Holiday Day 5
Wednesday 27 October - Skye
Holiday Rules:
There must always be a schedule.
The schedule (the creation of which brings me as much joy as a couple of hours of actual holiday) isn’t really there to make sure that I know where to travel to each day or sleep each night (because, let’s face it the Expedia app does that), nor is it a reminder of tickets bought or dinners booked. Instead it serves the essential purpose of providing me with instructions on how to spend my time, guide-rails for my days, without which I would be entirely lost. I’m not sure what I think would happen if time were left unplanned, but I have a suspicion that Very Bad Things would happen should there not be lines already drawn for me to colour within.
Books will always be brought (and they will rarely be read)
In the run up to holiday, one of the best conversations we have is “have you decided what books to bring?” - holidays have lots of (imaginary) reading time, time which can be used to bring out some of the backlog of the ‘to read’ pile; and there is a great art to deciding the perfect books to pack, perhaps one set in the same country as the holiday, one set at the same time of year or maybe just a guilty pleasure that I've been saving for the trip.
Of course, in the event, the days are so full of activity there is rarely time to read, and the carefully curated reading list will come home, unread.
Pack for the person you become on holiday
When packing, you must take into account a series of different women who will be holidaying in your place. Pack for the woman who will sit up in the bar until 3am, drinking the local wine, telling stories so amusing that her husband can’t fail to fall in love with her. Pack for the woman who will find time for a board game in the afternoon, shortly before cocktail hour. Pack for the woman who casually finds herself in lingerie and a robe whenever in her hotel room. Pack for the woman whose hair is so well groomed in all weathers she needs no straighteners or hair clips.
Pack for the woman who will find time for her yoga class, who will open that bottle of champagne and take her share of the driving.
Pack for all those women. They won’t be there on holiday, which is a relief, because I bet your husband would prefer any one of them over you, and at least this way, you get to keep him.
Bonus rules: Scotland Trip
Every time you see a statue of a stag, you must salute him. If your spouse has not noticed the statue you must say the words “monarch of the glen” then salute.
You qualify for an additional kiss from your husband every time you are somewhere with a tartan carpet. Far from the additional romance you are attempting to conjure into the holiday this will lead to a) disputes over the meaning of checked versus tartan b) your husband accusing you of inventing tartan carpets in breakfast rooms c) approximately two additional kisses in five days.
Rules suck.
Goodnight
Love you, bye,