"and i am bound in that direction." - Kaoru/Toshiya - 1/1.
Title: and i am bound in that direction.
Chapters: 1/1.
Author: route337
Genre: Romance.
Rating: PG.
Band: Dir en grey.
Pairing: Kaoru/Toshiya.
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Am a liar.
Summary: The hardest thing to do in life is to pretend that it doesn't hurt to be alone.
Notes: For cateris.
The hardest thing to do in life is to pretend that it doesn't hurt to be alone.
In the Jardin des Tuileries, Toshiya was feeding the ducks. People walked past him with odd looks on their faces, as if they knew who he was. And perhaps they did, but that's not what bothered him; what bothered Toshiya was that his certain somebody wasn't there. That he wasn't there with his black, shiny hair falling into his eyes, his defenses down, smiling and laughing, just the way...-
Toshiya loved Kaoru. He loved Kaoru to the point where he wondered if it was physically possible to love someone so much. Why does it have to be so hard? Is it in human nature to fall in love with somebody we know we'll never have?
Autumn is an ugly season. The trees are too bare, the sky is too grey, the wind is too strong, people dress in black every day as if their main purpose in life was to attend a never ending number of funerals. It hurt too much. Toshiya looked at his reflection in the murky water and wondered what it was that made him love Kaoru.
And he realised that he didn't know. That twelve years had watered down his reasons and only the love remained. There was only 'love' and 'Kaoru' and no 'because'; Toshiya fell back into the cold metal chair, inhaling the cold air. Paris was meant to be romantic, but he saw no romance in cold concrete buildings. He wanted a cigarette; Paris made that craving look good.
The easiest thing to do in life is to escape.
Kaoru stood underneath the Eiffel Tower, looking up, and feeling slightly dizzy. No one knew who he was; he heard bits and pieces of excited Japanese and it was strange to feel so at home so far away from home. He inhaled the cold hair, with the painful realisation that everything was changing.
Did he love Toshiya? He could remember standing next to Toshiya, feeding pigeons in Amsterdam, with that startling feeling of happiness in his stomach which only Toshiya was able to create. Was that love? It was the closest feeling to love that Kaoru seemed to be capable of feeling.
He lit a cigarette, watching it burn away against the pale grey air. He pushed thoughts of Toshiya out of his mind, and caught himself, for the first time, not caring. Paris was only romantic if you went with romance on your mind. Kaoru didn't even know why he went there in the first place, only that somehow it felt right, with its grey skies and bare trees.
And then what? Kaoru folded his arms across his chest; Toshiya shoved his hands in his pockets. Later, Toshiya would gaze upon Mona Lisa's mysterious smile, noting the similarities between her smile and Kaoru's, and Kaoru would feed the pigeons, but feeling empty and knowing exactly why.
Kaoru loved Toshiya, and suddenly it felt as if life had gained one more meaning.
Chapters: 1/1.
Author: route337
Genre: Romance.
Rating: PG.
Band: Dir en grey.
Pairing: Kaoru/Toshiya.
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Am a liar.
Summary: The hardest thing to do in life is to pretend that it doesn't hurt to be alone.
Notes: For cateris.
The hardest thing to do in life is to pretend that it doesn't hurt to be alone.
In the Jardin des Tuileries, Toshiya was feeding the ducks. People walked past him with odd looks on their faces, as if they knew who he was. And perhaps they did, but that's not what bothered him; what bothered Toshiya was that his certain somebody wasn't there. That he wasn't there with his black, shiny hair falling into his eyes, his defenses down, smiling and laughing, just the way...-
Toshiya loved Kaoru. He loved Kaoru to the point where he wondered if it was physically possible to love someone so much. Why does it have to be so hard? Is it in human nature to fall in love with somebody we know we'll never have?
Autumn is an ugly season. The trees are too bare, the sky is too grey, the wind is too strong, people dress in black every day as if their main purpose in life was to attend a never ending number of funerals. It hurt too much. Toshiya looked at his reflection in the murky water and wondered what it was that made him love Kaoru.
And he realised that he didn't know. That twelve years had watered down his reasons and only the love remained. There was only 'love' and 'Kaoru' and no 'because'; Toshiya fell back into the cold metal chair, inhaling the cold air. Paris was meant to be romantic, but he saw no romance in cold concrete buildings. He wanted a cigarette; Paris made that craving look good.
The easiest thing to do in life is to escape.
Kaoru stood underneath the Eiffel Tower, looking up, and feeling slightly dizzy. No one knew who he was; he heard bits and pieces of excited Japanese and it was strange to feel so at home so far away from home. He inhaled the cold hair, with the painful realisation that everything was changing.
Did he love Toshiya? He could remember standing next to Toshiya, feeding pigeons in Amsterdam, with that startling feeling of happiness in his stomach which only Toshiya was able to create. Was that love? It was the closest feeling to love that Kaoru seemed to be capable of feeling.
He lit a cigarette, watching it burn away against the pale grey air. He pushed thoughts of Toshiya out of his mind, and caught himself, for the first time, not caring. Paris was only romantic if you went with romance on your mind. Kaoru didn't even know why he went there in the first place, only that somehow it felt right, with its grey skies and bare trees.
And then what? Kaoru folded his arms across his chest; Toshiya shoved his hands in his pockets. Later, Toshiya would gaze upon Mona Lisa's mysterious smile, noting the similarities between her smile and Kaoru's, and Kaoru would feed the pigeons, but feeling empty and knowing exactly why.
Kaoru loved Toshiya, and suddenly it felt as if life had gained one more meaning.