. Anyone up for a religious debate?
Part of me is looking forward to graduation. The emotions that run through me all at the same time are amazing. I'm scared that I won't get the residency I want. I am sooo excited to finally be working with my babies. Sometimes, especially when I'm studying, I start thinking about nursing and all of the parts of it that I don't like. I start getting really anxious. "I don't want to do that." "I hate it when a patient asks me to do this." "The doctors can be such jerks." Etc. I start feeling like I've gone into the wrong profession and wasted the last 4 years of my life. Then I remember my babies. I remember how I would do anything for them. I remember how happy they make me. And I feel a lot better. I just hate adults.
But I think that graduation mostly means freedom. Part of me wants my own place so bad I can almost taste it. Most of those in my life know the kind of parental struggles I have had for the past few years. I can't wait to put those behind me and finally be friends with my parents. I love them dearly, but things are just getting too strained.
Part of me wishes that I had someone to share all of this with. I have lots of friends. And, of course, I have the most amazing best friend in the entire world. But, a significant other would be nice too. Its gotten especially hard now that many of my friends are getting engaged and even married. Yesterday I was sitting in the student union with four of my nursing friends. Two of them are married. One is planning a wedding for next August. And the last one has been told by her boyfriend that "this is going to be a big year" for them. I love them and I'm so happy for them. I just wish that I could join in on the anniversary/proposal/Valentine's Day stories. It gets a little old. But hearing the single one complain about the couples gets a little old too. It would just be nice.
All in all, I'm actually enjoying these last couple of months of "childhood". As much as I try to convince my parents that I'm an adult, I am trying to hang onto what little childhood is left. My plan is to be moved out by January 2009. That is now officially less than a year away. One more birthday at home. On more Christmas at home. And then I'm out. Thank God. Holy Crap. Its exciting and scary. Thank goodness its slightly more exciting than scary. Otherwise, I might be here forever.
Part of me is still totally wrapped up in the daily grind of school. The day to day paper writing, reading, studying, highlighting, and trying to fit sleep, food, and work in amongst it all. I'm facing my first midterm tomorrow, and I don't really feel ready for it. I feel like I should study more, but I don't think that would help. I'm just really unmotivated. Oh, senioritis. This quarter is community health. Apparently that means a lot of busy work to make up for the 20 page care plans we're not doing. It also means a lot of group work and projects. Things are going well so far. At least I haven't wanted to strange anyone yet. And my World of Islam class is one of the most amazing classes I've ever taken, with one of the most amazing professors I've ever had. The class is amazing easy, but I'm learning a lot more than I do in many of my other classes. Its nice to be able to go to class and just sit, and listen, and sip coffee. I really am learning a lot. Anyone up for a religious debate?
Part of me is looking forward to graduation. The emotions that run through me all at the same time are amazing. I'm scared that I won't get the residency I want. I am sooo excited to finally be working with my babies. Sometimes, especially when I'm studying, I start thinking about nursing and all of the parts of it that I don't like. I start getting really anxious. "I don't want to do that." "I hate it when a patient asks me to do this." "The doctors can be such jerks." Etc. I start feeling like I've gone into the wrong profession and wasted the last 4 years of my life. Then I remember my babies. I remember how I would do anything for them. I remember how happy they make me. And I feel a lot better. I just hate adults.
But I think that graduation mostly means freedom. Part of me wants my own place so bad I can almost taste it. Most of those in my life know the kind of parental struggles I have had for the past few years. I can't wait to put those behind me and finally be friends with my parents. I love them dearly, but things are just getting too strained.
Part of me wishes that I had someone to share all of this with. I have lots of friends. And, of course, I have the most amazing best friend in the entire world. But, a significant other would be nice too. Its gotten especially hard now that many of my friends are getting engaged and even married. Yesterday I was sitting in the student union with four of my nursing friends. Two of them are married. One is planning a wedding for next August. And the last one has been told by her boyfriend that "this is going to be a big year" for them. I love them and I'm so happy for them. I just wish that I could join in on the anniversary/proposal/Valentine's Day stories. It gets a little old. But hearing the single one complain about the couples gets a little old too. It would just be nice.
All in all, I'm actually enjoying these last couple of months of "childhood". As much as I try to convince my parents that I'm an adult, I am trying to hang onto what little childhood is left. My plan is to be moved out by January 2009. That is now officially less than a year away. One more birthday at home. On more Christmas at home. And then I'm out. Thank God. Holy Crap. Its exciting and scary. Thank goodness its slightly more exciting than scary. Otherwise, I might be here forever.