The Reason Why (3/3)
Title: The Reason Why (3/3)
Author: rowena_dawson
Rating: FRM/R
Length: ~1,198
Pairings/Characters: Morgan/Reid, Garcia
Warnings: ANGST, slash, implied childhood abuse, language, some fluff, unbetaed
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I just play with them.
Spoilers: Episode 2.12 "Profiler, Profiled"
Summary: Derek finally calls Spencer and he goes to explain everything.
Author's Note: This fic deals with triggering childhood abuse.
Author's Note 2: This one seems a little short, but I feel like it ended just at the right place. Comments/love appreciated as always. :3
Spencer looked like shit.
As he awkwardly walked into the man’s spotless apartment, he couldn’t help but notice that the bags under his eyes looked almost purple. It made him a little sick to think he might be the reason for that.
His gaze swung around the room and ultimately landed on the empty whiskey bottles in the sink.
“Do you want something to drink?” he said awkwardly.
“I’m fine. Look, I came here to say about what I said…”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Spencer bitterly retorted, “I don’t need your sympathy.”
“No, you don’t understand…”
“Understand?” Spencer spat out, “I don’t understand what is going on? I asked you out and you said no. You never gave me a reason why. Then, you take off for home right after our discussion and you leave me wondering what the hell is going on…”
“Spencer, I-“
“Please,” Spencer interrupted. Derek stopped in his tracks.
“And now,” he continued, “after everything that has happened, you want to talk to me and act like nothing has happened. What do you expect from me?”
His forehead looked like it was throbbing and he took a couple deep breaths but he stopped talking.
Derek didn’t try to touch him. He didn’t try to refute anything Spencer had just said. He was right in some aspects and he couldn’t deny he’d been a total ass to him.
“Can I talk now?” he asked calmly.
“I hope so.”
“Spencer, please. It’s my turn.”
Spencer looked a little put-out but he remained silent.
“I…well, when you asked me out, Spencer, I didn’t think. I-I have never had…um, a boyfriend before.”
Spencer attitude shifted to a little lighter.
“I mean, I am bisexual,” he continued, “But uh…geez, this is hard…”
He put his head in his hands and sighed before looking up at Spencer. He was looking at him with an unreadable and slightly confused expression.
“Do you, remember that case back in Chicago about me being the prime suspect?”
“Yes of course. When we found out Carl Buford was the unsub. He had been covering up childhood molestation charges.”
“There was a reason that Hotch and Gideon didn’t tell you about how we got Buford to confess.”
Spencer looked confused.
“Um, there was another key piece of the puzzle with the same experience and the same charges.”
“Really? Who?”
“Me.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That little word sent Spencer’s mind spinning. The unsub had…hurt Derek as a child? He had touched him? He felt uncharacteristic anger course through him. It made some things more clear, like the way the man didn’t let too many people really close to him.
His eyes must have widened because Derek’s expression changed too.
“Derek,I-“
“I really don’t want to hear it, okay?” he said softly.
“What…what changed now?”
“Besides you?”
Spencer swallowed hard and nodded. He knew he must be blushing.
“That visit home I just got back from. I went home and finally talked about it with my momma. It only really started to get worse when I tried to act upon advances of a certain male colleague…”
“I-I thought you weren’t interested.”
“Why do you think I call you Pretty Boy?”
It was all starting to make sense to Spencer, his brain making the logical connections.
“Just…why didn’t you tell me?” Spencer pleaded angrily, “I’ve been thinking you were upset over me, wanting to transfer out…”
“What? No, I would never do that. My story is really a mood-killer isn’t it?”
“I think I could have handled it.”
“Okay, okay.” Derek put his hands in the air in mock surrender.
There was an awkward silence between them. Neither really knew what to say next.
“Well, it’s getting late,” Derek said, “maybe I should go.”
“No, stay,” Spencer responded, “I’ll..I’ll make you something to drink.”
Derek grinned.
“You trying to get me drink?” he laughed.
“Wha-no,” Spencer answered, blushing a shade close to crimson.
“Haha, okay. I’m really not in the mood for a drink. Why don’t you just come over here with me?”
Wobbling like a newborn foal, Spencer sat down next to him. He had been so angry before at Derek, but just looking into those deep, soulful eyes, he knew he was fucked. The other man was so close, it was easy to close the distance with a soulful kiss.
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Spencer tasted like mint and coffee. He was so soft and so beautiful. His tongue danced in his mouth causing a groan to escape his lips. He felt the other man smile before his tongue rubbed up against his own.
He pulled back. Spencer was flushed and looked debauched. God, it did things to him…
“What?” Spencer asked, slightly hurt.
“We have…we have to go slow…” Derek said. He thought he might have to spell it all out for him about his intimacy issues.
But Spencer understood. He kissed him on the cheek and pulled him into a lover’s embrace.
“It’s never your fault,” Derek whispered in his ear and kissed the man back, “please remember that.”
“I will, Derek.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day, Derek returned to work a changed man. Spencer was feeling damn good too. In real life, unrequited love really sucks and now, the weight of this type of painful love was gone. Of course, it was hard acting like nothing had changed between them when all Spencer wanted to do was run over and kiss the man against his desk. Derek was also finding it very hard to concentrate on anything but the mop of chestnut hair that was Spencer.
Spencer was in the middle of some mundane paperwork when he received an e-mail from Garcia telling him to come into her lair.
“Enter and be graced with my presence,” she called as he stepped in.
“You wanted me, Garcia?”
“Ooo!” she yelped as she spun around, “so, how did it go with Chocolate Love?”
“Um, I don’t see how this is appropriate for the workplace.”
She squealed happily. Spencer covered his ears.
“Ow.”
“You two are in love, I can see it!”
“I would appreciate it if this conversation remains confidential,” Spencer said with a blush.
“What conversation?” she grinned sheepishly, “But, seriously, genius, I’m going to need details!!”
“Bye Garcia,” he said quickly before leaving the room.
Garcia grinned before getting back to her computer. She gave herself an imaginary point on her matchmaking chart. Next up, Hotch and herself….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later that night, the two agents were nestled together in Spencer’s bed, touching, kissing and whispering to each other. No one else existed between them. Spencer was learning quickly that Derek had a hard time being touched. Certain places would make him freeze up and freak out. He was learning this by some experimentation, and was willing to wait it out with him. He was worth it.
“I’m going to see a counselor,” he said to Spencer, pushing back strands of hair from his face. “I want this to work. I want us to work and I’m willing to work for it.”
Spencer almost cried at the thought of us and he choked up slightly.
“I want us to work too. More than anything.”
“I want us too.”
The End