(no subject)
I feel so empty right now. It is a painfully heavy sort of empty that I've always gotten after non drug related highs. Vacations, holidays, good movies or books, moments of feeling very inspired, or even just really nice days, all of them leave me with this feeling or worse. It's like I've awoken for a moment from all the crap I fill up my days with to forget this space. With the feeling comes a restlessness and distress of having no idea what to do now.
What event caused this latest dip? I went to see a play on Thursday, and while I was there everything else just went away. That I forgot my surroundings and anxiety outside of the house is quite unusual for me. I left the theater walking as if out of a dream and the feeling stayed with me all night. I felt inspired and saddened because I just wished I could be a part of it somehow (I'm not even really talking about acting). To be able to leave myself behind for a little while is something I yearn for.
I just wish... for too many things, and without the drive for wishes to mean much.
I'm still very interested in theater, and there are so many more plays I want to see (and don't have the money for if going often becomes a habit), but now I feel hesitant. I just hate how I come down from these things. Ugh, I just hate being like this, being me.