(no subject)
mm I'm bored so I thought I'd post a bunch of useless bullshit, mostly written for self-reflection at a later date. Have you ever looked at yourself and were completely disgusted at some of the things you've become? Such as, becoming addicted to some synthetic substance? Lately, I've realized I am. Not cigarettes, those don't alter your personality or change your psyche in general.
I've taken a step back and looked at the past year with complete remorse and disgust. I've been dependent on something that doesn't give me any ounce of fucking reality. Something that gets through the cracks in your life and makes it seem like it's all better. But it's not. It's really just infecting your opinions and judgement and creating this completely different lifestyle that soon becomes obvious enough for you to change yourself. My grades dropped terribly, I stopped eating right, my social interactions were spoiled, and I began to constantly be worried about the next time I'd be getting piss ass drunk. It's fucked up.
When you're in grade school you always hear about these fucking alcoholics and you think to yourself "I'm never going to let myself do that and hurt my family and friends". Or you see someone close to you getting the rotten effects of an alcoholic parent. But, it totally sneaks up on you and only after you've caused some serious damage do you even realize it.
I don't know... I'm almost excited about it. I'm excited to finally get the full effect of the people around me without having to have a few drinks before I go out somewhere. and kristin.. you make me feel so much better than any fucking drink will ever make me feel. You're fucking real, which sounds incredibly corny and dumb.
Everyone's probably reading this thinking I'm looking for some type of pity, but I'm not. I just feel like using this journal for something other than meme's, heh.
I've taken a step back and looked at the past year with complete remorse and disgust. I've been dependent on something that doesn't give me any ounce of fucking reality. Something that gets through the cracks in your life and makes it seem like it's all better. But it's not. It's really just infecting your opinions and judgement and creating this completely different lifestyle that soon becomes obvious enough for you to change yourself. My grades dropped terribly, I stopped eating right, my social interactions were spoiled, and I began to constantly be worried about the next time I'd be getting piss ass drunk. It's fucked up.
When you're in grade school you always hear about these fucking alcoholics and you think to yourself "I'm never going to let myself do that and hurt my family and friends". Or you see someone close to you getting the rotten effects of an alcoholic parent. But, it totally sneaks up on you and only after you've caused some serious damage do you even realize it.
I don't know... I'm almost excited about it. I'm excited to finally get the full effect of the people around me without having to have a few drinks before I go out somewhere. and kristin.. you make me feel so much better than any fucking drink will ever make me feel. You're fucking real, which sounds incredibly corny and dumb.
Everyone's probably reading this thinking I'm looking for some type of pity, but I'm not. I just feel like using this journal for something other than meme's, heh.