what a wierd freakin day
One. Whole. Year...
I wanted to go to Bloomington tomorrow, to the park, just to be outside, alone, with thoughts and nature. To mourn alone...but
I went to the cemetary after I left home. Big BIG breakdown, of course. Worse then the attack I had the other day on the way to Greensburg.
I kept driving, thinking I'd go home and cry it out, but I couldnt stop thinking about my dad. He's been so depressed all weekend. So I got as far as Batesville, turned around and came home. Dad got a call at about 11:00, so I went to the nursing home with him. I know its not normal 'family bonding' but hey, it works...
Bobby showed up today, with Bjoern. I guess he's in the country for awhile, going to texas to do some kind of project for a computer company, or something... i dunno what im talking about. anyway, it was amazing to see him. he hasnt changed a bit. its only been, what? 9 years... wow.
It's so wierd to see bobby now... there's this unspoken thing between us. he hugs me so tight, and i know just what he's thinking... and i know he knows what im thinking, but theres no words, and theres nothing to do about it.
I went to the funeral home with dad, and took a look at all his stuff in the coffee room (they re-did the entire building) there are so many pictures... so many memories... some i dont even know. I wasnt even thought of when the pictures were taken and the pages printed. I dont even have words to explain... awe, wonder, nostalgia, pain, happiness, none of them fit. But I found a family picture from 3 years ago, and it floored me. I dont know why.. we take family pictures every christmas, but this one... well theres something in it.
It was a little after 10 that I got the call last year. (at this point in the night I was passed out from mass amounts of tequila and wallowing in self pity...) mom's going to be gone tomorrow morning, so i asked dad if he would take me to breakfast. It's going to be insanly wierd... driving past the place he died, to the place he was headed... same place he went every morning of the last few decades of his life....
Grandpa never used words when he spoke, and he took that talent to the grave. So now I'm waiting for him to teach me to speak.
I wanted to go to Bloomington tomorrow, to the park, just to be outside, alone, with thoughts and nature. To mourn alone...but
I went to the cemetary after I left home. Big BIG breakdown, of course. Worse then the attack I had the other day on the way to Greensburg.
I kept driving, thinking I'd go home and cry it out, but I couldnt stop thinking about my dad. He's been so depressed all weekend. So I got as far as Batesville, turned around and came home. Dad got a call at about 11:00, so I went to the nursing home with him. I know its not normal 'family bonding' but hey, it works...
Bobby showed up today, with Bjoern. I guess he's in the country for awhile, going to texas to do some kind of project for a computer company, or something... i dunno what im talking about. anyway, it was amazing to see him. he hasnt changed a bit. its only been, what? 9 years... wow.
It's so wierd to see bobby now... there's this unspoken thing between us. he hugs me so tight, and i know just what he's thinking... and i know he knows what im thinking, but theres no words, and theres nothing to do about it.
I went to the funeral home with dad, and took a look at all his stuff in the coffee room (they re-did the entire building) there are so many pictures... so many memories... some i dont even know. I wasnt even thought of when the pictures were taken and the pages printed. I dont even have words to explain... awe, wonder, nostalgia, pain, happiness, none of them fit. But I found a family picture from 3 years ago, and it floored me. I dont know why.. we take family pictures every christmas, but this one... well theres something in it.
It was a little after 10 that I got the call last year. (at this point in the night I was passed out from mass amounts of tequila and wallowing in self pity...) mom's going to be gone tomorrow morning, so i asked dad if he would take me to breakfast. It's going to be insanly wierd... driving past the place he died, to the place he was headed... same place he went every morning of the last few decades of his life....
Grandpa never used words when he spoke, and he took that talent to the grave. So now I'm waiting for him to teach me to speak.