hello my dear chan !!! I miss you sooo much !!I really need all your parent advice more than ever! these cps people are impossible they take forever to respond to your needs but expect u to rearrange your schedule and life at the drop of a hat.i have been in withdraw mode I know you understand.i first of All can not have babygirl around anyone without a bg check including family and friends.so I feel like a prisoner at home.i get rid of all the social net working do to evil people that like to try and grab some dirt.its funny because fb isn't really important but it was kind of like my line to the outside world.my whole life is on a 4 yr old level now.i am seeing thru your eyes now.it is a wonderful amazing crazy adventure with a lil one but it is life consuming.and my emotions change so much.we have so much court,counseling,dr appts,and ive been thinking oh yes daycare!but guess what no daycare she is school bound!i been in a cloud.i haven't dealt with my sisters death yet.its in a box in my mind.in the very dark dusty cluttered part.im scared for when it opens,i have tried to open it and cant there is a block there.so I guess it will unpack when its ready??murder has still not been ruled out so my mind goes there on a daily what will I do if I find out the guy that was with her killed her??for me it seems more acceptable that she wanted to die and did it to herself rather than at the hands of another and begging for her lifei need to start some sort of milestone journal for her daughter but im not sure what to put in it or what to say....I have a activity log for her like where I write down all her events from the day I picked her up to current but that's mainly for court purposes.i would like to log her emotions or things she may have said about her mommy each day.sadly she doesn't talk about my sister much anymore.its like the whole heaven and angels explanation worked for now,i know I will be dealing with bigger things as she gets older.my heart aches for her.im 36 and I love my mommy so much.right now babygirl is very sick with some sinus crap another dr apt today!how is your mom and siblings doing?did she get her meds?how is she holding up?anymore talk about about a pup?how are the girls?any new adventures?and hows teenie weenie doing?hows the pregnancy?you feeling good?eating right?anymore thoughts of florida?k ill let u go hugs to you sister.hang in there..we are the last of our kind lol. jen
I miss you like crazy too!!! Omg! My phone is back on so utilize my number and if you need to CALL go ahead! I totally understand facebook. I don't think the bg check thing is unfair but I kind of get it. I love being a mom but it isss really hard! I agree. I am more then willing to help and I love you guys. Send me pictures. That's scary about your sister. As much as it sucks that she is gone I think I'd refer it was on her own terms as well. I would hate for someone to have done something to her, someone that was around that baby especially omg. I can't even imagine how horrible this must be for you!! The journals are a great idea. Get a baby book, they often go up to five years and I bet you can collect and fill in anything else from baby. And I bet at a store like toys/babies R us or amazon you could find a memory book type thing for her that should do what you want. She's young, they say four years old and under don't remember instability in their lives. Like for adopted kids? Kids adopted efore five usually don't remember anything else. There is a good chance she won't remember ever not living with you and will easily move on from any affects of neglect or abuse she was put through. My mom is doing much better. SHe hasn't gotten meds yet because her numbers are so ideal looking. But they are going to monitor and get her on some asap. THey have AMAZING health and nutrition services even a vet for HIV patients at her clinic!! I'm envious a little lol. Organic local produce delivery and shit like that. OMG Sooo envious of that. LOL The big girls are real into their grandmas right now. I got them some zhuzhu pets puppies for valentines day and they got some new things from grandma. My sister Brandi is going to a residential facility as soon as there is a space available for her. TJ is still doing well in school. He's such an impressive kid. I myself am doin better with everything especially eating. I am still stressing out over eating often though and I restrict more often then I should because when I'm upset I simply can't make myself eat. I emotionally am fucked lol. Not that I wasn't before but I'm such an over emotional wreck it's not even funny. I'm having outside drama issues with Jeremy when I was already having insecurity issues. I posted pics on faceook of the ultrasound but I could text them to you instead if you'd like since I know you're not on facebook anymore. I talked to my mom today about moving. She wants to do Hawaii now buuuut said if she could work for a military base or something as a nurse in Florida she'd still like to do that. I just want to live somewhere it doesn't get below zero. Hell somewhere that still got fall would be great to me. Florida was a natural first thought for me though because you live there and one of my other favorite lj friends lived in fl too and they still own the house/land she lived in. I miss you so much. I'm using my moms laptop, lj is too hard otherwise. But I'm thinking I might get this same one. It seems appropriate for my needs for right now. I can do bare minimum until I get to/through school. I'm going to apply for summer if I can, I should e able to. And do online things to start anyway. I hope to study this old GED book Jeremy has so I can possibly test out of math because I HATE math!! In fact I may see if I can find something like that online. I do want to download my shows still though lol. Anyways. I miss you so. I love you. And I can't wait to hear from you again.
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I love being a mom but it isss really hard! I agree. I am more then willing to help and I love you guys. Send me pictures.
That's scary about your sister. As much as it sucks that she is gone I think I'd refer it was on her own terms as well. I would hate for someone to have done something to her, someone that was around that baby especially omg. I can't even imagine how horrible this must be for you!!
The journals are a great idea. Get a baby book, they often go up to five years and I bet you can collect and fill in anything else from baby. And I bet at a store like toys/babies R us or amazon you could find a memory book type thing for her that should do what you want. She's young, they say four years old and under don't remember instability in their lives. Like for adopted kids? Kids adopted efore five usually don't remember anything else. There is a good chance she won't remember ever not living with you and will easily move on from any affects of neglect or abuse she was put through.
My mom is doing much better. SHe hasn't gotten meds yet because her numbers are so ideal looking. But they are going to monitor and get her on some asap. THey have AMAZING health and nutrition services even a vet for HIV patients at her clinic!! I'm envious a little lol. Organic local produce delivery and shit like that. OMG Sooo envious of that. LOL The big girls are real into their grandmas right now. I got them some zhuzhu pets puppies for valentines day and they got some new things from grandma. My sister Brandi is going to a residential facility as soon as there is a space available for her. TJ is still doing well in school. He's such an impressive kid. I myself am doin better with everything especially eating. I am still stressing out over eating often though and I restrict more often then I should because when I'm upset I simply can't make myself eat. I emotionally am fucked lol. Not that I wasn't before but I'm such an over emotional wreck it's not even funny. I'm having outside drama issues with Jeremy when I was already having insecurity issues. I posted pics on faceook of the ultrasound but I could text them to you instead if you'd like since I know you're not on facebook anymore. I talked to my mom today about moving. She wants to do Hawaii now buuuut said if she could work for a military base or something as a nurse in Florida she'd still like to do that. I just want to live somewhere it doesn't get below zero. Hell somewhere that still got fall would be great to me. Florida was a natural first thought for me though because you live there and one of my other favorite lj friends lived in fl too and they still own the house/land she lived in.
I miss you so much. I'm using my moms laptop, lj is too hard otherwise. But I'm thinking I might get this same one. It seems appropriate for my needs for right now. I can do bare minimum until I get to/through school. I'm going to apply for summer if I can, I should e able to. And do online things to start anyway. I hope to study this old GED book Jeremy has so I can possibly test out of math because I HATE math!! In fact I may see if I can find something like that online. I do want to download my shows still though lol. Anyways. I miss you so. I love you. And I can't wait to hear from you again.
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