Pomade.
All dressed up and ready to greet a city that could give two shits about us.
I'm still driving down every road I've ever taken to escape a feeling. I'm still fighting those battles I've waged over the years. I'm stuck between watching sentimental romance films and coming of age dramas and neither genre seems to make much sense anymore. Romance is always portrayed as so organic... so natural... But really, who are we kidding? Romance is much more chemical and inorganic with its perfumes and nectars. I've been single for almost a year now and I haven't managed to really learn anything about myself... except for the fact that I'm actually very good at hurting people who are unfortunate enough to bind themselves to me.
And so is it really a blessing to have the ability to make decisions with only yourself in mind? Is it really ideal to live this life of psuedo-exile? "So this is the new year, and I don't feel any different." I'm frustrated. Nothing seems seamless like it used to. It's all tatters and tears and I'm just so jaded because I can't say that I really have any regrets to pour over, but it still feels like I'm not doing something correctly. And the last thing I'd ever want to do is to spend a lifetime apologizing for having wasted everyone's time and good faith.
But really, this is no sob story. I could never complain about where I am at, what I am doing in life right now, and the friends I have to accompany me through this time of personal growth. It's just that something feels off... and I'm not sure what that missing piece is or where it lies...
I need to feel something real. I'm tired of imitations and interpretations. I'm just tired...
"I won't always love these selfish things."
I'm still driving down every road I've ever taken to escape a feeling. I'm still fighting those battles I've waged over the years. I'm stuck between watching sentimental romance films and coming of age dramas and neither genre seems to make much sense anymore. Romance is always portrayed as so organic... so natural... But really, who are we kidding? Romance is much more chemical and inorganic with its perfumes and nectars. I've been single for almost a year now and I haven't managed to really learn anything about myself... except for the fact that I'm actually very good at hurting people who are unfortunate enough to bind themselves to me.
And so is it really a blessing to have the ability to make decisions with only yourself in mind? Is it really ideal to live this life of psuedo-exile? "So this is the new year, and I don't feel any different." I'm frustrated. Nothing seems seamless like it used to. It's all tatters and tears and I'm just so jaded because I can't say that I really have any regrets to pour over, but it still feels like I'm not doing something correctly. And the last thing I'd ever want to do is to spend a lifetime apologizing for having wasted everyone's time and good faith.
But really, this is no sob story. I could never complain about where I am at, what I am doing in life right now, and the friends I have to accompany me through this time of personal growth. It's just that something feels off... and I'm not sure what that missing piece is or where it lies...
I need to feel something real. I'm tired of imitations and interpretations. I'm just tired...
"I won't always love these selfish things."