The Single Whine
You can scoff all you like but I'll still say this... I think I might have found something that I really regret in this life.
I regret being so obsessed with johnathon. Seeing how he's like with Holiday just made me realize that he is nothing I want.
The person that I love is nothing like how he's like. I tried to put myself in her position, but it made me cringe.
The one I want is not somebody like that. Not so..mediocre. Not openly calling me a Queen, and most definitely not call me a Queen even in private.
I want a Man, not... this Queen-calling boy.
I am getting very tired of looking for the one who's man enough to step up and tell me that he thinks I am amazing and he feels that he's worthy enough of my awesomeness. It's not about finding the perfect one because I will never find that person, I want a man that has the right attitude and determination to learn whatever he doesn't know just like how I'd do the same too.
The one thing I hate most is men telling me that I am too good for them. What the fuck is that supposed to mean anyway? Wouldn't you want to own and keep what you think is awesome? If I am not good enough, it makes sense because it doesn't make sense that a person would want to settle for less, right? This would be damn bleak if anybody thinks I am bragging (again). This is real. This pisses me off. I don't do ":O i'm too good~ sob sob~ how.. no lah i'm that great lah sob sob" kind of nonsense.
People that I hang out with a lot would tell me I'd make a great wife. So the ultimate question is... Then why am I not attached?
This is really getting very tiring. I have helped a few girls through tough times. Times when they get dumped by the wrong guys. And when I see them happily attached with a guy who is finally treating them right, I get really happy because they are fine girls and this is what they deserve. They are not the forgotten ones. They get together with a wrong person, and now they are happy. Happiness found them. They did not seek for it. Or maybe they did, and they found it. It is very amazing.
I can't help but think, so then when will it be me? I mean, I listened to them, I talk to them, I help them out... And now it's my turn, and why do I not get the same kind of luck? Look, if there's a department for this kind of shit, I'd be calling and screaming at the customer service already because this is really taking too damn long. If it's gonna take this long, it better be good. I mean, really, IT BETTER BE GOOD.
Thing is, I am tired of this and I am losing faith. I can dream and dream. I can plan out the perfect wedding and all but it will all be useless. I don't want to grow old with my cat. I don't have a cat yet but I'm guessing older single women would keep a pet and then they die together. This is so morbid it hurts to even type it out man. -_-
I don't think I'm desperate for a boyfriend because when I am desperate, I don't wait. Duh. I mean, seriously, when I'm desperate for anything, I don't wait. I reach out for anything that's the closest to me and I attack. I am just... Afraid that I will really never find that person, and that person isn't looking for me.
Joey tells me that whenever he has a very tough time, he'd talk to God about his problems, and then pray that the girl that's meant for him is having it easier than him while he's having it rough, and that He'd look after her for him because he can't be there for her now, and that she may or may not know God yet so please just look over her.
Religion aside, this is just.. so.. sweet that I want to roll in a bed of flour.
See, I've been praying pretty much the same thing, cept that I pray that the man that is meant for me is making himself more than worthy for me just like what I am doing right now, and hopefully he is making his way to me right now. But what if the guy isn't coming? What if the guy is half past six? What if the guy don't care about me to even dream of me even before we met?
.................................. Joey and Julius really spoil market.
As much as I think that having a really awesome career would be enough, I know I'd be really happy and I won't have a worry with the career I'd have, but life is nothing without love. Family love and love from friends will always be different from the kind of love I get from the man that loves and respects me. It is not just the sex, it is the comfort of belonging.
If you know me well enough, I am not the sort of girlfriend that needs to talk on the phone everyday or to even contact everyday. I am the cocky girlfriend that's fearless of infidelity. The thing that can make me feel that way is the bond, the love and the sense of belonging to that person. I don't need much, I just need a sense of belonging. It is nice to belong.
I will spend my Saturday getting fat and sad. Curled up in bed watching SATC back to back. With Asahi. Goodbye.
I regret being so obsessed with johnathon. Seeing how he's like with Holiday just made me realize that he is nothing I want.
The person that I love is nothing like how he's like. I tried to put myself in her position, but it made me cringe.
The one I want is not somebody like that. Not so..mediocre. Not openly calling me a Queen, and most definitely not call me a Queen even in private.
I want a Man, not... this Queen-calling boy.
I am getting very tired of looking for the one who's man enough to step up and tell me that he thinks I am amazing and he feels that he's worthy enough of my awesomeness. It's not about finding the perfect one because I will never find that person, I want a man that has the right attitude and determination to learn whatever he doesn't know just like how I'd do the same too.
The one thing I hate most is men telling me that I am too good for them. What the fuck is that supposed to mean anyway? Wouldn't you want to own and keep what you think is awesome? If I am not good enough, it makes sense because it doesn't make sense that a person would want to settle for less, right? This would be damn bleak if anybody thinks I am bragging (again). This is real. This pisses me off. I don't do ":O i'm too good~ sob sob~ how.. no lah i'm that great lah sob sob" kind of nonsense.
People that I hang out with a lot would tell me I'd make a great wife. So the ultimate question is... Then why am I not attached?
This is really getting very tiring. I have helped a few girls through tough times. Times when they get dumped by the wrong guys. And when I see them happily attached with a guy who is finally treating them right, I get really happy because they are fine girls and this is what they deserve. They are not the forgotten ones. They get together with a wrong person, and now they are happy. Happiness found them. They did not seek for it. Or maybe they did, and they found it. It is very amazing.
I can't help but think, so then when will it be me? I mean, I listened to them, I talk to them, I help them out... And now it's my turn, and why do I not get the same kind of luck? Look, if there's a department for this kind of shit, I'd be calling and screaming at the customer service already because this is really taking too damn long. If it's gonna take this long, it better be good. I mean, really, IT BETTER BE GOOD.
Thing is, I am tired of this and I am losing faith. I can dream and dream. I can plan out the perfect wedding and all but it will all be useless. I don't want to grow old with my cat. I don't have a cat yet but I'm guessing older single women would keep a pet and then they die together. This is so morbid it hurts to even type it out man. -_-
I don't think I'm desperate for a boyfriend because when I am desperate, I don't wait. Duh. I mean, seriously, when I'm desperate for anything, I don't wait. I reach out for anything that's the closest to me and I attack. I am just... Afraid that I will really never find that person, and that person isn't looking for me.
Joey tells me that whenever he has a very tough time, he'd talk to God about his problems, and then pray that the girl that's meant for him is having it easier than him while he's having it rough, and that He'd look after her for him because he can't be there for her now, and that she may or may not know God yet so please just look over her.
Religion aside, this is just.. so.. sweet that I want to roll in a bed of flour.
See, I've been praying pretty much the same thing, cept that I pray that the man that is meant for me is making himself more than worthy for me just like what I am doing right now, and hopefully he is making his way to me right now. But what if the guy isn't coming? What if the guy is half past six? What if the guy don't care about me to even dream of me even before we met?
.................................. Joey and Julius really spoil market.
As much as I think that having a really awesome career would be enough, I know I'd be really happy and I won't have a worry with the career I'd have, but life is nothing without love. Family love and love from friends will always be different from the kind of love I get from the man that loves and respects me. It is not just the sex, it is the comfort of belonging.
If you know me well enough, I am not the sort of girlfriend that needs to talk on the phone everyday or to even contact everyday. I am the cocky girlfriend that's fearless of infidelity. The thing that can make me feel that way is the bond, the love and the sense of belonging to that person. I don't need much, I just need a sense of belonging. It is nice to belong.
I will spend my Saturday getting fat and sad. Curled up in bed watching SATC back to back. With Asahi. Goodbye.