(no subject)
Coming home seems weirder and weirder the farther I get into college. My parents are aging faster than I thought possible, people at my high school know me but I don't know them, and a thousand imperceptible changes have occured while I feel so static within my circle. I am helpless because I cannot stop the passing of time or be there to witness the work of my friends and family come to fruition. I am different to my family... A close friend pointed out that my parents are completely different from me and it makes me realize how perfunctory they are sometimes. I don't think they do it on purpose, it's just their life. Maybe it makes being away from me easier. I think college has changed me a ton. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Part of me liked having the virtues I treasured before I started and is awestruck at what's happened to them since. Another part is amazed at the logical progression of adulthood setting on. I can't believe how analytical, calculated and well-reasoned everything can seem, when in fact things are completely out of control, certainly due to cave in at any moment. I feel like I should be more responsible than I am and yet it is this drive that causes Kristina to often describe me as one of the most responsible people she's known. Maybe I just appear a lot more together than I am.
I face my extended family starting Wednesday night. I miss them and I hope they are not disappointed in me. I wonder how much other people do as not to disappoint others. How much do we do because we are obligated? I am only in my own head; I wonder about other, less self-absorbed people.
I face my extended family starting Wednesday night. I miss them and I hope they are not disappointed in me. I wonder how much other people do as not to disappoint others. How much do we do because we are obligated? I am only in my own head; I wonder about other, less self-absorbed people.