Buying?

[roxxierae]

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You came to my home and i laid my head in your lap and we listened to records while you stroked my hair. And even better- my face and neck. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back as far as it would go, wanting you to be able to touch every part of me at once. You did a genuinely admirable job of it, and you make me shy so i kept my eyes closed. Pleasant surprise registered as electric shock everywhere your fingertips landed.

You cannot be that which i seek, because that would be...silly. Ridiculous, even.

IMPOSSIBLE.

...laughing with you until i cried at obscure rock-and-roll humor, singing "come on, Caligulove me" through a debilitating fit of giggles...

you still wanted to kiss me (deeply and well) after i spilled beer all over myself trying to drink it without sitting up.

Am i going to hit a point in my romantic life where i can start reveling in "why we should" instead of "why we can't?"

I feel like there's a lesson here that the universe at large is trying to shove down my throat, and i feel like i'll be in a perpetual state of heartbreak if i don't learn it, but I DON'T WANT IT. It's too sad, too nihilistic, too inherently bleak. At least to me in this moment.