(no subject)
Oh god so i find out that apart from my 3 brothers i have now, I actually have 7 more stepbrothers and sisters that my dad has had with other women, the fucker is starting a fucking franchise or something. That brings my total to 9 broters and sisters because the 3 I know are also stepbrothers. I also have the chance to meet my dad for the first time, he someone called my house and told my mom he wanted to see me. After all these years the fucker wants to see me at fucking 19, GG fucker where were you the first 18? I dont think I'll go see him though, I think my anger and hate will get the best of me and I'll end up getting violent, plus I dont need a father figure in my life, I didnt have one for 19 years and I dont think I need one now. I should get a court order to get him fucking castrated.
So Ive been having weird ass dreams lately and yeah I want to stop having them. Someone always dies near the end and yeah then I wake up all paranoid and shit.
Also Ive realized that the whole "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" mentality is completely bullshit, at least in my opinion. I mean what if you love a person but lets say the person dies, if you really loved that person your going to miserable for a long time or maybe all your life yet If you had never fallen in love that would have saven all the pain. And like I said before I highly doubt love exists anymore, maybe it did at one time but not anymore. Our society is too fucked up in order for love to continue in existence.
Which gets me thinking, why do we have to die? What if you finally reached true happiness very late in life with someone but its too late because you'll die soon. or what if you reach it early in life but that someone is taken away from you? seriously wtf! why cant we all just be immortal or something. I know that if we were all immortal this planet would be overcrowded and stuff so let me rephrase that, why cant certain people who really deserve it be immortal? I know for sure that I dont deserve it but what if one day I change and I do.
My mom always tells me that I have a very bad attitude towards life and people and that she wishes I'd change but she knows she cant. But she says that one day Im going to meet someone that'll be worth changing for and that that person will make me into a better person that I always shouldve been. Is she right? I dont know but hopefully I still have enough time to find out.
So Ive been having weird ass dreams lately and yeah I want to stop having them. Someone always dies near the end and yeah then I wake up all paranoid and shit.
Also Ive realized that the whole "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" mentality is completely bullshit, at least in my opinion. I mean what if you love a person but lets say the person dies, if you really loved that person your going to miserable for a long time or maybe all your life yet If you had never fallen in love that would have saven all the pain. And like I said before I highly doubt love exists anymore, maybe it did at one time but not anymore. Our society is too fucked up in order for love to continue in existence.
Which gets me thinking, why do we have to die? What if you finally reached true happiness very late in life with someone but its too late because you'll die soon. or what if you reach it early in life but that someone is taken away from you? seriously wtf! why cant we all just be immortal or something. I know that if we were all immortal this planet would be overcrowded and stuff so let me rephrase that, why cant certain people who really deserve it be immortal? I know for sure that I dont deserve it but what if one day I change and I do.
My mom always tells me that I have a very bad attitude towards life and people and that she wishes I'd change but she knows she cant. But she says that one day Im going to meet someone that'll be worth changing for and that that person will make me into a better person that I always shouldve been. Is she right? I dont know but hopefully I still have enough time to find out.