so, another sad sad story....
so, yesterday, ryan broke up with me. why? too long of a story. ask me sometime. i dont know what to feel. it has happened before, and i was depressed for days, then we got back together. i felt so special, but now, its different. it seems i dont know how to please him, and that everything i do is stupid. i love that boy with all my heart, and i continue to say it to drive it into his head. i hope he knows that he destroyed what we had and now im thinking he used me becasue he didnt give a damn to try and help us or our problem. he jumped to conclusions and just went overboard. i understand he can be mad, but not to the point where he breaks up with me. im thinking he just needed a reason to leave me. i dont know. i fee like he has intrest in another girl, but he at least couldve told me the truth. i turst him, and i always have, but i wish he would tell me everything. i want him to know that i am here for him, always, whenever he needs anyone. i dont know how i should feel right now, angry?, sad?, happy?, relieved?...it doesnt make sense. i wish he wouldve worked this out with me, cuz it is not that big of a deal and it was something so small. this is why i feel kind of...shocked. totally unexpected. but i guess i should respect his decision, but i gave myself to him and blamed myself and didnt try to argue. even though i feel the total opposite, but i told him i was wrong in everyway. but blaming myself didnt even help, it seemed like i made it worse. i didnt know what to say to him. i was so speechless becasue of the hurtful things he did say to me. hence why im thinking he never cared or appreciated what we had. it like it was all pity, guilt, and physical for him. but i dont know. im just confused. maybe i meant that much to him for us to break up and get back together for 3 freakin times. who knows. cuz i sure dont. i mean, it was sad enough that he was leaving me, but it was ten times worse when he said all those hurtful things to make me feel like shit. it was like he enjoyed doing that to me. all he says to me is that he is sorry for making me feel bad, but that dont mean a thing. cuz i said it to him, and apparently, it didnt work for him even though i am sorry for eveything ive done and all my wrong mistakes. guess sorry doenst cut it. neither does telling someone you love them more than anything and giving yourself up to them and only having tears. but if this is the result...guess it wasent meant to be...right?
all i got is this silly poem off the top of my head, and i hope he sees this and just....knows.
I want him to know i love him, and still do.
I want him to know that what we had, was not a waste.
I want him to know that I am greatful for everything he has done for me.
I want him to know that I will ALWAYS be here, no matter what.
I want him to know that I truly am sorry, even if that doesnt cut it.
I want him to know that I think about him everyday.
I want him to know that I still think he is mine, even if he isnt.
I want him to know that I WILL LIVE THESE MEMORIES, till the day i die.
I want him to know, so he can say the same.
all i got is this silly poem off the top of my head, and i hope he sees this and just....knows.
I want him to know i love him, and still do.
I want him to know that what we had, was not a waste.
I want him to know that I am greatful for everything he has done for me.
I want him to know that I will ALWAYS be here, no matter what.
I want him to know that I truly am sorry, even if that doesnt cut it.
I want him to know that I think about him everyday.
I want him to know that I still think he is mine, even if he isnt.
I want him to know that I WILL LIVE THESE MEMORIES, till the day i die.
I want him to know, so he can say the same.