(no subject)
I had a girl's sleepover last night. We watched Bring it on Again which was 100 times better than I thought it would be, considering it never went to theaters. Then, How to Deal, which made me burst into tears like I rarely do. [Hallmark commercials are an exception] So so so sosososoososo sweet when the too young boy plays the song at his too young friend's funeral. So sweet. And the loyalty was abounding, like it never is in real life. If you're a one makes a pattern type of person then I'm having an exceptionally bad time right now. Inhaling feels nice but once I tried for a whole cigarette and then I didn't smoke for half of a year. And because he told me: when you smell like that all I can think of is her. And I didn't want to be her because I know that I'm so close already. Secretly. Really secret. But anyway, the girl's sleepover makes me feel really one hundred accepted like nothing else ever has or will. Except maybe that one day when I thought it was all coming back. One thing: I know I can blame it on everyone. But Really it just comes back to me. That's how it is about most times when everything sucks. Because if it weren't about you then it wouldn't be everything. So I know it's me. And I'm working on my path out. It might be screaming and it might be smoking and it might be putting my foot down on him. It might just be the sun coming out. Or it may be a single plane I decide to take.