(no subject)
Richard came to see me at the Eagle last night. Due tot he low energy of the place (even though it was getting crowded), we left to go to Cruising at Nowhere. We had more fun there, it was cooler (temperature-wise), and cuter, especially when Blaise and Riley and Co. came by. He took me home, and we had fun.
This afternoon, when we woke up, we had great sex. He came inside of me (on, me, in me, it doesn't matter as long as he comes), which I always love, but it's rare. He's come in my presence a total of 6 times in the 3+ months we've been together.... Yet for most of that he's gotten me off close to 50. I feel selfish in that regard, but coming for him is not a priority. In fact, his comment afterwards, has always been "that never happens."
He took me out for brunch and drinks afterwards... and he looked at me, in the way that he used to all the time, which he has done lately, but not as consistently. he sent me on my way this evening, as Arnold was coming home, and I could not be there...
...He's made it clear that he won't leave Arnold for me. I don't expect him to. We've only been seeing each other for a little more than a few months. But also, why should I be happy with playing second fiddle - This side course? I feel so much that I deserve better tahn that. And I feel shameful in rationalizing that I have not gotten a better offer in a few years.
I don't want to give him up, but I feel very much that I am being made to be a side dish, relationship wise. Yeah, I'm where the sex comes in, but beyond that... I'm not going to be able to have beyond that... It's been spelled out.
Thsi is what's been going on in my head all night...
This afternoon, when we woke up, we had great sex. He came inside of me (on, me, in me, it doesn't matter as long as he comes), which I always love, but it's rare. He's come in my presence a total of 6 times in the 3+ months we've been together.... Yet for most of that he's gotten me off close to 50. I feel selfish in that regard, but coming for him is not a priority. In fact, his comment afterwards, has always been "that never happens."
He took me out for brunch and drinks afterwards... and he looked at me, in the way that he used to all the time, which he has done lately, but not as consistently. he sent me on my way this evening, as Arnold was coming home, and I could not be there...
...He's made it clear that he won't leave Arnold for me. I don't expect him to. We've only been seeing each other for a little more than a few months. But also, why should I be happy with playing second fiddle - This side course? I feel so much that I deserve better tahn that. And I feel shameful in rationalizing that I have not gotten a better offer in a few years.
I don't want to give him up, but I feel very much that I am being made to be a side dish, relationship wise. Yeah, I'm where the sex comes in, but beyond that... I'm not going to be able to have beyond that... It's been spelled out.
Thsi is what's been going on in my head all night...