(no subject)
I have entered a new stage of crazy. I swear.
I am so contradictory in myself that it's leaking outward.
It's interesting to me that contradiction came up in one of my friends on here's posts aswell today.
But that describes fully how I feel lately.
My baby, and my boyfriend make me the happiest woman on earth. I know I am lucky to have a man interested in having a family and that is attentive to our child. That I don't have to question if he loves me or not. I know that I am blessed she was born healthy, that she doesn't have colic and that she is generally a healthy and happy child.
But at the same time I am so overwhelmed and stressed out with our living situation, with the money situation. With the fact that he lost his job yesterday even though it was a family friend that was employing him. (he was sick last week. Like the whole week. Was supposed to go back monday and didn't even call her. So I'm not suprised just disapointed in him. He knew better and I asked if he called her, he told me he would.) And on top of that my mom working means she's getting increasingly stressed out about the house being messy. And being that I'm home as little as possible because I hate being around my sister it gets worse and worse every day because the kids dont clean unless told. And my sister is a fucking slob. So that stresses me out too. And we were supposed be saving money for furnature and moving. We didn't. That was going to start this weekend. Ididot me. And so now my mom is talking about moving soon and asking if we saved anymoney. I told her we did because I felt stupid. But I know we didn't.
So. I'm stressed about not wanting to live here. Not having means to leave. Not having anymore money right now for things we want.And super stressed about how we're going to buy formula and shit like that since I couldn't get the doctor to write me a script for the right formula since she wants us to try the other kind again. I mea I guess I could have put my foot down but I'd like her to be able to be on regular formula instead of the medical grade.
I'm so tired. And stressed. And depressed. (I have post-partum running in the background. which is why the happy makes me feel SUPER conflicted.)
I don't know what to do anymore.
And I miss my friend. (The one that is also my ex.)
I am so contradictory in myself that it's leaking outward.
It's interesting to me that contradiction came up in one of my friends on here's posts aswell today.
But that describes fully how I feel lately.
My baby, and my boyfriend make me the happiest woman on earth. I know I am lucky to have a man interested in having a family and that is attentive to our child. That I don't have to question if he loves me or not. I know that I am blessed she was born healthy, that she doesn't have colic and that she is generally a healthy and happy child.
But at the same time I am so overwhelmed and stressed out with our living situation, with the money situation. With the fact that he lost his job yesterday even though it was a family friend that was employing him. (he was sick last week. Like the whole week. Was supposed to go back monday and didn't even call her. So I'm not suprised just disapointed in him. He knew better and I asked if he called her, he told me he would.) And on top of that my mom working means she's getting increasingly stressed out about the house being messy. And being that I'm home as little as possible because I hate being around my sister it gets worse and worse every day because the kids dont clean unless told. And my sister is a fucking slob. So that stresses me out too. And we were supposed be saving money for furnature and moving. We didn't. That was going to start this weekend. Ididot me. And so now my mom is talking about moving soon and asking if we saved anymoney. I told her we did because I felt stupid. But I know we didn't.
So. I'm stressed about not wanting to live here. Not having means to leave. Not having anymore money right now for things we want.And super stressed about how we're going to buy formula and shit like that since I couldn't get the doctor to write me a script for the right formula since she wants us to try the other kind again. I mea I guess I could have put my foot down but I'd like her to be able to be on regular formula instead of the medical grade.
I'm so tired. And stressed. And depressed. (I have post-partum running in the background. which is why the happy makes me feel SUPER conflicted.)
I don't know what to do anymore.
And I miss my friend. (The one that is also my ex.)