Oh my god I can't even function this semester it's not even funny
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
All I am capable of is writing Glee fanfic I swear I'm so... not even capable of doing anything this semester no me gusta.
But I'm still alive and I promised my cousin I'd read I Am Number Four so I did read it and fucking hell is it mediocre and crappy. Like, astonishingly so. I have no idea how it got made into a movie, especially with the flawless Dianna Agron. It would have made an okay kids' book with less violence, but it does not pass muster as YA.
Let’s talk about I Am Number Four. Actually, first, let’s allow author Pittacus Lore - Pittacus Lore, and yes that’s a made up name - to say a few words himself.
(We’re calling the main character John because he changes his name a lot and I cannot be arsed to remember which one is real, so: this is some of John’s interminable internal monologue, and I feel it sums up the entire novel quite nicely:)
“I look like a fool. I am an alien, I have extraordinary powers, with more to come, and I can do things that no human would dream of, but I still look like a fool.” (60)
So yeah. It’s That Novel. Again. That Novel about a teenager who is amazingly special and unique and imbued with more power and meaning than most of us will ever dream of, but is not appreciated at school because, oddly enough, everyone fails to recognize his innate superiority. That Novel that scrambles desperately to be Relatable ™ yet also the wildest of wish-fulfillment.
We needed another one of those.
It also has that priceless “super hot, popular girl is into the New Guy but has an evil, bully, jock ex-boyfriend who can’t let it go and we all wonder how the hell she ever dated him in the first place” subplot so yeah, that happens.
And now a liveblog, kind of, I mean it was just reactions I jotted down:
On page nine they’ve lived in Florida two years; on page twelve they’ve lived here nine months and that’s like the longest stretch they’ve ever achieved. Oh we’re off to a fabulous start. The attention to detail is just staggering.
Lol omg. A small town in Ohio, his first class is astronomy with Dianna Agron, they’re an hour and a half from Columbus. Can I just. Why did Chord Overstreet not play this person in the movie.
29 - This explanation though. Cepan and Garde, I cannot. Everything is so high fantasy and laughable. Some of them are born fighters and some of them are born teachers and those people are paired up and the biological determinism is RIDIC and what the fuck is this, that crappy pedo anime about the cat people, what is even happening, fighter/teacher pairings, WHY.
33 - And legit there is the guy who’s going to plague him and is his crush’s ex and be a bully and seriously how clichéd can this get I mean really. “I could literally break him in half if I wanted to….” Oh the pain of blending in and not revealing how special you are.
48 - The scars, the order AGAIN. I KNOW ALL THIS and also it is PAINFULLY JUVENILE. Scars that form an ankle bracelet as each person is killed, really. Really.
54 - A sack full of diamonds, emeralds, and rubies. Really. Really. They were sent to Earth with a sack full of diamonds, emeralds, and rubies.
62 - Oh my god their powers are a reward from the planet for being so foresighted and taking such good care of it, holy fuck this is ridic. The planet is ~alive and they’re ~connected I legit cannot with this. Why is it so sentimental and shitty.
65 - The urgency of the situation, no pre-nerves, allowing him to not light hands?! REALLY? The urgency is a FOOD FIGHT. [So the thing is, his hands light up - his hands light up - when he’s not in control of his emotions; they don’t in this scene, and he chalks this up to the fact that the situation is so dire that he has no time to get worked up. The dire situation is that someone threw a meatball at him. Not even kidding. He discusses this with his friend, then walks across the cafeteria, then confronts the boys verbally, all in preparation for a physical confrontation. But it’s happening too fast for him to get worked up. Really.]
76 - “The Lorien are a monogamous people. When we fall in love, it’s for life.” Is this serious. I can’t. This is the crappiest, laziest writing. ~Mating for life~ trope is the absolute s(l)oppiest thing in the entire world and I have yet to see it done well ever; it certainly ain’t starting here. Of all ways to cut right through the knot of the complexity of human relationships and the realities intrinsic to them and get right to the lazy-ass wish-fulfillment “but they were ~meant to be, they’ll never part” crap, this is the worst.
78 - Henri: “Unless I die; then you can open it yourself.”
John: “Well, I hope that doesn’t happen.”
IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING. In case you forgot that the mentor always dies, here! Here! Look! The mentor is going to die! Because the world revolves around John and everything must facilitate his journey to manhood and saviorhood!
79 - Crystal. Really. His powers and shit, he has to like channel them through a crystal. This… I don’t think it could get any more juvenile.
84 - Well there’s our author, holy hell for real. Pittacus Lore is the best Elder of the tribe ever. Really. Okay, hon, you ain’t no Lemony Snicket.
127 - “Well, I can certainly see the appeal.” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO okay guess what you don’t need, ever, ever: you don’t need a fifty-year-old man discussing the relative hotness of a teenage girl. No. Shut. Up.
128 - Pyramids. No. No. “This is funny to him because although the pyramids weren’t actually built by aliens, they were built using Lorien knowledge and with Lorien help.” YOU DID NOT. This person is so astoundingly ignorant. Wow, the racism, I can’t.
130 - “Henri’s theory is so good, I think there’s no way he made it up that quickly. I stand there and actually ponder it, even though I’ve never heard of aliens called the Centuri, even when I know for a fact that nothing lives at Earth’s core.” Uh. THIS THEORY THO.
THIS THEORY IS THAT THERE ARE ALIENS INSIDE THE EARTH
AND THEIR PRINCESS RAN AWAY
SO EARTHQUAKES ARE THEM GETTING PISSED OFF ABOUT IT
AND THE PRINCESS IS HIDING IN SOUTH AMERICA BECAUSE SHE’S A SHAPESHIFTER
There is no world in which this is a good, convincing theory. None. Does the author BELIEVE that it’s GOOD?! THIS THEORY IS A HALF-ASSED RIPOFF OF ABOUT SIX HUNDRED CREATION MYTHS. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.
258 - Is this really happening. He uses magical-physical intimidation to force his guardian into something by floating him on the ceiling and not letting him down until he agrees. When he does let Henri down - after he agrees - Henri hugs him and says he’s proud. Of course. As you do. This is such textbook wish-fulfillment I cannot. “If only I could physically overpower my parent and force them to let me decide things for myself, and then after I did it they were not only not angry, but impressed by my maturity and prowess.”
284 - “Their trip, unfortunately, was probably done in vain, whatever their goal was.” No. No. You do not “do” a trip. You “take” a trip. So their trip was not done in vain because their trip does not “do” anything, ever, in vain or not.
287 - “For once, since we arrived in Ohio, things seem to slow for a time.” Um babe no sorry, here to let you know, things have been slow for a while now. The plot is awkwardly paced and unwieldy, and Lore here obvs cannot decide whether to skip huge swaths of time, skim over them in paragraphs of boredom, or just go over them scene by scene in huge chunks of meaninglessness. Slowness is not something that’s lacking here. Look, I get that pacing is hard, especially when you’re balancing a big epic plot against a day-to-day existence. The thing is, the day-to-day existence scenes that you need? They have to be relevant. They have to be doing something. You cannot just stick them in because you know you need those scenes, but have them accomplish nothing other than sitting there and telling us that John goes to school.
310 - Really. A FIRE. Damsel in distress, force him to show his hand, REALLY. And a FIRE. [He can’t get burnt, and also can control fire. So the house they’re partying in catches fire and everyone gets out except his girlfriend and a dog, and he has to go back in and save them, which gets his powers found out. I… think I read this before… or maybe saw it…. OH YEAH EVERYWHERE EVER.]
170 - A certain ~pull. FFS. I CANNOT WITH THIS. His eyes are just naturally attracted in the direction of his home planet. THIS SENTIMENTAL TOSH.
313 - A huge, flaming support beam falls between them. He lifts his hand and sends it crashing through the roof without touching it. “Sarah seems confused by what she’s just seen.” IS THIS NARRATION EVEN REAL. YEAH THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN CONFUSING FOR HER. BUT MAKE SURE TO REINFORCE WHAT THE CONFUSION STEMMED FROM BECAUSE YOU KNOW, WE MIGHT FORGET OTHERWISE.
405 - FFFFFFFFF. We know he’s special, you just TOLD us he’s special, but this is a chapter-ender? [John has a dog. It is not a normal dog. This has been apparent from the second it showed up. It behaves oddly, it is capable of odd things. And a few pages ago, Henri and Six said it was not normal. But the revelation that it is not normal is worthy of a cliffhanger chapter ending still. Yeah. Okay.]
THIS DIALOGUE THO: Some fine samplings of how completely, blissfully clichéd and clunky the quotes in this book are:
155 - John: “What is Mark planning?” Bully’s crony: “Nothing.” John: “Wrong answer.”
158 - “Now’s your last chance…. So be it.”
314 - Sarah: “You came.” John: “No one, and nothing, will ever hurt you as long as I’m alive.”
430 - “I don’t think she would have survived had Sam not carried her back to the truck.” WHO SAYS THIS. HAD SAM NOT CARRIED HER. THIS IS SARAH TALKING IT’S NOT EVEN JOHN.
288 - “Just admiring the view” omfg really he says this to Sarah, about Sarah, is this a crappy romantic comedy now or
385 - The weasels, I think, the stout-bodied little creatures that the guys in Athens were terrified of. WHO HONESTLY THINKS THE WORDS STOUT-BODIED WHILE UNDER THREAT OF DEATH.
Weird Things with Eyes:
270 - “She smiles and looks at me through the tops of her eyes.”
350 - “…in her voice is such fear that it causes my eyes to open wide, and twist in determination.”
…What. Through the tops of… what. Also. Um. Well sure, when I am determined I always twist my eyes.
Some Things I Did Like, by Which I Mean Two Characters; Also a Glaring Narrative Flaw:
Sam and Mark. Kind of. Sam is John’s friend, and I did like him, and I was pleased and impressed by the emphasis on friendship. Mark is the bully ex-boyfriend, and… let’s talk about him for a second.
I hate with a passion the way this character is handled in these stories. The Insider that the Outcast is jealous of; he’s always a complete jerk, never gets any development, and in general is punished because the author had issues in high school and is taking them out here, which is perfectly good for a therapeutic exercise but does not make for good writing.
SO the thing is that here, Mark isn’t treated that way entirely. At the end of the book, he’s suddenly one of the good guys. He saves John’s life, and not just like as a one-off thing. He is consistently helpful throughout the entire end sequence and they do come to an understanding. I like that. It’s cool, it’s groovy, am all for it.
The downside being that this not only came out of nowhere, but was practically specifically contradicted pre-last scenes.
Usually, Jock Ex is a jerk, but he doesn’t actually do anything all that bad. His major crime is usually not liking the New Guy and being a dick about not letting up on his ex-girlfriend. Or in the works where she’s still his girlfriend during part of the story, being an ass to her anyway. So it would be easy to redeem Jock Ex in general.
But um. Mark is NOT. WELL. This boy rounded up a posse of muscle men, borrowed night vision goggles from the police for them so they could beat on people who can’t see, rigged a hay ride, and kidnapped John, Sarah, and Sam. John and Sarah were supposed to be dragged to this waterfall so that Sarah could witness John’s humiliating beating and then fall in love with Mark again. Like… this isn’t some people getting into a fight (which is v. bad itself but the kind of thing this sort of fiction brushes off as a matter of course). This was premeditated and cruel and frightening, and very poorly done. It was plainly just there to live up to the action-packed, life-and-death tone promised by the nature of the book, but with no consideration of the actual characters involved or what it would mean for them later in the plot.
Because then this is never mentioned again. John talks the others out of reporting Mark & Co. (so that he can stay in town; obvs this is more important than the fact this his girlfriend’s ex is UNWELL and WILLING TO KIDNAP HER so let’s not tell anyone that!) and that’s it. And then Mark is just a totes cool dude at the end. Like… what.
…Still, I did like Mark at the end, screw it, if the book’s going to pretend it never happened so am I. Also I ship Mark/Sam. Js. Did they ever speak, no. Would it have been adorbs if Mark came out at the end and gave Sam a bouquet of flowers, yes. Not that Sam was gay either - they made sure to throw in a token love interest who got zero lines, just in case anyone wondered - but still.
ETA: The Accurate and Insightful Things My Cousin Has to Say on the Regrettable Subject:
Another creepy thing, along with the fact that Henri says "I can see the appeal" is that in the movie the actor who plays Henri was on the Office, and the main point he was on was so everyone could say how hot he was. Kinda have an issue with that And what about when John goes to Sarah's house and him and the "father and brothers" watch football while the "women" help cook the meal. Last time I checked, this is 2011. THEN John goes on to say he wishes he had a real dad and brothers to enjoy sports with. i think, at this point, Henri can qualify as his dad. I'm surprised Henri didn't get rid of John along the way. I give him A LOT of credit for that. And the thing you said about Mark, with the beating up scene, that was awful. But of course, John always saves the damsel in distress and, in the case of the movie, uses an extra expression while doing it, instead of using the usual three expressions the "hot guy leads" do in that type of movie. It's OK if they want to make the lead guy "hot', but can they get one who can act? And its not just him either. They succeeded in getting a whole CAST who can't act. Gosh, how does a book like that get published? The person who decided to publish that must have had WAAAY too many drinks.
All I am capable of is writing Glee fanfic I swear I'm so... not even capable of doing anything this semester no me gusta.
But I'm still alive and I promised my cousin I'd read I Am Number Four so I did read it and fucking hell is it mediocre and crappy. Like, astonishingly so. I have no idea how it got made into a movie, especially with the flawless Dianna Agron. It would have made an okay kids' book with less violence, but it does not pass muster as YA.
Let’s talk about I Am Number Four. Actually, first, let’s allow author Pittacus Lore - Pittacus Lore, and yes that’s a made up name - to say a few words himself.
(We’re calling the main character John because he changes his name a lot and I cannot be arsed to remember which one is real, so: this is some of John’s interminable internal monologue, and I feel it sums up the entire novel quite nicely:)
“I look like a fool. I am an alien, I have extraordinary powers, with more to come, and I can do things that no human would dream of, but I still look like a fool.” (60)
So yeah. It’s That Novel. Again. That Novel about a teenager who is amazingly special and unique and imbued with more power and meaning than most of us will ever dream of, but is not appreciated at school because, oddly enough, everyone fails to recognize his innate superiority. That Novel that scrambles desperately to be Relatable ™ yet also the wildest of wish-fulfillment.
We needed another one of those.
It also has that priceless “super hot, popular girl is into the New Guy but has an evil, bully, jock ex-boyfriend who can’t let it go and we all wonder how the hell she ever dated him in the first place” subplot so yeah, that happens.
And now a liveblog, kind of, I mean it was just reactions I jotted down:
On page nine they’ve lived in Florida two years; on page twelve they’ve lived here nine months and that’s like the longest stretch they’ve ever achieved. Oh we’re off to a fabulous start. The attention to detail is just staggering.
Lol omg. A small town in Ohio, his first class is astronomy with Dianna Agron, they’re an hour and a half from Columbus. Can I just. Why did Chord Overstreet not play this person in the movie.
29 - This explanation though. Cepan and Garde, I cannot. Everything is so high fantasy and laughable. Some of them are born fighters and some of them are born teachers and those people are paired up and the biological determinism is RIDIC and what the fuck is this, that crappy pedo anime about the cat people, what is even happening, fighter/teacher pairings, WHY.
33 - And legit there is the guy who’s going to plague him and is his crush’s ex and be a bully and seriously how clichéd can this get I mean really. “I could literally break him in half if I wanted to….” Oh the pain of blending in and not revealing how special you are.
48 - The scars, the order AGAIN. I KNOW ALL THIS and also it is PAINFULLY JUVENILE. Scars that form an ankle bracelet as each person is killed, really. Really.
54 - A sack full of diamonds, emeralds, and rubies. Really. Really. They were sent to Earth with a sack full of diamonds, emeralds, and rubies.
62 - Oh my god their powers are a reward from the planet for being so foresighted and taking such good care of it, holy fuck this is ridic. The planet is ~alive and they’re ~connected I legit cannot with this. Why is it so sentimental and shitty.
65 - The urgency of the situation, no pre-nerves, allowing him to not light hands?! REALLY? The urgency is a FOOD FIGHT. [So the thing is, his hands light up - his hands light up - when he’s not in control of his emotions; they don’t in this scene, and he chalks this up to the fact that the situation is so dire that he has no time to get worked up. The dire situation is that someone threw a meatball at him. Not even kidding. He discusses this with his friend, then walks across the cafeteria, then confronts the boys verbally, all in preparation for a physical confrontation. But it’s happening too fast for him to get worked up. Really.]
76 - “The Lorien are a monogamous people. When we fall in love, it’s for life.” Is this serious. I can’t. This is the crappiest, laziest writing. ~Mating for life~ trope is the absolute s(l)oppiest thing in the entire world and I have yet to see it done well ever; it certainly ain’t starting here. Of all ways to cut right through the knot of the complexity of human relationships and the realities intrinsic to them and get right to the lazy-ass wish-fulfillment “but they were ~meant to be, they’ll never part” crap, this is the worst.
78 - Henri: “Unless I die; then you can open it yourself.”
John: “Well, I hope that doesn’t happen.”
IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING. In case you forgot that the mentor always dies, here! Here! Look! The mentor is going to die! Because the world revolves around John and everything must facilitate his journey to manhood and saviorhood!
79 - Crystal. Really. His powers and shit, he has to like channel them through a crystal. This… I don’t think it could get any more juvenile.
84 - Well there’s our author, holy hell for real. Pittacus Lore is the best Elder of the tribe ever. Really. Okay, hon, you ain’t no Lemony Snicket.
127 - “Well, I can certainly see the appeal.” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO okay guess what you don’t need, ever, ever: you don’t need a fifty-year-old man discussing the relative hotness of a teenage girl. No. Shut. Up.
128 - Pyramids. No. No. “This is funny to him because although the pyramids weren’t actually built by aliens, they were built using Lorien knowledge and with Lorien help.” YOU DID NOT. This person is so astoundingly ignorant. Wow, the racism, I can’t.
130 - “Henri’s theory is so good, I think there’s no way he made it up that quickly. I stand there and actually ponder it, even though I’ve never heard of aliens called the Centuri, even when I know for a fact that nothing lives at Earth’s core.” Uh. THIS THEORY THO.
THIS THEORY IS THAT THERE ARE ALIENS INSIDE THE EARTH
AND THEIR PRINCESS RAN AWAY
SO EARTHQUAKES ARE THEM GETTING PISSED OFF ABOUT IT
AND THE PRINCESS IS HIDING IN SOUTH AMERICA BECAUSE SHE’S A SHAPESHIFTER
There is no world in which this is a good, convincing theory. None. Does the author BELIEVE that it’s GOOD?! THIS THEORY IS A HALF-ASSED RIPOFF OF ABOUT SIX HUNDRED CREATION MYTHS. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.
258 - Is this really happening. He uses magical-physical intimidation to force his guardian into something by floating him on the ceiling and not letting him down until he agrees. When he does let Henri down - after he agrees - Henri hugs him and says he’s proud. Of course. As you do. This is such textbook wish-fulfillment I cannot. “If only I could physically overpower my parent and force them to let me decide things for myself, and then after I did it they were not only not angry, but impressed by my maturity and prowess.”
284 - “Their trip, unfortunately, was probably done in vain, whatever their goal was.” No. No. You do not “do” a trip. You “take” a trip. So their trip was not done in vain because their trip does not “do” anything, ever, in vain or not.
287 - “For once, since we arrived in Ohio, things seem to slow for a time.” Um babe no sorry, here to let you know, things have been slow for a while now. The plot is awkwardly paced and unwieldy, and Lore here obvs cannot decide whether to skip huge swaths of time, skim over them in paragraphs of boredom, or just go over them scene by scene in huge chunks of meaninglessness. Slowness is not something that’s lacking here. Look, I get that pacing is hard, especially when you’re balancing a big epic plot against a day-to-day existence. The thing is, the day-to-day existence scenes that you need? They have to be relevant. They have to be doing something. You cannot just stick them in because you know you need those scenes, but have them accomplish nothing other than sitting there and telling us that John goes to school.
310 - Really. A FIRE. Damsel in distress, force him to show his hand, REALLY. And a FIRE. [He can’t get burnt, and also can control fire. So the house they’re partying in catches fire and everyone gets out except his girlfriend and a dog, and he has to go back in and save them, which gets his powers found out. I… think I read this before… or maybe saw it…. OH YEAH EVERYWHERE EVER.]
170 - A certain ~pull. FFS. I CANNOT WITH THIS. His eyes are just naturally attracted in the direction of his home planet. THIS SENTIMENTAL TOSH.
313 - A huge, flaming support beam falls between them. He lifts his hand and sends it crashing through the roof without touching it. “Sarah seems confused by what she’s just seen.” IS THIS NARRATION EVEN REAL. YEAH THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN CONFUSING FOR HER. BUT MAKE SURE TO REINFORCE WHAT THE CONFUSION STEMMED FROM BECAUSE YOU KNOW, WE MIGHT FORGET OTHERWISE.
405 - FFFFFFFFF. We know he’s special, you just TOLD us he’s special, but this is a chapter-ender? [John has a dog. It is not a normal dog. This has been apparent from the second it showed up. It behaves oddly, it is capable of odd things. And a few pages ago, Henri and Six said it was not normal. But the revelation that it is not normal is worthy of a cliffhanger chapter ending still. Yeah. Okay.]
THIS DIALOGUE THO: Some fine samplings of how completely, blissfully clichéd and clunky the quotes in this book are:
155 - John: “What is Mark planning?” Bully’s crony: “Nothing.” John: “Wrong answer.”
158 - “Now’s your last chance…. So be it.”
314 - Sarah: “You came.” John: “No one, and nothing, will ever hurt you as long as I’m alive.”
430 - “I don’t think she would have survived had Sam not carried her back to the truck.” WHO SAYS THIS. HAD SAM NOT CARRIED HER. THIS IS SARAH TALKING IT’S NOT EVEN JOHN.
288 - “Just admiring the view” omfg really he says this to Sarah, about Sarah, is this a crappy romantic comedy now or
385 - The weasels, I think, the stout-bodied little creatures that the guys in Athens were terrified of. WHO HONESTLY THINKS THE WORDS STOUT-BODIED WHILE UNDER THREAT OF DEATH.
Weird Things with Eyes:
270 - “She smiles and looks at me through the tops of her eyes.”
350 - “…in her voice is such fear that it causes my eyes to open wide, and twist in determination.”
…What. Through the tops of… what. Also. Um. Well sure, when I am determined I always twist my eyes.
Some Things I Did Like, by Which I Mean Two Characters; Also a Glaring Narrative Flaw:
Sam and Mark. Kind of. Sam is John’s friend, and I did like him, and I was pleased and impressed by the emphasis on friendship. Mark is the bully ex-boyfriend, and… let’s talk about him for a second.
I hate with a passion the way this character is handled in these stories. The Insider that the Outcast is jealous of; he’s always a complete jerk, never gets any development, and in general is punished because the author had issues in high school and is taking them out here, which is perfectly good for a therapeutic exercise but does not make for good writing.
SO the thing is that here, Mark isn’t treated that way entirely. At the end of the book, he’s suddenly one of the good guys. He saves John’s life, and not just like as a one-off thing. He is consistently helpful throughout the entire end sequence and they do come to an understanding. I like that. It’s cool, it’s groovy, am all for it.
The downside being that this not only came out of nowhere, but was practically specifically contradicted pre-last scenes.
Usually, Jock Ex is a jerk, but he doesn’t actually do anything all that bad. His major crime is usually not liking the New Guy and being a dick about not letting up on his ex-girlfriend. Or in the works where she’s still his girlfriend during part of the story, being an ass to her anyway. So it would be easy to redeem Jock Ex in general.
But um. Mark is NOT. WELL. This boy rounded up a posse of muscle men, borrowed night vision goggles from the police for them so they could beat on people who can’t see, rigged a hay ride, and kidnapped John, Sarah, and Sam. John and Sarah were supposed to be dragged to this waterfall so that Sarah could witness John’s humiliating beating and then fall in love with Mark again. Like… this isn’t some people getting into a fight (which is v. bad itself but the kind of thing this sort of fiction brushes off as a matter of course). This was premeditated and cruel and frightening, and very poorly done. It was plainly just there to live up to the action-packed, life-and-death tone promised by the nature of the book, but with no consideration of the actual characters involved or what it would mean for them later in the plot.
Because then this is never mentioned again. John talks the others out of reporting Mark & Co. (so that he can stay in town; obvs this is more important than the fact this his girlfriend’s ex is UNWELL and WILLING TO KIDNAP HER so let’s not tell anyone that!) and that’s it. And then Mark is just a totes cool dude at the end. Like… what.
…Still, I did like Mark at the end, screw it, if the book’s going to pretend it never happened so am I. Also I ship Mark/Sam. Js. Did they ever speak, no. Would it have been adorbs if Mark came out at the end and gave Sam a bouquet of flowers, yes. Not that Sam was gay either - they made sure to throw in a token love interest who got zero lines, just in case anyone wondered - but still.
ETA: The Accurate and Insightful Things My Cousin Has to Say on the Regrettable Subject:
Another creepy thing, along with the fact that Henri says "I can see the appeal" is that in the movie the actor who plays Henri was on the Office, and the main point he was on was so everyone could say how hot he was. Kinda have an issue with that And what about when John goes to Sarah's house and him and the "father and brothers" watch football while the "women" help cook the meal. Last time I checked, this is 2011. THEN John goes on to say he wishes he had a real dad and brothers to enjoy sports with. i think, at this point, Henri can qualify as his dad. I'm surprised Henri didn't get rid of John along the way. I give him A LOT of credit for that. And the thing you said about Mark, with the beating up scene, that was awful. But of course, John always saves the damsel in distress and, in the case of the movie, uses an extra expression while doing it, instead of using the usual three expressions the "hot guy leads" do in that type of movie. It's OK if they want to make the lead guy "hot', but can they get one who can act? And its not just him either. They succeeded in getting a whole CAST who can't act. Gosh, how does a book like that get published? The person who decided to publish that must have had WAAAY too many drinks.