Angelus' Offspring- Chapter Twenty
Title: Angelus' Offspring
Author: Rowynne Crowley
Rating: PG-13 for some chapters, NC-17 for others, read at your own risk, as I can't remember what's in each chapter.
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Multiple pairings with Angel(us), as well as Spike (William), plus numerous others.
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or Angel. They are the property of Joss the Great and Powerful. Any characters associated with said Masterpieces belong to Mr. Whedon and his Whedonettes. All others are mine, but feel free to play with them if you like.
Notes: Some very minor details such as names and dates were borrowed from various other fanfics, including but not limited to The Spike Thesis at www.channelingboards.com/SpikeThesis
Summary: Liam has a one-nighter with his family's servant, and the union ultimately results in 12 generations of supernaturally endowed twins. Angelus makes it his unlife's mission to destroy them all.
Warnings: Contains adult language, adult content, sexually explicit situations, non-con, graphic torture. If you are disturbed by these things, read no further.
What Happens Next
What's That You Say?
Morning came too soon for Annie's liking, and announced itself with a loud knock on the door. She opened her eyes groggily, and was both surprised and amused to find herself curled against Angel with his arm draped across her back. She wriggled out from under it and sat up, chuckling to herself as she recalled it had only been a month since she'd made him sleep tied to a chair. Now here they were spooning like it was the most natural thing in the world. The knock came again, and annoyed, Annie glanced at the door, then back down at Angel, who was still sleeping the sleep of the dead. He would be in the direct path of the sun when she opened the door. She pulled the blanket up, so he would be completely covered, then groaning, tumbled out of bed and hobbled her way to the door.
She peered out to find a slender, mustached Italian man carrying a tray of what Annie presumed to be food of some sort, and speaking excitedly in Italian. Annie didn't understand a word of it, but guessed he must be the man responsible for their current living situation. After a quick glance over her shoulder to see that Angel was still well covered, she stepped aside to let the man enter. Still speaking animatedly, the man looked around for a place to set the tray, until he spied a crate Annie had overturned in the corner, as part of her redecorating, below one of the boarded-up windows. He gave her an approving nod, and set the tray there. He paused in his ramblings, looking at Annie expectantly, as if waiting for a response.
I assumed he had asked me a question, and I felt like a complete jackass just standing there with my mouth hanging open. I started to tell him I didn't speak Italian, but about halfway through-- I'm sure this has happened to you before-- I realized I was speaking Italian. It was like I went, "I'm sorry. I don't parlo italiano." And of course, he laughed at me. And said something like, "You sound fine to me." And suddenly I could understand him! Like somebody flipped a switch! Of course, now, I take it for granted, but back then, I thought it was about as amazing as the flush toilet! Was it like that for you, too?
Actually, for me, it happened while trying to read the Pergamum Codex. Yes, it was the very same Codex Angel gave Giles our first year in Sunnydale. It was like, one minute it was complete gibberish, and the next it was, okay it was still gibberish, but it was English gibberish at least. But that's not really the point is it? The point is, yes, I knew what she meant.
It took Annie a moment to acclimate to suddenly being able to understand and speak a language to which she had not previously been exposed, but once she had, she apologized, saying she was still groggy and asked the gentleman to repeat himself, again apologizing that she didn't know his name. He cursed his own oversight and introduced himself as Nicolo Baccini, and after Annie responded appropriately, he inquired after her health, and Angel's. In reply, Annie indicated the lump in the bed, making a comment about him being "dead to the world". Nicolo nodded sympathetically, commenting on the state they had both been in upon their arrival, then proceeded to reveal the traditional Italian breakfast he had brought for them to share, which included coffee, juice, and a variety of homemade pastries and jams. Annie thanked him profusely for his hospitality, promising she and Angel would be on their way just as soon as they were able.
He's like, "Fuhget about it!" Ok. No. He didn't say that. Not exactly, but that was the gist. He said we could stay as long as we liked, and suggested that maybe once we felt better we might like to fix up the room. Y'know with paint, decorations, and what not. Of course, he didn't say it specifically, but I think he was looking for some cheap and/or free labor, and saw us as an opportunity to get it. [shrugs] I didn't mind. It actually sounded a lot better than going back out there and doing it all over again. I mean it's not like we had anywhere to be.
After Signore Baccini departed, Annie relit the lantern, then sat down and consumed the entire breakfast, Angel's portion included. After all, it wasn't as if he needed it, being on a liquid diet as he was. When she was finished, she went in and took a long leisurely bath, reveling in the hot water which flowed directly from the pipes. She stayed there until the water was almost ice cold, and her skin shriveled up like a prune. She dried off, donned one of the new old dresses from Signora Baccini, then brushed her hair to a shine and pinned it back with some combs that had belonged to her adoptive mother. At last feeling a little more human and a little less like something the cat dragged in, she sat down at the makeshift table, and set to updating the Family Diary with all that happened since she and Angel had made First Contact.
Some minutes later, she was startled from her writing when Angel suddenly sat bolt upright in bed, ready to engage in a fight to the death with an imaginary intruder. Annie looked at him confused and concerned, as he demanded to know who else was in the room with them. Annie told him that while their gracious host had been by earlier, that had been some time ago, and the two of them were now completely alone. Angel looked around puzzled for a moment, sputtering about how he had heard someone else in the room, and that was what had woken him.
And I'm like, Noo… It's just us here. Honest. And then he gets this really weird look on his face and he starts looking at me like…I don't know. Like I grew horns or something, or like I was some previously undiscovered germ under a microscope at the C.D.C. and he was the scientist. Y'know? And I started to ask him what the hell he was looking at, and he shushed me! I couldn't believe it! I mean for all our joking around and getting along and everything, he had NEVER told me to shut up before, but now he didn't even think twice about it. Didn't even apologize for it. I really wanted to punch him the nose, but I was just so shocked, I just sat there dumbfounded.
And I watched him staring at me like I was the most interesting thing in the universe. Cockin' his head back and forth like a dog first time he sees a caterpillar or something. Like…well, like that look my dad sometimes gets when he's sussin' something out? And I could practically hear the gears turning, then he starts lookin' me up and down and I shit you not, he actually started sniffing the air! It was the most disturbing thing I had ever seen in my life! And he's still looking at me all intent like, then gets up and starts stalking towards me. Yeah. Stalking. That's the only way to put it. So I stood up, too, cuz I didn't know what-the-fuck, and he gets right up in my face and starts boring holes into me with his eyes, like he's trying to climb inside my brain. And he grips me about the shoulders, then looks down for a second, then all of a sudden he gets this huge smile, and his whole face lights up like a Christmas tree. And the next thing I know he's got me in this death grip of a bear hug and before I even have a chance to say, "Uh, Angel, still need to breathe, here," he pulls back and kisses me square on the forehead!
And before I have a chance to recover from that shock, he comes back and plants one right on the lips! And while I'm coughin' and sputterin' and tryin' to figure out the what the fuck he was smokin', he's ramblin' on about how" it all makes sense now," and "this is so great," and why didn't he realize it before, and just carrying on like a crazy person askin' me how long have I known and why didn't I tell him, and I'm just… flabbergasted! I didn't have the slightest idea what he was talking about!
I was just so excited that I hadn't wiped you all out of existence, that there was another generation on the way, it didn't even occur to me that she wouldn't know. I mean, how could she not, right? But either she was the world's best actress, or else she really didn't know. So I tried to sit her down, which I always hated doing, by the way, because I never knew how she was going to react. I mean, at least with you, I know it's pretty much a given you're going to try to set me on fire. But with Annie, I just never knew. Anyway, I figured this was probably the kind of thing she'd want to be sitting down for…
And then he's like, "[deep, mocking voice] Maybe you should sit down." And then the son-of-a-bitch actually has the nerve to put his hands on me and try to make me sit down?! Like just because I didn't make his ass sleep on the floor, that gave him the right to manhandle me any old time he felt like it?! I don't think so! So I shook him off and I'm like, "Just tell me, already!"
So I said, "Well, Annie, you're pregnant." She just gives me this blank stare, like I was speaking…Sumerian or something. At first I wasn't sure she heard me. Then she starts laughing this maniacal cackle. I don't think I've ever heard anything like it, before or since. It caught me off guard, so I started laughing too. And… that's when she hit me.
[laughing]He went down like a ton o' bricks! Sat there lookin' up at me with those sad puppy dog eyes of his eyes, lookin' all surprised, like. I don't know why. I mean, I spent my whole life learning out to fight. Vampires, specifically. So of course I knew how to put some oomph behind my punches. Fortunately, he had the good sense to stay down. Because if he'd gotten up, I guarantee there would've been bloodshed. At least. I was pissed. I thought it was some kind of joke. No way I was pregnant. Well, obviously, I was, but I didn't know that. I thought, "What kind of sick, demented asshole…" And I told him so. I just went off. And he looks at me all innocent and goes, [mocks] "But, Annie, it's true. I can hear them." Then he launches into this lecture about how it's always twins, yada yada, blah, blah, blah, like I don't know? Like suddenly he's some kind of expert?! Oh. Well, I guess he is. But still! It really pissed me off! So it came down to two choices. Either haul his arse off the floor and whale on him for real, or get the fuck out. So I left.
Didn't even bother to close the door. And it was like, I don't know. Three o'clock in the afternoon, I guess. It was daytime, anyway. And I was right in the line of fire. I had to try to throw myself out of the way, and then somehow make my way back over to the door to close it, without going up like a match. [looks at me] You would've laughed.[I was laughing]
Empty Hands, Heavy Hearts
Unable to do anything else, after he closed the door, Angel sat on the bed and waited for Annie to cool down and return to the hotel room. It quickly became apparent that she hadn't just gone out for quick breather, and it wasn't long before Angel began to worry that she wasn't coming back at all. He passed the seemingly endless time until sunset by first trying to straighten up the room, and then by pacing the floor enough to leave clear tracks marks on the hardwood. By the time the last of the sun's rays finally left the Italian landscape, Angel had worked himself into such a frenzy, he practically tore the door off its hinges in his attempt to escape the cramped living quarters and once again go on the hunt for Annie. He hoped this time, he would find her in a better condition than he had the previous two times.
He spent the entire night tearing the town apart (figuratively speaking, of course) looking for her, neglecting his own needs in the process. He talked the hotel's owner, and its employees. He went into every shop that was open, spoke to everyone he saw, asking if they had seen her. When all of that failed, he began knocking on doors, rousing scores of angry Italians, including small children, from otherwise peaceful slumbers. No one admitted to having seen anyone matching Annie's description, or if they did, they claimed to have seen twenty people matching her description; at that time, she didn't look much different than your average Italian woman of the same age. Some refused to answer him at all, and merely slammed the door in his face, or threatened him with bodily harm, sometimes both. When the sky began to turn from black to indigo with the approaching dawn, Angel was forced to give up his search and return to the hotel empty handed.
With a heavy heart, Angel arrived back at the room minutes before sunrise. Convinced he had lost the only real friend he had ever had, up to that point, he was so distraught he barely had the strength to open the door. For a moment, he even contemplated not opening it all, instead letting the sun take him as it stole the remaining darkness from the landscape. In the end, it was the memory of Christiana, and all the other innocents he had snuffed out of existence over the years, that forced him over the threshold. As great as he perceived his own suffering, he knew it was nothing compared to the suffering he had caused to others, and the sweet release of death was not his gift to receive.
He found Annie sitting on the bed, waiting for him, in the exact place he had sat waiting for her. As he closed the door behind him, she immediately rose, expressing concern for his well-being, given the late hour. It was the first time she had ever done so, when it didn't seem like she was doing it out of obligation. The irony of Annie worrying about him, while he was out scouring the town from top to bottom looking for her, was not lost on him, and he couldn't help but laugh. As she crossed the floor to meet him, she apologized for having struck him earlier, which was another first for her. He had been certain he had lost her forever. Now here she was before him, apologizing to him, when there was so much for which he should be apologizing to her. It was more than Angel was prepared to deal with, and he found himself suddenly overcome with emotion. He crossed the remaining distance to where she stood, and drew her into his arms for a gentle yet firm embrace. After a moment's hesitation, she returned the gesture, and he buried his face in her hair, pleading with her not to run out on him again.
I think that was when I started seeing him as a person, and not just a job, or the asshole that killed my sister. Which is not to say we didn't get along, or we weren't friends (well, sort of), before that, but it was more a case of making the best out of a bad situation. I was there because I had to be, and it didn't matter if he wanted me there or not, or if I wanted to be there. Y'know? We were stuck with each other. Then to find out he not only wanted me there, but depended on me being there, which I guess I already knew, or should've known, but to hear him say it… It changed the whole game for me…So I reminded him that I wasn't going to be around forever. I was only human, after all. Eventually, I wouldn't have a choice.
But I wanted that to be way in the future. I thought it was over. I didn't know that--…I thought she had 50 or 60 years left. [suddenly angry] She should've, damn it! [looks at me] You all should have lived to be grey-haired old ladies. Died safe and warm in your beds surrounded by fat grandchildren. Not like…[runs out of steam, shakes head, sorrowfully] Not like they did…Your mom had the right idea, you know. Leaving?
At the mention of my mother, I wanted nothing more than to slap the shit out of him. I have always seen my mother's actions as cowardly, a slap in the face to all who had come before her. It is one of the few things Kestryl and I agree on, and though we interacted briefly when Angelus was running lose in Sunnydale, and I birthed my own daughters at her house in autumn of 1999, neither of us have ever forgiven her for lying to us about our heritage. Nonetheless, I decided to hear Angel out.
It's the only reason she's still alive, and you know it. If you stay here [meaning Kestryl and I], you know it's only a matter of time…Frankly, I don't know how you lasted this long. Especially you. By all rights, you should be dead now. After everything you went through-- What I put you through…I don't know how you survived it. Let alone how you could be sitting here talking to me.
How I survived was simple. Sheer force of will had a lot to do with it, to be sure, but he didn't become known as a master torturer by letting his victims die before he was finished with them. Angelus knew exactly how far he could push that proverbial envelope, and when he had to back off. He's a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. With today's medical technology, he could keep you alive indefinitely, if he so chose, and never run out of new and inventive ways to make you suffer. Had I been anyone else, and had he not agreed to a magically enforced deadline, I would have still been chained in a room somewhere when Buffy finally sent him to Hell, and far worse for the wear than I am now.
As to how I could sit there talking to him, by that point, I couldn't. As long as I don't have to think about it too much, I'm fine. While I'll never be able to forget, short of some magical intervention, I can usually shove it to the back of my mind, and pretend it was just some horrible nightmare with no basis in reality. But the second somebody (Angel, especially) confronts me with it, it's like I'm back in the Factory, and I have to go away. Which is what I did. I would not have any further lengthy interactions with Angel until Christmas Eve, going into Christmas Day, of that same year.
Apart from discussing the eventuality of Annie's demise, Angel and Annie also discussed how best to handle the unexpected future additions to the Gallagher/O'Connor clan. Initially, Annie stayed firmly in denial, insisting (or perhaps hoping) that what Angel had heard was in fact indigestion, and not two extra heartbeats sounding from within Annie's abdomen. He assured her that was not the case (he knew the difference between gas and a heartbeat), and the discussion moved on to what she intended to do about it.
The timing could not have been worse. Not that a better time would even have been possible, but still. It was just really shitty. While I was waiting for him to come back, I'd had a vision, sort of. Nothing real clear. Mine hardly ever were. Just vague impressions, a few random images. A war zone, which I now know was the Boxer Rebellion, in China, Darla, my dad, Dru, and this overwhelming…foreboding, I guess. I knew I was going to die. I didn't know how, yet, or when, but I knew it was coming. Soon. So I couldn't be pregnant. I just couldn't.
Of course, she was, and though she didn't want to believe it, she knew deep down that Angel was telling the truth. He had no reason to lie about such a thing, and she trusted his judgment, at least in this case. If he said he heard heartbeats, then he must have heard heartbeats. And if she really thought about it, she had sensed it too, before this. She was just too stubborn to accept it. Once Angel forced her to accept it, and once she had calmed down some, her first course of action was to find a way to rectify the situation. Though medical advancements were a long ways from the availability of safe abortions, she had heard of folk remedies that performed the same function, and she immediately began flipping through The Book in search of just that.
Of course Angel was horrified at the idea. That I would even consider such a thing, but I'm like, "What do you wanna do? Raise them?" Mommy and Grandpa Angel who drinks V-8 and sleeps all day, and for some reason never seems to get any older? It was ridiculous. Plus there was the whole impending death thing, which I didn't mention at the time, so that wasn't even an option. The way I saw it then, there was no option. I couldn't raise them, so I couldn't have them. Period. But Angel begged me to find another way. I told him, "No. You find another way. And you'd better come up with something before I do. 'Cause when I do, I'm not wasting time fucking around." Okay, I didn't say "fucking around", but that was the gist.
Well, Angel must've really thought I was gonna find something in the next 20 minutes or so, 'cause he just starts spoutin' out everything that springs to mind. For the most part, we avoided talking about anything that had to do with his past, the things he'd done, especially with regards to the family. Or if we did talk about it, I was the one that brought it up. Usually to torment him. So when he brought up The Foundling, I knew he must've been desperate. I didn't even know what The Foundling was. I had only just skimmed through The Book before that, and it had been years since I'd even opened it, except to write my own entries in it. So he had to explain to me what it was, and how he knew about it, risking any number of… less than pleasant reactions from me. Yeah, I know I was prone to mood swings. Or am. [shrugs] It runs in the family.
Having had her own less than stellar experiences in an orphanage, Annie vetoed that idea almost before Angel was done talking about it. She pointed out that, as Angel himself admitted, he had had no problem finding and killing Rebecca while she and Moira were in that very same orphanage he was now suggesting she send her own children to. He reminded her that not only had he been without a soul at the time, but he had found them because he had been watching them, following them from their infancy. She countered by reminding him of the orphanage in Belgium that she and Christiana had been in, when he and Darla had visited. While he had been unaware that Annie and Christiana had been there, he remembered the two little girls who had stolen his carriage, and he remembered the children who had failed to escape with them, and had then fallen dead at his hands. He immediately agreed that sending his newest grandchildren to an orphanage was not a viable option.
While Annie searched The Book, in vain, for some sort of herbal abortion, Angel continued to rack his brain, desperate to find an alternative before Annie found what she was looking for. There was something niggling at the back of his mind, something someone told him once, something important. He struggled to remember, as the sound of pages turning marked the passage of time, ticking off the seconds like the timer on a bomb.
I could hear him muttering next to me, and I could tell he was on the verge of something. At least I hoped he was, because I was having zero luck. Then all of a sudden, he pops up like a jack-in-the-box and goes, "The Slayer!" Which had nothing to do with anything, as far as I was concerned, then he says that Mary had mentioned training with the Slayer, which by itself was completely useless information, but it reminded me of something I had read. About the Council.
The Waiting Game
With renewed hope, Annie began flipping through The Book so vigorously she nearly tore the well worn pages. After several agonizing minutes, she finally found what she was looking for: the contact information for the Council of Watchers. She tore a blank page out of The Book and composed a letter to the Council asking for their assistance. She explained who she was, and how she knew of them, dropping all the pertinent names likely to elicit a response. While she did mention Angelus, as part of identifying herself, she didn't mention that he now had a soul, and wasn't about to admit that they were now cohabitants. Once finished, she folded the page neatly, and took it to Signore Baccini to be sent out.
While there, she discussed her situation with him, and the possibility of fixing up their room, as had been previously proposed. Nicolo was overjoyed both by Annie's news, and the prospect of cheap labor. He promised to get her the necessary materials and deliver them to the room within the next day or so, and that's how she and Angel passed the time waiting to hear back from the Council. Annie did what she could during the day, while Angel slept, and at night he took care of the bigger jobs, like replacing the window, and painting those hard to reach places. Occasionally, they worked together, when a job was too big to be completed by a single pair hands, like assembling the bed frame, or hanging the new curtains.
Despite the obvious damage to the hotel room, it turned out that it looked worse than it actually was, and the entire project was completed in less than a week. Unfortunately, that was a week in which Angel neglected his nutritional needs. He was so excited by the approaching arrival of the next generation of Gallagher twins (and perhaps a tad overprotective), that he was reluctant to leave Annie alone while he went hunting.
I remember waking up in the middle of the night, the first night after we were finished with everything. I still couldn't say for sure what it was that woke me up, but I found Angel sitting in the chair next to the bed, watching me. By itself, that wasn’t so weird. I knew he liked to watch me sleep; I'd caught him before. That didn't bother me so much. Sorta like having a guardian angel. Get it? But this time, there was just something…off about him somehow. I couldn't really see him that well in the dark, though there was some light coming in from the window, but there was something about the way he held himself, that sorta set off alarm bells. I asked him what was wrong, and even the way he said, "Nothing," just sounded really… wrong. I waved him down to my level [demonstrates], so I could feel his face, in case it was just my eyes playing tricks on me. I barely touched him, and he reels back like I slapped him.
I never jumped out of bed quite so fast in my life! Like it was on fire! I jumped up and grabbed him by the shirt collar and drug him to the door, then half pulled, half pushed, half kicked him out of it. Then I slammed the door shut behind him and locked it. I told him, "Don't come back until you handle your shit!" Or something to that effect. He tried to argue with me, saying it wasn't what I thought, he was fine, blah, blah, blah. But I wouldn't hear it. I said, "You'd better hurry up. You've only got a few more hours til sunrise!" then I turned my back on him. I think he must've stayed out there another thirty minutes or so, begging to be let back in, before he finally figured out I wasn't gonna stand down. He came back about an hour so before sunrise, I guess it was. But I made him stay out there til the last possible second. Punishment for not taking care of himself. I mean, there was really no excuse! And you can bet he took care of his shit after that!
It was nearly Christmas before they finally received a reply from the Council. They were quite familiar with her family, and said they would be more than happy to help with her situation. She would receive the best medical care the Council had at their disposal, and her children would be placed in the safest environment possible.
But they wanted us to go to the Council Headquarters in London. After everything we went through just to get to Milan, there as no way either one of us was looking to do any more traveling any time in the near future. I nearly died the last time. And especially being pregnant, with twins, there was just no way in HELL I was gonna do it again. And definitely not during the winter. I mean, Milan was pretty mild compared to some places, but it was still pretty miserable. And they wanted me to travel through even worse places to get to them? And not even pay for me to travel in style?! Yeah. Not gonna happen.
Annie wrote a return letter explaining her unwillingness and inability to travel so great a distance. She told them she would be willing to travel a shorter distance if they had offices nearby, while at the same time expressing her preference to have one of their representatives come to her. She estimated her due date, and included that in the letter as well. She sent off her reply, and the waiting game began anew. This time, due to the harsh winter weather, and the unreliability of the mail service at the time, it would be months before they received any further word from the Watchers' Council, and they began to wonder if they ever would.
In the meantime, Angel and Annie continued to live as they had been. During the day, Annie would take her meals in the hotel diner, doing some light work in the office in exchange. At night, they would eat together in their room, then Angel would spend an hour or two tending to his own nutritional needs, before taking his turn behind the desk. He always returned before Annie turned in for the night, insisting he be there to watch over her while she slept. When Annie began to grow too heavy to make the short trek to the main part of the hotel even to eat, let alone work, Annie reluctantly quit her job in the office, and Angel followed suit soon after, adamant that she needed round-the-clock care. Claiming a skin condition as the reason Angel couldn't collect their meals in Annie's place, arrangements were made to have their entrees delivered.
As winter gave way to Spring, and the days grew steadily warmer and longer, Annie's abdomen continued to grow to seemingly impossible proportions. Every day she became increasingly dependent on Angel to attend to even her most basic of needs. There had still been no word from the Council and they began to lose hope that they ever would. Annie prayed that if they did respond, their assistance would not be contingent on Annie making the journey to England. By this time, she could not have done so if she had wanted to. Her due date mere weeks away, she could barely make the journey to the bathroom.
Oh, it was awful! I couldn't even get out of bed on my own! Angel had to help me every friggin' time! Like twenty times a day or more! Seemed like I had to pee every five minutes. And then once I was up, I couldn't get back down. Angel had to help me every step of the way. Literally! And forget about bathing! It was a sink full of soapy water and a rag. More than that, and it would've been too much for either one of us to put up with. Angel was already doing everything for me as it was. I don't think he ate anything the whole time he was taking care of me. Or if he did, I never saw him. And he was lookin' pretty ragged when it was all said and done.
Lunchtime Offerings
In the late morning of Sunday, May 14, 1899, Annie finished her ritual sink-bath, then allowed Angel to help her into the cushioned rocking chair by the window, which had taken the place of the hard, straight-backed chair, at the dining table, as Annie progressed into the final trimester of her pregnancy. For what was likely the umpteenth time, Annie commented on how grotesque she thought she looked, to which Angel countered that in his eyes, she looked beautiful. He told her, "That's Life you've got there. And there's nothing more beautiful than that."
As he eased her into her chair, then took his place across from her at the table, she looked at him gratefully, and noted just how worn out he was starting to look. Though he spoke words of love and hope, his mannerisms relayed exhaustion and woe. His eyes seemed hollow and bore dark circles beneath them; his skin, if possible, appeared even paler than usual. His hair, in which he had previously taken such pride, had grown almost to his shoulders, and was now stringy and unkempt. Where he had once made it a point to shave every day, whether he needed to or not, he now had several days of growth, and was well on his way to having a full-fledged beard. Annie couldn't help but wonder how long this had been happening, and knowing the burden of caring for her was the cause, felt instantly guilty for not having noticed it sooner. She voiced her concerns, asking if he had been taking care of himself, and when he had last fed. He responded curtly that he was "fine," and flat out refused her suggestion that he take some time for himself come nightfall. As it was the first time Angel had ever spoken to her in this manner, Annie let the subject drop and the two fell into an uncomfortable silence broken by the sounds of business as usual outside their room, and the intermittent attempt by one or the other of them to make small talk. They each avoided the primary subject on both their minds. Would they ever hear back from The Watchers' Council? What were their options if they didn't?
As happened every day, a knock sounded on their door just around noon, signaling the arrival of the noon meal. Angel got up to answer it, careful to avoid the sun's rays as Sofia, the eldest Baccini child entered with the cartload of assorted lunchtime offerings. The pretty 17 year old wore a colorful sundress, befitting the warm Spring weather, her hair pulled off her neck in a loose pony tail. Angel closed the door behind the girl, and as she described the menu, Annie couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable Angel seemed in her presence. His remained firmly planted in front of the door, just to Annie's right. He held his arms rigidly at his sides, compulsively clenching and unclenching his fists, as he shifted nervously from one foot to the other as if he had to pee. The muscles in his jaw twitched as he grit his teeth, which he generally only did when he was angry. Following the direction of his gaze, Annie quickly realized that anger was not the issue currently plaguing him.
I'm pretty sure Sofia didn't notice. She was too busy trying to flirt with him. She probably thought he was staring at her boobs, which I'm sure is what she was going for in that outfit. I think she had a bit of a crush on him. But I knew he was really looking just a wee bit north. I could tell he was trying not to, bless his heart, but I think he'd just gone without for so long that he couldn't help it. He looked like he was gonna vamp out at any second. I could almost see it just beneath the surface, like he was barely holding it in, and I swear on my mother's grave-- if she had a grave-- that I actually heard him growl.
I reached out and grabbed his hand, trying to anchor him or whatever, and he squeezed back so hard I thought he was going to break my hand. Just when I was about to say, "Okay, thanks! Don't let the door hit ya!" she finally stopped yammering long enough to give us the letter. By then, I could actually feel Angel tremoring through my hand. So then I did kick her ass out. Politely, of course. Only problem was Angel was still standing in front of the door. And he was showing no signs of budging. So I kinda tugged on his arm to get his attention and I'm like [out of the side of her mouth], "Angel, let her leave!" And finally he reaches over and pulls the door open for her.
He closed it behind her, and then he really did vamp out. But just for a second, before he pulled it back in, and sorta… collapsed against the door. Then he just sat there on the floor shaking and rocking back and forth. And he screwed his eyes shut real tight [demonstrates] like it was taking all his concentration just to maintain. I felt so bad for him. I was half tempted to call her back and just let him have her. And if I'd have thought we could've gotten away with it, I just might have. I mean I was this close [holds up thumb and index finger an inch apart]. Except…[trails off as she glances toward Buffy and friends]…Nevermind. So I pulled him toward me, and I'm like, "It's okay. It's just us here. Let it out." I mean, we'd already seen each other naked and covered in yuck, so what's a couple of fangs? But he's like [mocking], "No, I can't. If I let it out, I won't be able to pull it back in!" Well, I couldn't help but laugh, and I'm like, "You just did!
Still holding Angel's hand, Annie gave his arm a short tug, drawing him near. He crawled over to her and rested his head in her lap, like a small child with his mother. She began softly stroking his hair, offering what comfort she could, as he lamented his unbidden urge to attack Sofia.
He was crying, and he said, "I wanted to hurt that girl." And I said, "I know you did. I could see it all over you. And no one could've stopped you, if you tried. And I wouldn't have blamed if you did." Then I asked him again how long it had been since he last fed. He said he couldn't remember. And I'm like, "Well, no wonder you wanted to rip her throat out!" then he's like, "No. You don't understand." And I knew he was about to tell me it wasn't just her throat he wanted to rip, but I cut him off. I said, "The point is, you didn't. And no one stopped you but you." Then I said, "We can't control our emotions, Angel. And it's pointless to even try. We feel what we feel. It can't be helped. We can only control what we do. And you did."
Annie then convinced him that given that they were alone, it was okay to relax and, "let it all fang out." After some trepidation, he did, and Annie said the change in his posture and demeanor was immediate and profound, as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders, in the simple act of revealing his true face. They spoke some more about how far Angel had come since they first met, and how much their relationship had changed since their first night together. She expressed her gratitude and appreciation for all he had done to care for her while she'd been unable to do so herself, admonishing him not to neglect himself in the process.
I said, "You still gotta look after number one." Then he looked up at me with those puppy dog eyes of his, which doesn't quite have the same effect when they're all yellow and demony, and he says, "I am." [rolls eyes] Ever the charmer.
While Angel set about serving lunch, Annie finally opened the letter Sofia had delivered from The Watchers' Council. They apologized for their thoughtlessness in asking her to travel unassisted all the way back to Britain, in the middle of winter, given her delicate condition. They went on to assure her that a representative would arrive in Italy well before her due date to provide her with any assistance she might need, before, during and after the birth. The news came as a great relief to both of them, and the tension, that been building since December, dissipated instantly.
With one less thing to worry about, Annie tried one more time to convince Angel to take some time off that evening to tend to his own needs. Angel continued to balk at the notion of leaving her alone, worried that something might happen in his absence. Annie assured him she would be fine on her own for a couple of hours, reminding him she still had several weeks before she was due to give birth. He promised to consider it, and Annie invited him to at least partake of some of the rich Italian cuisine, the Baccinis had gone out of their way to prepare for them. He declined, saying she should eat as much of it as she could, since she was eating for three. After making sure Annie had everything she needed, and asking three times if she would be all right, Angel excused himself to the bathroom, saying he wanted to clear his head with a hot soak.
As he began to strip down for his bath, Angel wondered aloud if he should shave off his beard. Annie recommended leaving it to reduce the chance of being recognized by the Council. As he voiced his agreement and turned to head towards the bath, Annie jokingly asked him if he "needed a hand", as he had frequently asked her every time she went in there. He held up both of his hands, and wriggled his fingers at her, replying that he already had two.
So I'm like, "You sure you don't need three?" And I could swear I heard him mutter something like, "I only need one." [shutters] But he refused to repeat it.
Distractions and Contractions
Angel retreated to the bath as Annie struggled to rid her mind of the disturbing image conjured by their last exchange. As if he thought he wouldn't hear her if she needed him, he left the door partly open. As she ate her lunch, she searched the room for any sort of distraction. She spied The Book lying on the nightstand by the bed, where she had been perusing it earlier. Remembering what Angel had told her about Mary's abilities, she decided to find out if she possessed any of the same gifts. Concentrating intently, she pointed at The Book, trying to get it to move with her mind. Just when it seemed like she was having some success, as The Book began to tremble as if in an earthquake, one of the developing twins kicked her so violently in the ribs she felt sure they would break. As she suddenly doubled over in pain, The Book flew across the room, knocking over several items on the food cart on its way to the table, where it crashed into some plates, and tipped over her drinking glass.
A loud splash sounded from the bathroom as Angel stopped whatever it was he was doing to ask if she was all right. Annie responded in the affirmative, taking a few deep breaths as she waited for the pain to subside. After a moment or two it did, and she opted to forego further mind exercises for the moment and returned her attention to her lunch. She began to feel nauseous after a few forkfuls and decided to lie down. Not wanting to interrupt Angel's bath, she braced herself on the table as she stood, then used the food cart for a walker as she gingerly made her way to the bed. She made it halfway before she was struck by her first contraction. As she doubled over for the second time, she inadvertently shoved the cart, sending it sailing across the room to slam into the wall by the bathroom. She toppled towards the floor, and was saved in the nick of time by Angel, stark naked and dripping wet.
He caught me just before I hit the ground, which was good, but I didn't much care for the mouthful of knee or the eyeful of… his meat and potatoes that I got in the process. Not a pretty sight. Wait. Scratch that. On second thought…
I had to cut her off there, as I didn't much want to hear her or anyone else's opinion of Angel's "meat and potatoes". I had had more than my fair share of that particular cuisine over the previous winter, and I didn't much care for it. Without Annie's colorful food metaphors, basically what happened was this. As Angel attempted to scoop Annie off the floor, she was treated to a full, unobstructed view of his matched luggage, which looked like it was packed for a three-day weekend. More than a little vexed at the sight, she tersely asked if he would mind "putting that thing away". He looked down as if just realizing his present state of undress, then promised to grant her request after she was safely put away.
She nodded her assent, and he helped her to her feet, then carefully walked her to the bed. After arranging the pillows behind her, and assuring himself that she was safe and secure, Angel stowed his belongings as he had promised, while Annie tried to explain what had happened. For reasons she couldn't fathom, she decided against telling him about her telekinesis attempt, revealing only that she had gotten sick and didn't want to bother him, then had had a contraction.
As he had been prone to do throughout her pregnancy, Angel immediately went into panic mode, instinctively running for the door. When asked what he thought he was doing, Angel stated matter-of-factly that we was going for the doctor. Annie patiently reminded him that it was the middle of the day, and went on to assure him that this was likely a false alarm. She had seen it happen with dozens of the women in her tribe, and was certain that was the case here, as it was still quite early in her pregnancy. Angel remained unconvinced, but Annie insisted she was fine, apart from feeling a little sick. She told him she was going to lie down for awhile, and asked if he would join her. He did, loosely draping his arm around her mid-section, and they both giggled when one of the babies suddenly kicked hard enough to knock him away. A few minutes later, Annie was sound asleep. As he laid there listening to her, lulled by the steady rhythm of his grandchildren's heartbeats, and the sound of the younger two shifting in their cramped living quarters, it wasn't long before sleep claimed him as well.
Sometime just before dawn, Angel was awakened by the sound of Annie whimpering softly in her sleep, and crying out as though in a nightmare. As he lightly stroked her hair in an effort to sooth her, he briefly contemplated waking her, but decided against it when she shifted positions and fell quiet once more. As he leaned over to plant a gentle kiss on her cheek, a low rumble sounded from deep within him, and he felt his fangs run out as his true face came to bare. He rolled away from her, horrified, as he realized he had neglected himself for far too long, just as Annie had feared. A voice spoke to him from deep within his subconscious, trying to convince him to seek his relief in her. Just a taste wouldn't hurt, it tried to tell him. He quickly bounded out of bed, in an effort to resist the temptation. A taste would hurt, he knew. Annie needed every drop she had for her children. Even if she were not pregnant, he knew she would have his hide for even considering such heinousness without her permission.
Instead, he moved to the door and pulled it open. He glanced over his shoulder one time to make sure Annie was still all right, then crossed the threshold to stand just outside. He scanned the immediate area in hopes that some stray animal might cross his path. At this point, though he abhorred the notion, he would even settle for a random passerby on their way home from the local tavern. He hoped Annie would forgive him if it came to that, praying with everything he had that it wouldn't. But God, it seemed, wasn’t in the mood to answer the prayers of a vampire. The street was completely devoid of life, and it began to look as though Angel would not find release without venturing farther away, which he was unwilling to do. Just when it seemed he would have to carry his burden for another day, he spied a homeless man a few yards away, shambling towards him. Angel withdrew into the shadows of the doorway, waiting for the man to pass within striking distance. He wondered if he still had enough self-control to avoid killing the man, but knew his primary concern had to be for his own well-being and not for that of the hapless stranger.
The sound of approaching footsteps warned that Angel's moment would soon arrive, and he tensed, preparing to make his move. Just when he was about to pounce, a bloodcurdling scream rang out behind him. He sighed in frustration as he closed the door, the demon within him letting out a silent scream of its own. He turned to find Annie sitting bolt upright, breathing heavily, her skin white as a sheet, face contorted in a grimace of pain and fear. Putting aside his own needs yet again, he went to her, almost seeming to teleport across the room. Her forehead was beaded with sweat, and her eyes welled up with tears as she squeezed his hand harder than he would've thought possible. She confessed it was possible that she was in the early stages of labor, but said that wasn't what had awakened her. She'd had a nightmare, or more specifically, a vision.
More of a certainty, really. I mean I'm sure the dream had more detail, but I couldn't remember it. Still can't. But I knew I wasn't gonna last much longer. I could practically see Death looming over me. Y'know, cloak, scythe, the whole nine yards. So I thought it was time to tell him what I knew while I still had the chance.
As you may already know, Christmas of 1998 was a particularly hard one. Angel had nearly lost his mind due to his torment at the hands of the First Evil and had come within a hair’s breadth of possibly killing either Buffy or himself, or both. What you may not know, is that my twin, Kestryl, was always there for him as a willing surrogate for whatever the situation called for. It’s one of the reasons we may never be as close as we once were, before coming to Sunnydale. In this particular instance, Kestryl’s blind devotion to Angel became her undoing. When he fled Buffy’s room to avoid doing the unthinkable, as The First was commanding him, Kestryl was there, as always. She never could stand to see him suffer. It was such a struggle for her, in fact, that rather than stay to support him when he was locked in the cage at Willy’s, she abandoned him to my watch, knowing she would end up releasing him, which would have had a catastrophic impact on future events. With The First incessantly taunting him like shoving a whisky bottle in the face of an alcoholic, Angel was definitely suffering that night. And Angel has never had what you’d call stellar willpower. The fact that he had enough, that night, to jump out the window was a bloody miracle. So when Kestryl offered herself to him as a willing, non world-ending substitute for Buffy, my guess is Angel hesitated for a fraction of second, if at all. He drained her dry.
I declined accompanying Buffy, as I normally would have for research and slayage, to see to it that Angel finished what he started. No matter what anyone tells you, undead is better than dead, when there are no other options. After everything Kestryl had done for him the past three years, even choosing him over me, there was no way in Hell I was going to let him leave her for dead permanently. He owed it to her to bring her back. That was the real reason he was on that hilltop waiting for the sun. Not only because he was afraid of eventually doing the same to Buffy, or that he thought the world was better off without him. He had killed the one person who had truly stuck by him. Even when he was at his absolute worst, she had been there. And he killed her, selfishly, making yet another vampire, something he had sworn to himself he would never do.
So, after the snowfall that saved his life, it seemed fitting to discuss his last days with Annie, back in 1899. After all he’d been through recently, I told him it wasn't necessary to have this conversation now, under these circumstances, but he insisted. As he, Annie, Buffy, and I sat down in his living room, waiting for Kestryl to rise, he explained, mostly to Buffy, that he felt it was important for him to finally be completely honest with her about his past. This seemed as good a time as any, and the topic was a relatively safe place to start. While human friends and undead family slowly arrived in preparation for the party Kestryl had requested as her dying wish (about 2 months prior), Annie and Angel took turns regaling Buffy and I (and others as they arrived) with Annie’s last days as a human, and her first days as a vampire. Angel began by describing the day he’d first learned Annie was going to die. He told us the first thing Annie said to him with regards to her dream, was that she wasn't "going to make it."
At first I thought she was just scared. I mean, who wouldn't be right? But she looked at me with such…conviction. She didn't just believe she was going to die, she knew it. Like she knew her own name. And she made me promise… She said she wasn't ready to go yet. That there was too much she still wanted to do. Too much she still needed to do. And I wasn't ready to lose her yet. We'd come so far. And we had finally… We were a family. And I couldn't lose that. Not yet. So I promised. I didn't wanna do it, but she made me. She made me promise.
Angel actually made several promises that night. The first, of course, was not to let her stay down when Death came to claim her. The second (though unnecessary) was to make sure her children were safe and well-cared for, in case she didn't survive to see to it herself. She wanted them to have a family, and not grow up in an orphanage or someplace equally cold and unfeeling. Additionally, she knew the Council would not understand or accept the new leaf Angel had turned over. If for any reason, they learned who he really was, they would go to great lengths to destroy him. She made him promise to do whatever he had to, to ensure that didn't happen, from keeping his identity secret, to killing them if necessary. His life, she told him, was far more important than any of theirs. Last, when it was all over, apart from seeing that she wasn't buried, she wanted him to chronicle his crimes in the Family Diary, or at least the ones he had committed against their people.
Angel made his promises, some more willingly than others, and the conversation moved on to other things. She finally told him about her earlier attempt at telekinesis which had preceded her collapse that afternoon. Despite his objections, she made a second endeavor, asserting that her previous efforts were not the cause of her fall. She went on to remind him that she was already in bed, and hence had nothing to worry about if she was wrong. As before, she pointed across the room at The Book. This time, with no distracting contractions to interfere, it floated over without incident, landing squarely in her outstretched hands. He congratulated her success, and after a brief celebration, she told him of the vision she had had the day she'd first learned of her pregnancy.
She said I had to go back. To Darla. I didn't want to. Not then. But she said it was "one of those things." That I didn't have a choice. Any more than she'd [Annie] had a choice about her life. Or I than chose to become a vampire.
That chapter of his life wasn't over, Annie explained. It could never be over until he went back and revisited it. He had never chosen to become a vampire. He didn't decide to regain his soul. Leaving Darla hadn't been his choice either. He needed to start again, and make the decision for himself. Until he did, he would never fully actualize the destiny the Powers-That-Be intended for him. Annie explained all of this to Angel that night, just as she explained it on Kestryl's re-birthday. Angel was of the opinion that the Powers were out to screw with him, and he therefore didn't much care what They wanted. He cared about Annie, though, and if it was what she wanted, then he was willing to go along with it. It wasn't at all what she wanted, but at the time she told him it was, since it was the only way he would agree.
Author: Rowynne Crowley
Rating: PG-13 for some chapters, NC-17 for others, read at your own risk, as I can't remember what's in each chapter.
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Multiple pairings with Angel(us), as well as Spike (William), plus numerous others.
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or Angel. They are the property of Joss the Great and Powerful. Any characters associated with said Masterpieces belong to Mr. Whedon and his Whedonettes. All others are mine, but feel free to play with them if you like.
Notes: Some very minor details such as names and dates were borrowed from various other fanfics, including but not limited to The Spike Thesis at www.channelingboards.com/SpikeThesis
Summary: Liam has a one-nighter with his family's servant, and the union ultimately results in 12 generations of supernaturally endowed twins. Angelus makes it his unlife's mission to destroy them all.
Warnings: Contains adult language, adult content, sexually explicit situations, non-con, graphic torture. If you are disturbed by these things, read no further.
What Happens Next
What's That You Say?
Morning came too soon for Annie's liking, and announced itself with a loud knock on the door. She opened her eyes groggily, and was both surprised and amused to find herself curled against Angel with his arm draped across her back. She wriggled out from under it and sat up, chuckling to herself as she recalled it had only been a month since she'd made him sleep tied to a chair. Now here they were spooning like it was the most natural thing in the world. The knock came again, and annoyed, Annie glanced at the door, then back down at Angel, who was still sleeping the sleep of the dead. He would be in the direct path of the sun when she opened the door. She pulled the blanket up, so he would be completely covered, then groaning, tumbled out of bed and hobbled her way to the door.
She peered out to find a slender, mustached Italian man carrying a tray of what Annie presumed to be food of some sort, and speaking excitedly in Italian. Annie didn't understand a word of it, but guessed he must be the man responsible for their current living situation. After a quick glance over her shoulder to see that Angel was still well covered, she stepped aside to let the man enter. Still speaking animatedly, the man looked around for a place to set the tray, until he spied a crate Annie had overturned in the corner, as part of her redecorating, below one of the boarded-up windows. He gave her an approving nod, and set the tray there. He paused in his ramblings, looking at Annie expectantly, as if waiting for a response.
I assumed he had asked me a question, and I felt like a complete jackass just standing there with my mouth hanging open. I started to tell him I didn't speak Italian, but about halfway through-- I'm sure this has happened to you before-- I realized I was speaking Italian. It was like I went, "I'm sorry. I don't parlo italiano." And of course, he laughed at me. And said something like, "You sound fine to me." And suddenly I could understand him! Like somebody flipped a switch! Of course, now, I take it for granted, but back then, I thought it was about as amazing as the flush toilet! Was it like that for you, too?
Actually, for me, it happened while trying to read the Pergamum Codex. Yes, it was the very same Codex Angel gave Giles our first year in Sunnydale. It was like, one minute it was complete gibberish, and the next it was, okay it was still gibberish, but it was English gibberish at least. But that's not really the point is it? The point is, yes, I knew what she meant.
It took Annie a moment to acclimate to suddenly being able to understand and speak a language to which she had not previously been exposed, but once she had, she apologized, saying she was still groggy and asked the gentleman to repeat himself, again apologizing that she didn't know his name. He cursed his own oversight and introduced himself as Nicolo Baccini, and after Annie responded appropriately, he inquired after her health, and Angel's. In reply, Annie indicated the lump in the bed, making a comment about him being "dead to the world". Nicolo nodded sympathetically, commenting on the state they had both been in upon their arrival, then proceeded to reveal the traditional Italian breakfast he had brought for them to share, which included coffee, juice, and a variety of homemade pastries and jams. Annie thanked him profusely for his hospitality, promising she and Angel would be on their way just as soon as they were able.
He's like, "Fuhget about it!" Ok. No. He didn't say that. Not exactly, but that was the gist. He said we could stay as long as we liked, and suggested that maybe once we felt better we might like to fix up the room. Y'know with paint, decorations, and what not. Of course, he didn't say it specifically, but I think he was looking for some cheap and/or free labor, and saw us as an opportunity to get it. [shrugs] I didn't mind. It actually sounded a lot better than going back out there and doing it all over again. I mean it's not like we had anywhere to be.
After Signore Baccini departed, Annie relit the lantern, then sat down and consumed the entire breakfast, Angel's portion included. After all, it wasn't as if he needed it, being on a liquid diet as he was. When she was finished, she went in and took a long leisurely bath, reveling in the hot water which flowed directly from the pipes. She stayed there until the water was almost ice cold, and her skin shriveled up like a prune. She dried off, donned one of the new old dresses from Signora Baccini, then brushed her hair to a shine and pinned it back with some combs that had belonged to her adoptive mother. At last feeling a little more human and a little less like something the cat dragged in, she sat down at the makeshift table, and set to updating the Family Diary with all that happened since she and Angel had made First Contact.
Some minutes later, she was startled from her writing when Angel suddenly sat bolt upright in bed, ready to engage in a fight to the death with an imaginary intruder. Annie looked at him confused and concerned, as he demanded to know who else was in the room with them. Annie told him that while their gracious host had been by earlier, that had been some time ago, and the two of them were now completely alone. Angel looked around puzzled for a moment, sputtering about how he had heard someone else in the room, and that was what had woken him.
And I'm like, Noo… It's just us here. Honest. And then he gets this really weird look on his face and he starts looking at me like…I don't know. Like I grew horns or something, or like I was some previously undiscovered germ under a microscope at the C.D.C. and he was the scientist. Y'know? And I started to ask him what the hell he was looking at, and he shushed me! I couldn't believe it! I mean for all our joking around and getting along and everything, he had NEVER told me to shut up before, but now he didn't even think twice about it. Didn't even apologize for it. I really wanted to punch him the nose, but I was just so shocked, I just sat there dumbfounded.
And I watched him staring at me like I was the most interesting thing in the universe. Cockin' his head back and forth like a dog first time he sees a caterpillar or something. Like…well, like that look my dad sometimes gets when he's sussin' something out? And I could practically hear the gears turning, then he starts lookin' me up and down and I shit you not, he actually started sniffing the air! It was the most disturbing thing I had ever seen in my life! And he's still looking at me all intent like, then gets up and starts stalking towards me. Yeah. Stalking. That's the only way to put it. So I stood up, too, cuz I didn't know what-the-fuck, and he gets right up in my face and starts boring holes into me with his eyes, like he's trying to climb inside my brain. And he grips me about the shoulders, then looks down for a second, then all of a sudden he gets this huge smile, and his whole face lights up like a Christmas tree. And the next thing I know he's got me in this death grip of a bear hug and before I even have a chance to say, "Uh, Angel, still need to breathe, here," he pulls back and kisses me square on the forehead!
And before I have a chance to recover from that shock, he comes back and plants one right on the lips! And while I'm coughin' and sputterin' and tryin' to figure out the what the fuck he was smokin', he's ramblin' on about how" it all makes sense now," and "this is so great," and why didn't he realize it before, and just carrying on like a crazy person askin' me how long have I known and why didn't I tell him, and I'm just… flabbergasted! I didn't have the slightest idea what he was talking about!
I was just so excited that I hadn't wiped you all out of existence, that there was another generation on the way, it didn't even occur to me that she wouldn't know. I mean, how could she not, right? But either she was the world's best actress, or else she really didn't know. So I tried to sit her down, which I always hated doing, by the way, because I never knew how she was going to react. I mean, at least with you, I know it's pretty much a given you're going to try to set me on fire. But with Annie, I just never knew. Anyway, I figured this was probably the kind of thing she'd want to be sitting down for…
And then he's like, "[deep, mocking voice] Maybe you should sit down." And then the son-of-a-bitch actually has the nerve to put his hands on me and try to make me sit down?! Like just because I didn't make his ass sleep on the floor, that gave him the right to manhandle me any old time he felt like it?! I don't think so! So I shook him off and I'm like, "Just tell me, already!"
So I said, "Well, Annie, you're pregnant." She just gives me this blank stare, like I was speaking…Sumerian or something. At first I wasn't sure she heard me. Then she starts laughing this maniacal cackle. I don't think I've ever heard anything like it, before or since. It caught me off guard, so I started laughing too. And… that's when she hit me.
[laughing]He went down like a ton o' bricks! Sat there lookin' up at me with those sad puppy dog eyes of his eyes, lookin' all surprised, like. I don't know why. I mean, I spent my whole life learning out to fight. Vampires, specifically. So of course I knew how to put some oomph behind my punches. Fortunately, he had the good sense to stay down. Because if he'd gotten up, I guarantee there would've been bloodshed. At least. I was pissed. I thought it was some kind of joke. No way I was pregnant. Well, obviously, I was, but I didn't know that. I thought, "What kind of sick, demented asshole…" And I told him so. I just went off. And he looks at me all innocent and goes, [mocks] "But, Annie, it's true. I can hear them." Then he launches into this lecture about how it's always twins, yada yada, blah, blah, blah, like I don't know? Like suddenly he's some kind of expert?! Oh. Well, I guess he is. But still! It really pissed me off! So it came down to two choices. Either haul his arse off the floor and whale on him for real, or get the fuck out. So I left.
Didn't even bother to close the door. And it was like, I don't know. Three o'clock in the afternoon, I guess. It was daytime, anyway. And I was right in the line of fire. I had to try to throw myself out of the way, and then somehow make my way back over to the door to close it, without going up like a match. [looks at me] You would've laughed.[I was laughing]
Empty Hands, Heavy Hearts
Unable to do anything else, after he closed the door, Angel sat on the bed and waited for Annie to cool down and return to the hotel room. It quickly became apparent that she hadn't just gone out for quick breather, and it wasn't long before Angel began to worry that she wasn't coming back at all. He passed the seemingly endless time until sunset by first trying to straighten up the room, and then by pacing the floor enough to leave clear tracks marks on the hardwood. By the time the last of the sun's rays finally left the Italian landscape, Angel had worked himself into such a frenzy, he practically tore the door off its hinges in his attempt to escape the cramped living quarters and once again go on the hunt for Annie. He hoped this time, he would find her in a better condition than he had the previous two times.
He spent the entire night tearing the town apart (figuratively speaking, of course) looking for her, neglecting his own needs in the process. He talked the hotel's owner, and its employees. He went into every shop that was open, spoke to everyone he saw, asking if they had seen her. When all of that failed, he began knocking on doors, rousing scores of angry Italians, including small children, from otherwise peaceful slumbers. No one admitted to having seen anyone matching Annie's description, or if they did, they claimed to have seen twenty people matching her description; at that time, she didn't look much different than your average Italian woman of the same age. Some refused to answer him at all, and merely slammed the door in his face, or threatened him with bodily harm, sometimes both. When the sky began to turn from black to indigo with the approaching dawn, Angel was forced to give up his search and return to the hotel empty handed.
With a heavy heart, Angel arrived back at the room minutes before sunrise. Convinced he had lost the only real friend he had ever had, up to that point, he was so distraught he barely had the strength to open the door. For a moment, he even contemplated not opening it all, instead letting the sun take him as it stole the remaining darkness from the landscape. In the end, it was the memory of Christiana, and all the other innocents he had snuffed out of existence over the years, that forced him over the threshold. As great as he perceived his own suffering, he knew it was nothing compared to the suffering he had caused to others, and the sweet release of death was not his gift to receive.
He found Annie sitting on the bed, waiting for him, in the exact place he had sat waiting for her. As he closed the door behind him, she immediately rose, expressing concern for his well-being, given the late hour. It was the first time she had ever done so, when it didn't seem like she was doing it out of obligation. The irony of Annie worrying about him, while he was out scouring the town from top to bottom looking for her, was not lost on him, and he couldn't help but laugh. As she crossed the floor to meet him, she apologized for having struck him earlier, which was another first for her. He had been certain he had lost her forever. Now here she was before him, apologizing to him, when there was so much for which he should be apologizing to her. It was more than Angel was prepared to deal with, and he found himself suddenly overcome with emotion. He crossed the remaining distance to where she stood, and drew her into his arms for a gentle yet firm embrace. After a moment's hesitation, she returned the gesture, and he buried his face in her hair, pleading with her not to run out on him again.
I think that was when I started seeing him as a person, and not just a job, or the asshole that killed my sister. Which is not to say we didn't get along, or we weren't friends (well, sort of), before that, but it was more a case of making the best out of a bad situation. I was there because I had to be, and it didn't matter if he wanted me there or not, or if I wanted to be there. Y'know? We were stuck with each other. Then to find out he not only wanted me there, but depended on me being there, which I guess I already knew, or should've known, but to hear him say it… It changed the whole game for me…So I reminded him that I wasn't going to be around forever. I was only human, after all. Eventually, I wouldn't have a choice.
But I wanted that to be way in the future. I thought it was over. I didn't know that--…I thought she had 50 or 60 years left. [suddenly angry] She should've, damn it! [looks at me] You all should have lived to be grey-haired old ladies. Died safe and warm in your beds surrounded by fat grandchildren. Not like…[runs out of steam, shakes head, sorrowfully] Not like they did…Your mom had the right idea, you know. Leaving?
At the mention of my mother, I wanted nothing more than to slap the shit out of him. I have always seen my mother's actions as cowardly, a slap in the face to all who had come before her. It is one of the few things Kestryl and I agree on, and though we interacted briefly when Angelus was running lose in Sunnydale, and I birthed my own daughters at her house in autumn of 1999, neither of us have ever forgiven her for lying to us about our heritage. Nonetheless, I decided to hear Angel out.
It's the only reason she's still alive, and you know it. If you stay here [meaning Kestryl and I], you know it's only a matter of time…Frankly, I don't know how you lasted this long. Especially you. By all rights, you should be dead now. After everything you went through-- What I put you through…I don't know how you survived it. Let alone how you could be sitting here talking to me.
How I survived was simple. Sheer force of will had a lot to do with it, to be sure, but he didn't become known as a master torturer by letting his victims die before he was finished with them. Angelus knew exactly how far he could push that proverbial envelope, and when he had to back off. He's a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. With today's medical technology, he could keep you alive indefinitely, if he so chose, and never run out of new and inventive ways to make you suffer. Had I been anyone else, and had he not agreed to a magically enforced deadline, I would have still been chained in a room somewhere when Buffy finally sent him to Hell, and far worse for the wear than I am now.
As to how I could sit there talking to him, by that point, I couldn't. As long as I don't have to think about it too much, I'm fine. While I'll never be able to forget, short of some magical intervention, I can usually shove it to the back of my mind, and pretend it was just some horrible nightmare with no basis in reality. But the second somebody (Angel, especially) confronts me with it, it's like I'm back in the Factory, and I have to go away. Which is what I did. I would not have any further lengthy interactions with Angel until Christmas Eve, going into Christmas Day, of that same year.
Apart from discussing the eventuality of Annie's demise, Angel and Annie also discussed how best to handle the unexpected future additions to the Gallagher/O'Connor clan. Initially, Annie stayed firmly in denial, insisting (or perhaps hoping) that what Angel had heard was in fact indigestion, and not two extra heartbeats sounding from within Annie's abdomen. He assured her that was not the case (he knew the difference between gas and a heartbeat), and the discussion moved on to what she intended to do about it.
The timing could not have been worse. Not that a better time would even have been possible, but still. It was just really shitty. While I was waiting for him to come back, I'd had a vision, sort of. Nothing real clear. Mine hardly ever were. Just vague impressions, a few random images. A war zone, which I now know was the Boxer Rebellion, in China, Darla, my dad, Dru, and this overwhelming…foreboding, I guess. I knew I was going to die. I didn't know how, yet, or when, but I knew it was coming. Soon. So I couldn't be pregnant. I just couldn't.
Of course, she was, and though she didn't want to believe it, she knew deep down that Angel was telling the truth. He had no reason to lie about such a thing, and she trusted his judgment, at least in this case. If he said he heard heartbeats, then he must have heard heartbeats. And if she really thought about it, she had sensed it too, before this. She was just too stubborn to accept it. Once Angel forced her to accept it, and once she had calmed down some, her first course of action was to find a way to rectify the situation. Though medical advancements were a long ways from the availability of safe abortions, she had heard of folk remedies that performed the same function, and she immediately began flipping through The Book in search of just that.
Of course Angel was horrified at the idea. That I would even consider such a thing, but I'm like, "What do you wanna do? Raise them?" Mommy and Grandpa Angel who drinks V-8 and sleeps all day, and for some reason never seems to get any older? It was ridiculous. Plus there was the whole impending death thing, which I didn't mention at the time, so that wasn't even an option. The way I saw it then, there was no option. I couldn't raise them, so I couldn't have them. Period. But Angel begged me to find another way. I told him, "No. You find another way. And you'd better come up with something before I do. 'Cause when I do, I'm not wasting time fucking around." Okay, I didn't say "fucking around", but that was the gist.
Well, Angel must've really thought I was gonna find something in the next 20 minutes or so, 'cause he just starts spoutin' out everything that springs to mind. For the most part, we avoided talking about anything that had to do with his past, the things he'd done, especially with regards to the family. Or if we did talk about it, I was the one that brought it up. Usually to torment him. So when he brought up The Foundling, I knew he must've been desperate. I didn't even know what The Foundling was. I had only just skimmed through The Book before that, and it had been years since I'd even opened it, except to write my own entries in it. So he had to explain to me what it was, and how he knew about it, risking any number of… less than pleasant reactions from me. Yeah, I know I was prone to mood swings. Or am. [shrugs] It runs in the family.
Having had her own less than stellar experiences in an orphanage, Annie vetoed that idea almost before Angel was done talking about it. She pointed out that, as Angel himself admitted, he had had no problem finding and killing Rebecca while she and Moira were in that very same orphanage he was now suggesting she send her own children to. He reminded her that not only had he been without a soul at the time, but he had found them because he had been watching them, following them from their infancy. She countered by reminding him of the orphanage in Belgium that she and Christiana had been in, when he and Darla had visited. While he had been unaware that Annie and Christiana had been there, he remembered the two little girls who had stolen his carriage, and he remembered the children who had failed to escape with them, and had then fallen dead at his hands. He immediately agreed that sending his newest grandchildren to an orphanage was not a viable option.
While Annie searched The Book, in vain, for some sort of herbal abortion, Angel continued to rack his brain, desperate to find an alternative before Annie found what she was looking for. There was something niggling at the back of his mind, something someone told him once, something important. He struggled to remember, as the sound of pages turning marked the passage of time, ticking off the seconds like the timer on a bomb.
I could hear him muttering next to me, and I could tell he was on the verge of something. At least I hoped he was, because I was having zero luck. Then all of a sudden, he pops up like a jack-in-the-box and goes, "The Slayer!" Which had nothing to do with anything, as far as I was concerned, then he says that Mary had mentioned training with the Slayer, which by itself was completely useless information, but it reminded me of something I had read. About the Council.
The Waiting Game
With renewed hope, Annie began flipping through The Book so vigorously she nearly tore the well worn pages. After several agonizing minutes, she finally found what she was looking for: the contact information for the Council of Watchers. She tore a blank page out of The Book and composed a letter to the Council asking for their assistance. She explained who she was, and how she knew of them, dropping all the pertinent names likely to elicit a response. While she did mention Angelus, as part of identifying herself, she didn't mention that he now had a soul, and wasn't about to admit that they were now cohabitants. Once finished, she folded the page neatly, and took it to Signore Baccini to be sent out.
While there, she discussed her situation with him, and the possibility of fixing up their room, as had been previously proposed. Nicolo was overjoyed both by Annie's news, and the prospect of cheap labor. He promised to get her the necessary materials and deliver them to the room within the next day or so, and that's how she and Angel passed the time waiting to hear back from the Council. Annie did what she could during the day, while Angel slept, and at night he took care of the bigger jobs, like replacing the window, and painting those hard to reach places. Occasionally, they worked together, when a job was too big to be completed by a single pair hands, like assembling the bed frame, or hanging the new curtains.
Despite the obvious damage to the hotel room, it turned out that it looked worse than it actually was, and the entire project was completed in less than a week. Unfortunately, that was a week in which Angel neglected his nutritional needs. He was so excited by the approaching arrival of the next generation of Gallagher twins (and perhaps a tad overprotective), that he was reluctant to leave Annie alone while he went hunting.
I remember waking up in the middle of the night, the first night after we were finished with everything. I still couldn't say for sure what it was that woke me up, but I found Angel sitting in the chair next to the bed, watching me. By itself, that wasn’t so weird. I knew he liked to watch me sleep; I'd caught him before. That didn't bother me so much. Sorta like having a guardian angel. Get it? But this time, there was just something…off about him somehow. I couldn't really see him that well in the dark, though there was some light coming in from the window, but there was something about the way he held himself, that sorta set off alarm bells. I asked him what was wrong, and even the way he said, "Nothing," just sounded really… wrong. I waved him down to my level [demonstrates], so I could feel his face, in case it was just my eyes playing tricks on me. I barely touched him, and he reels back like I slapped him.
I never jumped out of bed quite so fast in my life! Like it was on fire! I jumped up and grabbed him by the shirt collar and drug him to the door, then half pulled, half pushed, half kicked him out of it. Then I slammed the door shut behind him and locked it. I told him, "Don't come back until you handle your shit!" Or something to that effect. He tried to argue with me, saying it wasn't what I thought, he was fine, blah, blah, blah. But I wouldn't hear it. I said, "You'd better hurry up. You've only got a few more hours til sunrise!" then I turned my back on him. I think he must've stayed out there another thirty minutes or so, begging to be let back in, before he finally figured out I wasn't gonna stand down. He came back about an hour so before sunrise, I guess it was. But I made him stay out there til the last possible second. Punishment for not taking care of himself. I mean, there was really no excuse! And you can bet he took care of his shit after that!
It was nearly Christmas before they finally received a reply from the Council. They were quite familiar with her family, and said they would be more than happy to help with her situation. She would receive the best medical care the Council had at their disposal, and her children would be placed in the safest environment possible.
But they wanted us to go to the Council Headquarters in London. After everything we went through just to get to Milan, there as no way either one of us was looking to do any more traveling any time in the near future. I nearly died the last time. And especially being pregnant, with twins, there was just no way in HELL I was gonna do it again. And definitely not during the winter. I mean, Milan was pretty mild compared to some places, but it was still pretty miserable. And they wanted me to travel through even worse places to get to them? And not even pay for me to travel in style?! Yeah. Not gonna happen.
Annie wrote a return letter explaining her unwillingness and inability to travel so great a distance. She told them she would be willing to travel a shorter distance if they had offices nearby, while at the same time expressing her preference to have one of their representatives come to her. She estimated her due date, and included that in the letter as well. She sent off her reply, and the waiting game began anew. This time, due to the harsh winter weather, and the unreliability of the mail service at the time, it would be months before they received any further word from the Watchers' Council, and they began to wonder if they ever would.
In the meantime, Angel and Annie continued to live as they had been. During the day, Annie would take her meals in the hotel diner, doing some light work in the office in exchange. At night, they would eat together in their room, then Angel would spend an hour or two tending to his own nutritional needs, before taking his turn behind the desk. He always returned before Annie turned in for the night, insisting he be there to watch over her while she slept. When Annie began to grow too heavy to make the short trek to the main part of the hotel even to eat, let alone work, Annie reluctantly quit her job in the office, and Angel followed suit soon after, adamant that she needed round-the-clock care. Claiming a skin condition as the reason Angel couldn't collect their meals in Annie's place, arrangements were made to have their entrees delivered.
As winter gave way to Spring, and the days grew steadily warmer and longer, Annie's abdomen continued to grow to seemingly impossible proportions. Every day she became increasingly dependent on Angel to attend to even her most basic of needs. There had still been no word from the Council and they began to lose hope that they ever would. Annie prayed that if they did respond, their assistance would not be contingent on Annie making the journey to England. By this time, she could not have done so if she had wanted to. Her due date mere weeks away, she could barely make the journey to the bathroom.
Oh, it was awful! I couldn't even get out of bed on my own! Angel had to help me every friggin' time! Like twenty times a day or more! Seemed like I had to pee every five minutes. And then once I was up, I couldn't get back down. Angel had to help me every step of the way. Literally! And forget about bathing! It was a sink full of soapy water and a rag. More than that, and it would've been too much for either one of us to put up with. Angel was already doing everything for me as it was. I don't think he ate anything the whole time he was taking care of me. Or if he did, I never saw him. And he was lookin' pretty ragged when it was all said and done.
Lunchtime Offerings
In the late morning of Sunday, May 14, 1899, Annie finished her ritual sink-bath, then allowed Angel to help her into the cushioned rocking chair by the window, which had taken the place of the hard, straight-backed chair, at the dining table, as Annie progressed into the final trimester of her pregnancy. For what was likely the umpteenth time, Annie commented on how grotesque she thought she looked, to which Angel countered that in his eyes, she looked beautiful. He told her, "That's Life you've got there. And there's nothing more beautiful than that."
As he eased her into her chair, then took his place across from her at the table, she looked at him gratefully, and noted just how worn out he was starting to look. Though he spoke words of love and hope, his mannerisms relayed exhaustion and woe. His eyes seemed hollow and bore dark circles beneath them; his skin, if possible, appeared even paler than usual. His hair, in which he had previously taken such pride, had grown almost to his shoulders, and was now stringy and unkempt. Where he had once made it a point to shave every day, whether he needed to or not, he now had several days of growth, and was well on his way to having a full-fledged beard. Annie couldn't help but wonder how long this had been happening, and knowing the burden of caring for her was the cause, felt instantly guilty for not having noticed it sooner. She voiced her concerns, asking if he had been taking care of himself, and when he had last fed. He responded curtly that he was "fine," and flat out refused her suggestion that he take some time for himself come nightfall. As it was the first time Angel had ever spoken to her in this manner, Annie let the subject drop and the two fell into an uncomfortable silence broken by the sounds of business as usual outside their room, and the intermittent attempt by one or the other of them to make small talk. They each avoided the primary subject on both their minds. Would they ever hear back from The Watchers' Council? What were their options if they didn't?
As happened every day, a knock sounded on their door just around noon, signaling the arrival of the noon meal. Angel got up to answer it, careful to avoid the sun's rays as Sofia, the eldest Baccini child entered with the cartload of assorted lunchtime offerings. The pretty 17 year old wore a colorful sundress, befitting the warm Spring weather, her hair pulled off her neck in a loose pony tail. Angel closed the door behind the girl, and as she described the menu, Annie couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable Angel seemed in her presence. His remained firmly planted in front of the door, just to Annie's right. He held his arms rigidly at his sides, compulsively clenching and unclenching his fists, as he shifted nervously from one foot to the other as if he had to pee. The muscles in his jaw twitched as he grit his teeth, which he generally only did when he was angry. Following the direction of his gaze, Annie quickly realized that anger was not the issue currently plaguing him.
I'm pretty sure Sofia didn't notice. She was too busy trying to flirt with him. She probably thought he was staring at her boobs, which I'm sure is what she was going for in that outfit. I think she had a bit of a crush on him. But I knew he was really looking just a wee bit north. I could tell he was trying not to, bless his heart, but I think he'd just gone without for so long that he couldn't help it. He looked like he was gonna vamp out at any second. I could almost see it just beneath the surface, like he was barely holding it in, and I swear on my mother's grave-- if she had a grave-- that I actually heard him growl.
I reached out and grabbed his hand, trying to anchor him or whatever, and he squeezed back so hard I thought he was going to break my hand. Just when I was about to say, "Okay, thanks! Don't let the door hit ya!" she finally stopped yammering long enough to give us the letter. By then, I could actually feel Angel tremoring through my hand. So then I did kick her ass out. Politely, of course. Only problem was Angel was still standing in front of the door. And he was showing no signs of budging. So I kinda tugged on his arm to get his attention and I'm like [out of the side of her mouth], "Angel, let her leave!" And finally he reaches over and pulls the door open for her.
He closed it behind her, and then he really did vamp out. But just for a second, before he pulled it back in, and sorta… collapsed against the door. Then he just sat there on the floor shaking and rocking back and forth. And he screwed his eyes shut real tight [demonstrates] like it was taking all his concentration just to maintain. I felt so bad for him. I was half tempted to call her back and just let him have her. And if I'd have thought we could've gotten away with it, I just might have. I mean I was this close [holds up thumb and index finger an inch apart]. Except…[trails off as she glances toward Buffy and friends]…Nevermind. So I pulled him toward me, and I'm like, "It's okay. It's just us here. Let it out." I mean, we'd already seen each other naked and covered in yuck, so what's a couple of fangs? But he's like [mocking], "No, I can't. If I let it out, I won't be able to pull it back in!" Well, I couldn't help but laugh, and I'm like, "You just did!
Still holding Angel's hand, Annie gave his arm a short tug, drawing him near. He crawled over to her and rested his head in her lap, like a small child with his mother. She began softly stroking his hair, offering what comfort she could, as he lamented his unbidden urge to attack Sofia.
He was crying, and he said, "I wanted to hurt that girl." And I said, "I know you did. I could see it all over you. And no one could've stopped you, if you tried. And I wouldn't have blamed if you did." Then I asked him again how long it had been since he last fed. He said he couldn't remember. And I'm like, "Well, no wonder you wanted to rip her throat out!" then he's like, "No. You don't understand." And I knew he was about to tell me it wasn't just her throat he wanted to rip, but I cut him off. I said, "The point is, you didn't. And no one stopped you but you." Then I said, "We can't control our emotions, Angel. And it's pointless to even try. We feel what we feel. It can't be helped. We can only control what we do. And you did."
Annie then convinced him that given that they were alone, it was okay to relax and, "let it all fang out." After some trepidation, he did, and Annie said the change in his posture and demeanor was immediate and profound, as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders, in the simple act of revealing his true face. They spoke some more about how far Angel had come since they first met, and how much their relationship had changed since their first night together. She expressed her gratitude and appreciation for all he had done to care for her while she'd been unable to do so herself, admonishing him not to neglect himself in the process.
I said, "You still gotta look after number one." Then he looked up at me with those puppy dog eyes of his, which doesn't quite have the same effect when they're all yellow and demony, and he says, "I am." [rolls eyes] Ever the charmer.
While Angel set about serving lunch, Annie finally opened the letter Sofia had delivered from The Watchers' Council. They apologized for their thoughtlessness in asking her to travel unassisted all the way back to Britain, in the middle of winter, given her delicate condition. They went on to assure her that a representative would arrive in Italy well before her due date to provide her with any assistance she might need, before, during and after the birth. The news came as a great relief to both of them, and the tension, that been building since December, dissipated instantly.
With one less thing to worry about, Annie tried one more time to convince Angel to take some time off that evening to tend to his own needs. Angel continued to balk at the notion of leaving her alone, worried that something might happen in his absence. Annie assured him she would be fine on her own for a couple of hours, reminding him she still had several weeks before she was due to give birth. He promised to consider it, and Annie invited him to at least partake of some of the rich Italian cuisine, the Baccinis had gone out of their way to prepare for them. He declined, saying she should eat as much of it as she could, since she was eating for three. After making sure Annie had everything she needed, and asking three times if she would be all right, Angel excused himself to the bathroom, saying he wanted to clear his head with a hot soak.
As he began to strip down for his bath, Angel wondered aloud if he should shave off his beard. Annie recommended leaving it to reduce the chance of being recognized by the Council. As he voiced his agreement and turned to head towards the bath, Annie jokingly asked him if he "needed a hand", as he had frequently asked her every time she went in there. He held up both of his hands, and wriggled his fingers at her, replying that he already had two.
So I'm like, "You sure you don't need three?" And I could swear I heard him mutter something like, "I only need one." [shutters] But he refused to repeat it.
Distractions and Contractions
Angel retreated to the bath as Annie struggled to rid her mind of the disturbing image conjured by their last exchange. As if he thought he wouldn't hear her if she needed him, he left the door partly open. As she ate her lunch, she searched the room for any sort of distraction. She spied The Book lying on the nightstand by the bed, where she had been perusing it earlier. Remembering what Angel had told her about Mary's abilities, she decided to find out if she possessed any of the same gifts. Concentrating intently, she pointed at The Book, trying to get it to move with her mind. Just when it seemed like she was having some success, as The Book began to tremble as if in an earthquake, one of the developing twins kicked her so violently in the ribs she felt sure they would break. As she suddenly doubled over in pain, The Book flew across the room, knocking over several items on the food cart on its way to the table, where it crashed into some plates, and tipped over her drinking glass.
A loud splash sounded from the bathroom as Angel stopped whatever it was he was doing to ask if she was all right. Annie responded in the affirmative, taking a few deep breaths as she waited for the pain to subside. After a moment or two it did, and she opted to forego further mind exercises for the moment and returned her attention to her lunch. She began to feel nauseous after a few forkfuls and decided to lie down. Not wanting to interrupt Angel's bath, she braced herself on the table as she stood, then used the food cart for a walker as she gingerly made her way to the bed. She made it halfway before she was struck by her first contraction. As she doubled over for the second time, she inadvertently shoved the cart, sending it sailing across the room to slam into the wall by the bathroom. She toppled towards the floor, and was saved in the nick of time by Angel, stark naked and dripping wet.
He caught me just before I hit the ground, which was good, but I didn't much care for the mouthful of knee or the eyeful of… his meat and potatoes that I got in the process. Not a pretty sight. Wait. Scratch that. On second thought…
I had to cut her off there, as I didn't much want to hear her or anyone else's opinion of Angel's "meat and potatoes". I had had more than my fair share of that particular cuisine over the previous winter, and I didn't much care for it. Without Annie's colorful food metaphors, basically what happened was this. As Angel attempted to scoop Annie off the floor, she was treated to a full, unobstructed view of his matched luggage, which looked like it was packed for a three-day weekend. More than a little vexed at the sight, she tersely asked if he would mind "putting that thing away". He looked down as if just realizing his present state of undress, then promised to grant her request after she was safely put away.
She nodded her assent, and he helped her to her feet, then carefully walked her to the bed. After arranging the pillows behind her, and assuring himself that she was safe and secure, Angel stowed his belongings as he had promised, while Annie tried to explain what had happened. For reasons she couldn't fathom, she decided against telling him about her telekinesis attempt, revealing only that she had gotten sick and didn't want to bother him, then had had a contraction.
As he had been prone to do throughout her pregnancy, Angel immediately went into panic mode, instinctively running for the door. When asked what he thought he was doing, Angel stated matter-of-factly that we was going for the doctor. Annie patiently reminded him that it was the middle of the day, and went on to assure him that this was likely a false alarm. She had seen it happen with dozens of the women in her tribe, and was certain that was the case here, as it was still quite early in her pregnancy. Angel remained unconvinced, but Annie insisted she was fine, apart from feeling a little sick. She told him she was going to lie down for awhile, and asked if he would join her. He did, loosely draping his arm around her mid-section, and they both giggled when one of the babies suddenly kicked hard enough to knock him away. A few minutes later, Annie was sound asleep. As he laid there listening to her, lulled by the steady rhythm of his grandchildren's heartbeats, and the sound of the younger two shifting in their cramped living quarters, it wasn't long before sleep claimed him as well.
Sometime just before dawn, Angel was awakened by the sound of Annie whimpering softly in her sleep, and crying out as though in a nightmare. As he lightly stroked her hair in an effort to sooth her, he briefly contemplated waking her, but decided against it when she shifted positions and fell quiet once more. As he leaned over to plant a gentle kiss on her cheek, a low rumble sounded from deep within him, and he felt his fangs run out as his true face came to bare. He rolled away from her, horrified, as he realized he had neglected himself for far too long, just as Annie had feared. A voice spoke to him from deep within his subconscious, trying to convince him to seek his relief in her. Just a taste wouldn't hurt, it tried to tell him. He quickly bounded out of bed, in an effort to resist the temptation. A taste would hurt, he knew. Annie needed every drop she had for her children. Even if she were not pregnant, he knew she would have his hide for even considering such heinousness without her permission.
Instead, he moved to the door and pulled it open. He glanced over his shoulder one time to make sure Annie was still all right, then crossed the threshold to stand just outside. He scanned the immediate area in hopes that some stray animal might cross his path. At this point, though he abhorred the notion, he would even settle for a random passerby on their way home from the local tavern. He hoped Annie would forgive him if it came to that, praying with everything he had that it wouldn't. But God, it seemed, wasn’t in the mood to answer the prayers of a vampire. The street was completely devoid of life, and it began to look as though Angel would not find release without venturing farther away, which he was unwilling to do. Just when it seemed he would have to carry his burden for another day, he spied a homeless man a few yards away, shambling towards him. Angel withdrew into the shadows of the doorway, waiting for the man to pass within striking distance. He wondered if he still had enough self-control to avoid killing the man, but knew his primary concern had to be for his own well-being and not for that of the hapless stranger.
The sound of approaching footsteps warned that Angel's moment would soon arrive, and he tensed, preparing to make his move. Just when he was about to pounce, a bloodcurdling scream rang out behind him. He sighed in frustration as he closed the door, the demon within him letting out a silent scream of its own. He turned to find Annie sitting bolt upright, breathing heavily, her skin white as a sheet, face contorted in a grimace of pain and fear. Putting aside his own needs yet again, he went to her, almost seeming to teleport across the room. Her forehead was beaded with sweat, and her eyes welled up with tears as she squeezed his hand harder than he would've thought possible. She confessed it was possible that she was in the early stages of labor, but said that wasn't what had awakened her. She'd had a nightmare, or more specifically, a vision.
More of a certainty, really. I mean I'm sure the dream had more detail, but I couldn't remember it. Still can't. But I knew I wasn't gonna last much longer. I could practically see Death looming over me. Y'know, cloak, scythe, the whole nine yards. So I thought it was time to tell him what I knew while I still had the chance.
As you may already know, Christmas of 1998 was a particularly hard one. Angel had nearly lost his mind due to his torment at the hands of the First Evil and had come within a hair’s breadth of possibly killing either Buffy or himself, or both. What you may not know, is that my twin, Kestryl, was always there for him as a willing surrogate for whatever the situation called for. It’s one of the reasons we may never be as close as we once were, before coming to Sunnydale. In this particular instance, Kestryl’s blind devotion to Angel became her undoing. When he fled Buffy’s room to avoid doing the unthinkable, as The First was commanding him, Kestryl was there, as always. She never could stand to see him suffer. It was such a struggle for her, in fact, that rather than stay to support him when he was locked in the cage at Willy’s, she abandoned him to my watch, knowing she would end up releasing him, which would have had a catastrophic impact on future events. With The First incessantly taunting him like shoving a whisky bottle in the face of an alcoholic, Angel was definitely suffering that night. And Angel has never had what you’d call stellar willpower. The fact that he had enough, that night, to jump out the window was a bloody miracle. So when Kestryl offered herself to him as a willing, non world-ending substitute for Buffy, my guess is Angel hesitated for a fraction of second, if at all. He drained her dry.
I declined accompanying Buffy, as I normally would have for research and slayage, to see to it that Angel finished what he started. No matter what anyone tells you, undead is better than dead, when there are no other options. After everything Kestryl had done for him the past three years, even choosing him over me, there was no way in Hell I was going to let him leave her for dead permanently. He owed it to her to bring her back. That was the real reason he was on that hilltop waiting for the sun. Not only because he was afraid of eventually doing the same to Buffy, or that he thought the world was better off without him. He had killed the one person who had truly stuck by him. Even when he was at his absolute worst, she had been there. And he killed her, selfishly, making yet another vampire, something he had sworn to himself he would never do.
So, after the snowfall that saved his life, it seemed fitting to discuss his last days with Annie, back in 1899. After all he’d been through recently, I told him it wasn't necessary to have this conversation now, under these circumstances, but he insisted. As he, Annie, Buffy, and I sat down in his living room, waiting for Kestryl to rise, he explained, mostly to Buffy, that he felt it was important for him to finally be completely honest with her about his past. This seemed as good a time as any, and the topic was a relatively safe place to start. While human friends and undead family slowly arrived in preparation for the party Kestryl had requested as her dying wish (about 2 months prior), Annie and Angel took turns regaling Buffy and I (and others as they arrived) with Annie’s last days as a human, and her first days as a vampire. Angel began by describing the day he’d first learned Annie was going to die. He told us the first thing Annie said to him with regards to her dream, was that she wasn't "going to make it."
At first I thought she was just scared. I mean, who wouldn't be right? But she looked at me with such…conviction. She didn't just believe she was going to die, she knew it. Like she knew her own name. And she made me promise… She said she wasn't ready to go yet. That there was too much she still wanted to do. Too much she still needed to do. And I wasn't ready to lose her yet. We'd come so far. And we had finally… We were a family. And I couldn't lose that. Not yet. So I promised. I didn't wanna do it, but she made me. She made me promise.
Angel actually made several promises that night. The first, of course, was not to let her stay down when Death came to claim her. The second (though unnecessary) was to make sure her children were safe and well-cared for, in case she didn't survive to see to it herself. She wanted them to have a family, and not grow up in an orphanage or someplace equally cold and unfeeling. Additionally, she knew the Council would not understand or accept the new leaf Angel had turned over. If for any reason, they learned who he really was, they would go to great lengths to destroy him. She made him promise to do whatever he had to, to ensure that didn't happen, from keeping his identity secret, to killing them if necessary. His life, she told him, was far more important than any of theirs. Last, when it was all over, apart from seeing that she wasn't buried, she wanted him to chronicle his crimes in the Family Diary, or at least the ones he had committed against their people.
Angel made his promises, some more willingly than others, and the conversation moved on to other things. She finally told him about her earlier attempt at telekinesis which had preceded her collapse that afternoon. Despite his objections, she made a second endeavor, asserting that her previous efforts were not the cause of her fall. She went on to remind him that she was already in bed, and hence had nothing to worry about if she was wrong. As before, she pointed across the room at The Book. This time, with no distracting contractions to interfere, it floated over without incident, landing squarely in her outstretched hands. He congratulated her success, and after a brief celebration, she told him of the vision she had had the day she'd first learned of her pregnancy.
She said I had to go back. To Darla. I didn't want to. Not then. But she said it was "one of those things." That I didn't have a choice. Any more than she'd [Annie] had a choice about her life. Or I than chose to become a vampire.
That chapter of his life wasn't over, Annie explained. It could never be over until he went back and revisited it. He had never chosen to become a vampire. He didn't decide to regain his soul. Leaving Darla hadn't been his choice either. He needed to start again, and make the decision for himself. Until he did, he would never fully actualize the destiny the Powers-That-Be intended for him. Annie explained all of this to Angel that night, just as she explained it on Kestryl's re-birthday. Angel was of the opinion that the Powers were out to screw with him, and he therefore didn't much care what They wanted. He cared about Annie, though, and if it was what she wanted, then he was willing to go along with it. It wasn't at all what she wanted, but at the time she told him it was, since it was the only way he would agree.