(no subject)
i was just thinking. what is happiness. thats the dumbest question ever i know, but what if someone enjoys two opposite things that cant be enjoyed at the same time. likee what if there was a kid where all of his friends never did drugs and hated people who did drugs and were straightedge christians and he was a mormon and loved god and all that, but he tried weed and it made him feel good and tranquil and calm and not god-fearing like he had always been taught. or heres a betterr example what if a married woman has had dreams of being somebody's somebody and wants to care for someone and be a mother and have a family and feel needed and be a wife, be a one man woman and have a fairy tale life. but then what if one day she goes out to the grocery store and sees a man that she feels drawn to and meets and blah blah and falls in love with him. but she knows that she still wants to be with her husband, but at the same time she wants to be free to love whoever she feels in the mood to. maybe all this is just impossible and im twisting stories and logic because im good at that. but i dont know. i know that you girls out there know what im talking about when you say you feel one way one day and an opposite way the next haha. with girls (or maybe just me) it is super intense. i feel lucky because sometimes i can discern between the more opaque feelings and i just let it pass. but what if youre totally thrown into a well. is this like the yin and yang thing?
see this sucks because my life is perfect right now but im so bugged by wanting to know everything. and its just this random mood ive been in too. im goin to virginia tuesday for 4 days so that will give me time to get this out of my system and back to reality.
which reminds me. i am no longer an employee of boston market. i am now a member of the linens n things team haha. i had my last day today and it was pretty sad. ive been sick this weekend so i didnt want to go in but i wanted to have the glory of having my last day at boston market. ive been working there for almost 2 years so i didnt realize how sad it actually was until my asshole manager unexpectedly hugged me and said "it was nice to meet you". i think that thats probobly one of the nicest goodbye's ive ever heard. i want to be that one person in people's lives who are such a diverse crazy person they end up telling stories to their children's children about me and about how good of a person and how smart and how nice and how crazy and how interesting and how all around i was a good person to know. so its been nice knowing me. this is a huge chunk of my life, a chapter, closing. it hasnt really sunk in that im never going to go back there and see those people again. but im a loser so ill probobly go in every now and then since my new job is right down the street haha. but its weird it feels really rejuvenating to know im starting all over again. i have to work from the bottom all over again, and this time its in something i have no experience in- being a sales associate. as long as its not fast food i am happy.
ever since ive been typing in this everythign that comes to mind im getting better at pushing it in the back of my mind when i need to be giving my attention to something more important.
goodnight.
see this sucks because my life is perfect right now but im so bugged by wanting to know everything. and its just this random mood ive been in too. im goin to virginia tuesday for 4 days so that will give me time to get this out of my system and back to reality.
which reminds me. i am no longer an employee of boston market. i am now a member of the linens n things team haha. i had my last day today and it was pretty sad. ive been sick this weekend so i didnt want to go in but i wanted to have the glory of having my last day at boston market. ive been working there for almost 2 years so i didnt realize how sad it actually was until my asshole manager unexpectedly hugged me and said "it was nice to meet you". i think that thats probobly one of the nicest goodbye's ive ever heard. i want to be that one person in people's lives who are such a diverse crazy person they end up telling stories to their children's children about me and about how good of a person and how smart and how nice and how crazy and how interesting and how all around i was a good person to know. so its been nice knowing me. this is a huge chunk of my life, a chapter, closing. it hasnt really sunk in that im never going to go back there and see those people again. but im a loser so ill probobly go in every now and then since my new job is right down the street haha. but its weird it feels really rejuvenating to know im starting all over again. i have to work from the bottom all over again, and this time its in something i have no experience in- being a sales associate. as long as its not fast food i am happy.
ever since ive been typing in this everythign that comes to mind im getting better at pushing it in the back of my mind when i need to be giving my attention to something more important.
goodnight.