Don't Leave Me (1/4)
Title: Don’t Leave Me (1/4)
Rating: FRT/PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Morgan/Reid, implied Hotch/Garcia, the BAU team, Tobias Hankel
Warnings: ANGST, slash, implied childhood abuse, violence, VERYsick!Reid, unbetaed so all mistakes are mine
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I just play with them.
Spoilers: Up to the end of Season Five.
Summary: Sometimes, we really don’t know what we have until it’s threatened to be taken from us. Morgan experiences this as Reid is gunned down during an assignment and sent to the hospital in critical condition. He starts feeling some new emotions that he hadn’t planned on as he watches as doctors try and revive an extremely sick Reid.
“Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone?” -Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell
“A misery is not to be measured from the nature of the evil, but the temper of the sufferer.” -Joseph Addison
“Martin Smith!”
The unsub stopped running, but he was still faced the other way.
“Turn around slowly and put your hands on your head!” Derek wasn’t kidding around with this guy. Several dead bodies, long hours and extra strain on the team had him riled up enough to know that there might not be another chance.
Tensing slightly, the other man turned. Something wasn’t right though; he wore a half-grin.
“Hands on your head!”
When the man didn’t move, Derek was starting to get worried. He was unpredictable and the other man was making an unusual sort of tension between them. He didn’t like it.
“Do it now!”
Suddenly,the unsub fired a pistol that had been hidden in his pocket. Derek was vaguely aware of whistling by his head but the only thing he cared about was pulling the trigger on his own gun. Opening fire, he hit the man with a hail of bullets. Stumbling back, the man tumbled backward and was dead before he hit the ground.
Lowering his gun, he sighed, taking in the gunpowder smell that surrounded him. Another man was dead by his hand, struck down because he was too lazy and worthless to accept the punishment he deserved for his actions.
He heard calls and faint cries from behind him. The team rushed to a huddled circle near the ground. Hotch got up and got on his cell phone.
He heard the weak cry and his heart froze.
Spencer.
“Reid!” he ran over and joined the team over the injured FBI agent. He felt his chest heave heavily at the sight of Reid.
He looked like a broken doll casually laid out on the pavement. An angry crimson was spreading from his stomach. A small pool was forming under him, as if the ground itself was bleeding. Derek secretly wished it was.
“Hey there, Reid,” Derek said, kneeling down.
His eyelids fluttered and looked up through narrow eyes, his brown eyes slightly cloudy.
“Hey,” came the weak response.
“Why are you always getting hurt?” he said, nudging the agent.
“Not all of us have great luck,” Reid coughed. His eyes were watering over slightly.
“You’re going to be fine,” Derek answered Reid, going as far as to lay his hand on his shoulder.
“Stop…stop trying…trying,” Reid was struggling.
“Don’t talk. Save it okay? Hotch called for an ambulance a couple minutes ago.”
Reid coughed pitifully but would not let his gaze go anywhere but Morgan’s.
“Whatever…happens,” he said, pausing slightly, “don’t…leave me.”
A lump formed in his throat.
“Nothing is going to happen you, Pretty Boy.”
“Promise,” his voice was weaker and it made them all that much more nervous.
“I promise.”
Reid laid his head back as the ambulance arrived.
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“I’m Doctor Morrow,” a middle aged doctor with typical male pattern baldness said, shaking the hands of the BAU team, “and you must be his team, I assume.”
“Yes, I’m Agent Aaron Hotchner, this is Agent Emily Prentiss, Agent Jennifer Jareau and Agent Derek Morgan.” He pointed out the other agents but kept his eyes on the doctor. “How is Reid?”
“Agent Reid is in our intensive care unit. The gunshot wound nearly went completely through him. He has some extensive internal bleeding and bruising.”
“What happens now?”
“He is on his way into surgery,” Dr. Morrow said, “you are all welcome to stay in the waiting room, but there is nothing else I can tell you. I’m sorry but I’m being paged.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” The man nodded and hurried off.
“Well, I’m going to stay,” Derek said.
“Me too,” Prentiss and J.J. said at the same time.
“I know we are all upset about this,” Hotch said, “but I don’t think it’s wise for everyone to be here. Especially now, when Reid is in surgery and not conscious.”
“I’m not leaving, Hotch,” Derek said, “I promised him I wanted leave. Besides someone should be here for him when he gets out.”
Hotch nodded and kept his ideas to himself.
“Okay, well, I think for the rest-“
“I’m coming, I’m coming!” yelled a red-haired Garcia, who was galloping down the hall in leopard-print shoes, causing the nursing staff to stop what they were doing. Hotch sighed as she rest of the BAU team started laughing.
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He was awake.
He was back at his childhood home, wearing one of his favorite sweater vests and messenger bag, but he wasn’t a child like the last time he had been here. Everything was as he remembered and he ran his fingers over books and scanned loose leaf papers that were scattered everywhere.
Where am I?
Physically he knew where he was. His childhood home. The last time he had been there was that day that they took her away.
But everything was…
“Unreal?”
He reached for a gun that strangely wasn’t there and spun to face the voice. That voice…no, it couldn’t be. It couldn’t be.
He stood face to face with Tobias Hankel, who was drinking a beer and sitting at the table in his kitchen.
He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
“Long time, no see,” the man said taking a swig, “care for a drink?”
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Derek didn’t want to admit how concerned he was for Reid. He didn’t need to be a profiler to see the way the doctors and nurses hushed their voices around him and the team.
“Hey Chocolate Love.”
He looked up and grinned at Garcia, who was holding out a cup of coffee.
“Hey Baby Girl.”
“Did you get any sleep?”
“It was a long night.”
“I can give you a long night,” she whispered suggestively.
` “Long night?” he had asked the genius as he put another packet of sugar in his coffee.
“Very,” Reid had answered.
“My man.”
“Not that kind of long night.”
Garcia sat down next to him and looked worried.
“I know you are worried.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Derek, this is me you are talking to,” she said to him, her tone sharp, “you have been tense and haven’t left this hospital for a day. I’m not a profiler, Derek, but I can tell you aren’t fine.”
He nodded and took a sip of the coffee. He sputtered. It was absolutely horrible.
“Worse than BAU coffee?” she asked.
“Not quite,” he said with a wink.
Just then, there was a blaring noise, followed by several nurses and some doctors. There was obviously something wrong. Feeling sick, Derek knew it had something to do with Reid.
He got up from his chair and grabbed a nurse.
“What’s going on? Does it have to do with Agent Spencer Reid?”
The nurse blinked, shocked.
“There are some complications with Agent Reid,” she sputtered out, shocked that he would know anything. Then, she hurried off with the other nurses.
Derek couldn’t take it. He slammed the nearest wall, causing the coffee cup to spill and clatter to the floor. He left Garcia in the waiting room. He needed a walk of fresh air to calm him. He needed to calm down before he did something he might regret.
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Tobias looked exactly as he had in the graveyard. He had been transposed into this private place of his. Tobias was intruding on this personal place and memory and he didn’t like it.
“What are you doing here?” he finally asked.
“I should be asking you the same thing,” Tobias said. He didn’t meet his gaze.
“Where is here?”
“You don’t know? I think I got stuck here because of you,” he finished the can, “I’ve seen this place…my childhood definitely wasn’t this happy.”
He felt violated, open and exposed. This man, this person who had caused him nightmares and addiction, was in a safe place. It was a truly safe space. Not anymore.
“I mean…” but he didn’t know what he meant. “I was doing something right before this…I was with the team…”
“You were shot, Spencer,” he said, his voice so obviously Tobias and drawn out.
“I…I remember that,” he said, piecing it together, “am…am I dead?”
“Not yet.”
His heart started breathing fast and he sat down next to Tobias. Dying? He must be seeing things. There was a chemical influx, coursing through his unconscious brain that creates visions and…
“You are limbo,” Tobias said, locking eyes with him. His eyes were dark, lifeless. It went chills down Reid’s spine.
“Stop reading my thoughts! It’s really freakin’ disturbing!”
It came out more like a squeak than a threat.
“You say it like I want to,” Tobias said nonchalantly.
Honestly, he felt like pouting and throwing a temper. Maybe it was because of being surrounding by his childhood things and memories that were flooding his mind. Whatever the reason, he sat down across from the other man.
“This is just…”
“Beyond explanation?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Genius only goes so far, Spencer. You know this better than anyone.” Tobias pulled back his sleeves and to his horror, fresh track marks appeared.
He was right of course, but it wasn’t fair.
He sat for a couple minutes in silence.
“Am I stuck here?”
“Something is holding you back,” Tobias said, “or someone.”
Reid blushed despite the fact that the other man had an innate knowledge of him. Morgan…things left unsaid…undone…regrets…
“Yes.” There was no lying with the supernatural. It was beyond him. “But why are you here?”
“To help you.”
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Derek might have gotten an hour of sleep when the nurse woke him up. Garcia had fallen asleep next to him.
“Agent Morgan?”
He had almost jumped up and had his hand half-way to his gun.
“Yes. How is he?”
“He is stable for the moment. He is currently in the observation deck for a while. After he is stable, then he will be moved into the normal area.”
“Which room? I would like to inform our superior.”
And he wanted to be with him…
“We aren’t certain yet, but we will notify you when he is moved.”
“Thank you.”
He shook Garcia softly.
“Baby Girl…”
“Mmm…you are such a cute little panda…”
“Baby Girl,” he said a little louder.
“I swear it was Hotch!” she hollered as she woke up. Slowly realizing where she was, her eyes slit and she looked over at Derek.
“Any top secret informant that I mumbled in my sleep is classified.”
“Haha, what is Hotch’s fault?”
She flushed.
“Why did you wake me up?” she changed the subject. Derek let it go.
` “Pretty Boy is out of surgery. He’s stable.”
“Good,” she smiled slightly, “now, don’t bother me unless you can go visit Reid or something happens to the world-wide web.”
“Yes ma’am.”
She settled into his shoulder and started to doze off. Tomorrow she would talk to him about Reid. Tomorrow she would tell the stupid man to act on his feelings.
But then again, she’d seen the way he acted and how he hadn’t left the hospital yet. Maybe destiny was going to beat her to it.
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Reid was caught off guard. The house shifted slightly and he felt like he was spinning.
“What the hell?”
The house groaned and stopped. Settling noises? Yeah right, more like a shift in reality.
“So, why do you think you are hanging on? It’s obvious that it is because of this colleague, Derek Morgan, but why?”
He would never get used to having his thoughts read like common dialogue.
“Regrets. Things left…unsaid.”
“I see.”
And Reid looked away to look at the fridge and the little magnets. Little things his mother had brought back from her many escapades. It made him miss his mother more and realized that he couldn’t even think of leaving. Not only for Derek but for her as well. They both were the reason he was hanging on.
Suddenly, he started to feel claustrophobic and felt like he was gasping at straw instead of air. He wanted to get out. He didn’t want to be stuck here anymore. His heart started to pound.
“I need to get out.”
Tobias didn’t move.
“I need to get out! I need to get out! I need to get out!” he started yelling and couldn’t stop, “I need to get out! I need to get out now!”
Before his eyes, Tobias’ face morphed into faces he’d never seen before. Morphing and growing like a blob in a bad science fiction film. It was so heavy, so big, that soon…little cracks started to form and light started to radiate from him as his face was going to burst. Shielding his eyes, colors turned into bright light and burst from the figure that had been Tobias.
Lights, colors, sounds…everywhere around him. He tried to fight it but there was pressure holding him down. Something was keeping him from moving.
Hands?
“Spencer.”
It wasn’t Tobias.
“Doctor Reid.”
And he opened his eyes.
“Hello Doctor Reid.”
Light burned his eyes and the buzzing of medical equipment buzzed irritatingly. A doctor was over him, along with several nurses. He was in the hospital. Awake and alive.
He felt the pain and memory of what had happened hit him like a brick to the gut. He went to take in a deep breath and started coughing and sputtering, finding a tube winding through his nose and his stomach wrapped in heavy fabric.
“Easy Doctor Reid. Welcome back. Get some rest now, okay? You’ve had a rough couple days.”
Before he could say anything, the doctor gave him some medicine to help him.
He sighed and shut his eyes for some rest.
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Derek was distraught. Maybe that was why he found himself praying in the hospital chapel, somewhere he’d never thought he would ever be in. It wasn’t for him, he felt he was too far gone, but for Reid’s soul. He had gone under again and had been rushed again into surgery.
Why?
He felt like he was back in his childhood, praying for some answers and relief. Maybe, there was some hope for him. He didn’t know if Spencer believed in God, but he hoped that he did.
Hotch broke his silent reverie by sitting down next to him.
“This isn’t your fault.”
“It should have been me.”
Hotch sat back and looked forward.
“Then I’d be talking to Reid right now, saying exactly the same thing about you.”
He was silent. There was nothing for him to say.
“When Haley was killed,” Hotch said with a soft sigh, “I went over countless scenarios in my mind about how I could have saved her.”
“It was beyond your control, Hotch.”
“I know that now.”
The silence in the air directed itself at Derek, as if to say, ‘do you?’
There was silence for what seemed like the longest minute of his life. Derek was certain his thoughts and emotions were loud enough to bounce off the hallowed walls and have the whole hospital know what was going on in his mind.
“I see,” he finally said.
“When you are done, follow me. Reid was moved into a hospital room.”
TBC
Author's Note: Hey, I've been on a semi-hiatus for a while. School, work, you know the drill. Hope to be around more. This series is going to be a mixture of ideas I've been throwing around in my head for a while. Hopefully, lot more fic to come. :) As always, comments are the reason I do this. I love feedback..way too much actually...lol