Punch Drunk Love
Living on a diet of Chocolates & Cigarettes
I wanna call you again
Ill drink tea sometimes when its cold
This is getting old
I call you again
Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away
But one of these days Ill grow old
And Ill grow brave and Ill go
One of these days
For Valentines day, cowboy and I went to the gorgeous Blue Water Grill (rose petals and candles lined the lovely steps et all) Unfortunately we couldn’t see the Tisch play like planned because he had rehearsal for his new Merlin play so I hung out at barnes and noble in my fishnets where an uber appealing Arkansan minstrel approached me asking for a light (I assumed!) He dubbed me a “valentine beauty” a moment later J arrived to meet me and the musician embarrassed me by directly asking me if Justin was my friend or boyfriend. “Friend” I blurted. Was that the wrong answer?? Obviously we’ve been seeing each other for sometime… 12 or 13 dates actually but who’s counting? He has never uttered anything resembling being anyones boyfriend so I wasn’t going to assume anything. My roommates feel that this mistake cost me the romantic evening that it might’ve been. I’m undecided.
First we tried for u square’s Coffee Shop but I was ID’d and asked to leave before we could even get a table and BWG had the perfect ambience… better than I'd ever hoped! (it’s Stephanie Rose’s favorite restaurant ever for Sunday brunch but way out of my league financially.) He looked like a poor rogue (with his fraying sweatshirt and long dishevled bedroom hair)just was entirely under dressed… I had gone to great lengths for once and had spent the last of my money on a lovely outfit from h&m...but he was completely unselfconscious as usual.
I wanted to order only an appetizer (I was playing it safe) but he coaxed me into choosing an entrée (apparently he was ill and had very little appetite… he only sampled a sushi role and drank the over-priced sake.) The grilled ginger tuna (rare, rare, rare…mmm) was orgasmic but was absolutely out of my price range so I was really worried. But I naively believed that his encouragement to order a more pricy dish indicated that he’s be the one picking up our tab. Hah. Seriously I understand that he’s uber poor… just like me and every other artist in this town. But come on! Don’t suggest the most luxurious place in town!?! I would’ve just as happily dined on tapas from a cheap pre-fixed menu in the east village… just enjoying his company…just to avoid the public awkwardness that arose when the bill arrived. I am not old fashioned; I believe that a female should generally cover her own bill… but a valentines date? That isn’t exactly the normal protocol. Now I am so broke it’s ridiculous and I’m amassing serious credit card damage.
Later he asked me if I’d given my number to the minstrel. My God, what kind of girl would do such a thing? Especially on a Valentines date! Christ. kept saying things like that he has some friends in LA he’d like to introduce me to so I’ll know some people out there. Esp this Frenchman friend of his (former RADA classmate J-M) he went on to say that J-M and I may end up hooking up. That he’s certain we will. As if it were just in the cards, like I’ve no say in the matter. Like I must have NO willpower what so ever. Or as if he, Justin just meant nothing to me. As if to imply that all men were merely interchangeable to me. If he wants to know if I exclusively dating him JUST ASK ME! Don’t do this whole coy act.
He felt a need to point out that obviously this guy had only approached me because of my legs in those boots and tights. That I can’t be so naïve to believe that all these men just “like my work” and that their intentions have nothing to do with “wanting to stick it in me.” Sick. Further antagonizing me later by insinuating that I want this acting dream so much because of MATERIAL REASONS! He actually doesn’t know me at all.
Later I ran lines with him and listened to him sing his Zazu son “The Morning Report” for the LK tour. I hope he gets it. We have such fundamentally different ideas about the world and the work. I feel like I should just cut my losses and move on but I find him too intoxicating to actually do something so final so it would be easiest if he’s just book this tour.. That’s probably what he wants. Because I’m so high strung and all. “You just need to calm down. Then you’ll be a better actor and those falling dreams will stop.”………………………………………. And maybe my “shockra” will open too... haha sure
Don’t get me wrong I had a good time… I always do with him. It was sweet that he wanted to see me and plan something thoughtful on my favorite day of the year. The highlight being when we curled up and watched Punch Drunk Love. Definitely. But debating the motives behind my raison d’etre… well he was treading dangerous waters.
Speaking of which: more UK school auditions letters keep arriving. Now I have auditions for The Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts (the Queen’s school), Bristol Old Vic Theatre School, Central School of Speech and Drama and The Guildhall School of Music & Dramatic Arts. I’m only waiting on London Academy of Dramatic Arts. I swear I’ll work my ass off to get into RADA just to prove Justin wrong. I know he doesn’t believe I’d actually get in. Or even that I could possibly maybe earn a part through my talent and not my looks. Obv.
I’m still fighting with roommate b. about privacy and cleaning my room. We’re very, very different people. Can’t say it enough. I’d love to live alone. It’s really escalated and we just got into an awful blowout fight where he said that I should respect everything he does for me and I told him that we fundamentally clash and principals and maybe I should just leave. How I need to get away. Badly.
I went out for Vietnamese and to see the first preview of Broadway’s Talk Radio starring Liev Schrieber tonight with Bruce. Liev is a force!
I wanna call you again
Ill drink tea sometimes when its cold
This is getting old
I call you again
Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away
But one of these days Ill grow old
And Ill grow brave and Ill go
One of these days
For Valentines day, cowboy and I went to the gorgeous Blue Water Grill (rose petals and candles lined the lovely steps et all) Unfortunately we couldn’t see the Tisch play like planned because he had rehearsal for his new Merlin play so I hung out at barnes and noble in my fishnets where an uber appealing Arkansan minstrel approached me asking for a light (I assumed!) He dubbed me a “valentine beauty” a moment later J arrived to meet me and the musician embarrassed me by directly asking me if Justin was my friend or boyfriend. “Friend” I blurted. Was that the wrong answer?? Obviously we’ve been seeing each other for sometime… 12 or 13 dates actually but who’s counting? He has never uttered anything resembling being anyones boyfriend so I wasn’t going to assume anything. My roommates feel that this mistake cost me the romantic evening that it might’ve been. I’m undecided.
First we tried for u square’s Coffee Shop but I was ID’d and asked to leave before we could even get a table and BWG had the perfect ambience… better than I'd ever hoped! (it’s Stephanie Rose’s favorite restaurant ever for Sunday brunch but way out of my league financially.) He looked like a poor rogue (with his fraying sweatshirt and long dishevled bedroom hair)just was entirely under dressed… I had gone to great lengths for once and had spent the last of my money on a lovely outfit from h&m...but he was completely unselfconscious as usual.
I wanted to order only an appetizer (I was playing it safe) but he coaxed me into choosing an entrée (apparently he was ill and had very little appetite… he only sampled a sushi role and drank the over-priced sake.) The grilled ginger tuna (rare, rare, rare…mmm) was orgasmic but was absolutely out of my price range so I was really worried. But I naively believed that his encouragement to order a more pricy dish indicated that he’s be the one picking up our tab. Hah. Seriously I understand that he’s uber poor… just like me and every other artist in this town. But come on! Don’t suggest the most luxurious place in town!?! I would’ve just as happily dined on tapas from a cheap pre-fixed menu in the east village… just enjoying his company…just to avoid the public awkwardness that arose when the bill arrived. I am not old fashioned; I believe that a female should generally cover her own bill… but a valentines date? That isn’t exactly the normal protocol. Now I am so broke it’s ridiculous and I’m amassing serious credit card damage.
Later he asked me if I’d given my number to the minstrel. My God, what kind of girl would do such a thing? Especially on a Valentines date! Christ. kept saying things like that he has some friends in LA he’d like to introduce me to so I’ll know some people out there. Esp this Frenchman friend of his (former RADA classmate J-M) he went on to say that J-M and I may end up hooking up. That he’s certain we will. As if it were just in the cards, like I’ve no say in the matter. Like I must have NO willpower what so ever. Or as if he, Justin just meant nothing to me. As if to imply that all men were merely interchangeable to me. If he wants to know if I exclusively dating him JUST ASK ME! Don’t do this whole coy act.
He felt a need to point out that obviously this guy had only approached me because of my legs in those boots and tights. That I can’t be so naïve to believe that all these men just “like my work” and that their intentions have nothing to do with “wanting to stick it in me.” Sick. Further antagonizing me later by insinuating that I want this acting dream so much because of MATERIAL REASONS! He actually doesn’t know me at all.
Later I ran lines with him and listened to him sing his Zazu son “The Morning Report” for the LK tour. I hope he gets it. We have such fundamentally different ideas about the world and the work. I feel like I should just cut my losses and move on but I find him too intoxicating to actually do something so final so it would be easiest if he’s just book this tour.. That’s probably what he wants. Because I’m so high strung and all. “You just need to calm down. Then you’ll be a better actor and those falling dreams will stop.”………………………………………. And maybe my “shockra” will open too... haha sure
Don’t get me wrong I had a good time… I always do with him. It was sweet that he wanted to see me and plan something thoughtful on my favorite day of the year. The highlight being when we curled up and watched Punch Drunk Love. Definitely. But debating the motives behind my raison d’etre… well he was treading dangerous waters.
Speaking of which: more UK school auditions letters keep arriving. Now I have auditions for The Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts (the Queen’s school), Bristol Old Vic Theatre School, Central School of Speech and Drama and The Guildhall School of Music & Dramatic Arts. I’m only waiting on London Academy of Dramatic Arts. I swear I’ll work my ass off to get into RADA just to prove Justin wrong. I know he doesn’t believe I’d actually get in. Or even that I could possibly maybe earn a part through my talent and not my looks. Obv.
I’m still fighting with roommate b. about privacy and cleaning my room. We’re very, very different people. Can’t say it enough. I’d love to live alone. It’s really escalated and we just got into an awful blowout fight where he said that I should respect everything he does for me and I told him that we fundamentally clash and principals and maybe I should just leave. How I need to get away. Badly.
I went out for Vietnamese and to see the first preview of Broadway’s Talk Radio starring Liev Schrieber tonight with Bruce. Liev is a force!