new year's resolution
So last year I resolved to love myself unconditionally. After I made that resolution, lots of good things started happening. I still struggle with hating on myself sometimes, but I have made a lot of progress.
I wasn't really thinking of a resolution this year. I've started going through an anxiety workbook that Dan bought for me. It's a 12 week program and I am going to do my best to stick with it. That was kind of it as far as self-improvement went, though.
Dan is doing his internship interview gauntlet, so I thought I'd try to plan ahead something to do every night while he's gone. Tonight it was 'make chicken noodle soup' (which I did) and 'get a hold of your budget.' I signed up for mint.com and took a look at my finances. I have come to the conclusion that the mindless use of my credit card has got to stop - that I should only be taking it out at the gas station, the grocery store, and the pharmacy, and if I want anything else it needs to come from my weekly petty cash.
I'm not an idiot when it comes to my credit card usage - I haven't been religious about paying the full balance every month but I am by no means relying on it to maintain a lifestyle I can't really afford. I got slammed this month with a car repair and Christmas gifts, for example. But I rely on it sometimes to feel, if only for the time it takes to purchase something, more 'normal.' It is an emotionally driven thing - I've written about that before here, I think, how I sometimes just get this overpowering desire to spend money and acquire things.
Something occurred to me tonight. A small thesis. It's that my desire to consume is an inversion of my desire to create. I have a creative side that doesn't often have an outlet. Deep down and locked up is the teenage girl who cared a lot about poetry. I have tamped down pretty hard on a lot of that side of me. And I wonder if some issues I have related to self-discipline - eating crappy, using my credit card to buy something when I don't have cash in my wallet - are sort of being driven by a frustrated drive to create.
So maybe that's a new year's resolution. When I have the urge to consume - to spend money on stuff I don't need, to eat junk food - step back. Think about the last time I sat down and made something, or wrote something, or cooked something. And maybe if I commit to creativity it will be easier to appreciate what I have and be satisfied. Just a thought.
I wasn't really thinking of a resolution this year. I've started going through an anxiety workbook that Dan bought for me. It's a 12 week program and I am going to do my best to stick with it. That was kind of it as far as self-improvement went, though.
Dan is doing his internship interview gauntlet, so I thought I'd try to plan ahead something to do every night while he's gone. Tonight it was 'make chicken noodle soup' (which I did) and 'get a hold of your budget.' I signed up for mint.com and took a look at my finances. I have come to the conclusion that the mindless use of my credit card has got to stop - that I should only be taking it out at the gas station, the grocery store, and the pharmacy, and if I want anything else it needs to come from my weekly petty cash.
I'm not an idiot when it comes to my credit card usage - I haven't been religious about paying the full balance every month but I am by no means relying on it to maintain a lifestyle I can't really afford. I got slammed this month with a car repair and Christmas gifts, for example. But I rely on it sometimes to feel, if only for the time it takes to purchase something, more 'normal.' It is an emotionally driven thing - I've written about that before here, I think, how I sometimes just get this overpowering desire to spend money and acquire things.
Something occurred to me tonight. A small thesis. It's that my desire to consume is an inversion of my desire to create. I have a creative side that doesn't often have an outlet. Deep down and locked up is the teenage girl who cared a lot about poetry. I have tamped down pretty hard on a lot of that side of me. And I wonder if some issues I have related to self-discipline - eating crappy, using my credit card to buy something when I don't have cash in my wallet - are sort of being driven by a frustrated drive to create.
So maybe that's a new year's resolution. When I have the urge to consume - to spend money on stuff I don't need, to eat junk food - step back. Think about the last time I sat down and made something, or wrote something, or cooked something. And maybe if I commit to creativity it will be easier to appreciate what I have and be satisfied. Just a thought.