Questionable Content
There’s not much to write, except the same ‘ol humdrum of day to day couchness of a potato.
I could go into details, like how my mouth tastes like I’ve recently enjoyed a poop sandwich in the mornings probably due to the excessive amount of vitamins I’m now taking morning and night, or how there’s a spot on my head that feels lumpier than the rest, possibly from banging my head repeatedly against the wall, or how my foot is peeling like the skin of a rotten orange…
Instead, suffice it to say that this sucks.
I’ve been really tired this weekend, and Dave thinks I just went too far in trying to help, so yesterday and today I caved and just did nothing. Ok, ok…. Some of you know me too well, so I did MOSTLY nothing. I feel like shit for it, really, but while he’s busy doing everything else, I’m busy pitifully playing farmer on the new Facebook “craze” of “FarmTown” and “Farmville”. How dull do things have to be for me to be excited when my strawberries are ready to be harvested so I could buy the pumpkin seedlings? And it’s /really/ cool when someone sends me a sheep…. I’ve yet to find a place that sells Velcro gloves, though, because rumor has it that the gardening gloves just don’t have the same grip.
Yep. It’s that bad.
Dave’s been encouraging me to nap through the day again, but I find I’m having little luck with that - I feel like I should be able to, but simply can’t sleep. Maybe I should be taking more chamomile tea, after all. I don’t know if that is what helped me sleep the last couple of nights, but if it works, I’m not going to spite it.
And if it stops working, I’ll get Dave to sit on my head and smother me.
Or Desi. She seems to thoroughly enjoy sitting on people. And little dogs. And annoying cats. Wow. She’s more useful than I figured!
I’ve had people, on occasion, complain to me about having cabin fever or being bored after a day or two. If any of those people are reading this, please disregard what I’m about to say as personal - it’s just a frustration vent.
There are some comments that make me seriously want to lash out - comments such as “Oh, that’s nothing. You should have MY knees….” Or “I’m SO bored. I wish I had something to do….” Or “You’ll be walking in NO time. I should know - my therapists’ sister’s boyfriend told me so…” What makes you think I want to trade knees with anyone? Not to mention that several of these people have not actually bothered to look up the kind of damage I did to myself, which is why I’ve posted links to be read and understood. But certain people don’t need to read those, because they already know all about it, right?
You’re fucking wrong. Please go and do the reading. And just so you know, I’ve talked to people who have PERSONALLY had both ligament tears and a TPF at different times, and if they could switch would take the ligament tears in a heart beat. Don’t tell me how much you know about it when you really don’t know shit. I’m sick of comparing battle scars and wounds. Ok, you have bad knees. So what. I’ll trade anyone knees that can walk right now because obviously they’ve got more mobility than I do. At least I’d be able to drag my sorry ass to Timmy Ho-ho’s to get a fix…. “My knees are worse because a monkey chewed the knee cap out. Now my knee looks like a set of lips. “ I don’t care!!! I’m miserable. I’m openly miserable. Please leave me to it without telling me how you have it worse. You really think I want to hear that a friend of mine is in daily pain and discomfort? That’s not comforting at all! I’m not going to take solace in someone else’s misery... although, maybe I should so that I can ping them over the head with a dildo just to watch the horrified expressions on their faces.
This isn’t a competition. It is simply a reality, and right now it is my entire reality. So please, take your competition somewhere else, right now, because this is all I really have to truly focus on right now. Sure, I’d like something else to do to focus my attention on… but that something else tends to be more physical, such as swimming or running or kickboxing or… how I’d love to do this again… capoeira!! Sadly, none of these activities will be something I can partake in for quite some time… possibly some of them will be a lifelong absence. I’m going to try to avoid that scenario, but it’s one that I’ve simply had to look at.
I’ll admit I’m a bear with an attitude treading on the edge of an unhappy rainbow… please don’t make me share that rainbow. I’m sure you won’t like where it ends up.
Tomorrow is my next appointment with the operating surgeon. I’m really not sure what to think or what to expect, so I’ll think of nothing, and expect the same. While I’m hoping for a hinged knee brace so that I can start working on the range of motion in my knee, I’m wondering if it isn’t too soon… so instead I’ll just hope for some sort of progress, and be happy with what I get…