(no subject)
dont pity me. i dont want anyone to. i dont think i understand it fully. i dont think i get what everything is all about ..there are so many angles.. so many views so many possibilities or you doing wrong or right. it doesnt make much sense as to which is the right path. and everyhting is so fucking foggy in the long run anyway. like wtf? how the fuck do you know whats beneficial in the long run. at best its an assumption right?
oh yes. theve been there. of course. some things are logical. like... swallowing a toothpick is ill advised. i mean it can get stuck on the way down. but doesnt it kinda depend on the way you swallow it? maybe if you break into pieces? understand what im saying? you can try to guide me down...
ok..im the toothpick alright..
but isnt it my choice how i go down? what if i go up instead. something surprising happens and i get lodged up in the brain somewhere...sorry.. not the brain.. but..the route that milk travels when it spills outta your nose you know? that would suck. but it would also suck if i got stuck. i can kill the person who tryed to swallow me. or at least cause serious pain. or they could be just fine and ill be dissolved and they can gloat about swallowing a toothpick.
i dont feel like getting into detail. i feel a pity party coming along and thats not what i want. i only know of at least one person who reads this but im just clarifing this in case someone decides to write 'poor baby, heres a hug'. but a hug would be nice. a swift kick in the ass too.
alli know is that im going to be fucking happy. im happy now. i dont se what i need to change really. i know there are a few things. theyve brought up some importnt ideas that are pretty resonable. and i beleive them. and should work on them. but all this doubt and al lthis change your very way of being. they dont undestand that its impossible. there are other people involoved. and these people i care about deeply. and give my soul to save them. just as i would for the people giving me the advice to drastically change. they dont beleie that though... thats my fault.. but ive been working on it i think...
what was i saying?
yes. the doubt. the doubt makes me unhappy. i worry a lot. too much. i complain a lot too. i dont need added shit i never considered before. once again... i dont wanna search for things to make me unhappy. oh.. but if i brought that up. thed say its maturity. grow up and face facts. fuck off. if you were in my mind you wouldnt see it as any problem. why are there so many layers? fuck..theres surface. and a layer underneathe. that you gotta read. like poetry or a book. maybe theres another layer.. but 5 6 fucking layers? why do i even have to look so far. do you want me to die of a heart attack due to high blood pressure when i hit 30? pft..course not... insert rolleyes
ya..so im happy now. right at this momment no. but overall i am. after things liek this occur. to re evaluate certain things. nothing seems not enough. yits liek when you almost die. you appreciate life later on. or at least thats what they say. this is the same thing. ill be happy with whti have. and ill improve the things im not comfortable with. BUT!
tihs is what they dont undestand.
they think i wont be comfortable with it in the end. or..sorry. they know. and its for my own good that chane or what not. or at least..grow up..mature blah blah. thats all well and good. but i dont see it that way. ill agree with some things. i say what i agree with. but im sorry. you cant convince me or force me to grow up anyway. i for one think im immature about a lot of things. being lazy and such. full heartedly agee. but no. im not 110% immauture. and look .i fi am. why dont you let me learn it on my own eh? if you try and try again and it isnt working. why dont you leave it you ve not gonig to convince me the 34th time that i am right? ill tell you did. but at that point.. its equivalent to fuck off.
the way i see it. let me lear on my own. let me fall on my face ok? say i told you so. and ill say ya fuck. you did. and THAT IS HOW YOU LEARN. i can take peoples advice. but im going with my gut. my logical thinkig isnt the same as everyone elses. of that im sure. because we all have different opinions based on our differnt experiences. who knows why cyruss is a homophobe right? or why Sophia likes football. genes or someshit? who cares. anyway..
dont pity me. i needed to rant. i feel better. i dont care. fuck it fuck it all.. i understand... i get it now... im sorry...ill go think about it..your right... im wrong..sorry.. no right and wrong...just..i understand..i get it..
goodnight
cant wait till monday
oh yes. theve been there. of course. some things are logical. like... swallowing a toothpick is ill advised. i mean it can get stuck on the way down. but doesnt it kinda depend on the way you swallow it? maybe if you break into pieces? understand what im saying? you can try to guide me down...
ok..im the toothpick alright..
but isnt it my choice how i go down? what if i go up instead. something surprising happens and i get lodged up in the brain somewhere...sorry.. not the brain.. but..the route that milk travels when it spills outta your nose you know? that would suck. but it would also suck if i got stuck. i can kill the person who tryed to swallow me. or at least cause serious pain. or they could be just fine and ill be dissolved and they can gloat about swallowing a toothpick.
i dont feel like getting into detail. i feel a pity party coming along and thats not what i want. i only know of at least one person who reads this but im just clarifing this in case someone decides to write 'poor baby, heres a hug'. but a hug would be nice. a swift kick in the ass too.
alli know is that im going to be fucking happy. im happy now. i dont se what i need to change really. i know there are a few things. theyve brought up some importnt ideas that are pretty resonable. and i beleive them. and should work on them. but all this doubt and al lthis change your very way of being. they dont undestand that its impossible. there are other people involoved. and these people i care about deeply. and give my soul to save them. just as i would for the people giving me the advice to drastically change. they dont beleie that though... thats my fault.. but ive been working on it i think...
what was i saying?
yes. the doubt. the doubt makes me unhappy. i worry a lot. too much. i complain a lot too. i dont need added shit i never considered before. once again... i dont wanna search for things to make me unhappy. oh.. but if i brought that up. thed say its maturity. grow up and face facts. fuck off. if you were in my mind you wouldnt see it as any problem. why are there so many layers? fuck..theres surface. and a layer underneathe. that you gotta read. like poetry or a book. maybe theres another layer.. but 5 6 fucking layers? why do i even have to look so far. do you want me to die of a heart attack due to high blood pressure when i hit 30? pft..course not... insert rolleyes
ya..so im happy now. right at this momment no. but overall i am. after things liek this occur. to re evaluate certain things. nothing seems not enough. yits liek when you almost die. you appreciate life later on. or at least thats what they say. this is the same thing. ill be happy with whti have. and ill improve the things im not comfortable with. BUT!
tihs is what they dont undestand.
they think i wont be comfortable with it in the end. or..sorry. they know. and its for my own good that chane or what not. or at least..grow up..mature blah blah. thats all well and good. but i dont see it that way. ill agree with some things. i say what i agree with. but im sorry. you cant convince me or force me to grow up anyway. i for one think im immature about a lot of things. being lazy and such. full heartedly agee. but no. im not 110% immauture. and look .i fi am. why dont you let me learn it on my own eh? if you try and try again and it isnt working. why dont you leave it you ve not gonig to convince me the 34th time that i am right? ill tell you did. but at that point.. its equivalent to fuck off.
the way i see it. let me lear on my own. let me fall on my face ok? say i told you so. and ill say ya fuck. you did. and THAT IS HOW YOU LEARN. i can take peoples advice. but im going with my gut. my logical thinkig isnt the same as everyone elses. of that im sure. because we all have different opinions based on our differnt experiences. who knows why cyruss is a homophobe right? or why Sophia likes football. genes or someshit? who cares. anyway..
dont pity me. i needed to rant. i feel better. i dont care. fuck it fuck it all.. i understand... i get it now... im sorry...ill go think about it..your right... im wrong..sorry.. no right and wrong...just..i understand..i get it..
goodnight
cant wait till monday